*3@2
                               BLUDDY SIGN'S*2@1
                               =============

@2
               .:::::::..
              ::::::'@3__/@2'
              :¦:'  @3/  \@2
              :l_  @3(  @1(#6©@1)@2
              `@3(@2.@3   \__/,\
               /¬    ¯¯  T
              /  __/\____)
             /   '      ¬¯\
            /  ___________/
           /   /
          /_ _/                                                 
                                                               
                                                               

*2@3
                Hello Rerr! Wee Boaby here! How are Ye all Doing?@1
                -------------------------------------------------
@4
    I jist had tae Write to let Ye all know of a recent Experience that I had.

@5
  It all started when the Better half,  Ella,  Decided That after 30 years  of
  Marital Bliss,  The Auld bitch Wid up and off, For a couple of weeks to look
  after  Hur  Auntie Nellie,  Fae Dumbarton,  Who Cut her foot  Rather  badly,
  After standing on an Empty Carlesberg Bottle lying on the Living room Floor!

  Noo  am no a Wee boy,  And am quite capable of looking after maself,  So  no
  problem  I thought!  But after about 4 days,  I suddenly realised  that  the
  Kitchen  Cupboard  was getting a bit bare,  And there was  no  clean  plates
  left!, Time for a visit to the Shops!

  Now I have to admit,  My experience of shopping over the past 30 years,  Has
  consisted of popping into the corner shop for 20 Embassy,  The Daily  Record
  and  maybe  Half  a Dozen rolls.  So when I ventured into  the  local  Super
  Market, I was amazed at how things had changed!
@6
        Soft lights, Background Music, And loads upon loads of big Signs!
@2
                       NEED A BROLLY?-JUST ASK AT THE DESK
@5
                     FORGET SOMETHING?-LET US GET IT FOR YOU
#8
                  LET US CARRY YOUR SHOPPING TO THE CAR FOR YOU
@5
  Now  it  was the last one that caught my attention,  Whit a good  idea!   It
  keeps the youth of Today off the Streets,  And it has to be a better career,
  Than mugging Pensioners, Or selling contraband Baccy down the Barra's.

  So  once  I got maself squared up,  Straightened the Bonnet and had  a  firm
  grip  on  the  trolly,  Off I went,  Up and Down the aisles looking  for  ma
  Shopping!

  After about Half an Hour I struggled up to the till and put ma goods on  the
  wee  elevator  thing!@2 2  bottles of Grouse,  6 cans of Export,  1 packet  of
  Paper Plates and a bag of Tatties!@3  OH YES!  I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!@5 -
  But  I've never liked those Bloody Frozen Chips!  Well after all I am a  man
  of Quality!

  Anyway I hands over my cash,  Bags up the Messages and Asks if I can get  it
  taken to my car?
@7
                                "NO PROBLEM, SIR"
@5
  Said  the  wee  wuman,   and without moving off her  Arse,   Speaks  into  a
  Microphone  and The next thing a wee boy appears,  Grabs my bags  and  heads
  for the door!
@5
  As  I left the Store,I wiz feeling rather Pleased we masel,  Nae Bother this
  Shoppin thing!

  The wee boy was standing there, And said@1 "Where's your car parked Mister?"
@3 
               "It's in the Garage outside ma Hoose I says to him"
@5
  Then  he muttered something about@1 "Silly old Bastards",@4 Dropped my  bags
  into a trolly and went back inta the store!
@3
                        Musta Forgot something, Thought I!
@5
  But  after  aboot 10 Minutes,  I decided that he's no coming  back!   And  I
  headed  into the store again to Register my complaint!  As luck  would  have
  it, The Manager was at the desk, And I explained to him the Problem!

  Only he was am Orential Gentleman and I couldn't Understand half of what  he
  was saying!  The Bit I could understand I didn't like,  And I presented  him
  the  Glasgow Kiss!  And was in the process of Strangling him With  his  ASDA
  tie when a Wuman Employee explained That a Car-Park Patron,  Was someone who
  uses the Car Park and it had nothing to do with the Pope!
@4
         Well it was a understandable mistake, But would he shake hands?
#8
                NO!@4 He would call Security and have me Removed!
@5
  All  this Despite the fact that it never said on his@1 Bluddy Sign  @5  That
  your car@1 HAD@5 to be in the Car-Park!

  Just  to  end  a miserable day,  After I picked myself off The road,   Where
  Security Dumped me, And Dusted myself Down, Ther was no sign of my Shopping!

  Some  DirtyBugger had#2 NABBED@5 it.  So if YOU are reading this?*3@3 JUST  
  WAIT YOU BASTARD,*2@3 WEE BOABY IS LOOKING FOR YOU.

@7]5
  
                                             Wee Boaby
                                                Frae Glasga!