WIBBLY
WOBBLY!
By
BootBlock/TerraForm
Here's another one of my articles that contains various wibblings on
that don't warrant a seperate article each ....
GIRLS/SLAPPERS/BINTS
My view of girls is getting worse everyday. How come girls are so
stupid, boring and don't have a sense of humour? For example, my sister
(she falls into the slapper/bint catagory), she thinks stuff like Red
Dwarf and Ace Ventura AREN'T funny! The only females that I think that
have a sense of humour are those two on LightLunch (on channel 4 at
12:35 weekdays) - now THEY'VE got a great sense of humour! Say for
example, if someone in the audience fell out of their seat and fell down
the stairs and twatted into a camera which in turn crashed into another
camera and caused a huge bastard explosion and fried half the audience,
where someone had a home-made bomb in their bag which blew the whole
building to smeg and blew the next building up (which just happens to be
a nuclear reactor/H-bomb factory) and caused the entire human race to
become extinct - a normal girl would say "I bet you think that's big and
clever, don't you?", but those two would laugh until their bowels made a
sudden movement and filled their knickers.
Anyway, who cares if someone has said summat sexiest in a diskmag? For
duck's sake, there's hardly any girly (oooh... y'all girls, not
"women"!) readers out there, is there (oh, apart from two that Kei
mentioned in issue #13 - and they're probably skin-head lesbo's that
fondle theirselves with a spoon)?
[Er... no. However I'll pass that on, along with your address. ;) Kei]
I don't think girls should be chained to the kitchen sink, how the hell
would they reach the cooker? And where'd you get your shaggage from??
A joke (one I like anyway):
There's a girl sat on her chair with a puddle underneath it ....
TEACHER: Why didn't you put your hand up??
GIRL : I did, but it just trickled through my fingers!
[*I* told you that one! - D!ck]
Now, THAT is funny, but what would a girl say? "Yeah.. I bet you think
that's funny, don't you?" ARRGH! YOU MARDY OLD BINT!
Also, why are they SO STUPID when it comes to pooters?! They just say
that it's "immature" and "for children"! Have YOU tried to do an 8-way
multi-directional hardware scroll using HAM8 in one frame, eh? EH? Can
YOU do a Tekken 3 beater using ARexx?? Do you actually KNOW what ARexx
is (apart from that chip shop near my house), eh? EH?
[I can introduce you to Barbara that knows VMS like nobody I know,
Elizabeth that is a C++ WiZz, or one of our best University Techs whom
makes me want to read every UNIX book ever written just to get near her
league! There's also some female hackers on DEFCON/AAA which know more
about computers than most the guys I know! Ever heard of Vamprella?
Open your eyes! Computing ain't a male only past time no more! Just
seems like that on the demo scenes. Kei]
I bet that Chloë Annett (Kochanski in Red Dwarf / Holly Turner in Crime
Traveller to all you ill-informed shites out there) is a bit of a
japester (also amazingly sexy - oooh, that smile! OH MATRON!) ...
The only good thing a girly can do properly, is PISS BLOKES OFF!!
(and try to lie that they DIDN'T use ALL the bog roll up!)
(although they're pretty good singers)
NEIGHBOURS
No, not that dodgy Austrailian thing, I'm talking those tossers that
live next door to you.
What demented old piss-fart thought that putting people next to each
other in big boxes would be a good idea?
My bedroom is next to a 12-year old fuckwit (their "family" (obviously
from a coucil flat) moved in a few weeks ago, and have made our lives
hell) who absolutely insists on swearing at everyone in his family and
slamming the fooking doors (infact, they're all noisy bastards). If
this little tosser keeps doing this, I'll hurt the little fucker.
Fat bloke + Skinny shite = skinny red mess on floor.
If this little twat runs outside his house and shouts out "Joseph Cox is
a fat bastard" ever again, I'll grab his little fuckin' face and scrap
it against my pebble-dash wall.
Awww... the little wanker goes to school (yeh, right), hummm... looks
like I'll have to blast my stereo at about 1:30 in the morning? Yeah,
why not!
CHILDREN
I have got NO IDEA why people want these little wankers. What gives
people the desire to spawn these little fuckers? They're noisy,
annoying, vandalising, stupid little tossers. Have you ever had one of
these shites stare DIRECTLY AT YOU for minutes on end, without ever
BLINKING even ONCE ? About a second ago, I decided that if one of these
little bundles of skin stare at me, I'll scare the twat shiteless! When
it's staring at you, look directly at it and then move towards it at
about 398mph and shout "AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!". That'll scare it.
Hopefully, it'll have an heart attack and implode.
One way of stopping it (without making it implode - it can get quite
messy - blood, sick and shite splattered all over the place, EURGH!)
staring at you is NOT to let it know that you've looked at it. If you
make eye contact, it'll have you jammed in it's sights and never let go.
[I love the power of being an editor, I get to do comments! ;) You
forgot to mention that children happen when you opt to spend your last
quid on a Magnum lolly! ;) Kei]
CHANNEL 5
What a disappointment! The opening was good (Spice Girls singing and
stuff, Tim Vine & that gurl explaining what's gonna be on), but it's
just a channel that's full of AMERICAN SHIT!
[At least you saw it! We had loads of machines at a computer gathering
and we turned them all off to see if they were interfering with the TV,
but no! No reception here so have to view it on satellite. Kei]
At about 10:00pm there's stand-up and stuff which is very good, and
that's about it. At 12:05am there's summat called Live & Dangerous
which is FULL of SHIT American SHIT! Baseball, and BOLLOCKS like dat!
This channel is single-handedly made me hate Americans even more.
Okay, so it's only been only nearly a week, but it's not a good start,
is it?
!?!? Also, why is the telly reception SO BLOODY CRAP !?!?
(Yorkshire) KiSS 105 FM (Yorkshire)
Ha ha ha! What a furkun' JOKE! They wibble on about not playing old
stuff like Tom Jones, but what do they do? They play stuff that was
made just before the first wheel prototype was tested!!
The only good-ish thing is Jay Smith ("In The Afternoon"), but
everything else is pure SHiTE!
YOU'RE A DIV !
I don't want to offend anyone, but this is very annoying. People that
say "Why don't you just code the best <insert game genre here> game on
the Amiga?". Why? Coz it's NOT THAT EASY! Like, the game I'm doing
(Derby), I think it'd be a great game if I got it working the way I
wanted, but the problem is, it needs shiteloads of maths code - which I
cannot do! Anyway, you cannot get a game like Tekken III on the Amiga
(well, sure you can get it to WORK, it'll be like watching a slideshow
or using a fast raytracer) to run at a playable rate - even though it
WOULD be possible (D!ck, don't you even DARE say `owt about Quake!).
[What, Me? Would I? <smirk> - D!ck]
[Hey.. only I get to do the comments!! ;) Kei]
You can't just code summat in a matter of minutes/hours (well not summat
good anyway), y'know! If it was THAT easy, don't you think someone
would have already done it??
[Probably did, in AMOS but it needed to be spread on a Hard Drive. Kei]
For example, I thought I had invented the best picture file-format on
ANY computer ANYWHERE! It could get a 400k picture (or any size
picture, infact - as long as it's not in HAM format) down to 1,800 bytes
(or 9 bytes at a push!! )! But, it just didn't work! If it did, don't
you think someone would have come up with it (as it was extremely easy
to do) ?
[Bugger, I wanted to grass you up on that... - D!]
[Use a program called SEA on the PC to do this! Kei]
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