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 ¥2¤9    SNEAKERS -

    UNDER SIEGE¥1¤1


We  will start this review series with
two quite recently released movies:

     ¤6SNEAKERS & UNDER SIEGE¤1

Let's begin with Sneakers.  This movie
is  about a group of hackers that have
some  problem  with most of the people
you  can  have  trouble with, like the
mob,  the  Russians, the Feds, the NSA
etc. But now, the statistics:


Description    | No | Comment
---------------+----+-----------------
People killed  |  ¤63¤1 | Only  Ruskies!!!
               |    | Discriminating?!
               |    |
ð
Erotic scenes  |  ¤61¤1 | But the sneakers
               |    | only  wanted  to
               |    | see the computer
               |    |
Blind people   |    | Not  much  of  a
driving a van  |  ¤61¤1 | van left after!!
               |    |
Explosions     |  ¤6-¤1 | WHAT IS THIS!
               |    | 
Shots fired    |  ¤66¤1 | No waste of ammo
               |    | here!
               |    |
Times main-    |  ¤62¤1 | But    he    got 
character got  |    | revenge!
head banged in |    |
               |    |
Russians       |  ¤63¤1 | (For the CIA.)
               |    |
American sick  |¤6SEV-¤1| 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8*
jokes          |¤6ERAL¤1| > > > > > >
---------------+----+-----------------
* ¤6Joke-o-Meter¤1

Ð
Summary: ¤6CHILDREN PLAY!¤1

No   explosions.    Nearly  NO  erotic
scenes.   50%  of  the  shots  hit the
target!!!  (Too high.)
But as a comedy it  scored quite high.

Grade  on a scale  from  3.24 to 8.19:

           ¤6> > > 7.01 < < <¤1

And now,  Under Siege.  This  movie is
about a man who kills some terrorists.

Die Hard on a ship!  .........  NOT!!!
We  say,  Die  Hard  on  a  shit  (see
summary below.)

Description    | No | Comment         
---------------+----+-----------------
People killed  |¤69^99¤1| No room for more
               |    | figures!
               |    |                 
ð
Erotic scenes  |  ¤6½¤1 | An  ex  Playboy-
               |    | girl  showed her
               |    | tits!
               |    |                 
               |    |                 
Explosions     |¤6SEV-¤1| Including    one
               |¤6ERAL¤1| submarine,   one
               |    | helicopter and a
               |    | ½ carrier.
               |    |                
Shots fired    | ¤6YES¤1| Did  you  really 
               |    | expect   us   to                 
               |    | count all?! 
               |    |
Times main-    |  ¤6A¤1 | Including  being
character got  | ¤6LOT¤1| put in a fridge.
head banged in |    |                 
               |    |
               |    |                 
Russians       | ¤620?¤1| Coral  can   not
               |    | count! 
               |    |                 
Ð
American sick  |  ¤6-¤1 |-1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8* 
jokes          |    |           < < <     
---------------+----+-----------------
* ¤6Joke-o-Meter¤1  (Please notice that it
  is a negative scale!)


SUMMARY: ¤6Coffin-salesmans dream!¤1

Plenty of explosions, kills and shots!
The deepest conversations was:
- You stay here, I'll go.
  and
- I don't date those kind of guys!

As  you  might have noticed, these are
monologues.  But then, the author only
had one piece of paper when he went to
the  toilet and wrote the script.  (He
used most of it to clean his ass.)

ð
Grade on scale  from Fiat  to Ferrari:

         ¤6> > > TRABANT < < <¤1

The extremely  well-formed tits of the
ex.   Playboy-girl  saved  this  movie
from being a PUCH DAKOTA.
Ð