PURPLE PARABLES
                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Business was slack at Jongril's Gourmet Seafood Restaurant. The only customers at present were two hung-over youths in the robes of postgraduate student alchemists, who sat bemoaning their fate over cups of black coffee. Six empty cups sat on their table, the result of failed attempts to transmute their contents into the Ultimate Hangover Cure. Two cups of sulphuric acid, two of liquid nitrogen, one of aardvark's blood and one containing a rather indignant translocated hamster later, the students had given up and decided to settle for drinking the coffee like normal people. The sight of the chef pursuing the hamster armed with a meat cleaver and a book entitled 'Exotic Meat Dishes for the Discerning Palate' seemed to have finally persuaded them.
     Well, never mind, thought Paraph, the head waiter. It was, after all, early in the day, yet. The restaurant had only been open for half an hour. Trade was bound to pick up as the rest of the previous night's drunks from the Wizards' Convention gradually dragged themselves out of their beds. In fact, if Paraph was not sorely mistaken, another customer was about to come through the door at that very moment.
     The door burst open, its hinges squealing in protest. The being framed in the doorway shot them a withering look and they ceased squealing and decided to pretend to be examining an interesting-looking gravy stain on the wall instead. All right, thought Paraph. Maybe I was sorely mistaken. Still, it could be a customer. It was not every day that scaly, horned, ten-foot-tall, bat-winged horrors decided to patronise Jongril's, but Paraph had served odder customers before now. Adjusting the crisp white napkin folded upon his arm and fixing a warm, welcoming smile upon his lips, he approached the newcomer.
     "Good morning, sir. Does sir have a reservation?"
     The red-skinned monstrosity grunted and a taloned hand reached out to grab Paraph by the throat. "Where Mandaar?" it growled.
     "I take it - ulp - that sir has not booked in advance?" croaked Paraph, struggling to maintain his composure.
     "Borgog said, where Mandaar? Borgog want Mandaar. Borgog kill Mandaar!" said the demon, shaking Paraph like a pepper-pot.
     "Guhhh... would that be Mandaar the Mauve... sir?" asked Paraph with some difficulty.
     The demon became even more agitated. "Mandaar Mauve! Kill Mandaar Mauve! Borgog want Mandaar Mauve now. Little man tell or Borgog skin little man and eat head. Where Mandaar?" He began to shake Paraph more furiously than ever.
     "Allll rrrighhhht... I'llll telllll..." gagged the head waiter.
     "Good," grunted Borgog, setting his victim back on the ground. "Little man tell Borgog where Mandaar." He paused momentarily, thinking. "Then," he added, "little man find Borgog nice table and bring him pair of kippers, pot of tea and some toast and marmalade. Borgog not had breakfast yet."



So begins The Purple Pierrot, one of six hilarious short stories in Purple Parables, an anthology written by Brian K. Asbury and available only from the author.


This is a small sampling of what readers have had to say about Purple Parables:

"A chuckle-filled romp with some memorable moments."
                    -- Linda Daunter, Abergavenny

"Gorgeously, screamingly funny..."
                    -- Mary Bray, Flitwick

"Tolkein on wacky-backy couldn't have been funnier or punnier."
                    -- R. W. Laughton, Worlaby

"Tolkein would doubtless have hated this... I loved it."
                    -- Chris Naylor, Buckhurst Hill

"B. K. Asbury shows it is still possible to entertain without reverting to the modern blue excesses."
                    -- D. W. Ratcliffe, Gamesley

"Humour is difficult for all but those most naturally gifted and Brian Asbury most certainly is."
                    -- Christine Bassett, Cirencester

Will people please stop comparing me to Terry Pratchett?
                    -- Brian Asbury, Armitage

So there we have it. Six million housewives, two wizards, one apprentice, a demented purple parrot and a supporting cast of thousands can't be wrong!

Order your copy of Purple Parables today from:

Brian K. Asbury
8, Recttory Gardens,
Armitage,
Nr. Rugeley,
Staffs WS15 4AL.

Price £3-75 inclusive of post & packing.



**** Special Offer ****

For an amazingly low price of £5-00, you, too, can purchase not only Purple Parables but Brian Asbury's truly wondrous text adventure games for the Amiga, Zut Alors!, Zut Alors! II and Test of the Tower!

How can you possibly live with yourself if you fail to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime offer?


BKA