After the recent comeback by Cher I thought it would be a good idea to tell you how to escape from one of her concerts. To escape from a Cher concert simply don't go to one, instead go to one by Garbage. Unfortunately, when you're inside you realise that this wasn't the name of the group, but a warning that this concert is a load of garbage because it's by Cher. You DUMB FOOL.

Never mind, this is how to escape. First make your way to the exit. But on your way you get whipped in the face by the hair of a head banger who also went to the wrong concert. You are blinded for a few seconds and stumble into a little old woman who electrocutes your testicles. Quickly get to the toilets where there is an attractive young nurse. You let the nurse look at your bollocks in the hope of some gentle stroking but she is really a transvestite. He chases you backstage where you put on some fake breasts which scare him away.

Suddenly everything goes quiet and Cher comes backstage. You hide in her changing room and climb inside a big chest before Cher comes in. A few minutes later you look through the key hole to see if the coast is clear. Unfortunately you see Cher in a tight leather costume and you faint. When you wake up again you climb out of the chest and remove your fake breasts. You jump out of the truck which the chest has been loaded onto and slowly find your way home through forests and sewage pipes. When you get home your flatmate sees the state you're in and, to make you feel better, takes you to a Cher concert.

By Joe Webb

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