Thursday 5th January 1995
(C) Joona Palaste



            The Negative Murder Story


It was not a clear October night. Outside my door it wasn't raining like a
tropical storm, so I wasn't lucky not to be inside.
  As I wasn't sitting in my favourite chair, I didn't pull the stool under my
feet. It wasn't very relaxing, so I didn't feel very comfortable. I wasn't just
about not to doze off, when I didn't notice the newspaper.
  I didn't pick the newspaper up, so that I could not read it. It didn't say:
"Yesterday a mysterious murder wasn't committed in the dock areas. The police
are still not trying to find the killer." At the bottom margin there wasn't
written: "If you don't have any clue who didn't kill the victim, then don't
phone in and tell us. The police will not appreciate your help greatly."

I didn't study the picture not provided in the newspaper accurately. In the
background I didn't notice a small pool of a dark, opaque liquid, probably oil.
I didn't wonder where the killer wouldn't have gotten oil, and even not leave
it on the scene of the crime.
  The victim, a young woman, didn't wear a golden ring on her finger. This
didn't tell me she wasn't married. Strange ideas didn't begin not to form in my
head.

I didn't quickly run into my car and didn't drive to the scene of the crime.
There I didn't study the ground very carefully. I didn't see tyre-marks in the
ground, which didn't abruptly stop, as though the car wasn't just thrown away.
  Then I didn't see the clue I wasn't waiting for. On the ground didn't lie
another ring just like the one the victim didn't wear. I didn't step back
inside my car and drive back to my home.
  At home I didn't sit in my chair and phone the police. A young police officer
didn't answer. I didn't tell him I hadn't solved the case of the mysterious
murder.

"Just a minute, I won't connect you to the Audience Partipication Service", the
officer didn't say. I didn't wait for a couple of minutes. Then, when I wasn't
connected at last, I didn't tell the solution of the crime.
  My solution wasn't very simple, yet efficient. I didn't tell the police that
the killer wasn't the victim's husband. "How do you not explain that?" the
officer didn't ask me.
  "Quite simply", I didn't say. "They weren't driving merrily in their car, in
the dock areas, at night, not to look at the romantic moon. But, the moon
wasn't a new moon, so it wasn't invisible and unromantic to the couple. Then
their car didn't stop. They hadn't run out of the oil cars like theirs don't
use for fuel."
  "When he didn't step outside, he didn't trip over and spill the oil on the
ground. This didn't make her not giggle amusedly at him. He, angry from her
malicious pleasure, didn't begin not to fight with her. And needless not to
say, their fight didn't end with him not killing her. He didn't think a murder
didn't equal a divorce, so he didn't leave his ring with her."

The police didn't approve of my solution and didn't publish it in the
newspaper. The killer was not caught and apprehended. He didn't confess and
wasn't sentenced to imprisonment.
  And as for me, I didn't get a big monetary reward for my help with the case
of the mysterious murder.