Max is one of my favorite members.  He's kind of my board watchdog, lets

me know when I've dumped something in the wrong dir, that kind of thing.  He

was also instrumental in getting the message base going, way back when.


  Unfortunately, nobody's perfect.


  Thus it was when Max first logged on.  He immediately started committing

the heinous crimes listed below, and I decided I'd better step in and set

him straight before somebody got hurt.  I raised his privilege level to a

certain number and put a "M: Max Was Bad" on the main menu for only those

certain privilege levels.  The illusion he had was that EVERYbody could see

it, but actually only he could.  Naturally, to give it that special tang of

reality, I urged everybody to call him and complain, and then actually put

his REAL telephone number out there for "everyone" to see!


  What a panic!


  So here's what I said:





  Yes, it is with heavy heart that the great BenchMaster must give Max Bautz

one Official BenchMaster Demerit Point.  It is a sad day for all of us.


  And what were this man's heinous crimes, what possible wrongdoing could

have earned him such a terrible fate?


  Glad you asked.


  Max has caused -wasteage- of The BenchMaster's precious BBS...and we all

must suffer his thoughtlessness together.  He has wasted here, he has wasted

there...he has wasted everywhere.  Let me give you some examples:


  In this day and age of energy conservation, it just seems incredible that

anyone would just blatantly throw perfectly good pixels away, but that's

what Max has done.  When he has gone to download a file, he has typed the

entire name in, you guessed it, ALL BLOCK LETTERS!!!  Hundreds upon thousands

of perfectly good pixels, gone forever!


  He's also notorious for "menu-hopping", that is, if the tiniest, the

smallest whim strikes him, he flies over to that menu, only to discover

that he's changed his mind again, and now must backtrack to still another

area of the board.  This not only wears out the hard drive and the monitor,

but the very menus themselves which, obviously, have a set shelf life.


  And if that wasn't bad enough, he is (and remember, I'm only passing the

information along...don't get mad at ME!) using Xmodem...and not even CRC!!!

This was brought to my attention by the small wisp of smoke I saw arising

from my modem while he was downloading his first file.  What I'm worried

about is the darn download light on the modem wearing out.  When that little

light goes, you can just bet I'll end up throwing the whole thing away.  In

this way, I already feel like Max owes me $119 for a new modem, plus tax.


  And I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking that if he really IS

using Xmodem, and I'm not just making this whole crazy story up, then that

means he's downloading a third slower than the rest of us...so that means it

will ultimately take him a third more time on the board to get everything..

all of which means that the *!%#!$ phone line will be BUSY a THIRD more of

the time...and ALL because of Max!!


  Do not let this man's crimes against The BenchMaster's BBS go unpunished.

Call him at 268-XXXX, any time, preferably late at night.  Swear as much as

you want to.  Really let him have it.  He deserves no mercy.





                                       *









  As you can imagine, Max NEVER wasted pixels again!


%Z