* 01
    \caPetal and Peony were two hookers. A couple of clients came in and wanted to have group sex.  No problem, but one of the guys kept ogling Peony while fucking the other girl.
    \cb"What's your problem, Mac?" Petal said.
    \cd"I've got Peony envy," the man replied.
* 02
    \c9How can you tell if your blind date is ticklish?
    \caGive her a test tickle and see what happens.
* 03
    \cbWhat's white and 12 inches?
    \ccNothing.
* 04
    \cdDid you hear about the guy that got so fed up with sexual diseases and bedbugs he went off and became a recluse and didn't have any sex for years.  Then he got hermit crabs.
* 05
    \ce"Did you hear about the TV evangelist who paid $50,000 for a photograph?"
    \cf"They must have seen him coming."
    \ce"They did. At the Hi Ho Motel."
* 06
    \c9He was the new man in the dildo shop and didn't know much about the stock so when a woman came in and asked for the biggest one they had, he sold her his boss' thermos.
* 07
    \caA man went to bed with a hooker so big he fell inside her. He was looking for a way out when he bumped into another man who said, "Wait a minute, pal, if I can find my keys we'll drive out of here."
* 08
    \cbA young man goes to a brothel for the first time and a hooker says, "How 'bout 69?"
    \cc"Sure," the boy says and they proceed to get down to it. The hooker farts and says, "Oooops, sorry, how you doing?"
    \cd"Fine," the kid says, "but I don't think I can take 68 more of those."
* 09
    \ce"Ah, he used all the tricks," the woman said. "He bought me dinner, flowers, played soft music at his place, told me I was beautiful---everything, to try and get to fuck him."
    \cf"Did it work?"
    \ce"They all did."
* 10
    \c9"How about the flipside of doggy-style?" the man suggested.
    \ca"How's that?" said the woman. "Missionary position?"
    \c9"No, with my bone in your mouth."
* 11
    \caWhat did the horny doctor call his dick?
    \cbA tongue depressor.
* 12
    \cb"I just can't get any sexual satisfaction these days," said the senate page. "Not with these conservatives in office."
    \cc"What's the problem?" said his roommate.
    \cb"The days of big government are over."
* 13
    \ccThere were two guys standing next to a condom vending machine when one said to the other, "This is the worst fucking chewing gum I've ever tasted."
* 14
    \cdSign over men's urinal at Penn Station:
    \ce"Don't eat the mints."
* 15
    \ceWhen all other friends fail me thank goodness I've got a loyal penis. My dick always stands up for the only thing I believe in ... women.
* 16
    \cfDid you hear about the woman who answered the door wearing a black negligee in honor of her newly departed husband? Her husband had departed on a business trip that morning.
* 17
    \c9Did you hear about the hooker who got fired by the madam. The young woman had told a client to go fuck himself and was canned for lack of good business sense.
* 18
    \caI went out with a guy so dumb he thought asphalt was rectum trouble.
* 19
    \cbI went out with a girl so dumb she thought Moby Dick was some kind of verereal disease.
* 20
    \ccThe girl had a stutter and by the time she got out, "I'm not that kind of girl," she was that kind of girl.
* 21
    \cdA couple was in a darkened movie theatre, fumbling around with each other when the girl said, "I think that actor looks like you."
    \ce"You're pulling my leg," he replied.
    \cd"I don't think so," she replied.
* 22
    \ce"Want to play submarine?" the girl asked.
    \cf"Sure," said the boy. "How do you play?"
    \ce"First you have to get your periscope up," the girl replied.
* 23
    \cfA British tourist had just flown into the U.S. from Canada and at Buffalo Airport commented, "This really must be the asshole of the world."
    \c9The customs agent said, "Just passing through, sir?"
* 24
    \caIt was a long session and the young patient wriggled a great deal on the couch, when suddenly the psychiatrist came out of his reverie and realized he had the same problem she did. He had a crazy urge to tear off all her clothes.
* 25
    \cbWhy did the wife stop taking her husband out anywhere?
    \ccHe kept coming back.
* 26
    \cd"Well, goodbye, sweetheart," she said. "I lied when I said you were a great lover!"
    \ce"Yes, well, goodbye sweetheart," the man replied. "I lied when I said I had a vasectomy."
* 27
    \cfShe was pretty tough on the women's tennis circuit, she could lick anybody on the court, but when it came time to coach, she got fired for chewing out too many of the up and coming.
* 28
    \c9Impotence is just another way of saying zero copulation growth.
* 29
    \caWhat kind of bee gives milk?
    \cbA boobee.
* 30
    \ccDid you hear about the hooker who specialized in bondage? She was always strapped for cash.
* END