Date: 2 Oct 91 15:10:17 GMT
From: barrett@panther.cs.umass.edu (Daniel Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: CPU's in flames
Summary: It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's BLAZEMONGER!
Keywords: metope triglyph Doric frieze

>Re: Valid Hardware Comparisons?
>Re: Mac vs Amiga (was Re: Mac vs. Amiga)
>Re: Mac vs. NeXT vs. 486 (was Re: Please STOP IT!!)
>Re: 486 vs. OS/2 (was Re: No more comparisons, PLEASE!!!)
>Re: Mac vs. Mac vs. Amiga vs. Mac (was Re: How do I make a KILL file?)
>Re: Amiga vs. Godzilla (was Re: Good reptile softwrae?)

	Welcome back, friends, for another episode of...

			AS THE CPU BURNS

the Amiga flamer community's favorite ongoing soap opera!

	But first, a word from our sponsor... heh heh...

	"AS THE CPU BURNS" is brought to you by BLAZEMONGER, INCORPORATED:
makers of fine games for self-destructive personalities.  Try BLAZEMONGER
today!  Then become HOPELESSLY ADDICTED, quit your JOB, and spend thousands
of dollars on SURGERY to have your EYEBALLS removed from the screen!!

	Now, back to the story!

	As you remember from last week, the Amiga was a total piece of crap
because it has no colors, blurry video, flakey hardware, buggy software, and
an incurable case of "Athlete's Mouse."  In a last-ditch attempt to make the
Amiga more visible, Commodore Marketing dug a big hole in the ground, filled
it with mud, and jumped in.  Critics called this a "bold move forward" and
were "cautiously optimistic" about the results.

	Meanwhile, in a town not far away, the Mac's System 7 was voted
"Best Operating System" by the Left-Handed Myopic High School Custodial
Society of Chickenmilk, Wisconsin.  Simultaneously, Steve Jobs announced
that the next NeXT computer will have a '486 processor and a new I/O system
made almost entirely of processed lunch meat.

	Also meanwhile, in a surprise move, IBM and Union Carbide teamed up
to create a new computer medium made entirely of chemical gases, eliminating
the need for disks and tapes.  This "Vaporware" (TM) reportedly will be
ready to ship "any day now."

	But some questions have STILL been left unanswered.  What's the best
computer to buy?  What's the best computer to RENT?  What's the best
computer to grind up and use as OINTMENT on a nasty burn?  Will the Amiga
ever catch up?  Does the Amiga taste good with ketchup?  How many NeXT's
does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  How many Macs does it take to screw
up an operating system?  Are 24-bit graphics on the horizon, or will they be
replaced by a hefty bonk on the head?  Does the previous sentence have ANY
MEANING AT ALL??  Why don't we get World Peace as a free prize inside our
breakfast cereal?  Is BLAZEMONGER *fast*???!?!??  GET REAL!!  BLAZEMONGER is
SO AMAZINGLY, BLINDINGLY, ASTOUNDINGLY LIGHTNING-FAST THAT...  that...
hey!!  Tell our "sponsors" to keep their propaganda in their OWN POSTINGS!
[Sorry about that! - B. Inc.]

	And what of the Toaster?  Does it SUCK?  Should the president of
NewTek be dipped in boiling pig fat and thrown into a pit of cobras?  Will he
find Irving Gould sitting next to him????

	Tune in tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and
tomorrow, ...) to hear the same arguments over and OVER and OVER AND OVER
again!!!!!!!

                                                        Dan

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| Dan Barrett -- Grad student, Department of Computer & Information Science |
| University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA  01003  --  barrett@cs.umass.edu |
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Copyright 1991 by Daniel J. Barrett.  All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed, but may not be included in any
publication without the written permission of the author.