[1"z __________ ____ ____ ___ ___ ________________ / | /\ | \ \ |\ | | \ / / | / \ +----+ +-+ | \___ | /__\ |___/ \ | \ | |___/ |__ | |__/ \ \ / + | | |  \ | / \ | \ \ | \ | | \ | | | \ \ \/ /| | | | ____/ |/ \| \ \| \| | \ \___ \___ | \ \ / | | | | _______________________________________________________________\/__| |_| |_  /____________/ T H E U L T I M A T E E N C O U N T E R\_____________\ /____________/______________________________________________\_____________\ [familiar theme music cuts in once more...] STAR WRECK 7: THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER [starlit sky, Southern Cross prominently displayed. A dot of light grows, takes shape as the United Silicon StarChip 'Intelprise'. Camera pans across as it zooms past, cut to bridge] Chief Engineer Slot: I don't like this, Captain, we haven't had a major breakdown for days! Why is everything going *right*?? [Waves hand in expressive gesture, knocking over cup. A stream of scalding superheated liquid melts through control panel] [continuing] See? Even the coffee machine is working properly! It must be the calm before the storm... Captain Kernal: I'm worried too, there hasn't been a major product announcement from IBM for 43 stardates, the Trojans and Viruses are formatting each other, even the Cling-Ons are considering careers as used spacecraft salesmen. It can't last. Lieutanant Udata: You're right Sir, it didn't, there's a message coming in from StarByte Command... Commander Adams is on the screen. Scott Adams [visible]: Captain Kernal, our Galaxy is being invaded by a ruthless enemy which is beyond our power to stop! Will you lead a mission to rid the universe of this villanous monster? Kernal: You mean DeathStar 2000 Plus Release 2 ?? Adams: Worse than that, far worse...it's UNIX!! Ensign Checksum [gasps]: UNIX??? But it died years ago! Lieutenant DoLoop: Perhaps it's achieved posthumous fame. Kernal [bravely]:  Y-yes, Scott, it may be an Impossible Mission but we'll try it anyway... Give us warp 8, DoLoop! Adams: This could be your last Adventure! Adieu! [picture fades] [Intelprise changes course, soaring out into the unknown. An old CP/M cruiser drifts past, firing feebly, Checksum zaps it without even aiming. Soon they approach the dreaded base of tyranny...] Science Officer Spike: Captain, our Long Range Sensors are detecting teletype radiation in the distance! Dr McCopy: We're passing several outpost terminals. Ha ha ha, what outdated models they're using! Kernal [grimly]: Don't laugh, we may have intelligence on our side but they've got brute force...this is going to be tough. [Up ahead looms a giant multileveled disk-shaped space station, clearly visible on the scanner screen. A disembodied voice breaks in on the bridge...] Voice: Greetings, Captain Kernal, welcome to SYSTEM V. Are you a potential vict - er, user, or will we be forced to (hee hee) obliterate you?? Kernal: Battle stations! We'll show them what we're here for... arm the Floating-point Torpedoes- Fire One- Fire Two- Fire Three- Fire- Slotty: But r! We've only got two torpedo tubes! Kernal: Sorry, I got carried away...are they having any effect? Udata: No, Captain, there's no visible damage, they're counterattacking! Our shield levels are falling dangerously! Kernal: Switch to other weapons then - activate the phosphors! [Blip-blip-kapoww!! Blinding bolts of RGB energy sear into the UNIX base] Spike: Our shots are all deflecting harmlessly away! They've got *two* command shells, Captain! Checksum: Look, Sir! They're spawning several child processes! We can't escape them! [The Intelprise is drawn inexorably towards the enemy base, an input port opens up and the StarChip is dragged inside] Kernal: Mr Spike, is it safe to go out? Do the beings that control this base breathe air? Spike: Yes, Captain, but they don't like it fresh...and they can't survive without large quantities of Coke and Big Macs. [Crew step out into a cavernous transparent hall labeled 'UUCP', overlooking the vastness of space] Slotty: Look, out there, there's a vessel full of hackers arriving from another network! DoLoop: Sir! We've been detected by a couple of file handlers! They're coming to process us! Kernal: Quick, duck into this pipe here, we'll get away... [They clamber through and in, the pipe stretches away into the distance...] Udata: The pipe forks here, which way do we go? Checksum: There's only one branch we can get through, the other's got a filter on it. Look, there's light up ahead... [They emerge at the hub of the station, a circular hatch leads up to a huge dome lit by an eerie greenish glow. A shadowy figure sits silhouetted against the dome...] Spike: That's the Console, Captain, the main control center for the whole system, but we can't reach it, there's an invisible security barrier. DoLoop: Sir, I've heard horrible stories about the hideous creatures that inhabit this place...like LS and GREP and YACC and - Slotty: Don't try to pronounce their names, it's impossible! [Suddenly, an alarm sounds and a barrage of shots breaks out. The crew run...] Kernal: We've been spotted, retrea - [collapses] Udata: McCopy, help him!! Is he...?? McCopy: No, he's not killed, just suspended, I should be able to raise his priority in a few minutes... Checksum: Where are we? These corridors all look the same, all I can see are blank '$' prompts. Slotty: Look out, over there...*Amazing*!! That creature's actually walking through walls! Spike: Yes, that's ROOT the Superuser, he's got strange and unusual powers... I've got an idea for defeating this station, will anyone come with me? [All except McCopy and the unconscious Captain head down the corridors and into a small room filled with racks of equipment. Spike begins tampering with the password file...] Slotty: Spike, do you know what you're doing??? Spike [splicing cables]: Of course not, remember I'm part hacker... that should do it. [presses button, sparks erupt] DoLoop: Look! That ceiling panel's sliding open! We can climb through... [They find themselves in the Console dome, below lies the maze of corridors, all alike. Camera follows their gaze down...] Udata: There's Captain Kernal and McCopy, coming this way. Checksum: So's ROOT, he's chasing them! Quick, deactivate the security... [The barrier vaporises, the Superuser makes a dive for the hatch just as Kernal jumps through. The dome echoes to the sound of weaponry, the fight is short and intense...] McCopy: [Blam!] Got him, Sir, he's terminated... Slotty: Great, now we can initiate a system shutdown... [twists dials] [The whole station suddnly reverberates and rumbles, sirens wail, monitors flash, mayhem generally breaks loose] Spike: We've got seconds to get out of here before the power fails! I only hope CD still works... [activates it] [The room around them vanishes, they rematerialise beside the Intelprise, the station's lights are already going out...] Kernal [stepping aboard]: Prepare for emergency blast-off... DoLoop: Airlock sealed - all files closed - ready for immediate departure, Sir! [The Intelprise blasts away at warp 9, behind them the last fragments of the UNIX Empire are crumbling.] Checksum: Sir! On the scanner screen, another terminal heading towards us... Kernal: That's not a terminal, it's a micro, we're entering the civilised sector of the galaxy again! [cut to head-on view of bridge, faces gazing up at screen, zoom out slowly as theme music rises gradually in volume. Credits scroll upwards...] Written by: Nathanael Cull, 13 August 1988 A sequel to: Star Wreck V, Star Wreck VI Apologies to: Berkeley Software Distribution, Bell Laboratories, Digital  Research, etc. - THE - END - A T & Tee Hee... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>Stolen from Love Over Gold - Phone (NZ) 4-277900 - 24 Hours - 3/12/2400<<