%t Democracy, Problems with
%s Democracy is the worst form of government ... except for all the others.
%n 2S3
%a Loren Haarsma
%d 19920210
%i Politics
%i Humor, Political
%x What To Do When Your Elected Head of State Embarrasses You By ...
%e
Perhaps the biggest problem with Democracy is that people tend to get exactly
the government that they deserve.

For example, in many modern-day democracies, the people claim that they want
their government to operate under a balanced budget, when in fact this is the
farthest thing from the truth.  What the people really want, as they
repeatedly demonstrate from their voting, is decreased taxes and increased
government spending -- particularly when it comes to government projects
which directly benefit themselves.  Professional politicians, if by nothing
else than by a simple Darwinian processes, are very good at perceiving such
things, and give the people exactly want: huge government deficits.

For example, in every present and past democracy, the people always claim
that they want politicians who will not accept bribes, when in fact this is
the farthest thing from the truth.  What the people really want, as they
repeatedly demonstrate from the voting, is politicians who will spending huge
amounts of money on multi-media campaigns to win votes, who will spend
massive amounts of time coming to their towns to speak to the local rotary
club or school (for a fee), and who will spend massive amounts of time
influencing legislation to win government contracts for local businesses.

There are, of course, many other problems with democracy.

THE MEDIA: In all known democracies, the media flourishes.

POLLS: One way in which the media attempts to tell people what to think is by
attempting to tell them what they are thinking.  If you read the previous
sentence again, you will understand it.  Fortunately, the results of these
polls invariably conflict with each other and with reality, so that prolonged
exposure builds up immunities.

POLLSTERS: They work for the media.

LITIGATION: People who live in a democracy, since they believe they have some
influence over the law, tend to extrapolate this into the belief that the law
means whatever they want it to mean.  (The media probably plays a role in
this, though we are not exactly sure how.)  Therefore, they will sue the
owner of a dog who left a bone on a sidewalk upon which they stubbed their
toe, causing them to spill their coffee on themselves, for the price of a new
bathrobe plus $1,000,000 for mental stress.

LAWYERS: They come with litigation.  Experiments show that when the
population of lawyers reaches certain critical densities, they force society
to undergo a phase transition which causes the population of lawyers to grow
even faster.  Science has not yet found a solution to this problem.

FREE SPEECH: In a democracy, you will incessantly be subjected to hearing
the ideas, speculation, and bizarre prognostications of everyone around you.
The media multiplies this problem a thousandfold.

TRIAL BY JURY: When one is accused by the state of a crime, the second
scariest thought you can have is that you will be tried by a jury of your
peers.  The only thing scarier than this is to be tried WITHOUT a jury of
your peers.

WEAPONRY: The only thing scarier than a democratically elected government
which allows its citizens to own sophisticated weaponry is a democratically
elected government which does NOT allow its citizens to own sophisticated
weaponry.

In a non-democratic society, the ordering of these two concepts is reversed.