@database Rhymes.doc
@remark Converted with HTML2Guide ©1997 Mark Harman
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@node MAIN "Rhymes.doc"
Rhymes
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick.
Great BALLS of fire!!!!!!! OOOuch!!
-#-
A bather whose clothing was strewed,
by breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
and, unless I'm quite wrong,
you expected this line to be lewd.
-#-
When I woke up this morning, The dawn was soft and still
A little Robin came and sat, Upon my window sill
He tipped his head and looked at me, his eyes so bright and clear
He chirped a little melody, My morning thoughts to cheer
His song he sang so sweetly, Without a moments lull
I gently closed the window, and crushed his #@*&! skull.
-#-
There was a bird with a yellow bill perched upon my window sill.
I lured him in with crumbs of bread then I squashed his little head.
Oh me - oh my I'm such a klutz. I missed his head and squashed his nuts.
-#-
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they each went up with a quarter
Jill came down with fifty cents, they didn't go up for water...
-#-
Jack and Jill went up the hill, To do some Hanky Panky.
Jack went 'Uh!' and Jill went 'Ah!', And out came baby Frankie!
-#-
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress.
But when she got there,
The cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter, I guess!
-#-
In days of old,, When knights were old,
And toilets weren't invented..., You left your load,
upon the road,, And walked away contented.
-#-
If I had your picture,
It would be very nice,
I'd hang it in my attic,
To scare away the mice!
-#-
One bright day in the middle of the night ,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and found the two dead boys.
If youdon't believe this story is true,
Just ask the blind man he saw it too.
-#-
Adam wore a fig leaf,
Eve none at all.
The fun began in Autumn,
When the leaves began to fall.
-#-
Willie, in a fit insane,
Thrust his head beneath a train.
All were quite suprised to find,
How it broadened Willie's mind.
Willie on the railroad track,
the engine gave a squeal.
The engineer just took a spade,
And scraped him off the wheel
-#-
Mary had a little sheep,
and with the sheep she went to sleep,
the sheep turned out to be a ram,
Mary had a little lamb
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
Its' fleece was black as char-coal,
and every time it jumped the fence,
it used to scratch its ...,
Now don't be mistaken,
and don't be misled,
every time it jumped the fence,
It used to scratch its' LEG.
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
She kept in in a bucket, A
nd every time that it got out,
Mary would put it back in again.
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black as soot,
And every time that Mary stopped,
The lamb stood on her foot.
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
It had a sooty foot,
And into Mary's bread and jam,
It's sooty foot he put!
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
it drank some gasoline.
Then it wandered near a flame,
and since it's not benzine.
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
it's fleece was white as snow.
She walked past a butcher shop,
but the lamb went by too slow!
-#-
When Mary had a little lamb,
the doctors were surprised,
but when Old McDonald had a farm,
you should have seen their eyes!
-#-
Mary had a little lamb,
she also had a bear.
I've often see her little lamb,
but I've yet to see her bare.
-#-
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray I pass tommorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take.
-#-
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis,
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong.
It's swell to own a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick.
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
your Percy or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
you can slip it in your sock.
But don't take it out in public
or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't a-come a-back.
A-thankyouverymuch.
-- "The Penis Song" from Monty Python's Flying Circus
-#-
On Prices
"It's unwise to pay too much, but it's worse to pay too little. When you
pay too much, you lose a little money - that is all. When you pay too
little, you sometimes lose everything, because the thing you bought was
incapable of doing the thing it was bought to do. The common law of
business balance prohibits paying a little and getting a lot - it can't be
done. If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for
the risk you run, and if you do that you will have enough to pay for
something better."
John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
-#-
THREE RODENTS WITH DEFECTIVE VISUAL PERCEPTION
(To the tune of Three Blind Mice)
Three rodents with defective visual perception,
Three rodents with defective visual perception.
Visualize how they perambulate,
Visualize how they perambulate.
They all perambulated after the agriculturalist's spouse,
she severed their spinal columns with a kitchen utensil.
Have you ever seen such a spectacle in your existence,
as three rodents with defective visual perception?
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