S T A R T R E K : T H E C O N T I N U I N G V O Y A G E S -------------------------------------------------------------- TODAY'S EPISODE: "Kirk's Women" Kirk....: Captain's Log, Stardate 2299.359.10. Today is Christmas Day. Everyone's celebrating, even Spock! He says "It is the human thing to do". I guess he's becoming more human every day since he had "the refusion" with Bones. Well, I don't think anything could possibly happen to us today... Spock...: Er, Captain? Kirk....: Yes, Spock? Spock...: The odds of anything happening to us today are 0.34756345 to 1. Kirk....: Not too good then? Spock...: No, Captain. Kirk....: Well, I suppose I should have a peek at the next page of this script to see what will happen to us... oh no! There isn't time, this is the last sentence... [ Suddenly there is a bright light and... ] ----- DA...DA...DA...DA... DA DAA DAAAAA, DA DA DA DA DAAAAAA, DAAA DAAAAAAAA... SPACE, still the final frontier... These are the continuing voyages of the starship...ENTERPRISE... Her ongoing mission, To explore strange new worlds, To seek out new life forms and new civilizations, To boldly go where no-one has gone before. ----- Kirk....: Spock, what happened? Spock...: Dammit Jim, I'm an actor, not a Science Officer! Kirk....: Spock! Spock...: Sorry, Captain - I don't know what came over me. Kirk....: Well, control that human half of you. You must have inadvertently taken some of Bones' personality from "the refusion". [ The long-range sensors suddenly go bleep. ] Spock...: Captain, the long-range sensors have suddenly gone bleep... oops, I mean we've picked up an object on long-range sensors. Kirk....: What is it? Spock...: It appears to be a... flying duck. Kirk....: No, not again! Uhura...: Sir, the duck is hailing us. Kirk....: Oh well, on screen then. [ Picard's face appears. ] Picard..: Captain Kirk, we meet again. Kirk....: Captain Picard, would you and your officers like to beam over to our ship this time for dinner? Scotty..: (whispering) Yer can come on to a real starship for a change. Picard..: (not hearing Scotty) We would be delighted. Kirk....: I'll see you at 1700 hours. Kirk out. Chekov..: Guess who's coming to dinner? Kirk....: That sounds damn familiar. [ Later on... ] Kirk....: Well, how was the meal? Picard..: Delightful. Riker...: Er, Captain Kirk, can we ask you something? Kirk....: By all means. Riker...: Damn you, sir, how do you do it? How do you always end up with the girl? I've studied your thesis and techniques on it at the academy, but I know there's something you haven't revealed. Picard..: Yes, you must tell me. Ever since I failed organic chemistry because of "A.F.", girls have avoided me - what am I doing wrong? Worf....: Even among Klingons, your sexual prowess is highly regarded. Data....: It is an... intriguing subject. Kirk....: Well, I shouldn't do, but... [ The NG crew suddenly seem dejected. ] Kirk....: Ok, ok, I'll tell you my secret... ready? Picard..: We're listening. Kirk....: The fact is... I'm part-Deltan. Riker...: WHAT! Kirk....: Well, why do you think I wear a toupee? My great-great-grandfather was half-Deltan. Watch this... [ Kirk sees Troi and Beverly enter the dining room. He smiles. ] Kirk....: Hello ladies... Troi....: Bev, it's James... Beverly.: ... T. Kirk! Kirk....: Ladies, your place or mine? Bev&Troi: Ohhhh, Jim... Kirk....: My quarters at 2000 hours? Bev&Troi: You bet! [ Bev & Troi leave smiling. Riker and Picard's heads begin smoking in jealousy. ] Kirk....: See you later, gentlemen. I must prepare myself. [ Kirk leaves the TNG crew who are shaking their heads in disbelief. Cut to Kirk's quarters. There is a ring at the door. ] Kirk....: Come. [ The door opens to reveal Bev & Troi. They enter, and, as the door shuts, they slip off their dresses to reveal... { HEAVILY CENSORED BIT - YOU'RE FAR TOO YOUNG TO KNOW! } Kirk smiles. Much, much later, we see Kirk pulling his boots on. ] Kirk....: Well ladies, I must get going. Spock will have the Enterprise ready for our sling-shot back to my time. Goodbye. Troi....: Oh, Jim, do you have to go? Bev.....: Please stay. Kirk....: Well... just for another hour or so... [ Starts taking off his boots. Bev & Troi smile... The next day, back on Enterprise-A... ] Kirk....: Captain's Log, Stardate 2299.360.9. I have had a very enjoyable Christmas day. We have successfully travelled back to our own time, and maybe I'll meet Deanna and Bev again someday? Until then, it's back to my usual chores of being Captain of the Enterprise and inter-galactic play-boy. What could possibly go wrong? Chekov..: Course heading, Keptin? Kirk....: 2nd star on the right and straight on 'till morning..... [ 78 years into the future, 9 months after Kirk's visit, we are in operating theatre 5. Suddenly, 2 crying babies can be heard. ] Doctor1.: Congratulations, Deanna... it's a boy! Doctor2.: Beverly... it's a girl! :-) END.