* 01
    \c9If it weren't for pickpockets some people wouldn't get any sex at all.
* 02
    \caWhat's faster than 69?
    \cbLickety-split.
* 03
    \ccThere was a country bumpkin seeking pleasure in the city but everytime he told a prostitute he wanted to do it doggie-style, she rolled over and played dead.
* 04
    \cdSaid one fraternity brother to another, "Girls are like rocks. The flat ones are better to skip."
* 05
    \ceDid you hear about the Mafia don who put BBs on his son's birthday cake because it was the manly thing to do. The next day the birthday boy was jerking off nd shot the dog by mistake.
* 06
    \cf"Did you ever hear a hormone?"
    \c9"Only when I couldn't pay her."
* 07
    \ca"Did you say that girl had been around?"
    \cb"Put it this way. That girl wouldn't know if she were sitting on a fireplug."
* 08
    \ccWhat do you do when a pitbull humps your leg?
    \cdFake an orgasm.
* 09
    \ceRodeo Sex!
    \cfRun along home and jump in bed with the little woman, shout out your girlfriend's name and see how long it takes your wife to buck you off.
* 10
    \c9Why do shepherds wear drawstring pants?
    \caBecause sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
* 11
    \cb"I'm going to change my name to Lincoln."
    \cc"Why's that?"
    \cb"My last score was seven years ago."
* 12
    \ccOld hooker to young hooker pointing to the next client.
    \cd"Hey honey, you know anything about foreplay?"
    \cc"No."
    \cd"That's good, neither does he."
* 13
    \ceIf you've got one wife it's monogamy. If you've got two it's bigamy. If you haven't got more than two ... it's pigamy.
* 14
    \cfMy friend went to a postal workers convention and found things got so wild they were unzipping everything, even addresses.
* 15
    \c9Why do Valley Girls wear two diaphragms?
    \caFor sure, for sure.
* 16
    \cbDefinition of birth control pill:
    \ccThe other thing a woman can put in her mouth to keep from getting pregnant.
* 17
    \cdA woman making the rounds of a cocktail party finally settles in front of a bleary-eyed but handsome young man.
    \ce"What do you like most in a woman," she said in her sexiest voice.
    \cd"Me." He replied.
* 18
    \ce"I got married so I could get laid all the time."
    \cf"That's why I got divorced," the other woman said.
* 19
    \cf"Bill's real worried. he was in the bar the other night and started feeling up some woman sitting next to him."
    \c9"Did he mistake her for his wife?"
    \cf"It was his wife, that's what worries him."
* 20
    \c9Two guys in a bar. One of them says, "You know it's my wedding anniversary and I haven't got my wife anything. She's a hell of a gal and a wonderful mother to our 12 kids."
    \ca"12 kids! Why don't you give her a vasectomy."
* 21
    \caA couple of international businessmen are discussing games of chance, when one of them talks about Russian Roulette.
    \cbThe other man says there's a similar deadly game in his country where the man is required to choose from one woman out of six to give him a blow job.
    \caThe catch is, one of them's a cannibal.
* 22
    \cbA woman in extremely tight pants is sitting in a bar trying to ignore the young man who is making ardent advances. As a joke, the guy starts making sign language and then says, "If you just spread your legs, maybe I can read your lips."
* 23
    \ccA man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. In a rage he races to the closet, pulls out a revolver and runs back into the bedroom where he holds the gun to his head. His wife starts laughing.
    \cd"What's so funny," he snaps. "You're next."
* 24
    \caTwo women are talking over lunch when one of them says, "Well, how many husbands have you had?"
    \cb"Including my own?" the other asked.
* 25
    \c9There was a prostitute who sold her wares from the back of a van which she drove from mall to mall. Included on the menu of "Meals on Wheels in Stiletto Heels" was a french dish called "Cock-oh-van."
* 26
    \caMen may have their little black books but there's a hooker on Lexington Avenue who says she's got a blew book.
* 27
    \ceA young woman went to the drug store to buy tampons and asked what size she should buy. The pharmacist said, "What's your flow like?"
    \cfThe woman responded, "Geez, I don't know, linoleum, I guess."
* 28
    \c9What's the difference between a wet dream and a Western dream?
    \caYou wake up still shooting with a Western dream.
* 29
    \cdA man walked into a clock shop and put his dick on the counter and said, "Put two hands and a face on that, will you."
* 30
    \ceWhat's a surefire way to piss off your husband?
    \cfWhile you're fucking, call him up and tell him about it.
* 31
    \c9What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
    \caMarriage.
* END