#Titel Jokes&Stories / TopTen / Bad Airline Pilot
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Top Ten : A Bad Airline Pilot/Vice President
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-----> Wednesday, August 24, 1994 <-----

[Originally aired on September 8, 1993]
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Opening:
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  From New York, free rain hats for the ladies, it's the Late Show with
David Letterman.  Tonight - Vice President Al Gore, actress Kim Basinger
and singer Chris Isaak.  Plus Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. And now,
a man who passed his driver's test on only his second try, David
Letterman.
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Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Airline Pilot
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10.  You overhear him say on the intercom "Hey Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"

 9.  For the past two hours, you've been going straight up

 8.  He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet."

 7.  The co-pilot is sitting on his lap

 6.  When you take-off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeeeeee!"
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 5.  At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go find that Mars
     observer!"

 4.  He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform

 3.  Over P.A. you hear "Heh,Heh,Heh, This plane sucks, Heh,Heh,Heh."

 2.  As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who
     drove your cab to the airport

 1.  Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy"
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A bonus top ten list for tonight, two for the price of one, delivered
entirely by Vice President Al Gore.
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Top Ten Good Things About Being Vice President
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10.  Police escort gets you to the movies faster

 9.  Get to play tether ball with the inventor of tether ball

 8.  After they sign a bill, there's lots of free pens

 7.  If you close your left eye, the seal [of the Vice President] reads
     "The President of the United States"

 6.  You get intellectual property rights to your speeches
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 5.  Dan Quayle and Gerald Ford are pretty easy to beat on Vice
     President's week on Jeopardy

 4.  You don't have to be funny to get invited to be on the Letterman show

 3.  You get eat all of the french fries the President can't get to

 2.  Don't have to be a good speller to get the job

 1.  Secret Service code name - "Buttafuoco"

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|This Late Show with David Letterman Top Ten list copyright 1994 World Wide |
| Pants. Lists are contributed by Bob Lennard and Rick Nebel.               |
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