Page 56 :

Your advances on the Orc are cut short by the sudden entrance of her boyfriend
Timmy the Gnome who beats the crap out of you and throws you out of the bar .
Such a way with women ! You know , you really are pathetic ! And Christ , talk
about charisma ! Any decent hustler worth his salt would have used an ion
disintegration chamber ! You can`t pick up a girl using that old prosthetic 
limb gag , they`ve seen it all before , been there , done that . You gnome 
yourself ( heh ! heh ! ) . Oh ! Don`t give me that rubbish about " But there
wasn`t a page number with an ion disintegration chamber on it " ! That`s no
excuse . If there wasn`t one you should have just shown your grit lad and
ripped out , nay , disinterred ! , a page and added your own bleedin` page
number . Control your own destiny ! That`s what I say . I remember as if it
were yesterday the day my grandad said to me " Get off your buttocks young
man and go and fight for king and country ! Wheres yer sense of pride ?
Down the bleedin` toilet wiv some bloody bleedin` woman I shouldn`t wonder !
I was in the war you know ! Brought the girlfriend to Africy I did , Oh Arr !
And don`t you forget it ! Went to see the Oval so we did , oh yes . Course we
had to go everywhere in trenches them days , oh yes ! Down to the butchers
in the thick of the fighting , the whole people of London united behind the
police trying to beat the daylights out of the Gerries , oh yes ! My muvver
says to me ` Oy ! Harold ! Get off yer buttocks and bugger off down the 
butchers and see if you can swap a leg or an arm or somefink for a half
dozen of eggs ! There`s a good lad ! ` Oh yes ! Meat was hard to come by them
days I`ll tell yer that fer nothing ! I remember my 27 sisters , I was the only
son , me sisters an` meself hobbling around like bleedin` cripples fer the 
whole summer !  Aye , them were the days , so they were ! "
So then I asked my Grandad why he seemed to have a fairly normal amount of
limbs , and he replied :
" Grew `em back ! Took me weeks of eating raw red meat but I did it ! I was in
the war you know ! I remember ... "
At this I smacked his head off a wall and sold his body as fish food to the 
local pig farmer , Berny . I miss old grandad so I do .

If you wish to stop reading this crap and go off and play the game don`t turn
to page 666 and instead press ESC .
Otherwise , God help you , turn to page 56 .

Paranoid lurves -

Alice in Chains , Metallica , The Smashing Pumpkins , Mother Fudge , Pearl Jam ,
Stone Temple Pilots , Black Sabbath , Here Be Monsters , Toasted Heretic ,
Ministry , Dinosaur Jr. , Nirvana , Rage against the bullet in your toe , 
Red Hot Chili Peppers , Judge Dredd , Faith no more , Whale , Panthera , 
Octopus Underground , Odious X , Warp Factor 4 , The Big Massive , Anthrax ,
Therapy , Maldita Vecinidad , Tool ( The video for Sober is unbelievable ! ) .
Generally speaking , anything but Dance , Rave , Ambient , Soul , Pop , or 
any other crap "music" which is worth listening to is good . How`s that for
unbiased !?