Xena & Hercules
by Kei/Carnage
For those who do not have access to SKY on the ASTRA satellites you
will not know what I am talking about but this is a review of the 2
programs "Xena: Warrior Princess" and "Hercules The Legendary
Journeys". I believe Hercules may of started showing on Channel 5.
HERCULES
SKY viewers had this dropped in their laps starting with episode one of
season 1. However we were not informed till later that we were
suppossed to of seen the 5 pilot films for this series which of course
SKY showed later on it's movie channels.
The basic storyline is set in ancient Greece where the gods rule and
are complete bastards when they feel like it. Zeus is the king of the
gods and he is married to Hera, the queen of the gods. Zeus got horny
one day and screwed with a mortal who produced an offspring, Hercules.
An early question at the start of the series and in the pilot films was
whether Hercules was imortal or not being the son of a god and a mortal.
The question was answered recently as yes but he is more vunerable than
a god. The difference is that imortals cannot be killed by conventional
weapons but can be killed by a god. A god is also imortal but has
powers which they can use to travel between the earth, underworld (Hades
domain) and the valley of the gods. A mortal can become a god by eating
the food of the gods, ambrosia (not the Devon cream!) which kind of
looks like those squishy sweets kids eat (shaped like bottles) and when
there's a lot of it, it looks like a jelly. Ambrosia is located in
various places on the earth but you usually have to complete a task to
get at it proving you a worthy to be a god.
With that in mind, a few mortals do become gods and end up as real
bastards. Take Callisto for instance, a very beautiful bitch that will
kill you as soon as look at you.
So here we have Hercules then and his friend Iolaus who travel all over
helping people out because he got pissed at Hera for killing his family.
Hera only ever appears in Hercules as a pair of eyes represented by
peacock feathers. Her presence is usually acknowledged by a falling
peacock feather. Strange I know but hey...
So the basic story each episode is Hercules has to complete a task
which is usually delivered to him in the form of someone running up to
him saying "Hercules we need your help..." and the gods interfere to
prevent him from saving the day or because today (like any other day)
they want him dead.
Ares is the god of war and Hercules half brother and tends to be the
current main openent to Hercules along with his nephew Strife. This is
where the two series, Hercules and Xena overlap. Xena was a prodigy of
Ares because she killed everyone in great battles and Hercules turned
her around. Xena was spawned from the Hercules series and luckily SKY
shows them in sync so when something happens in Hercules (ie Callisto
being imprisoned in the tomb of the imortal giving apple tree) it
happened in the current Xena time line so she can comment or use
whatever occured in Hercules (she released Callisto in order to help her
complete her task) so when you watch either program on SKY it's like
watching the same place through the eyes of different people and
occasionally characters cross over into the other series.
XENA
Xena is a beautiful brunette (Lucy Lawless) with sidekick Gabrielle
(Rene O'Conner) who basically helps people out like Hercules but people
don't tend to run up to her and say "Xena you gotta help me..". If they
do run up to her they usually stop and stare and receive a twak on the
head.
Xena's reputation still preceeds her. She's still regarded as a
murderer whether she's trying to make up for it or not and so she
generally gets attacked. This seems to happen a lot by bandits and
soldiers who recieve a good kicking for their trouble. This is where
reality takes a back seat. The fights usually feature gravity defying
stunts which ok, might be realistic with Hercules and his god-like
strength but Xena? There's lots of flying and body flips that would
make world famous gymnasts jealous!
The character Callisto was created in this series. Xena (when bad)
killed her parents and burned her village to the ground. She became a
psychopath determined to destroy Xena but enjoying the process. She's
very sadistic but she's so good looking that you can't help cheering her
on when she's fighting Xena. The producers thought that the characters
were so good when together that instead of spawning a new series
featuring Callisto they never completly kill her off so she can come
back in either Xena or Hercules. They even did a few episodes where
Xena and Callisto swapped bodies for a few episodes so Lucy Lawless
wasn't in it. Instead Hudson Leick (Callisto) played Xena in Callisto's
body which was a bitch for Gabrielle as Callisto had killed her husband
about 5 minutes after they were married!
Callisto was killed by Xena and sent to the underworld where the dead
go. In these series you never truley die. You either go to Tardaris
(Hell) or the Alysian Fields (Heaven). You can come back only if a god
allows it. Ares brought Callisto back to kill Xena and replace her but
she failed and got sent back to hell in Xena's body. Hera then gave her
another chance but she had to kill Hercules. She failed again but was
left trapped in a tomb after eating a golden apple which made her
imortal so she could not commit suicide and had to live on rats or
starve. Xena freed her to help her complete a task which was to kill a
female amazon warrior who recently became a god by eating ambrosia.
Callisto agrees as long as she gets ambrosia in return. A memorable
scene is where the amazon throws Callisto at a rock face, Callisto gets
back up and walks over to her saying "You don't just kill me then walk
away!". Callisto double crosses Xena and gets the ambrosia herself and
becomes a god. A mortal becoming a god is represented by small black
pupils in the eyes whereas normal gods have normal eyes (except Hera).
Xena sends Callisto and the amazon into a pit of molten lava where they
are currently solidified as rocks statues in a fighting stance.
Other characters
Joxer
A wannabe warrior that tends to make a fool of himself quite a lot.
He's here purely for comedy reasons.
Aphrodite
God of love. A blonde with big pushed-up breasts with no brains. There
are far more beautiful women in these series than her. Tends to piss
around with peoples lives to amuse herself.
Hades
God of the underworld. Can make the dead alive once more if your deal
is worth it.
Marcus
Xena's former lover. Now dead he was recently called upon to do a last
task on earth so he can go from hell to heaven.
Autolycus
King of thieves. Played by the guy in the Evil Dead films (Bruce
Campbell?). More like a discworld character. Another comedy character.
Goliath
A giant and friend of Xena's turned bad by feelings of revenge. Killed
by Xena.
Bacchus
God of the vampyres. His followers are females (in goth gear). Xena
looks kinda cute as a vampyre!
Perdicus
Gabrielles husband. Killed by Callisto for fun.
Princess Diana
Xena look-a-like. Xena takes her place on occasion.
Velasca
The Amazon warrior turned into an evil god after eating Ambrosia.
Cupid
Son of Aphrodite. Fires arrows at lovers etc..
Meleager
Aging hero/warrior with a drink problem.
Nemesis
Lesser-god controlled by Hera and called upon to kill mortals. A
beautiful well-endowned brunette and play friend of Hercules when they
were both younger. She disobeyed Hera and got turned into a mortal.
Enforcers
Hera's killers in human female form sent to kill Hercules. The first
was a Raven in the form of a beautiful woman composed from water played
by martial arts expert Karen Shepherd. The second was made from fire
and played by Cynthia Rothrock. The first was sent to hell by accident
when killed by Hercules and was given a chance to make good by facing
the second side-by-side with Hercules. She was sent to heaven.
Hera's Archers
Beautiful women clad in silver that look like Valkyres. Sent by Hera
to deliver messages and to kill people. Cutting the strings on their
bows send them back to Hera.
There's other characters such as a fast food salesman, a
turn-a-proft-at-anything business man and the usuall gods and monsters.
Summary
If you want to watch something that you don't really need to think about
that presents you with loads of beautiful women in tightly clad leather
and lace swinging swords then these 2 series are for you! There's even
a rumour that Gabrielle and Xena have a lesbian scene towards the end of
the current season. Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything...
Xena: Warrior Princess SKY 1 Saturdays at 6pm
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys SKY 1 Saturdays at 7pm
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