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   TopTen : Clinton's Crime Bill
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-----> Wednesday, August 17, 1994 <-----

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Opening:
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  From New York, a little sewing kit is yours to keep, it's the Late
Show with David Letterman.  Tonight - Bruce Willis, comedian Dave
Chapelle, and dachshund races.  Plus Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra.
And now, Elvis Presley's new son-in-law, David Letterman.
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Top Ten Little Known Provisions In President Clinton's Crime Bill
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10.  Every 10th caller to 911 wins a pair of Metallica tickets

 9.  Five day waiting period to buy a congressman

 8.  $10 million reward to anyone who knows where the hell Al Gore is

 7.  If you yell "Bingo" when you don't really got bingo you're going
     away for a long, long time

 6.  The First Lady has the right to remain silent
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 5.  Bob Dole to be executed on "Donahue"

 4.  Every time someone in America gets arrested the President gets to
     eat a french fry

 3.  No speed limit on Merritt Parkway for late night talk show hosts

 2.  If you even so much as jaywalk, Bubba's gonna play a Singapore
     drum roll on your ass

 1.  All that Whitewater crap?  It's legal
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