BOOTBLOCK TYPES
ABOUT STUFF ...
By
BootBlock/TerraForm
Okay me ickle (TFI Friday is a bit poo!) children, here are some of my
thorts (gimme `em back when you're finished, okay?) that don't exactly
warrant a seperate article each .....
RED DWARF
Well, what can I say about the best programme in the whole god-damn
world?
Is there gonna be a 7th series? Or has it finished for good, all
because Chris Barrie wanted to "develope" that fooking `Gorden Brittas'
character tosser in The Brittas Empire? Stupid gitty-git.
Hey, what about the O sexy red gurl? Kochanski? PWOAR! I `fink I
might be in lURVE! Chloë Annett, I even know her name, so I must be!
It's that smile! And when she laffs, OOOH! (damn, I've just had an
accident in me pants ....)
Anyway, why did the bloody BBC keep us all waiting for at least over a
year before putting series 6 (the last one, as far as I know anyway) on
the telly? When do the rest of the world get to see it? And guess
what? Red Dwarf had a budget just big enough to by a packet of salty
peanuts! A messie to Grant & Naylor... KEEP THE BLADDY SERIES GOING!
[The BBC, fickle as ever, were waiting for the result
of Craig's Raspe trial, as soon as it was over he got a
part in The Bill (as a teacher) and the new series
started filming - D!]
Crime Traveller is pretty good (only coz Chloë is in it!) ....
BAND WAGON JUMPERS
I really hate these people. People that get into summat just because of
all the hype. These include the people who join the InterNET (look, I
like typing it like that, OKAY?) and have NO IDEA what the hell they're
doing.
If it was up to me (which of course it isn't), everyone has to pass some
kind of test (a rite of passage, as it were). For example knowing some
HTML tags and explaining what addresses (pooter wise) are. Of course
people who use Amigas and know how to do simple-ish things (manipulating
files via the Shell, etc) don't have to "pass the test".
Apparently, raytracing peeps need to do a raytrace of a train-set as
some sort of rite of passage (that's what D!ck sez anyway). But why?
People that can raytrace surely must know what they're doing. But
people on the InterNET don't. I can't do a train-set, as creating
objects is WEIRD. Using 4 different view-points (top, sides and
perspective) to create the object, it looks good. But once I've
rendered/raytraced it, is looks shagged! Anyway, me processor (020 @
28Mhz) isn't fast enough for me to experiment as much as I'd like to.
I'm just getting into using fog effects now. I'm using Cinema4D II (the
Imagine programs are SHITE!), hopefully I'll have v3 so I can use
visible light effects (fireballs, lasers, etc). Real3D V2 looks good,
but I keep getting a bloody Guru (8000000B) whenever I try to run it.
It was given away on a AmigaFormat coverdisc (as was Cinema4D II).
I also H8 (hate) people that use massively hyped words (Information
SuperHighway, Surfing the `NET, and other such gobshite) and they
haven't got a CLUE what they're talking `bout.
THE MOON
Look, I know what I'm talking `bout here. The sun IS the other side of
the moon! Why doesn't anyone believe me? (hey, this is exactly what
Kryten said when he was talking about how heavy Kochanski's lingerie
was!) Ahh, "What about when you can see the sun & the moon at the same
time and they're at the opposite ends of the sky?". Easy, there's a
great big glass dome around the earth and it's just a dodgy reflection.
Where'd you think the blue in the sky comes from? If it wasn't for the
dome, the sky wouldn't be *any* colour.
TRACING PAPER BOG ROLL
Ahhh... it's the ye ol' tracing paper/bog roll peanut (chestnuts always
get the credit). If you've ever had the mis-fortune of using a public
bog for a dump, you'll no doubt have tried wiping yer botty with this
stuff. Before you know it, you've got poo spread all over yer back like
a chocolate spread sarnie. I haven't been to any public bogs for years
(thank gord!), so the goverment might have replaced that tracing paper
with something a bit more absorbant than a varnished wooden floor.
[Yeah, they have, but people keep nicking it - D!]
If you want to create the effect of spreading poo all over your back,
just subsitute your super absorbant poo roll for a floppy (ploppy,
geddit?) disk and you'll see how far a lump of plop can go (try adding
some raw mashed spuds to it, it goes MUCH further). If you're lucky,
you may have enough to paint your dog with whats left.
Do you want to see what seaweed looks like after you've digested it,
WITHOUT actually eating any? Just eat lots of lettuce, and then when
you have a plop, you'll see it floating mid-way in the bog water!
Magic!
MUSIC
"C'mon, dance wiv me, move your body, dance wiv me", etc...
That's enough of that. It appears EN-GAR-LUND (yeeee!) is becoming the
MUSIC CAPITAL of the world. Good! Okay, here are the official (um....)
"capitals" of the world ....
MUSIC - England.
GENERAL TELLY - England (see later).
TELLY SOAPS - England/Austrailia (Aussie is VERY debateable!).
FILMS - America (bollockin' wankers!).
FEMALES - England.
HEALTH SERVICE - England. (this is a FACT!)
SWEETS - England. (best chocky ever!)
SHEEPS - New Zealand. (where's the old one go, then?)
VIOLATORS - Spain.
MOOSES - Canada.
PLAIN SCARY - Russia.
SPAZ CENTRAL - Brussels, Germany.
See my other article "American GiTS!" to see what exactly I've got
against the Americans, and why I chose England as the "General Telly"
capital (coz America sure ain't).
Did you know the Spice Girls are the supposed to be the most successful
band of ALL TIME at this very moment in time? Well, ya do now! Mel-C
is still me fave! She looks very cute when she's got her hair down
and lookin' sexy, but Chloë Annett IS THE BABETTE OF ALL TIME!
Has anyone seen the lead singer gal of Jam & Spoon? She has a gr8
voice.... wunda wot she luks lyke .....
NO FWILLS
WARNING: We, TrF-RipOffs, have discovered that the Spegetthi (god I
hate trying to spell that word) from the No Frills label tastes like a
Dentist's sterile glove. Very synthetic, makes yer mouth tingle and
dries rock hard on contact. Be careful, without any warning, you might
get a big needle shoved into yer gums and you might hear a voice saying
"Okay.... now, this won't hurt a bit" .... Yaaarrggghhhh!
DENTISTS
I absolutely refuse to believe anyone that says Dentists are here to
help us. If they are, how come my dentist tries to hurt me every chance
he gets ?? I thought I just had to go for a check-up, but guess what?
Before I knew it, I had a sand-blaster in me gob spurting blood all over
the fookin' place. He said it was just a jet of water. Me pooh hole it
was! It felt like a bit of hot metal. While he was "jetting away", I
thought I was gonna drown (the scariest way to go methinks)! After he
had finished, there was blood on my jacket (yup D!ck, THAT blue one!), I
had a gob full of blood and I was in immense pain.
The tosser wants me to go back soon for a checkup, ha ha... right.
EDUCATION
A slightly more serious subject here. I have always hated school, and
twagged ("bunked off") all the time. I absolutely hated, coz it was
SHITE! What did I learn? The most useful (and painful!) thing I learnt
was, how to get beaten up. Yeh, very useful I'm sure.
Thinking about it, I don't `fink I've "suffered" at all. Me spelling is
pretty good (well I think it is) and I'm not totally stupid (erm....).
But the thing is, the people that I know that went to school all the
time and they're now at college, can't spell properly at all. But I
can.
Me sister's video recorder shagged itself about a week ago, we phoned
the Radio Rentals bloke (we bought it from Radio Rentals and it was
under 3 months warranty (I can't spell that word that begins with "Gua"
properly!) and he came to have a gander at it. Am I the only that has
noticed this, that whatever you tell them, they totally ignore you? I
told him that there's fuzz when playing a tape, he tried it but it just
HAPPENED to work properly when he tried it (donch'a just HATE it when
that happens??). So I told him to try another tape (the Turtles film)
to show him what normally happens when it goes all fuzzy. He said there
was a crack on the plastic. But I just wanted him to play it so he can
see what HAPPENS when it DOES go fuzzy, as the Turtles tape creates the
same effect. He just wouldn't have any of it. Any-bloody-way, the
crack on the tape was TINY and on the outside, so it had NOTHING to do
with the quality of playback. The stupid twat.
Anyway, back to the point. When I told him everything that was wrong
with it, he wrote it all down. I later had a look at the bit of paper,
he can't even spell ! He spelt "Quality" as "Qualitee" and summat else
I've forgotten. Doh!
---
Anyway, that's all I can be BUMHOLED to type (and the filesize of this
article is over 9k now), AND I've got to insert a load of colour codes!
Argh!
So I'll leave you with ......
· ·
CHLOE
ANNETT ?
PWOAR!
Um... you lot don't know how lucky you are, I had to put all these
colours in seperately and it took me bluddy AGES ! Why do I do it, eh?
[Because you're a sad man - D! (in plain, dull, PURE White)]
Signed
BootBlock/TerraForm
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