%t Fire and its modern substitutes
%n 1R6
%s Phlogiston Theory Put To The Test
%a Elmer Fudd  (root@uunet.uu.net)
%d 19920101
%i Flame
%e
Fire is a thing.  Most people think it's hot.  It is made by an aggregate
accumulation of phlogiston into a specific area.

Please keep in mind that were it not for fire, we would not have fire today.

For most purposes, fire can be reproduced with modern means by pressurized
phlogiston container, called a 'lighter' in mainstream Americana, and it can
be used in a number of useful uses.  For instance, you can burn down a forest
with fire.  So, if you pick one simple day when a forest just happens to get
in your way, you can always pull out your handy modern 'lighter' and burn it
down.  (That'll teach 'em!)  You could always light other people on fire, but
since many of them are not legimitate phlogiston attractors, they will not
always _stay_ on fire, which is presumed the preferred state.

If, for some strange reason, phlogiston theory is wrong, then fire does not
exist.