$ffa|2-EastEnders






$ff8|1-The Characters



$fff      Heres a breakdown of all the main characters in Eastenders.

Due to popular demand (Well Freak liked it anyway:) heres the next
instalment of my Eastender Character Breakdown Thingy. See The Word 9
for the first episode.

$affTony Heales
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Local drug dealer, selling rocks in night clubs. Reckons he's in with
Tiffany, but made up a story that he'd shagged her. Shes sussed what he
is doing.

$affTed Heales
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Tony's dad & Cath's (Caff) brother. He opened a hardware store in the 
square ages ago, we've never seen it since the opening party. All he seems 
to do is tell Sarah (his daughter) that she can't go out looking like
that etc.

$affSarah Heales
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Bit of a dark horse this one, looks all sweetness and light but is a bit
of a tealeaf. Recently she has got involved in a Religious Cult, I can
see Wako happening all over again :). She could look nice if she did her
self up a bit.

$affArthur Fowler
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Doesn't do much, He is dead.

$affMark Fowler
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This guy has his own fruit and veg stall in the square. He is HIV
positive which he got off his ex-wife who died of AIDS. Now married to
Ruth. They are buying a house and consequently are always complaining of
being skint, yet they are always in the pub at dinnertime and at night.

$affRuth Fowler
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Mark's Mrs. She is Scottish. Her only job seems to be baby sitting for
everyone it the square.

$affPauline Fowler
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Now Pauline is your classic Cardigan wearer, she has had the same one on
since the programme started. Always on about how the family is the most
important thing. Used to work in the launderette, because no one in the
east end of London seems to own a washing machine! 

$affMartin Fowler
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Pauline and Arthur's son, obviously Arthur forgot to pull out on time
because he's only young and they are a bit older than your average
parents. Martin has to be the crapest actor ever, speaks in a mono tone
voice. His role in eastenders seem to be being told to wash his hands
and get ready for school.

$affFelix
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This guy as opened an 'Old fashioned barbers shop'. No one ever goes in
here. Felix is Polish and all his family were killed by the Germans in
the War. He has an impressive collection of butterflies though!
apparently David Attenborough is after him :) The only people who seem
to go into his Barbers shop are Jules and Nigel. He hasn't even said
'something for the weekend sir?' yet. :)

$affNigel Bates
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Nigel is the village idiot really, always wears a suit with a loud
multicoloured tie. Works in the video shop. His wife was killed in a RTA
(isn't Easenders a happy show?). Consequently looks after Claire his
step daughter. Big mates with the Mitchell Brothers, if anyone gives him 
any hassle, Grant beats fuck out of them.

$affClair Bates
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Nigel's step daughter. I don't really know what shes in the program for,
she broke into Felix's shop cos he has a trap door in his shop so
obviously she thought he was a mass murderer and had stashed the
cadavers under the trap door. Yeah right! She's about 13 years old. But
is really quite nice looking and should be phased in by the year 2000,
then she'll be worth a shag.

$affJules Tavernier (not sure of the spelling)
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Does fuck all except play chess with Felix in his busy Barbers. Oh and
he drinks Guiness in the Vic.

$affSanjay & Gita Kapur
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They have their own clothes stall on the market. Sanjay is a bit of a
gambler, but never wins. Gita disaproves. They are only there to prove
racial equality in the programme.

$affBig Ron
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A big bloke who has a stall on the market. Does nowt else. Has a nice
sheepskin coat though ! :)

$affWinston
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Has a record stall on the market. Does about as much a Big Ron.



Ok I think I have covered most of the cast. Bye for now.

$affBefore I go heres a few things that piss me off a bit about Eastenders:-

$fff1) When ever someone is upset and going through some mental torment,
another character will come up to them and say 'I'll make you a NICE cup
of tea'. Why say 'nice' you don't say 'I'll make you a cup of tea
that'll taste like witch piss'. This phrase appears in EVERY episode at
least once.

2) That fucking bench in the middle of the square, when anyone is upset
or pissed off they always go here. The bench obviously has special
healing powers.

3) Nobody owns a washing machine, they all go to the launderette with
their washing in one of those big blue bags.


4) No one goes to the toilet. They don't fart either :(

$ffa SiEGE/iNDi