@
The most important leg of a three legged stool
is the one that is missing
           -- Lyall's Fundamental Observation
@
Never argue with a train...
@
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not
science, it is opinion.
                              -- Robert A. Heinlein
@
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
                              -- Robert A. Heinlein
@
Don't try to have the last word.  You might get
it.
@
Nature sides with the hidden flaw.
@
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies
like a banana
@
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical
object to realize that you are in a hurry
                  --Ralph's Observation
@
Thinly sliced cabbage
                  --Cole's Law
@
Chicken Little only has to be right once
                  --Firestone's Law of Forecasting
@
Logic is a systematic method of coming
to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
                  --Manly's Maxim
@
The problem with most jobs is the job
holder's resemblence to being one of a
dog-sled team:   No one gets a change of
scenery except the lead dog
                  --Moer's Truism
@
If you tell the boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tire, the
next morning you will have a flat tire.
                  --Cannon's Comment
@
If anything can go wrong, it will.
                  --Murphy's Law
@
Left to themselves, things go from
bad to worse.
                  --Murphy's Corollary
@
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because the fools are so ingenious.
@
An object will be damaged in direct proportion
to it's value.
@
Everything goes wrong all at once.
          --Quantitized Revision of Murphy's Law
@
Murphy was an optimist.
                  --O'Toole's Commentary
@
When an error has beeen detected and
corrected, it will be found to have
been correct in the first place.
                  --Scott's Second Law
@
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
                  --Finagle's First Law
@
No matter what the anticipated result, there
will always be someone eager to:
a)   Misinterpert it,
b)   Fake it, or
c)   Believe it happened according to his
     own pet theory.
                  --Finagle's Second Law
@
In any collection of data, the figure
most obviously correct, beyond all need
of checking, is the mistake.
                  --Finagle's Third Law
@
Once a job is fouled up, anything
done to correct it only makes it worse.
@
In crises which force people to choose
between alternative courses of action,
most people will choose the worst one possible.
                  --Rudin's Law
@
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even quit the game.
                  --Ginsberg's Theorm
@
1)  Things will get worse before they get better
2)  Who said things will get better?
                  --Ehrman's Commentary
@
Nothing ever goes away
                  --Commoner's Second Law of Ecology
@
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
                  --Howe's Law
@
Once you open a can of worms, the only
way to recan them is to use a larger can.
          --Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics
@
Negative expectations yield negative results
Positive expectations yield negative results.
@
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally towards
maximum difficulty of assembly and fit.
@
Interchangeable parts won't
@
You never find a missing article until after
you have replaced it.
@
The perceived usefulness of an article is
inversely proportional to it's actual usefulness
once bought and paid for.
     --Glautman's Law of Materialistic Acquisitveness
@
No matter how long or hard you shop for an
item, after you've bought it, you will find
it on sale somewhere else, cheaper.
@
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
@
You get the most of what you need the least.
@
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you
want to transfer to is on time.
                  --The Airplane Law
@
The other line moves faster.
                  --Etorre's Observation
@
Information necessitating a change of design
will be conveyed to the designer after -and
only after -the plans are complete.
                  --First Law of Revision
@
The more innocuous the modification appears
to be, the further it's influence will extend and
the more plans will have to be redrawn.
                  --Second Law of Revision
@
The probability of anything happening is
in inverse proportion to it's desirability
                  --Gumperson's Law
@
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
          --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
          --Laws of Computer Programming
@
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Any program will expand to fill all available memory.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
The value of a program is proportional to the
weight of it's output.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Program complexity grows until it exceeds
the capability of the programmer who must
maintain it.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety,
in contrast to detectable errors, which by
definition are limited.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Adding manpower to a late software project
makes it later.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
There's ALWAYS one more bug.
    --Laws of Computer Programming
@
Build a system that even a fool can use,
and only a fool will want to use it.
          --Shaw's Principle
@
You cannot successfully determine beforehand
which side of the bread to butter.
                  --Law of Perversity of Nature
@
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
          --Law of Selective Gravity
@
The chance of the bread falling butter side down is
directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
   -Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravitation.
@
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle
with it long enough.
          --Wyszkowski's Second Law
@
It works better if you plug it in.
          --Sattinger's Law
@
If it works, don't fix it.
                  --Smolak's Law
@
If it jams, force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
                  --Lawrey's Law
@
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
                  --Schmidt's Law
@
Don't force it; get a bigger hammer.
                  --Anthony's Law of Force
@
When all else fails, read the instructions.
                  --Cahn's Law
@
If a project is not worth doing at all,
it is not worth doing well.
                  --Gordon's First Law
@
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
                  --Law of Research
@
If the facts don't conform to theory,
they must be disposed of.
                  --Maier's Law
@
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
                  --Peer's Law
@
"Beware of the manwho works hard to learn something,
learns it, and finds himself no wiser than
before.   He is full of murderous resentment of those
who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance
the hard way"
                            --Bokonon
@
Help a man when he is in trouble and he
will remember you when he is in trouble again.
@
You can lead a man to slaughter,
but you cannot make him think.
@
Don't get mad, get even.
@
It's better to be rich and healthy than to
be poor and sick.
                  --Carson's Law
@
Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
                  --The Golden Rule
@
Love is a matter of chemistry.
Sex is a matter of physics.
                  --Mark's Mark
@
The trouble with resisting temptation is
that it may never come again.
                  --Korman's Conclusion
@
Life is what happens to you while you are
making other plans.
                  --Knight's Law
@
A taxpayer is someone who doesn't have to take
a civil service exam to work for the government.
                  --Kruger's Law
@
There are two kinds of people in the world:
Those who believe the world can be divided into
two kinds of people, and those who don't.
          --Benchley's Law of Distinction
@
If you shoot at everything, you hit nothing
@
I see, I forget.
I hear, I remember.
I do, I understand.
@
Pros are people who do jobs even when they
don't feel like it.
@
As one business leader recently put it:
"I want people around me who can solve problems,
not recite facts."
@
Next to surviving an earthquake, nothing is
quite so satisfying as getting a refund on
your income tax.
@
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
          --Harver's Law
@
All things being equal, a fat person
uses more soap than a thin person.
                  --Schmidt's Observation
@
Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another
                  --Gigg's Law
@
Fools rush in where fools have been before
@
When working towards the solution to a problem,
it always helps if you know the answer.
@
Inside of every small problem is a larger
problem struggling to get out.
@
No experiment is reproducable.
@
Never replicate a successful experiment.
@
Whenever a system becomes entirely defined,
some damn fool discovers something which either
abolishes the system oe expands it beyond recognition.
@
The first myth of management: It exists.
@
Spend sufficent time confirming the need, and
the need will disappear.
@
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
@
People are always available for work in the past tense.
@
Government expands to absorb the revenue available
to it and then some.
@
When a distinguished but elderly scientist
states that something is possible, he is almost
certainly right.   When he states that something is
impossible, he is very probably wrong.
@
Any sufficently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic
@
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
@
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't
have to do it himself.
@
If builders built buildings the way programmers
write programs, the first woodpecker that came
along would destroy civilization.
                  --Weinburg's Second Law
@
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
@
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
@
Men and nations all act rationally when
all other possibilities have been exhausted.
@
The sum of the intelligence on the planet
is a constant; the population is growing.
@
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
@
Friends come and go, but enemies accumuluate.
                  --Jone's Motto
@
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but
most of the time he will pick himself up
and continue on.
                  --Churchill's Commentary on Man
@
All general statements are false.
                  --The Ultimate Law
@
As soon as you mention something;
If it's good, it goes away,
If it's bad, it happens.
@
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
@
Never leave hold of what you've got
until you've got hold of something else.
          --First Law of Wingwalking
@
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you all day.
@
After things have gone from bad to worse,
the cycle will repeat itself.
@
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
                  --Lynch's Law
@
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
@
Everything depends.
@
If you wait long enough, it will go away.
@
If it was bad, it'll be back.
@
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand
wrong answers.
@
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
@
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
@
Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work
                  --The Unapplicable Law
@
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find
a need for them an hour later.
                  --Witten's Law
@
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
@
For every action, there is an equal
and opposite criticism.
@
In any organization there will always be one person who knows
what's going on.   This person must be identified and fired.
@
"It is easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission."
                  --Rear Admiral Grace Hopper
@
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company
for a number then sell it back to them.
@
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
                  --First Law of Laboratory Work
@
1)   If it's green and it wiggles, it's biology
2)   If it stinks, it's chemistry
3)   If it doesn't work, it's physics
                  --Handy Guide to Modern Science
@
To err is human, but to REALLY foul things
up takes a computer.
@
People who love sausage and respect the law
should never watch either one being made.
@
The real world is often a special case.
                  --Horngren's Observation
@
When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.
@
Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that
is wrong with one that is right.   It consists of
replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is
more subtly wrong.
@
Never attribute to malice that which
is adequately explained by stupidity.
@
Beware of the physician who is great at
getting out of trouble.
@
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
                  --Gold's Law
@
People will buy anything that's marked
one to a customer.
@
If you have watched a TV series only once, and
you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the
same episode.
@
Most people deserve each other.
@
Forgive and remember.
@
Never program and drink beer at the same time.
@
If you put tomfoolery into a computer,
nothing comes out but tomfoolery.   But this
tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive
machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one
dares to criticize it.
@
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign
4 times, definitely is.
@
Almost anything is easier to get into than
out of.
@
When all else fails, read the instructions.
@
The lion and the calf may lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
@
When in doubt, wash.
           - the cat's philosophy
@
You can observe a lot just by watching.
@
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds.
 - A 30# bicycle needs a 20# lock and chain
 - A 40# bicycle needs a 10# lock and chain
 - A 50# bicycle needs no lock or chain.
@
What really matters is the name you succeed
in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.
@
When you've got them by the balls, their
hearts and minds will follow.
@
People will accept your idea much more readily if
you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
@
If the probability of success is not almost
one, it's damn near zero.
@
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1) An object in motion will be headed
   in the wrong direction.
2) An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
@
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
@
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe
while the legislature is in session.
@
Needs are a function of what other people have.
@
If things were left to chance,
we'ed be better off.
@
In America, it's not how much an item
costs that matters, it's how much you save.
@
If you can keep your head when all about
you are losing theirs, you just don't
understand the situation.
@
For every human problem there is a
neat simple solution, that is always wrong.
@
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
@
If you see a man approaching you with the
obvious intent of doing you good, run for
your life.
@
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
@
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
@
Lyall's Conjecture:
If a computer cable has one end, it has another.
@
Never put a Halon nozzle in front of the only exit
@
It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because the fools are so ingenious.
@
A woman is never so willing as when she just has.
@
Memories are our only real possessions.
                  - C. Gareau
@
It's never over till it's over.
                          - Casey Stengel
@
The art of taxation consists of so plucking
the goose so as to obtain the largest amount
of feathers with the least amount of hissing.
                       - Colbert
@
In this world nothing is certain but death
and taxes.
                          - Benjamin Franklin
@
It is better to drink water with friends
than wine with enemies.
                          - C. Gareau
@
Sometimes the problem really IS a system bug.
                  - Murphy's Laws of Consulting
@
When in doubt, check the declarations.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
When in doubt, check the code that the programmer
absolutely guarantees has always worked and has
never been changed.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
When in doubt, call it a Logic Error and refer
the student to his instructor.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
Often the mere act of calling the Consultant
results in the problem being solved.   This
is called the "Presence of the Consultant"
factor.   In thinking out the problem in order
to accurately and completely describe it to the
consultant, the student often solves the
problem herself.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
Sometimes the mere act of calling the Consultant
results in a reproducable error disappearing.
This is called the "Deceptive presence of the
Consultant" factor.   The minute the Consultant
goes away, the bug will reappear.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
The student must be helped to correctly describe
the problem.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
Sometimes one "Do it like this" is worth a
thousand "Let's step through this".
                     - Laws of Programming
@
Check the obvious first, as politely as possible.
                     - Laws of Programming
@
Hatred can be an acid that does more damage to the
vessel in which it is stored than the object on which
it is poured.
@
The smallest deed is better than the grandest intention.
@
It doesen't matter if you are on the right track.
You'll still get run over if you don't keep moving.
@
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them as much.
@
To forgive and forget is the true test of greatness.
@
Use the talents that you possess, for the world
would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
@
The trouble with trouble is that it starts out as fun.
                          - C. Gareau
@
Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
@
Real friends are those who, when you have made a
fool of yourself, don't think you've done a permanant job.
                          - C. Gareau
@
If you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.
@
Some minds are like concrete:
Throughly mixed and permanantly set.
@
One man's magic is another man's engineering.
@
Paralysis by analysis.
@
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
@
A specialist is a barbarian who doesn't know
in how many fields he is ignorant.
                          - Stanislaw Lem
@
Women always get the dirty end of the stick.
                   - first year female arts student
@
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
of the programmer who must maintain it.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
If a test run functions perfectly, all subsequent runs
will fail.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Not until a program has been in production for at
least six months will the most harmful error
be discovered.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Job control cards that cannot possibly be arranged
in the wrong order will be.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Interchangable tapes don't.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
If the input editor has been designed so as to reject
all bad input, some ingenious idiot will discover
a method to get bad data past it.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Profanity is the one language that all programmers know best.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more
unreliable.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Any system that depends at all on human reliability
is unreliable.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety,
in contrast with detectable errors, which by
definition, are limited.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
Investment in reliability will increase until it
exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone
insists on getting some useful work done.
                   - Laws of Programming
@
What I like in a good author is not what he says,
but what he whispers.
                          - Logan P. Smith
@
If I'd known I was going to live so long,
I'd have taken better care of myself.
                          - Waylon Jennings
@
Any nitwit can understand computers, and many do.
                          - Theodore Nelson
@
"Cybercrud": putting things over on people using computers.
                  - Theodore Nelson
@
There is never enough time to do a thing right,
but always enough to do it over.
@
Never be afraid to ask dumb questions; it's a lot
easier than having to explain dumb mistakes.
@
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to
do it himself.
@
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks
involved with the broth.
@
Anytime things appear to be going better, you
have overlooked something.
@
Those supplies necessary for yesterday's
experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
@
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown,
you do not know what you will find.
@
No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can
always serve as a bad example.
@
Any inanimate object, regardless of it's
composition or configuration, may be expected
to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner
for reasons that are either entirely obscure or
completely mysterious.
@
The amount of expertise varies in inverse
proportion with the number of statements
understood by the general public.
@
If the experiment works, you must be using the
wrong experiment.
@
Experience varies directly with the amount
of equipment ruined.
@
The probability of an event occuring is inversely
proportional to it's desirability.
@
The experiment may be considered a success if no
more than 50% of the observed measurements  must
be discarded to obtain a correspondance with theory.
@
One's propensity to be appointed to non-paying
positions of responsibility is inversely proportional
to the size of his bladder.
@
If there is more than one way for a thing to operate,
it will usually operate in the wrong way.
@
Anything that can fail, will.
@
Anything that fails will fail in the manner most
difficult to explain and repair.
@
When a computer error has been proven to be in fact a
human error, you will have been the only one in the
computer room at the time.
@
The length of the meeting rises with the square of
the number of people present.
@
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to
improve it makes it worse.
@
In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among
alternate courses of action, most people will choose
the worst one possible.
@
Quit while you are still behind.   If you are already
in a hole, DON'T DIG.
@
The simplest explanation of any phenomena is
probably the correct one.
@
In any given set of circumstances, events will
combine so as to provide the maximim amount of
inconvenience for the greatest number of people.
@
If you can keep your head when all about you are
losing their's, then you just don't understand the
situation.
@
If you know where you are going, any road will
get you there.
@
If you don't know where you are going, any road
will get you there.
@
Never eat prunes when you are hungry.
@
There is no such thing as a "large whiskey"
@
The leak in the roof is never in the
same location as the drip.
@
Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
                          - The Golden Rule
@
If God had meant us to travel tourist class,
he would have made us narrower.
@
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
@
The light at the end of the tunnel is most
likely an oncoming locomotive.
@
A virtual data base is a segment of your imagination.
@
On a clear disc you can seek forever...
@
Go placidly amongst the noise and the haste, and
remember what peace there may be in silence...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...As far as possible, be on good terms with all persons...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their
story...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are
vexatious to the spirit...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...If you compare yourself to
others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there
will be greater and lesser persons than yourself...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a
real possession in the changing fortune of time...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is
of trickery...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
But let this not blind you to what virtue
there is; many persons strive for high ideals and
everywhere life is full of heroism.   Be yourself.

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Especially do not fiegn affection.   Neither be
cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Take kindly the council of the years, gracefully
surrendering the things of youth...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in misfortune...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...You are a child of the universe no less
than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be
here...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt
the universe is unfolding as it should...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever
you conceive Him to be...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace in your soul...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
...With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is
still a beautiful world.  Be cheerful.  Strive to be happy...

                                  --Max Ehrmann, "Desderada"
@
Time-sharing is a terminal illness.
@
Octal is just like base 10, really,
if you're missing two fingers.      (Tom Lehrer)
@
Disks travel in packs.
@
FORTRAN/WATFIV is an unspeakable language.
@
First get your facts; then distort them.  (Mark Twain)
@
I believe in computer dating, but only if the
computers are truly in love.  (Groucho Marx)
@
As far as we know,
our computer has never had an undetected error.
@
The number of computations without purpose is out of sight.
@
To err is human;
to really foul things up requires a computer.
@
To err is human; to err and blame it on the computer
is even more human.
@
The problem with computers is that they let people
tell them what to do.
@
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems,
except the things in this world
that just don't add up.
@
Definition of a Computer Programmer:
One who passes himself off as an exacting expert
on the basis of being able to turn out, after
innumerable debugs, an infinite series of
incomprehensible answers calculated with
micrometric precision from vague assumptions
based on debatable figures taken from
inconclusive documents of problematical accuracy
by persons of dubious reliability and questionable
mentality for the purpose of annoying and
confounding a hopelessly defenseless department
that was unfortunate enough to have asked for
the information in the first place.
@
I really hate this darn machine!
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
but only what I tell it!
@
Finagle's variable constant:
the number which, when added to, subtracted from,
multiplied by, or divided into your data, gives the
right result.
@
Computer intelligence:
The apparent intelligence of a computer is equal to
the product of the percentage of its observers who
are fooled by it multiplied by the length of time
it took them to catch on to what it was doing.
@
Anything that CAN happen, WILL.
@
It will happen to MY program.
@
If nothing can possibly go wrong, something will.
@
The more innocuous a program change, the
    more likely it is to introduce a bug.
@
The necessity of making a major design change
    increases as the program approaches completion.
@
A program will always require at least twice as
    much time to complete as the programmer thinks.
@
The part of the program that is least likely to
    contain an error is the one which has the bug.
@
All constants are variables.
@
Rounding errors will never cancel.
@
Not until a program has been in production for
    at least six months will the worst bug show up.
@
There is always one more bug.
@
If everything is going well, one of the
    following will happen:
    a) The specifications will be changed.
    b) The test data will turn out to be
       nothing like the real data.
    c) You'll find that you didn't really
       understand the requirement.
    d) They'll cancel the project.
@
Go placidly amongst the noise and the haste, and
remember what peace there may be in silence.   As far
as possible, be on good terms with all persons.  Speak
your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant; they, too, have their
story.   Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are
vexatious to the spirit.   If you compare yourself to
others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there
will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.   Keep
interested in your career, however humble; it is a real
possession in the changing fortune of time.   Exercise
caution in your business affairs, for the world is full
of trickery.   But let this not blind you to what virtue
there is; many persons strive for high ideals and
everywhere life is full of heroism.   Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.   Neither be
cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment,it is as perennial as the grass.   Take
kindly the council of the years,gracefully surrendering
the things of youth.   Nurture strength of spirit to
shield you in misfortune.   Do not distress yourself with
dark imaginings.   Many fears are born of fatigue and
loneliness.   Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle
with yourself.   You are a child of the universe no less
than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be
here.   And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt
the universe is unfolding as it should.   Therefore, be
at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And
whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.   With all
its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a
beautiful world.   Be cheerful.   Strive to be happy...

                          --  Max Ehrmann
@
The physician is only Nature's assistant.
                          - Galen
@
Never go to a doctor whose office plants
look sick.
                          - Smallwood
@
The practice of medicine is an art, not a trade;
a calling, not a business.
                          - Osler.
@
No man is more worthy of esteem than a physician
who exercises his art with caution and gives
equal attention to the rich and the poor.
                          - Voltaire
@
Some people think doctors can put scrambled
eggs back into the shell.
                          - Canfield
@
Much are we beholden to physicians who only prescribe
the bark of the quinquina when they might oblige their
patients to swallow the whole tree.
                          - Dalrymple
@
The doctor must have at his disposal a ready
wit as dourness is repulsive both to the healthy
and the sick.
                          - Hippocrates
@
A physician is a person who works sixteen hours
a day telling people to slow down or they'll get
high blood pressure.
@
A doctor is a person who still
has his tonsils, adenoids, and appendix.
@
Obstetricians
are doctors whose cases come out well even when they
are delayed on the golf course.
@
A specialist is a
doctor who trains his patients to become ill only
during office hours.
@
Patients Rule: It's not a matter of life or death,
it's much more important than that.
                          - Anonymous
@
The physician cannot prescribe by letter, he
must feel the pulse.
                          - Seneca
@
He who conceals his ills cannot expect to be cured.
                          - Proverbs
@
It is far better to cure at the beginning
than at the end.
                          - Persius
@
Surgery does the ideal thing, it separates
the patient from the disease.
                          - Clendening
@
Good medicine always tastes bitter.
                          - Confucious
@
He's the best physician who knows the worthlessness
of most medicines.
                          - Franklin
@
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Quiet, Doctor
Diet, and Doctor Merryman.
                          - Swift
@
I wonder why ye can always read a doctor's bill
an ye niver can read his purscription.
                          - Dunne
@
One reason that physicians can be so happy about
their work is the feeling of security their
patients give them.
                          - Spencer
@
How ill the doctor fares if none fare ill but he.
                          - Philemon
@
A rule of thumb in the matter of medical advice
is to take everything any doctor says with a
grain of aspirin.
                          - Ace
@
One of the chief objects of medicine is to
save us from the natural consequences of our
vices and follies.
                          - Mencken
@
My grandfather always said that living is like
licking honey off a thorn.
@
Always do right.   It will gratify some people and
astonish the rest.
@
If men had no faith with one another, we would all
have to live within our incomes.
@
It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man
dreads when he considers marrying; it's separating
himself from all the others.
@
The success of a self made man is often due to
being pushed out of the house early in the morning.
@
The secret of patience is doing something else in the meantime.
@
The best time to tackle a small problem is before he grows up.
@
Pay no attention to what the critics say.   No one ever
set up a statue for a critic.
@
Ideas don't work unless you do.
@
A friend is a present you give to yourself.
@
Live a life, don't just get a living.
@
An opportunist is one who does just what you were
going to do.
@
When a husband helps his wife into the car, he
has probably just acquired one or the other.
@
Hesitation is the camping ground of lost causes.
@
The wise look things over, insteda of overlooking things.
@
Good luck is the lazy man's estimate of a worker's success.
@
It is far more difficult to be simple than to be complicated.
@
Reformer - One who insists upon his conscience being your guide.
@
A taxpayer is one who does not have to pass a Civil
Service examination to work for the Government.
@
The rising generation is too fond of sitting.
@
Great minds have purpose; others have wishes.
@
If you're sitting on top of the world, remember that
it turns over every twenty-four hours.
@
One ounce of keenness is worth a whole library of certificates.
@
Logic is only the art of doing wrong with confidence.
@
Variety gives life it's spice, but monotony
provides the groceries.
@
A good loser is generally one who would be astonished
if he won.
@
A bachelor is a rolling stone who gathers no boss.
@
Tact is knowing how far we can go too far.
@
No one admires thrift more than an heir.
@
The most trouble is produced by those who
don't produce anything.
@
Tact: Getting your point across without stabbing
someone with it.
@
Too many people go through life running from something
that isn't after them.
@
Wits are a means of support that must be sharp to be sure.
@
You are what you think, not what you think you are.
@
If there's one thing that upsets wives, it's
people dropping in when the house looks like it
always does.
@
Wit is the salt of conversation.
@
What fine fellows we should be if we only did
half the things we think others ought to do.
@
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
@
Man and Science are masters until the elements decide otherwise.
@
A well-fed husband seldom looks fed-up.
@
Ability will see a chance and snatch it.
@
Ego: Something which enables people to bear living with themselves.
@
Success requires pains and brains.
@
At the end of the game, the king and the pawn go into
the same bag.
@
Flattery, like perfume, should be used with discretion.
@
Politeness is better than logic.   You can often persuade
when you cannot convince.
@
The only people who like getting laughed at usually get
paid for it.
@
Popularity: A splash in the pool of oblivion.
@
A theorist is a man who doesn't work but has a lot
of ideas that he thinks will.
@
Never cackle till your egg is laid.
@
Computers don't lie, but liars compute.
@
Many a successful man is a good listener,
especially to his wife.
@
An egoist is one who thinks that if he hadn't been
born, people would wonder why.
@
A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and
puts his feats in it.
@
Those awaiting opportunity should be told that
it is often disguised as work.
@
Charactor is habit long continued.
@
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
@
After paying a compliment, some people look as if they
are waiting for change.
@
For every man driven to distraction,
ten get there under their own steam.
@
The real problem with your leisure is how to keep
other people from using it.
@
A luxury becomes a necessity when the neighbours have it.
@
A business, like an automobile, has to be driven to
get results.
@
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool, usually has
his surprises.
@
The cost of doing a job well is always less
than the expense of doing it twice.
@
Enthusiasm is the first and last ingrediant for success.
@
Ejection seats for back seat drivers may become an optional extra.
@
When you get something for a song, watch out for the accompanist.
@
Insurance keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich.
@
Blessed are those who have nothing to say and
cannot be persuaded to say it.
@
A psychiatrist is one who does not worry as long as other people do.
@
Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill
through the rock of inertia.
@
Blessed are those who have nothing to say
and know what to do instead.
@
If you want to be a self made man, don't
leave out the working parts.
@
If you want a place in the sun, you must expect to get blisters.
@
A frequent disappointment is meeting someone
we have heard so much about.
@
The more you say, the less people remember.
@
An organizer should be an assembler of specialists.
@
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
@
Office sign: The only job where you start at
the top is digging a hole.
@
A successful man forgets his mistakes,
but not what caused them.
@
Optimists are wrong as often as pessimists,
but they enjoy life along the way.
@
Confidence is the feeling a man has before he knows better.
@
Reputations are not built on what you intend to do.
@
Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind
than the one in which they originated.
@
The fact that things one worries about never happen
makes a strong case for continuing to worry about them.
@
If you can predict it, it won't happen.
@
Some people have very little to say but you have to
listen a long time to find that out.
@
a synonym is a word you can spell, used instead
of a word you can't.
@
Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
@
The reason some people get lost in thought
is because it's such unfamiliar territory.
@
Just when you think you're winning the rat race,
along comes a faster rat.
@
To err is human, to forgive is not my policy.
@
Machines can't think, but then neither can most people.
@
The simplest toy, one which even the youngest
child can operate, is called a grandparent
                          - Sam Leverson
@
There's never enough time to do a job right,
but always enough to do it over.
@
Reciprocity works both ways.
@
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
@
Show me a thoroughly satisfied man, and I'll show
you a failure.
                          - Thomas A. Edison
@
Be gracious and sweet to your enemies.   It will
drive them crazy!
@
90% of anything is crud.
                          - Theodore Sturgeon
@
The universe is not user friendly.
                          - Throop's Thought
@
Science policy is to science as birdshot is to birds.
                          - Petr Beckman
@
Work expands to fill the time available.
@
How do you tell a survivor?
She survives.
@
Let me not judge another man until I have walked a
mile in his moccasins.
                          - Old Mohawk Proverb
@
We got our money the old fashioned way:
We earned it..
@
There's always too much month left at the end of the money.
@
You'll never know if you can win, until you know you've
tried your best ... and then it doesn't matter if you've
won or not because you will have improved, and that's
winning for yourself.
                                 -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
If life is eternal - no beginning and no end - where are
we now?
                                 -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
The less paper and the bigger the desk, the higher
the official.
                           -- Carolyn Myroniuk
@
Don't confuse means with ends.
                           -- Carolyn Myroniuk
@
Society cannot exist without interacting individuals,
and the individual self is an impossibility without
social interaction.
                           -- Carolyn Myroniuk
@
It is not failure itself that is psychologically damaging,
but failure screened through irrational belief that one
must excel at everything.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
It is not rejection by itself that causes depression,
but rejection filtered through the irrational
belief that one must be loved by everyone.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Never marry a girl for how she looks;
Marry her for what's in her genes.
                          - 1st year Genetics Professor
@
Never worry about asking a dumb question; they're
a hell of a lot easier to explain than dumb mistakes.
@
A suicide blonde -- dyed by her own hand.
                          - C. J. C. Lyall
@
Gluttony is basic nature for me.   I don't feel
right unless I'm stuffed.
                          - Brother George
@
Remember, it's only a job.
                          - Dr. M. Szabo
@
There are three different types of people:
The wills, the wont's, and the can'ts.
The wills accomplish everything,
the won'ts oppose everything, and
the can'ts won't will themselves to try.
                          - Ed Smolak
@
Work expands to fill the time available for
it's completion.
                          - Parkinson's Law
@
In any hierarchy every employee tends to
rise to the level of his incompetence.
                          - the Peter Principle
@
In time, every post tends to be occupied by an
employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties.
                          - Peter's corollary
@
The greatest kindness I have to offer you is
always the truth.
                          - John Powell, S. J.
@
To reveal myself openly and honestly takes the
rawest kind of courage.
                          - John Powell, S. J.
@
Whatever my secrets are, remember, when I entrust
them to you, they are a part of me.
                          - John Powell, S. J.
@
To understand people, I try to hear what they
are NOT saying, what they will perhaps never
be able to say.
                          - John Powell, S. J.
@
They don't make things like they used to, and
what's more, they never did.
                          - C. J. C. Lyall
@
It's nice to be important, but it's more important
to be nice.
@
I have a little list, they never will be missed...
          - Gilbert & Sullivan, "The Mikado"
@
The only difference between men and boys
is the price of their toys.
@
I prefer the man who lies to the one who tells
half truths -- the man who tells half truths
has forgotten the truth; the man who lies knows
the truth.
                  - Nikos Kazanzakis, "Zorba the Greek"
@
           You are
           What you do
           When it counts.

                  -the Masao
@
           You are
           What you do
           When you must...
@
Minds are for people who think.
                  - Madman Murdoch
@
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
@
Variety may be the spice of life,
but monotony brings home the bacon.
@
With a large enough hammer you can break anything.
                                  - Jake's Law
@
I will try to be happy under all circumstances
I will make up my mind to be happy within myself
right now where I am today.
                          - Paramahansa Yogananda
@
Chance never helps those who do not help themselves.
                          - Sophocles
@
There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.
                          - Lady Blessington
@
Kindness is the golden chain by which society is
bound together.
                          - Goethe
@
The physician heals, nature makes well.   All art,
all education can be merely a supplement to nature.
                          - Aristotle
@
I have buried dead disappointments in the cemeteries
of yesterday.   Today I will plow the garden of life
with my new creative efforts.
                          - Paramahansa Yogananda
@
A feeble body weakens the mind.
                          - J. J. Rosseau
@
They can conquer who believe they can
                          - Virgil
@
Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.
                          - Confucius
@
Please do understand that every relation will
deceive you in the long run except the relation of truth.
                          - Shyam
@
Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers.
                          - Tennyson
@
People seldom improve when they have no other
model but themselves to copy from.
                          - Goldsmith
@
It is easier to suppress the first desire than
to satisfy all that follow it.
                          - Franklin
@
Self conquest is the greatest of all victories
                          - Plato
@
Change is for the better, only if you're happy with the change.
                                    -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Birth control is a product of MAN's thinking.
                                    -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
There is a grain of truth in EVERYTHING spoken, for the seed
of thought must be planted to be uttered.
                                    -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Reality is socially constructed.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
If men define situations as real, they are real in their
consequences.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
All knowledge and belief, including our own, is relative
to the time and place in which it is produced.

                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Social life is necessary if individuals are to become
concious of their own mind.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
We mirror ourselves in others.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
The mind is a social product.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
No one is born a great mathematician, scientist artist etc.;
people are born with the potential to become anything, but
what they actually become is primarily the product of their
experiences and efforts.
                               -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Reality is socially constructed.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
If men define situations as real, they are real in their
consequences.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
All knowledge and belief, including our own, is relative
to the time and place in which it is produced.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Social life is necessary if individuals are to become
concious of their own mind.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
We mirror ourselves in others.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
The mind is a social product.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
No one is born a great mathematician, scientist artist etc.;
people are born with the potential to become anything, but
what they actually become is primarily the product of their
experiences and efforts.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
Adrenalin makes the heart grow fonder.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
As we act, we do not see ourselves performing as an
observer does.  Instead, our attention is drawn to
the environmental forces as the causes of our action.
                              -- Carolyn Meroniuk
@
There are many levels of knowing and of learning and
growing.  And being free is an inner state, and no one
can take you there - you have to get there yourself.

            -- Merle Shain, "Hearts That We Broke Long Ago"
@
There are no simple solutions to problems.  There are
no spiritual road maps you can buy at a store.  And it
doesn't matter if you are chained by a golden chain or
an iron one if it holds you in a place that is doing
you harm.
            -- Merle Shain, "Hearts That We Broke Long Ago"
@
Kissing is a means of getting two people so close
together that they can't see anything wrong with
each other.
                                  -- Jackie V.
@
...when we do acquire the message...it
will be unmistakable...
                          -- Philip Morrison,
                             "Life Beyond Earth"
@
Either we are alone or we are not;
either way is mind boggling.
                          -- Lee Dubridge
@
Nothing is too wonderful to be true.
                          -- Michael Faraday
@
The only limit to our realization of tomorrow
will be our doubts of today.
                          -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
@
The child is father to the man.
                          --
@
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands
directly in front of your eyes.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by
payment of the invoice.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
It is always the partner's fault.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Toothaches tend to start on Saturday night.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
You can't fall off the floor.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
When all else fails, read the instructions.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Nobody really knows what's going on anywhere
within an organization.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Authority tends to assign jobs to those
least able to do them.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
What you don't do is always more important
than what you do do.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Them that has, gets.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
The man who can smile when things go wrong,
has thought of someone he can blame it on.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Those who can, do.
Those who cannot, teach.
Those who cannot teach, administrate.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Trivial matters are handled immediately,
important matters are never solved.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
A simple idea must be worded in the most
complicated way.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
You can't tell how deep a puddle is till
you step in it.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral,
or fattening.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Nobody really cares or understands what
anyone else is doing.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Don't get mad -- get even.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Nothing looks as good close up as it does
from a distance.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
No matter what goes wrong, there is always
someone who knew it would.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
If you don't care where you are, then you aren't lost
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget
the whole thing".
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
You will save yourself a lot of needless worry
if you don't burn bridges until you come to them.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
The client who pays the least complains the most.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
When somebody drops something, everybody will
kick it around instead of picking it up.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept
and hours are lost.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Teamwork is essential: it allows you to blame
someone else.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
It always takes longer to get there than
to get back.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Washing machines only break down during
the wash cycle.
                    -- L. Ares
@
A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
How long a minute is depends on which
side of the bathroom door you are.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
When you dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy signal.
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
To ere is human -- to blame it on
someone else is even more human
                    -- "More Murphy"
@
Remember, a rut is simply a coffin with the
ends knocked out.
                          -- Earl Nightengale
@
When you come down to it, all a man
really owns is his values.   And if you lose
those, you don't have much left.
                          -- Col. Sherman T. Potter
@
In our opinion, these statements present fairly
the financial position of the company.
On the other hand, there is a growing body of opinion
that holds that our opinion isn't worth a damn.
                   -- Froofarfle, Gargoyle, and Snick,
                      Registered Public Accountants
@
The only way to get rid of temptation is to
yield to it.
@
Once a dream is born it lives forever.
@
The young know all the rules;
The old know all the exceptions.
@
Good fences make good neighbours.
                  - Robert Frost
@
You CAN'T go back...
@
Coming together is a beginning, keeping together
is progress, working together is success.
@
Without a worthy follower, a worthy dream vanishes.
                          - Charles Edwards
@
You can't go back.   Ever.   And many times
even the attempt to do so is enough to ruin and
tarnish the original experience beyond redemption...
@
I wish you love to hold when you feel empty,
and a hand to hold when you're afraid.
                          - Flavia
@
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Almost anything...
@
Tender loving care is spoiling them in a good way.
Giving them everything they want is spoiling them
in a bad way.
                     - Donna Saunders,
                       attributed to her grandmother
@
We, the willing, led by the unknowing, are doing
the impossible for the ungrateful.   We have done
so much for so long with so little, we are now
qualified to do anything with nothing.
@
If you perceive that there are four possible
ways in which something can go wrong, and
circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared
for, will promptly develop.
@
Mother nature is a bitch
@
Just when you can see the light at the end of the
tunnel, the roof caves in.
@
In any computer system, the machine will always
misinterpert, misconstrue, misprint, or not
evaluate any math or subroutines or fail to
print any output on at least the first run through.
                          - Pierce's Law
@
When a compiler accepts a program without error
on the first run, the program will not yield
the desired result.
@
In nature, nothing is ever right.   Therefore,
if everything is going right, something is wrong.
@
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
                  - Brook's Law
@
Computing power increases as the square of the cost.
                          - Grosch's Law
@
Variables won't; constants aren't.
                          - Osborn's Law
@
The amount of expertise varies in inverse ratio
to the number of statements understood by the
general public.
                          - Gummidges's Law
@
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to
recan them is to use a larger can. (Old worms
never die, they just worm their way into larger
cans).
         - Zymurgy's First Law as applied to
           Evolving System Dynamics.
@
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions
of temperature, pressure, volume, humidity, and
other variables, the computer will do as it
damn well pleases.
          - Harvard's Law, as applied to Computers
@
It works better if you plug it in.
                  -Sattinger's Law
@
When it rains, it pours.
     -Zymurg's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws
@
Anything that begins well ends badly.
Anything that begins badly ends worse.
                  - Pudder's Law
@
To estimate the time it takes to do a task:
Estimate the time you think it should take,
multiply by two and change the unit of measure
to the next higher unit.   Thus we allocate
two days for a one hour task.
                  - Westheimer's Rule
@
If it looks easy, it's tough;
If it looks tough, it's damn near impossible.
                  - Stockmayer's Theorm
@
No books are lost by lending except those you
particularily wanted to keep.
                  - Atwood's Corollary.
@
If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will
be the issue that contains the article, story or
installmant that you were most anxious to read.
@
If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will
be the issue that contains the article, story or
installmant that you were most anxious to read,
and all of your friends either missed it, lost it,
or threw it out.
@
Whatever you did, that's what you planned.
                  - Featherkile's Rule
@
Any inanimate object, regardless of it's position,
configuration, or purpose, may be expected to perform
at any time in a totally unexpected manner for
reasons that are either entirely obscure or
else completely mysterious.
                  - Flap's Law
@
God uses the good ones, and the bad ones use God.
                          - Joseph Herity
@
To live effectively is to live with adequate information
                          - Norbert Weiner
@
Computer programming as a practical human activity is some
25 years old, a short time for intellectual development.
Yet computer proogramming has already posed the greatest
intellectual challenge that mankind has faced in terms of
pure logic and complexity.
                          - Harlan D. Mills
@
If computers are so fast, why do we spend so
much time waiting aroound the computer center?
@
In 1899, the director of the U. S. Patent office urged
President William McKinley to abolish his department.
According to the Director, everything that could be
invented, had been invented.
@
Knowledge is of two kinds: we know the subject
ourselves, or we know where to find information
upon it.
                          - Samuel Johnson
@
One of the major drawbacks of the collection of
information is the human temptation to use it, and in
some cases, to misuse it.
                          - Unknown
@
The extension of man's intellect by machine, and the
partnership of man and machine in handling information
may well be the technological advance dominating
this century.
                          - Simon Ramo
@
Sooner or later, data base management systems
will be on all computers.
                          - Aaron Zornes
@
Here and elsewhere we shall not obtain the best insight
into things unless we actually see them growing
from the beginning.
                          - Aristotle
@
Desultory studies are erased from the mind as easily
as pencil marks; classified studies are retained like
durable ink.
                          - P. Cooper.
@
Systems analysis is a new wine in an old bottle
                          - Gerald Weinberg
@
Surely we can spend a few minutes before rushing off to
spend our money or write programs.   Isn't that extra
hesitation the essence of design?
                          - Gerald Weinberg
@
Computer programs are 90 percent debugged
fifty percent of the time
@
I firmly believe that the maintainability of a system
is a direct function of how well it was developed
originally; the success of any maintenance effort
is directly related to the management attitudes
surrounding it.
                          - Louis A. Rose
@
A society with a high level of automation must
eventually frame its laws in such a way that
computers can police the actions of other computers.
                          - James Martin
@
More than machinery, we need humanity.
          - Charlie Chaplin, in the film "Modern Times"
@
The present state of things is the consquence of the past.
                          - Samuel Johnson
@
... the greater the power at our disposal the greater
the number of insoluable problems we can solve.
                          - Jacques Stern
@
The biggest single need in computer technology
is not for improved circuitry, or enlarged capacity,
or prolonged memoory, or miniaturized containers, but
for better questions and better use of the answers.
                          - Unknown
@
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
                          - Richard Hammong
@
Computing machines perhaps can do the work of a
dozen ordinary men, but there is no machine that can
do the work of one extrordinary man.
                          - E. B. White
@
Our two greatest problems are gravity and paperwork.
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork
is overwelming.
                          - Werner von Braun
@
Once we are able to have messages dilevered instataneously,
the way we utilize them changes completely.
                          - James White
@
The computer revolution is the most advertised revolution
in world history.   Yet one of the funny things about
it is that we probably still underestimate it's impact.
                          - Hersh Weiner
@
We shape our tools, then they shape us.
                          - Unknown
@
Traveler, there is no path: paths are made by walking
                          - Antonio Machado
@
To err is human, but to REALLY foul things up, it
takes a computer driven by a programmer who only
thinks he knows what he is doing.
                       - Walter Aiello
@
Homicidial maniacs are not allowed to own guns,
So why are drunks allowed to own drivers licenses?
                       - Walter Aiello
@
Some of us take longer to grow up than others...
@
To do is to be -- Socrates
To be is to do -- Aristotle
Do be do be do -- Frank Sinatra

                    -- Courtesy Walter Aiello
@
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake
whose time has come.
                  -- Tussmann's Law:
@
You will never go broke underestimating the intelligence
of the general public.
                             --  P. T. Barnum
@
One can never underestimate the intelligence of the electorate.
                             -- Aiello's Corollary
@
There's a sucker born every minute.
                             --  P. T. Barnum
@
Politicians cannot fool all of the people all the time,
but they can fool a sufficient number all the time.
                                 - Walter G. Aiello
@
  Taxes: a form of extortion employed by governments
         that have grown beyond their own usefulness.
         Thus engorged, they soon bloat into tyranny.
                              - Walter G. Aiello
@
Any given container designed to hold water will leak,
and any given orfice designed to drain water will plug up.
                             - W. G. Aiello
@
Experience is what helps you recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
@
You don't learn less and less. You learn more and more.
Hence you should not call them lessons but rather morons.
                           -- Lewis Carroll
@
Everything you need to make a million dollars is
in the newspapers if you know where to look for it
@
If at first you do succeed,
Try not to look astonished.
                 -- Mrs. Warner, Tofield Jr.-Sr. High School
@
There are only two things to worry about:
 -- either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are sick, there are two things to worry about:
 -- either you will get well, or you will die.
If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are only two things to worry about:
 -- either you will go to heaven or go to hell.
If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking hands
with all your friends you won't have time to worry.
So why worry?
                         -- Anonymous, contributed by E. J. Smolak
@
"How does a new project come to be delayed by a year?
 A day at a time".
                          - IBM Systems Manager
@
How odd of God
To choose the Jews
     - William Norman Ewer
@
How odd of God
To choose the Jews
     - William Norman Ewer
But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God
But spurn the Jews
     - Cecile Browne
@
If people behaved like governments,
you'd call the cops.
                 -- Kelvin Throop
@
Shun advice
at any price -
that's what I call
good advice.
     -- Piet Hein
@
The universe may
be as great as they say.
But it wouldn't be missed
if it didn't exist.
     -- Piet Hein
@
He that lets
the small things bind him
leaves the great
undone behind him
     -- Piet Hein
@
When you're adding up committees
there's a useful rule of thumb;
that talents make a difference,
and follies make a sum.
     -- Piet Hein
@
We shall have to evolve
problem-solvers galore -
since each problem they solve
creates ten problems more.
     -- Piet Hein
@
Love while you've got love to give.
Live while you've got life to live.
     -- Piet Hein
@
Giving in is no defeat.
Passing on is no retreat.
Selves are made to rise above.
You shall live in what you love.
     -- Piet Hein
@
Adultry is the application of democracy to love.
                  -- H. L. Mencken
@
A Judge: A law student who marks his own papers.
@
New assembler commands:   HCF     Halt and Catch Fire
@
New assembler commands:   GFC     Go For Coffee
@
New assembler commands:   SRD     Stop and Rewind Disk
@
New assembler commands:   CRUD    Create Random Unknown
                                  Dataset
@
SEX IS A MISDEMEANER
DE MORE YOU MISS it,
DE MEANER YOU GET.
@
Gray hairs are hereditary.
Your children give them to you.
                  -Herb Freedman
@
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
                 -- Robert Frost
@
Alcoholism is what happens when good liquor
falls into the hands of amateurs.
                          -- Spider Robinson
@
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
          -- Marie Curie
@
No one ever regarded the first of January
with indifference.
          -- Charles Lamb
@
The rule of staying alive as a forecastor
is to give 'em a number or give 'em a date,
but never give them both at once.
          -- Jane Bryant Quinn
@
The greatness of a man can nearly always be
measured by his willingness to be kind.
          -- G. Young
@
A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool
usually has his suspicions.
          -- Wilson Mizner
@
If a child lives with approval, he learns
to like himself.
          -- Dorothy Law Holte
@
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something
          -- Frank Capra
@
Love cures people - both the ones who
give it and the ones who receive it.
          -- Dr. Karl Menninger
@
"Automatic" simply means that you can't
repair it yourself.
          -- Mary H. Waldrip
@
Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world.
It beats money and power and influence.
          -- Henry Chester
@
Example is not the main thing in
influencing others.   It is the only thing.
          -- Albert Schweitzer
@
If God had really intended man to fly,
he would have made it easier to get to the airports.
          -- George Winters
@
Some people regard discipline as a chore.   For me,
it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.
          -- Julie Andrews
@
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only
if he is buying.
          -- Fran Lebowitz
@
Some people stregthen society just by being
the kind of people they are.
          -- John W. Gardner
@
The greatest happiness comes from the greatest activity.
          -- Bovee
@
Nothing is waste that makes a memory.
          -- Ned Rorem
@
I finally know what distinguishes man from the
other beasts: financial worries.
          -- The Journal of Jules Renard
@
For peace of mind, resign as general manager
of the Universe.
                  -- Larry Eisenberg
@
I don't want to achieve immortality through
my work.   I want to achieve immortality
through not dying.
                  -- Woody Allen
@
Never tell people how to do things.   Tell them what
to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity
                  -- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.
@
No one can make you feel inferior without
your consent.
                  -- Eleanor Roosevelt
@
Spring being a tough act to follow,
God created June.
                  -- Al Bernstein
@
Marriage is like vitamins: We supply
each other's minimum daily requirements.
                  -- Kathy Mohnke
@
Take time to deliberate; but when the time for
action arrives, stop thinking and go in.
                  -- Andrew Jackson
@
It may be that the race is not always to the
swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but
that's the way to bet.
                  -- Damon Runyon
@
A dog is a dog except when he is facing you.
Then he is Mr. Dog.
                  -- Haitian Farmer
@
Common sense is instinct.   Enough of it
is genius.
          --George Bernard Shaw
@
Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a
needle and discovering the farmer's daughter.
                  -- Julius H. Comroe
@
Don't be afraid to take a big step.   You
can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
                          -- David Lloyd George
@
Probably nothing in the world arouses more
false hopes than the first four hours of a diet.
                          -- Dan Bennett
@
I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be
dangerous to offer me the position.
                  -- Mark Twain
@
I use not only all the brains I have,
but all that I can borrow.
                  -- Woodrow Wilson
@
Be yourself.   Who else is better qualified?
                  -- Frank J Giblin II
@
Kids are always the only future the
human race has.
                  -- William Saroyan
@
Isn't it strange?   The same people who
laugh at fortunetellers take economists seriously.
          -- quoted in Cincinnati Enquirer
@
I owe all my success in life to having always
been a quarter of an hour beforehand.
                  -- Horatio Nelson
@
Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing
and is a pleasant thing to do.
                  -- H. W. Shaw
@
Be happy.   It is a way of being wise.
                  -- Colette
@
There's a little cowboy in all of us,
a little frontier.
                  -- Louis L'Amour
@
Get well cards have become so humorous that
if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
                  -- Earl Wilson
@
The saints are the sinners who keep on trying.
                          -- Stevenson
@
Anybody who profits from the experience of
others probably writes biographies.
                  -- Franklin P. Jones
@
Frustration is not having anyone to
blame but yourself.
                  -- Bits and Pieces
@
A conference is just an admission that you want
somebody to join you in your troubles.
                          -- Will Rogers
@
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
                  -- Golda Meir
@
God gave us our memories so that we
might have roses in December.
                  -- James M. Barrie
@
If you think no one cares if you are alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
                  -- Earl Wilson
@
Let everyone sweep in front of his own door,
and the whole world will be clean.
                  -- Goethe
@
A painting in a museum probably hears more
foolish remarks than anything else in the world.
                  -- Edmund and Jules Goncourt
@
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the U. S.
The only thing is, I could be just as proud
for half the money.
                  --Arthur Godfrey
@

No one listens to an angry man.
@
Live always, my friend, as it there is
world enough and time.
                  -- Executive Health Repoort
@
If only God would give me a clear sign.   Like
making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
                          -- Woody Allen
@
Every adult needs a child to teach; it's the
way adults learn.
                          -- Frank A. Clark
@
The hours that make us happy make us wise.
                          -- John Masefield
@
Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.
                  -- A. A. Latimer
@
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from
the human face.
                          -- Victor Hugo
@
The man who insists upon seeing the perfect clearness
before he decides, never decides.
                          -- Henri Fredric Amiel
@
The closest to perfection a person ever comes
is when he fills out a job application form.
                          -- Stanley J. Randell
@
By appreciation, we make excellance in others
our own property.
                          -- Voltaire
@
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that
one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
                          -- A. A. Milne
@
It is not doing the thing that we like to do, but
liking the thing that we have to do that makes the blessed.
                          -- Goethe
@
When I was younger, I could rremember anything,
whether it had happened or not.
                          -- Mark Twain
@
School is a building that has four walls --
wwith tomorrow inside.
                          -- Lon Watters
@
How beautiful a day can be when kindness
touches it.
                          -- George Elliston
@
The only nice thing about being imperfect is the
joy it brings in others.
                          -- Doug Larson
@
The nicest thing about a promise of spring is that
sooner or later she'll have to keep it.
                                  -- Mark Beltaire
@
I believe that genius is an infinite capacity
for taking life by the scruff of the neck
                          -- Christopher Quill
@
In the long run the pessimist may be proven
right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
                          -- Daniel L. Reardon
@
If you want children to improve, let them
hear the nice things you say about them to others.
                          -- Dr. Haim Ginott
@
The great end of life is not knowldge but action.
                          -- Thomas Henry Huxley
@
One of the most difficult things to give away
is kindness -- it is usually returned.
                          -- Cort R. Flint
@
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
                  -- The Globe and Mail
@
If you are patient in one moment of anger
you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
                          -- Chinese Proverb
@
Age is a high price to pay for maturity
                          -- Tom Stoppard
@
I am a great believer in luck, and I find
the harder I work, the more I have of it
                          -- Stephen Leacock
@
Show me a man who is a good loser, and I'll
show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
                          -- Nebraska Smoke-Eater
@
You can't turn back the clock.   But you
can wind it up again.
                          -- Bonnie Pruden
@
If you would know strength and patience,
welcome the company of trees.
                          -- Hal Borland.
@
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.
                          -- Mark van Doren
@
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
                          -- Mae West
@
If you're never scared or embarassed or hurt,
it means you never take any chances.
                          -- Julia Soorel
@
Originality is the art of concealing your source.
                          -- Franklin P. Jones
@
Plan ahead -- it wasn't raining when Noah
built the ark.
                  -- General Features Corporation
@
On the whole, human beings want to be good, but
not too good, and not quite all the time.
                          -- George Orwell
@
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't
want to be there when it happens.
                  -- Woodie Allen
@
In matters of principle, stand like a rock;
in matters of taste, swim with the current.
                          -- Thomas Jefferson
@
If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him
simply, 'You are wrong'.   This method works every time.
                          -- Henry C. Link
@
Success is a journey, not a destination.
                          -- Ben Sweetland
@
Universal Peace sounds ridiculous to the
head of an average family.
                          -- Kin Hubbard
@
Nothing worse could happen to one than
to be completely understood.
                          -- Carl Jung
@
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perserverence,
and to turn around three times beffore lying down.
                          -- Robert Benchley
@
The Executive exists to make sensible exceptions
to every rule.
                          -- Elting E. Morison
@
Great ideas need landing gear as well as wings.
                          -- C. D. Jackson
@
Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.
Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example,
a parent ages 20 years.
                          -- Changing Times
@
I like the silent church before the service
begins better than any service.
                          -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
@
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere
                          -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
@
In the pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies
in knowing when you have caught up.
                         -- R. H. Grenville.
@
Some people think it's holding on that makes one
strong.   Sometimes it's letting go.
                          -- Sylvia Robinson
@
A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.
                          -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
@
To be idle requires a strong sense of personal identity.
                          -- Robert Louis Stevenson
@
Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us
for growing old.
                          -- Mary H. Waldrip
@
Exhilaration is that great feeling that you get
just after a great idea hits you, and just before
you realize what's wrong with it.
                          -- Unknown
@
Employment is nature's physician, and
is essential to human happiness.
                          -- Galen
@
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
                          -- Brian Tracy
@
"People are going to die anyway, so what's the difference if
 they die younger. ...there's a lot of social savings.  You
 don't have to pay pensions and old-age security."
      -Tobacco farmer in response to a question concerning
       government involvement in setting up a marketing agency
       to promote a product that is dangerous to health.
                          -- Globe and Mail, 10 Dec 85
@
Which way did they go?
How many of them were there?
How fast were they going?
I must find them -- I am their leader...
                       -- Ed Smolak
@
We, the willing, led by the unknown, are
doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
We have done so much for so long with so little
we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
@
Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
                              -- Allen Supynuk
@
It is better to aim at perfection and miss than
to aim at imperfection and hit it.
                  -- T. J. Watson, Sr.
@
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end,
they wouldn't reach a conclusion.
                                  -- Lewis Carroll
@
This book, praised by those who cannot speak, has been
written by one who cannot write, for those who cannot read.
                                  -- "Rich and Famous"
@
If you never say anything, you won't be called
upon to repeat it.
                          -  Woodrow Wilson
@
Famous Fibs: - The cheque is in the mail
@
Famous Fibs: - I'll start my diet tomorrow
@
Famous Fibs: - We service what we sell
@
Famous Fibs: - Money cherfully refunded
@
Famous Fibs: - One size fits all
@
Famous Fibs: - This offer limited to the first
               100 people who call in
@
Famous Fibs: - Leave your resume and we'll keep it on file
@
Famous Fibs: - This hurts me more than it hurts you
@
Famous Fibs: - I just need five minutes of your time
@
Famous Fibs: - Your table will be ready in a few minutes
@
Famous Fibs: - Of course I'll respect you in the morning
@
Every computer should be equiped with a
required peripheral device -- a programmer
                     -- Tom Held
@
Those who live by the crystal ball must be
prepared to eat crushed glass.
                  -- Larry Long
@
Age is a matter of the mind.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
                       -- Anon
@
"Nothing is as inevitable as a misteak
whose time has come."
            -- Aiello's Corollary to Tussman's Law
@
 New programming command:  AAC     Alter All Commands
@
 New programming command:  AAR     Alter at Random
@
 New programming command:  AB      Add Backwards
@
 New programming command:  AFVC    Add Finagle's Variable Constant
@
 New programming command:  AWTT    Assemble with Tinker Toys
@
 New programming command:  BAC     Branch to Alpha Centauri
@
 New programming command:  BAF     Blow all Fuses
@
 New programming command:  BAFL    Branch and Flush
@
 New programming command:  BBIL
                         Branch on Burned-Out Indicator Light
@
 New programming command:  BBT     Branch on Binary Tree
@
 New programming command:  BBW     Branch Both Ways
@
 New programming command:  BCIL    Branch Creating Infinite Loop
@
 New programming command:  BDC     Break Down and Cry
@
 New programming command:  BDT     Burn Data Tree
@
 New programming command:  BEW     Branch Either Way
@
 New programming command:  BF      Belch Fire
@
 New programming command:  BH      Branch and Hang
@
 New programming command:  BMR     Branch Multiple Registers
@
 New programming command:  BOB     Branch on Bug
@
 New programming command:  BOD     Beat on the Disk
@
 New programming command:  BOI     Byte Operator Immediately
@
 New programming command:  BST     Backspace and Stretch Tape
@
 New programming command:  BW      Branch on Whim
@
 New programming command:  CDC     Close Disk Cover
@
 New programming command:  CEMU
    Close Eyes and Monkey With User Space
@
 New programming command:  CH      Create Havoc
@
 New programming command:  CLBR    Clobber Register
@
 New programming command:  CLBRI   Clobber Register Immediately
@
 New programming command:  CM      Circulate Memory
@
 New programming command:  CMD     Compare Meaningless Data
@
 New programming command:  CML     Compute Meaning of Life
@
 New programming command:  CNB     Cause Nervous Breakdown
@
 New programming command:  COLB
                        Crash for Operator's Lunch Break
@
 New programming command:  CPPR
                        Crumple Printer Paper and Rip
@
 New programming command:  CRASH
                        Continue Running After Stop or Halt
@
 New programming command:  CRB     Crash and Burn
@
 New programming command:  CRN     Convert to Roman Numerals
@
 New programming command:  CS      Crash System
@
 New programming command:  CSL     Curse and Swear Loudly
@
 New programming command:  CVG     Convert to Garbage
@
 New programming command:  CWOM
                                 Complement Write-only Memory
@
 New programming command:  DBZ   Divide by Zero
@
 New programming command:  DAC   Divide and Conquer
@
 New programming command:  DDC   Dally During Calculations
@
 New programming command:  DLN   Don't Look Now...
@
 New programming command:  DWMNWS
      Do What I Mean, Not What I Say
@
 New programming command:  DMPK    Destroy Memory Protect Key
@
 New programming command:  DO      Divide and Overflow
@
 New programming command:  DPMI
      Declare Programmer Mentally Incompetent
@
 New programming command:  DPR     Destroy Program
@
 New programming command:  DTC     Destroy This Command
@
 New programming command:  DTVFL
       Destroy Third Variable From Left
@
 New programming command:  EBB     Edit and Blank Buffer
@
 New programming command:  ECO
       Electrocute Computer Operator
@
 New programming command:  EFD
       Emulate Frisbee Using Disk Pack
@
 New programming command:  EIAO    Execute In Any Order
@
 New programming command:  EIOC    Execute Invalid Op-code
@
 New programming command:  ENF     Emit Noxious Fumes
@
 New programming command:  EP      Execute Programmer
@
 New programming command:  EPI
     Execute Programmer Immediately
@
 New programming command:  EROS    Erase Read-only Storage
@
 New programming command:  EXOP    Execute Operator
@
 New programming command:  FLI     Flash Lights Impressively
@
 New programming command:  FSM     Fold, Spindle and Mutilate
@
 New programming command:  FSRA    Forms Skip and Run Away
@
 New programming command:  GDP
     Grin Defiantly at Programmer
@
 New programming command:  GFD     Go Forth and Divide
@
 New programming command:  GFM     Go Forth and Multiply
@
 New programming command:  HCF     Halt and Catch Fire
@
 New programming command:  HCP     Hide Central Processor
@
 New programming command:  IAE     Ignore All Exceptions
@
 New programming command:  IBP     Insert Bug and Proceed
@
 New programming command:  IIB     Ignore Inquiry and Branch
@
 New programming command:  ISC     Insert Sarcastic Comments
@
 New programming command:  JTZ     Jump to Twilight Zone
@
 New programming command:  LAP     Laugh At Programmer
@
 New programming command:  LCC     Load and Clear Core
@
 New programming command:  LPA     Lead Programmer Astray
@
 New programming command:  MAZ     Multiply Answer by Zero
@
 New programming command:  MLR     Move and Lose Record
@
 New programming command:  MW      Malfunction Whenever
@
 New programming command:  MWAG    Make Wild-Assed Guess
@
 New programming command:  MWT
     Malfunction Without Telling
@
 New programming command:  OML     Obey Murphy's Laws
@
 New programming command:  P$*!    Punch Obscenity
@
 New programming command:  PBC     Print and Break Chain
@
 New programming command:  PD      Play Dead
@
 New programming command:  PEHC    Punch Extra Holes in Cards
@
 New programming command:  PNRP
    Print Nasty Replies to Programmer
@
 New programming command:  POCL    Punch Out Console Lights
@
 New programming command:  PVLC    Punch Variable Length Card
@
 New programming command:  RA      Randomize Answer
@
 New programming command:  RASC    Read and Shred Card
@
 New programming command:  RCB     Read Command Backwards
@
 New programming command:  RD      Reverse Directions
@
 New programming command:  RDA     Refuse to Disclose Answer
@
 New programming command:  RDB     Run Disk Backwards
@
 New programming command:  RDS     Read Sideways
@
 New programming command:  RIRG    Read Inter-record Gap
@
 New programming command:  RLI     Rotate Left Indefinitely
@
 New programming command:  ROC     Randomize Op Codes
@
 New programming command:  ROO     Rub Out Operator
@
 New programming command:  RPB     Read Print and Blush
@
 New programming command:  RPM     Read Programmer's Mind
@
 New programming command:  RSD On  Read Error Self-Destruct
@
 New programming command:  RSTOM
   Read From Store-only Memory
@
 New programming command:  RWCR    Rewind Card Reader
@
 New programming command:  SAI     Skip All Instructions
@
 New programming command:  SAS     Sit And Spin
@
 New programming command:  SCCA
    Short Circuit on Correct Answer
@
 New programming command:  SFH
     Set Flags to Half-mast
@
 New programming command:  SFT     Stall For Time
@
 New programming command:  SHAB    Shift a Bit
@
 New programming command:  SHABM   Shift a Bit More
@
 New programming command:  SLP     Sharpen Light Pen
@
 New programming command:  SMR     Skip on Meaningless Result
@
 New programming command:  SOS     Sign off, Stupid
@
 New programming command:  SPS     Set Panel Switches
@
 New programming command:  SPSW
    Scramble Program Status Word
@
 New programming command:  SRDR
    Shift Right Double Ridiculous
@
 New programming command:  SRSD    Seek Record and Scar Disk
@
 New programming command:  SRZ     Subtract and Reset to Zero
@
 New programming command:  SSJ     Select Stacker and Jam
@
 New programming command:  STA     Store Anywhere
@
 New programming command:  STROM   Store in Read-only Memory
@
 New programming command:  TDB     Transfer and Drop Bits
@
 New programming command:  TLO     Turn Indicator Lights Off
@
 New programming command:  TN      Take a Nap
@
 New programming command:  TPF     Turn Power Off
@
 New programming command:  TPN     Turn Power On
@
 New programming command:  TTA     Try, Try Again
@
 New programming command:  UCB     Uncouple CPU and Branch
@
 New programming command:  UER     Update and Erase Record
@
 New programming command:  ULDA    Unload Accumulator
@
 New programming command:  UP      Understand Program
@
 New programming command:  WBT     Water Binary Tree
@
 New programming command:  WEMG    Write Eighteen Minute Gap
@
 New programming command:  WF      Wait Forever
@
 New programming command:  WI      Write Illegibly
@
 New programming command:  WPM     Write Programmer's Mind
@
 New programming command:  WWLR    Write Wrong-Length Record
@
 New programming command:  WSWW
    Work in Strange and Wondrous Ways
@
 New programming command:  XSP     Execute Systems Programmer
@
 New programming command:  ZAR     Zero Any Register
@
One day soon someone will appoint a committee
to designate a task force to assemble a working
group to pick a new name for a committee.
                      -- APEGGA Newsletter, Feb 86
@
There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action.
                                -- Goethe
@
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.
                                -- J.K. Galbraith
@
If the only tool you have is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
                         -- Abraham Masloww
@
A bargain is usually something so reasonable,
they won't take it back when you find out what's wrong with it.
@
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
@
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
@
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
@
A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
@
A conference is the confusion of one man multiplied
by the number present.
@
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything,
and the value of nothing.
                          --Oscar Wilde
@
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
@
A diet is what helps a person gain weight more slowly.
@
A diplomat is a man who says you have an open mind,
instead of telling you that you have a hole in the head.
@
A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
@
A gentleman today is a man who holds the door open for his wife,
while she carries in the grocery bags.
@
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl
doesn't lose her confidence.
@
A halo has only to fall a few centimeters to become a noose.
@
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
@
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
@
A man always has two reasons for doing anything:
a good reason and the real reason!?
@
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
@
A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well
than a fool can from a mountain top.
@
Ahhhhhhhh, I forget what I was going to say.
@
All mankind is divided into three classes:
those that are immovable, those that are movable,
and those that move.
@
An archaeologist is a man whose career lies in ruins.
@
An economist is a person who talks about something he doesn't
understand, and makes you believe that you're ignorant.
@
An envious man is a squinty-eyed fool.
                           --H.G. Bohn
@
An executive is a man who can make quick decisions
that are right sometimes.
@
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less
until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
@
An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
@
Ancient Chinese Curse:  May all your wishes be granted.
@
Ancient Chinese Curse:  May you live in interesting times.
@
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
@
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
                       --George Bernard Shaw
@
Alinsky's Rule for Radicals:
Those who are the most moral are the farthest from the problem.
@
Barking dogs never bite ... while barking.
@
Basic research is what I'm doing, when I don't know what I'm doing.
                                     --Werner von Braun
@
Be alert ... we need all the lerts we can get.
@
Be nice to people on your way up, because
you'll meet them on your way down.
@
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
@
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
@
Behind an able man there are always other able men.
                         --Chinese Proverb
@
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
@
Believe you are defeated, believe it long enough,
and it is likely to become a fact.
                          --Norman Vincent Peale
@
Bentley's observation: There's nothing wrong that a
total rewrite wouldn't fix.
@
Better to put off today what you can do next week.
@
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
                         --Mae West
@
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
                         --Thoreau
@
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
                         --Leonard Brandwein
@
Boren's Law:  When in doubt, mumble.
@
Brook's Law:  Adding manpower to a late software project
makes it later.
@
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
@
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish
to demonstrate something, the number of faults encountered
is proportional to the number of viewers.
@
Ballance's Law of Relativity: How long a minute is depends
on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
@
CAR SICKNESS: The feeling you get every month
when the payment is due.
@
Carelessly planned projects take three times
longer to complete than expected; carefully planned
projects only twice as long.
@
Cheops' Law:  Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
@
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1: If you explain so clearly
that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
@
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2: If you do something which
you are sure will meet with everyone's approval,
somebody won't like it.
@
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 3: Procedures designed
to implement the purpose won't quite work.
@
Christmas Shoppers:  People with the spirit of brotherly shove.
@
Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable from magic.
@
Clean mind, clean body:  take your pick.
@
COMEDIAN:  A person who has a good memory for old jokes.
@
Conversation enriches the understanding,
but solitude is the school of genius.
@
Corollary to Pfeifer's Principle:
No one keeps a record of decisions you could have
made but didn't. Everyone keeps a record of your bad ones.
@
Courage is your greatest present need.
@
Crane's Law:  There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
@
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
@
Crittendon's 14th application of Murphy's First Law:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which
side of the bread to butter.
@
Cohen's Second Law: People are divided into two groups,
the righteous and the unrighteous.
       -- and the righteous do the dividing
@
Definition of a Pessimist: A man who thinks everybody
is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
@
Definition of a school bus driver:  a man who thought
he liked children.
@
Dingle's Law: When somebody drops something,
everybody will kick it around instead of picking it up.
@
Discontent is the penalty we pay for being
race horses instead of cows.
@
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
@
DOGHOUSE:  a Mutt hut
@
Don's Axiom:  When all else
fails, read the instructions.
@
Don't take the wrong side of an argument
just because your opponent has taken the right side.
                         --Gracian
@
Drizzle:  A drip going steady
@
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at
the least opportune moment.
@
Dunlap's Laws of Physics:
   1. Fact is solidified opinion.
   2. Facts may weaken under extreme heat and pressure.
   3. Truth is elastic.
@
Drew's Law of Highway Biology: The first bug
to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
@
E.T. phone home -- 403/922-4684
@
"Easy to use" is easy to say.
                         --Jeff Garbers
@
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.
@
Education is a progressive discovery of our ignorance.
@
EGO:  The only thing that can keep on growing without nourishment.
@
EGOTIST:  Someone who suffers from I strain.
@
Etorre's Observation:  The other line moves faster.
@
Evans' and Bjorn's Law: No matter what goes wrong,
there is always somebody who knew it would.
@
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
@
Every disadvantage has its advantage.
@
Every successful man I have heard of has done
the best he could with conditions as he found them,
and not waited until next year for better.
                        --E.W. Howe
@
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
@
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
@
Experience:  The name that men give to their mistakes.
@
Experiments should be reproducible:  they should all
fail in the same way.
@
Emerson's Observation: In every work of genius we recognize
our rejected thoughts.
@
Farnsdick's Corollary to the fifth Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse,
the cycle will repeat itself.
@
Ferguson's Precept: A crisis is when you can't say
"forget the whole thing".
@
Finagle's Creed:  Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
@
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works,
something has gone wrong.
@
Finagle's Second Law: Always keep a record of data ...
it indicates you've been working.
@
Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything
done to improve it makes it worse.
@
First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give
the advice that is desired.
@
First Law of Repair:  You can't fix it if it ain't broke.
@
First Rule of Intelligent Tinkering:  Save all the parts.
@
First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don't let your
superiors know you're better than they are
@
For the man sound in body and serene of mind,
there is no such thing as bad weather.
                         --Geor
@
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
@
Teamwork is essential ... it allows you to put
the blame on someone else.
@
Gardener:  One who thinks that what goes down must come up.
@
Gattuso's Extension of Murphy's Law: Nothing is ever
so bad that it can't get worse.
@
Ginsberg's Theorems: 1) You can't win. 2) You can't
break even. 3) You can't even quit the game.
@
Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret of success
is sincerity. Once you can fake
that you've got it made.
@
Gold is tried by fire, brave men by adversity.
                         --Seneca
@
Gossip:  Letting the chat out of the bag.
@
Gravity doesn't exist:  the earth sucks.
@
Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible
if you don't know what you're talking about.
@
Greer's Third Law: A computer program does what
you tell it to do, not what you
want it to do.
@
Gualtieri's Law of Inertia:  Where there's a will, there's a won't.
@
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything
happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
@
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
@
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
@
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
@
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
@
He who laughs last laughs best...
@
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
@
Hellrung's Law:  If you wait, it will go away.
@
Hellrung's Law:  If you wait, it will go away.
Shavelson's Extension:    ... having done it's damage.
@
Hellrung's Law:  If you wait, it will go away.
Shavelson's Extension:    ... having done it's damage.
Grelb's Addition:   If it was bad, it will be back.
@
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words
and his drop of reason.
@
Hlade's Law: If you have a difficult task,
give it to a lazy man he will find an easier way to do it.
@
Hoare's Law of Large Problems: Inside every large
problem is a small one struggling to get out.
@
Hofstadter's Law: The time and effort required
to complete a project are always more than you expect,
even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
@
Horngren's Observation: Among economists,
the real world is often a special case.
@
Hot Line:  A telephone in a house with a teenager.
@
How you look depends on where you go
@
Herblock's Law:  If it's good, they discontinue it.
@
Hertzberg's First Law of Wing Walking: Never let go
of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
@
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget,"
is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive".
                       --Henry Ward Beecher
@
I did it!  I found this program's last bug  bug     bug
        bug           bug
              bug                 bug                    bug...
@
I don't know, ask Dave.
@
I like work.  It fascinates me!  I can sit and look at it for hours.
@
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
@
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
@
If children did not ask questions, they would
never learn how little adults know.
@
If computers take oover
(which seems to be their natural tendency),
it will serve us right.
                       --Alistair Cooke
@
If some people lived up to their ideals, they would be stooping.
@
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
Quit work and play for once.
@
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
@
If you really want to lose weight, there are only
three things you must give up:   Breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
@
If you wish to succeed, consult
three old people.
@
If you're early, it'll be cancelled.
If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will have to wait.
If you're late, you will be too late.
@
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
@
In order for something to become clean,
something else must become dirty ...but you can get everything
dirty without getting anything clean.
@
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
@
Insanity is hereditary:  You get it from your children.
                                 Erma Bombeck
@
Internal consistency is more highly valued than  efficency
@
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
@
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
@
Isaac Newton gave the world the principle of gravity,
Einstein the theory of relativity.
And then there was Murphy...
@
Jenkinson's Law:  It won't work.
@
Jones' Motto:  Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
@
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition
doesn't mean he knows what it is.
@
Keep the kettle boiling ... if you are going to be
in hot water, it may as well be your own.
@
Kitman's Law:  Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
@
Knowledge is the process of piling up facts,
wisdom lies in their simplification.
                       --Martin H. Fisher
@
Kierkegaard's Observation: Life can only be understood
backward, but it must be lived forward.
@
Langsam's Laws:
     1. Everything depends.
     2. Nothing is always.
     3. Everything is sometimes.
@
Law of class scheduling: Class schedules are designed
so that every student will waste the maximum time
between classes.
@
Law of Communications: The result of improved and
enlarged communications is a vastly increased area
of misunderstanding.
@
Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed.
@
Learn as little as possible: The more you know,
the more you have to know... (and the more you
will be held responsible for).
@
Leo Beiser's First Computer Axiom: When putting it
into memory, remember where you put it.
@
Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
@
Love is sentimental measles.
@
Lynch's Law:  When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
@
Laws of Gardening:
1.  Other people's tools work only in their gardens.
2.  Fancy gizmos don't work.
3.  If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
4.  You get the most of what you need the least.
@
MacDonald's Second Law: Consultants are mystical people who
ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.
@
Make it possible for programmers to write programs
in English, and you will find that programmers cannot
write in English.
@
Make new friends but keep the old ones:
one is silver and the other's gold.
@
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
@
Maryann's Law:  You can always find what you're not looking for.
@
Matilda's Law of Sub-committee Formation:
If you leave the room, you're elected.
@
Matz's Maxim: A conclusion is the place where
you got tired of thinking.
@
Matz's Rule Regarding Medications: A drug is that
substance which, when injected into a rat,
will produce a scientific report.
@
Mayo's first observation: The person who creates
it is forgotten; The person who fixes it is immortalized.
@
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a
miracle to get you out of Casa Blanca.
@
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to success.
@
Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea
can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented,
it wasn't worth doing.
@
Muench's Law: Nothing improves an innovation like lack of controls.
@
Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
@
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot
go wrong, it will anyway.
@
Murphy's First Law:  Nothing is as easy as it looks.
@
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of
several things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
@
Murphy's Law:  If anything can go wrong, it will
@
Murphy's Second Law:  Everything takes longer than you think.
@
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend
to go from bad to worse.
@
Murphy's Third Law: Anything that can go wrong will
go wrong, and at the worst possible time.
@
Miles' Law:  Where you stand depends on where you sit.
@
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:  Things get worse under pressure.
@
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
@
Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water.
@
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
@
Never say you know a man until you have divided
an inheritance with him.
@
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
@
Never under-estimate the power of human stupidity.
@
No experiment is ever a complete failure:
it can always serve as a bad example.
@
No man is free who cannot command himself.
                         --Pythagoras
@
No man really becomes a fool until he
stops asking questions.
             --Charles P. Steinmetz
@
No matter how much you nurse a grudge, it won't get better.
@
Nobody is sicker than the man who is sick on his day off.
                         --Bill Vaughan
@
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss
do something you assured him couldn't be done.
@
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws:  Murphy was an optimist.
@
Of two evils, choose neither!
                   --Charles H. Spurgeon
@
Often statistics are used as a drunken man
uses lampposts: for support rather than illumination.
@
Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more
time you have to catch up.
@
Old men are fond of giving good advice to console
themselves for their inability to give good examples.
@
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
@
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles
back at the rear of an elephant.
@
Opening night:  the night before the play is ready to open.
@
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
@
Osborn's Law:  Variables won't; constants aren't.
@
Ours is a world where people don't know what
they want and are willing to go through hell to get it
@
Olivier's Law: Experience is something you don't get
until just after you need it.
@
Paratrooper:  An army drop-out
@
Parkinson's First Law: Work expands to fill the
time available for its completion.
@
Parkinson's Second Law:  Expenditures rise to meet income.
@
Peacock:  A chicken in full bloom
@
Pedestrian: A man who depended on his wife to put gas in the car.
@
People are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are.
@
People who have no faults are terrible;
there is no way of taking advantage of them.
@
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
@
Problems that go away by themselves,
usually come back by themselves.
@
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
@
Pardo:  Anything good in life is either illegal,
immoral, or fattening.
@
Q's Law: No matter what stage of completion one reaches
in a project, the cost of the remainder of the
project remains constant.
@
Rawhide:  Something you have after a hard spanking.
@
Ray's Rule for Precision:
     --Measure with a micrometer.
     --Mark with chalk.
     --Cut with an axe.
@
Replaceable you must be, or you will never be promoted!
@
Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
@
Rhubarb:  Celery with high blood pressure.
@
Rominger's First Rule for Students: The more general
the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.
@
Rominger's Second Rule for Students: The more specific
the title of a course, the less you will be able to
apply it later.
@
Sattinger's Law:  It works better if you plug it in.
@
School Board:  The Principal's Paddle
@
Schroeder's Law:  Indecision is the basis for flexibility.
@
Sevareid's Law:  The chief cause of problems is solutions.
@
Shanahan's Law: The length of a meeting rises
with the square of the number of people present.
@
Shick's Law:  There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
@
Silverman's Paradox:  If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
@
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
@
Skip's Lament: Given any problem containing N equations,
there will be N+1 unknowns.
@
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
@
Sneeze:  The explosion of a tickle.
@
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
@
Some people are confident they could move mountains
if only somebody would just clear the foothills out of the way.
@
Some people grow with responsibility ... others just swell.
@
Sometimes I just sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
@
Spencer's Laws of Data:
     1. Anyone can make adecision given enough facts.
     2. A good manager can make a decision without enough facts.
     3. A perfect manager can operate in perfect ignorance.
@
Standing on head makes smile of frown,
but rest of face also upside down.
@
Statistics are like bikinis: What they reveal is suggestive,
what they conceal is vital.
@
Steinbach's Guideline for Programmers: Never test
for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
@
Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get
forgiveness than permission.
@
Sweer's Impossibility Theorem: Nothing can be both
completely general and internally consistent at the same time.
@
Simon's Law of Destiny:  Glory may be fleeting,
but obscurity is forever.
@
Skoff's Law:  A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
@
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
because the average man can see better than he can think.
@
The best prophet of the future is the past.
@
The best way to forget your own problems is to
help others solve theirs.
@
The bottleneck is always at the top
@
The DREA Law: Under the most rigorously controlled conditions,
the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.
@
The easiest way to get into trouble is to be right,
at the wrong time!
@
The extended Murphy's Law: If a series of events can
go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
@
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth
and sharpen my tongue.
@
The Fourth Law of Computing: On a slow day, you can wait forever.
@
The greatest programming project of all took
six days; on the seventh day the programmer rested.
We've been trying to debug the !@#$%&* thing ever since.
Moral:  design before you implement.
@
The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law):
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
@
The measure of a man's real character, is what he would do,
if he knew he would never be found out.
@
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
@
The number one problem in our country is apathy ... But who cares!
@
The Peter Principle: In every hierarchy, each employee
tends to rise to his level of incompetence; thus in time, every
post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute
its duties.
@
The plural of spouse is spice.
              --Edgar Pangborn
@
The price of greatness is responsibility.
                       --Winston S. Churchill
@
THE PROGRAMMERS' CHEER:
SHIFT TO THE LEFT, SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
@
The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line,
the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
@
The reason why men who mind their own business succeed
is because they have so little competition.
@
The Ruler Rule:  There is no such thing as a straight line.
@
THE SHADOW KNOWS!
@
The six steps in a project:
      1) Unbounded enthusiasm
      2) Total disillusionment
      3) PANIC!!!
      4) Frantic search for the guilty
      5) Punishment of the innocent
      6) Promotion of the uninvolved.
@
The surest way to establish your credit is to work
yourself into the position of not needing any.
@
The universe is laughing behind your back.
@
The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional
to its attendance.
@
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
@
The wheel that squeaks the loudest, is the first to be replaced.
@
Theory of Selective Supervision: The one time in the day
that you lean back and relax, is the one time
the boss walks through the office.
@
There are two kinds of adhesive tape:  that which won't stay on,
and that which won't come off.
@
There is always an easy solution to every human problem:
neat, plausible, and wrong.
                        --H.L. Mencken
@
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
@
There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
@
There's few things as uncommon as common sense.
                                  --Kin Hubbard
@
They serve a balanced diet in the Army
    ...every bean weighs the same.
@
Think twice before you speak, and you may say something
even more aggravating.
@
Third Law of Advice:  Simple advice is the best advice.
@
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
@
This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
@
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying
those of us who do.
@
Three of the most difficult things in life are
to keep a secret, forget an injury,
and make good use of leisure time.
@
Three Rules for new Army recruits:
     1. If it moves, salute it
     2. If it doesn't move, pick it up
     3. If it's too big to pick up, paint it
@
To be agreeable when we disagree is a goal most of us
have to keep working at.
                           --Eugene P. Bertin
@
To be conscious that you are ignorant is a
great step to knowledge.
                     --Benjamin Disraeli
@
To do is to be - Nietzsche
To be is to do - Sartre
Do be do be do - Sinatra
@
To err is human...
but when the eraser wears out before the pencil does,
you're overdoing it.
@
To err is human...
to blame it on the other guy is even more human.
@
To err is human...
to really foul things up requires a computer.
@
To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
@
Too many people miss the silver lining because
they're expecting gold.
@
True happiness will be found only in true love.
@
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
@
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
@
Two wrongs do not make a right.  It usually takes three or more!
@
Unless we are willing to help a person overcome his faults,
there is little value in pointing them out.
                            --Robert J. Hastings
@
"User-friendly"? I've heard so much about it!
@
Very important phone calls only come when you can't
get the key in the door.
@
Waffle:  A pancake with a non-skid surface.
@
We all know a fool when we see one ... but not when we are one.
@
We promise according to our hopes, and perform
according to our fears.
@
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the
man who doesn't have to do it himself.
@
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule:
Estimate the time you think it should take,
multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of measure
to the next higher unit.
@
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a
writer is working when he's staring out the window.
@
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
@
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing
more than man's transparency.
@
What's the most popular form of birth control?  The headache.
@
When adults act like children, they're silly.
When children act like adults, they are delinquent.
@
When in darkness or in doubt:  Run in circles, scream and shout.
@
When it comes to eating, you can help yourself more by
helping yoursself less.
@
When someone says, "I do not wish to appear critical,"
it means he is going to let you have it.
@
When two men in a business always agree,
one of them is unnecessary.
                     --William Wrigley, Jr
@
When we are flat on our backs, there is no way to look but up.
@
When working toward the solution of a problem
it always helps if you know the answer.
@
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
@
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
@
Why is it that every time you start to make ends meet
somebody comes along and moves the ends?
@
Winger's Rule: If it sits on your desk for 15 minutes,
you've just become the expert.
@
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
@
Wolfgang's Third Law:  It can't work.
@
Words must be weighed, not counted.
@
Wynne's Law:  Negative slack tends to increase.
@
Weiner's Law of Libraries:  There are no answers,
only cross-references.
@
You are standing on my toes.
@
You are the only person to ever get this message.
@
You are what you think...
@
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get
him to float on his back you've got something.
@
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
@
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
@
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
@
You cannot teach a man anything:  You can only help
him to find it within himself.
                               --Galileo
@
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
@
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
@
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth
@
You have been selected for a secret mission.
@
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
@
Your desk is nothing but a wastebasket with drawers.
@
Your mind understands what you have been taught;
your heart, what is true.
@
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
@
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
@
Zymurgy's Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws:
         When it rains it pours.
@
The goal of Computing Science is to build something
that will last at least until we've finished building it.
                                 -- David Oster
@
"Is your brain as good as your baud"?
                      -- Computer Button
@
If I am to live, then something else must die.
                        -- Cole's Law
@
I claim not to have controlled events,
but confess plainly that events have controlled me.
                        -- Abraham Lincoln
@
It is bad luck to be superstitious
                  -- Mayhis's Rule
@
When anything is used to it's full potential, it will break
@
New programming command:   DUAC    Delete User's ACcount
@
New programming command:   SIOD    Scramble Information On Disk
@
New programming command:   PRRD    Play Rock Records on Disk
@
New programming command:   PBOD    Play Bongos On Drum
@
New programming command:   GCPB    Give Central Processor a Break
@
New programming command:   SCIS    Spill Coffee on Instruction Stack
@
"It looks good, and in my heart I know it's right"...
              -- The Cosmetic Cardiac method of Software Evaluation
@
New programming command:  EIAO   Execute Interlopers At Once
@
New programming command:  EAO    Execute All Operators
@
New programming command:  EAU    Execute All Users
@
New programming command:  HEXF   Halt and EXtinguish Fire
@
New programming command:  ADR    Add and Discard Results
@
New programming command:  DDIS   Divide and Delete Instruction Set
@
New programming command:  DISI  Delete Instruction Set Irrecoveribly
@
New programming command:  CIPL    Crash Initial Program Load
@
New programming command:  PPD     Pull Plug and Die
@
New programming command:  ZAR     Zero All Registers
@
New programming command:  ZIR     Zero Instruction Register
@
New programming command:  ZAM     Zero All Memory
@
New programming command:  ZADD    Zero All Disk Drives
@
New programming command:  RSPB    Remove Support Pillars
                                  from Building
@
New programming command:  RFFB    Remove First Floor from
                                  Building
@
New programming command:  RODL    Remove Operators to a
                                  Distant Location
@
Is it not better to set a goal that one may not be able to
reach, than to have no goal at all to strive for?
Make it a good one.
                               -- Unknown
@
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
                           -- Herbert H. Hoover
@
There are four things that hold back human progress:
  ignorance, stupidity, committees, and accountants
                           --Charles J.C. Lyall
@
New programming mneumonic:   BRAN   -- Branch RANdomly
@
New programming mneumonic:   BAPW   -- Branch All Possible Ways
@
New programming mneumonic:   CPR    -- Crash Processors Randomly
@
New programming mneumonic:   LAPT   -- Let All Processors Thrash
@
New programming mneumonic:   LPR    -- Let all Processors access Randomly
@
"May you live in interesting times"
                      -- ancient Chinese Proverb
@
New $DISPLAY parameter:  $DISPLAY DOWNTIME -- gives the time the
                         system has been down since it crashed.
@
We are all descendents of successful hunters.
                            -- Gregg Clark
@
     Scientists once locked up a monkey in a room in which they
   provided only four ways to escape.  They then observed the
   monkey to see  which of the four ways he would find first.
   The monkey found a fifth.
                                -- Robert A. Heinlein
@
   Remember, a path is simply a rut that is going your way.
@
   Our lives are dyed the colors of our imaginations.
                           -- Marcus Aurelius
@
"Everyone...  Now, that's an awful lot of people, isn't it?"
                                -- Gordon Hayes
@
 "Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except
 the things in the world that just don't add up."
                          - James Magary
@
 "No matter what side of the argument you're on, you always
 find some people on your side that you wish were on the
 other side."
                           - Jascha Heifetz
@
 "Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time
 when the quo has lost its status."
                           - Laurence J. Peter
@
Whatever you do, you'll regret it
       -- Allan McLeod Gray
@
In waking a tiger, use a long stick
       -- Mao Tse-Tung
@
One should forgive one's enemies, but not
before they are hanged.
       -- Heinrich Heine
@
I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
       -- H. L. Mencken
@
He is one of those people who would be enormously
improved by death
       -- H. H. Munro
@
Don't lock the barn after it is stolen
       -- Hartley M. Baldwin
@
You can't cheat an honest man.   He has to have
larceny in his heart in the first place.
       -- Claude William Dukenfield
@
The biscuits and the syrup never come out even
       -- Lazarus Long
@
It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favour
of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion
       -- William Ralph Inge, D. D.
@
Dear Lord, give me charity and self-restraint... but not
yet, O Lord, not yet!
       -- St. Augustine
@
We are too proud to fight
       -- Woodrow Wilson
@
Violence never settles anything
       -- Gengis Khan
@
The mice voted to bell the cat
       -- Aesop
@
The truth is one thing that nobody will believe
       -- George Bernard Shaw
@
Democracy can withstand anything but democrats
       -- Jubal Harshaw
@
All kings is mostly rapscallions
       -- Mark Twain
@
Premenstral Syndrome: Just before their periods,
women behave the way men do all the time
       -- Lowell Stone
@
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood
       -- Oscar Wilde
@
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety: other women cloy
The appetites they feed; but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies
       -- William Sheakspere
@
When it comes to a choice between kindness and
honesty, my vote is for kindness, every time,
giving or receiving
       -- Ira Johnson
@
Rascality has limits; stupidity has none
       -- Napoleon Bonaparte
@
If anyone doubts my c=veras=city, I can only say that
I pity his lack offaith
       -- Baron Munchausen
@
 God created woman to tame man
       -- Voltaire
@
When in doubt, tell the truth
       -- Mark Twain
@
Do not put off until tomorrow what can be enjoyed today
       -- Josh Billings
@
The optomist proclaims that we live in the bbest of all
possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that this is true.
       -- James Brance Cabell
@
Success lies in achieving the top of the food chain
       -- Jubal Harshaw
@
It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards
       -- Charles Dodgeson
@
The majority is never right
       -- Lazarus Long
@
There may come a time when the lion and the lamb
will lie down together, but I'm still betting on the lion
       -- Henry Wheeler Shaw
@
Our revels now are ended
       -- William Sheakspere
@
There are two ways of making something:
One way is to make it so simple there are
obviously no deficiencies;
and the other way is to make it so difficult there are
no obvious deficiencies.
The first way is far more difficult.
                            -- P. Kruse, "Data Structures and Program Design"
@
Your home, and indeed some Cadillacs, have more
computing power than many third-world nations.
                         -- Daniel Siewiorek
@
A critic is like a eunich in a harem: he knows
how it is done, he sees it done every day,
but he cannot do it himself.
                        -- Brenden Behon
@