Sunday 4th June 1995
(C) JIPsoft



        The adventures of Timothy Rabbit and his friends


Once upon a time, there was a happy forest village with its inhabitants. They
were named Richard Rabbit, Peter Pig, Timothy Tiger, Harry Human, Kevin
Kangaroo and Adam Amphisbaena.
  One morning Richard Rabbit had an idea. He would call a conversation meeting
among his fellow inhabitants. The meeting was held in a large cozy tree house.
After Richard had opened the meeting he called out the names. Harry Human felt
a little bored with their names and Adam Amphisbaena also added that his
initials might be confused with "Alcoholics Anonymous", whatever that was.
  So Richard proposed a name change. All were favour of the proposition, so it
was put into action. Their new names were Timothy Rabbit, Harry Pig, Kevin
Tiger, Adam Human, Richard Kangaroo and Peter Amphisbaena.

Timothy was at home enjoying his new identity. He decided to eat a pot of
honey, since he had run out of carrots, which were rabbits' usual food. He had
put the book he had been reading down and was going to the cupboard when he
heard knocking on the door.
  "Now who could that be?" thought Timothy. He opened the door and in stepped
Harry Pig. "Welcome, Harry", said Timothy. "I was about to eat a pot of honey,
I can share it with you."
  Harry was not pleased with the idea. "You do not eat a POT of honey", he
said, "that would be harmful to your digestive tract. The correct way is to eat
a POTFUL of honey." "Whatever", confessed Timothy. So they ate their honey and
went to bed, since it was late at night.

In the morning Harry woke up first and shook Timothy awake. He woke lazily and
mumbled why Harry was so eager to wake him. "Today is Adam Human's fifteenth
birthday and I've promised to educate him", said Harry. So they got out of bed,
dressed themselves and went to Adam's home.
  Everybody else was inside too - Kevin Tiger, Richard Kangaroo, Peter Amphis-
baena and of course Adam Human. After introducing each other (although they all
were already aware of each other's identities) it was time to give their
presents to Adam.
  Timothy gave him a story book. Harry gave him an encyclopaedia. Kevin gave
him a bag of sweets. Richard gave him an apple pie. Peter gave him a memory
expansion cartridge. Adam was very pleased with all the presents.
  Adam and the guests all ate lots of food and read the two books Adam had
received. Then they laughed a lot and had to go home. Only Harry Pig and Adam
Human remained.

"Now it's time to educate you", said Harry. "Up to now, for ten years, you've
only been interested in the kind of fiction that has lots of violence." Adam
tried to give a meaningless comment but Harry silenced him.
  "Reading about violence is not beneficial, enlightening, or fun. There are
many other kinds of fiction too." "Like what?" asked Adam.
  "Like sex", said Harry.
  Adam was dumbfounded. Of course, he had heard of sex before, but he hadn't
thought that he someday would be analysing it, let alone participating in it.
"Let us demonstrate", said Harry. He dug with his hoof deep inside his pocket
and produced an illustrated encyclopaedia of the human nature.
  "First, some theory", said Harry. "What would you do if you were suddenly to
meet a charming girl of about your age, who would be interested in you?" It
didn't take long for Adam to answer.
  "I would have two choices: 1) form an alliance with her, combining our
fighting potential against possible enemies, or 2) if she were only pretending
to be so amiable, I would fight against her, and then conquer her."
  "No, no", said Harry, "you've got it all wrong. None of the aforementioned
options is correct. The thing you would do is respond to her feelings, making
your love mutual, and then form a relationship with her, probably introducing
sexual intercourse later."

Adam wasn't having any of it. He considered the thought of sexual intercourse
with a girl utterly repulsive. Yet Harry said he would learn to adapt to the
romantic and sexual nature of human relationships.
  "Now, let's take to the illustrations", said Harry. He showed Adam a picture
of a girl, who was a year or two older than Adam, and completely naked. "Why is
she naked, what do you think?" he asked.
  "Again, there are two choices", said Adam. "1) the absence of clothes makes
for unhindered movement in combat, or 2) that gesture of self-humiliation is a
sign of her surrender before a superior foe."
  "No, no", said Harry, shaking his head, "you've off the tracks altogether.
The correct answer is that she is trying to arouse your sexual interest." Adam
asked Harry if he too would pose naked in front of a girl, and Harry replied
that he would, wilfully even. Adam didn't think that to be possible at all.
"You'll learn, trust me, you'll learn..." said Harry, departing from Adam's
domain.

At the same time Timothy was in his home, eating another potful of honey. He
had thought the honey would be harmful to his rodental diet, but so far he had
got along okay. Suddenly he heard knocking on the door. He opened it. This time
it was Richard Kangaroo who stood outside.
  "Come in, come in", said Timothy. Richard hopped inside. "Nice new bauble
you've got", said Timothy, eyeing the blue-and-gold coloured funny-shaped
object on Richard's chest.
  "That is no bauble", said Richard, "that is what people call a badge." He
then he explained why he was wearing it. "I am now a member of the Public
Obedience & Law (In Cities) Enforcers."
  Timothy felt his way around the words. "Pooblic Obeediens & Law [Incitys]...
what was it again?" "First of all, you pronounced the parantheses wrong", said
Richard. "They are pronounced ( and ), not [ and ], as you said." "Secondly, it
would be best if you used an acronym of it, I think. Something like the
POLICE."
  "Oh, that is easier to pronounce", said Timothy, "paw-lees." Richard had to
admit that Timothy had finally got some idea of his new job's name. "But what
do you do, as a police?" asked Timothy. And Richard answered his question. "My
job is to hop along this village, meeting its inhabitants and watching their
activities, thus controlling that what they do is entirely legal and they don't
try to participate in illegal activities."
  "But what if someone did participate in those illegal thingies?" asked
Timothy. "Then I'd have to imprison him", said Richard. Sensing Timothy's
unawareness of the term "imprison", he said, "More precisely lock them up in
the disused toolshed behind Kevin Tiger's home, so that they cannot escape and
do more illegal things."
  "Oh, now I see. Would you care for a potful of honey?" he asked. "No thanks,
I have to be on my way", said Richard. Waving goodbye, he hopped out of the
house and Timothy shut the door behind him.

After such a long day came the night, and all the village's inhabitants went
to bed. Some fell asleep straight away, some lingered in a waiting state,
either reading something or just thinking about the recent events.
  And they all lived happily ever after.