I T ' L L   H A P P E N   I N   ' 9 3   -   P O S S I B L Y                                                                                                      By Eden McNulty, (The Nostradamus of the computer world).                                                                                               Taken from CTW (Christmas Trade Weekly supplement), Monday December 21st.       Typed by Executioner of Quartex - Treasure Island BBS - +44 (0)992 451191                                                                                      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                      JANUARY                                                                                                                        Commodore  slices  ú100  off  the  price of the A1200, prompting a flood of     complaint  letters  to  the Amiga press from angry punters who'd bought one     the day before.                                                                                                                                                 Kelly  Sumner  replies  in  an  open  letter  to the press, saying that the     company  hadn't been planning the move in advance, he'd just lost a game of     Truth  or Dare, and had to do it for a forfeit.  A600 and A500P owners form     a user support group called The Mothers Of The Disappeared.                                                                                         ==>                                                                                         Lemmings  II  `slightly  delayed  due to minor programming tweaks', but due     next month `for sure'.  WWF European Rampage, the Christmas No.1, drops out     of  the  Gallup/Penguin Top 100.  CTW doesn't get sued for anything in Eden     McNulty's Christmas feature.                                                                                                                                    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                      FEBRUARY                                                                                                                       Commodore  announces  the  A700,  a  keyboardless Amiga console with 32-bit     architecture,  built-in  sprite  scaling and rotation, disk, smart card and     cartridge  ports,  three  megs  of  on-board memory and a 64 million-colour     palette.  The machine will run 50% of existing Amiga software and will sell     for ú250.                                                                                                                                                       The  Mothers  Of The Disappeared take on some disgruntled A1200 owners, and     mount a small protest at the trade launch of the A700.                                                                                                          Lemmings  II is reviewed in several Amiga mags, racking up 97% plus scores,     but the street date is put back a month to `allow the post-Christmas==>                                                                                         marketto settle'.                                                                                                                                               Acclaim  releases  the  long  awaited  Aliens  3,  which  turns out to be a     platform based shoot `em up where you play Ripley through several scrolling     levels,  blasting away at millions of little Alien sprites.  Actually, come     to  think of it, it looks a lot like Lethal Weapon.  The game goes straight     to No.1.  Amiga Force closes.                                                                                                                                   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                        MARCH                                                                                                                        In  a  shock  move,  Commodore  drops  the price of the A700 to ú199, in an     attempt  to  put  pressure  on  the rocketing sales of the Super NES, while     simultaneously  announcing  a  new,  `serious'  Amiga,  the A5000.  The new     machine  boasts  all  the  new  features  of the A700, but with a keyboard,     built-in  colour  monitor,  built-in  200  meg  hard  drive,  and  complete     compatibility  with  the  IBM PC.  The asking price of ú599 also includes a     year's free subscription to Sky Movies, for no obvious reason.                                                                                      ==>                                                                                         System  3  teams-up  with Gremlin to release The Last Lotus, a driving game     with  a  difference - it looks exactly like Lotus 2 and 3, but you move the     joystick left to accelerate, hit fire to turn right, push the mouse forward     to  brake,  and  press  space  on  the  keyboard to spin round and round in     confused circles until your time runs out.                                                                                                                      The  keyboard requirement makes the game A700-incompatible, and hundreds of     owners  rush  to join the swelling ranks of The Mothers Of The Disappeared,     who  organise  a  protest  march on Gremlin's Sheffield HQ.  Lemmings II is     held back on account of `the wrong kind of snow'.                                                                                                               ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                        APRIL                                                                                                                        In   a  technical  breakthrough,  Psygnosis  claims  to  have  developed  a     six-button  joystick  which  will  make  the Amiga version of Lemmings II a     `quantum  leap in games design'.  The game's release is delayed for a month     so that the programmers can cater for the new hardware.                                                                                             ==>                                                                                         Commodore,  for no obvious reason, ties up a promotional deal with Rowntree     Mackintosh,  whereby collecting the lids from 100 tubes of Smarties enables     you  to  claim a free A5000.  The Mothers Of The Disappeared, now thousands     strong, picket sweet shops nationwide.                                                                                                                          Ocean releases Batman Returns.  It looks a lot like Aliens 3.                                                                                                   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                         MAY                                                                                                                         The  scheduled  Psygnosis launch of Lemmings II at the Spring ECTS fails to     materialise.   Psygnosis  says  the  game  is  `completely  finished',  but     manufacturing difficulties with the new six-button joystick have forced the     firm to wait until it can get sufficient numbers into the shops.                                                                                                After  a quiet period, Commodore announces the A900, an enhanced version of     the A700 which also features a TV tuner and CB radio, and sells for ú229.99     (reduced to ú129.99 if you do a part-exchange with your old VIC-20).                                                                                ==>                                                                                         There are teething troubles though, as it is revealed that the machine will     only  run  30%  of  existing  A700  software.   Furious purchasers join The     Mothers   of   the  Disappeared's  mass  campaign  of  civil  disobedience,     culminating  in  a huge rally in Trafalgar Square which ends in ugly scenes     as  Kelly  Sumner, attempting to placate the crowd, is pelted with eggs and     copies of incompatible games in enormous boxes.                                                                                                                 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                        JUNE                                                                                                                         Entertainment  International  releases  Space  Ace  3  -  Borf Miraculously     Returns,  Despite  Having  Clearly  And Unambiguously Died In The Last One.     "This  time, we've combined the traditional stunning graphics and animation     with  gripping,  interactive  gameplay,"  says  the  press  release.  "It's     exactly  the same as before", say the reviews.  The game's packaging, a 2ft     by  3ft  laminated  cardboard  box  with  a  free  model Ace made of ivory,     attracts criticism from several environmental bodies.                                                                                                                                                                               ==>                                                                                         Psygnosis shocks everyone by declaring Lemmings II will now not be released     at  all!  Instead, it will be solely available as part of a software bundle     supplied  with Commodore's new A950, a revolutionary machine like the A900,     but  featuring  a  128-channel  sound chip with 10 megs of dedicated sample     memory,  three  billion  colours  all  on  screen at once, 2048x2048 screen     resolution,  Super  NES  and  Megadrive  emulator  modes, Full Motion Video     compatibility, built in CD-ROM drive and cuddly toy.                                                                                                            The  machine  is  to  be  sold  at  an astounding ú149, but, for no obvious     reason, it's only compatible with 10% of existing Amiga software.                                                                                               The  Mothers  Of  The  Disappeared  detonate  a  small  explosive device in     Islington to register their annoyance.                                                                                                                          ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                        JULY                                                                                                                         Virgin  returns  triumphatly  to  the  games scene after a few months lying     dormant,  with  Archer  Maclean's  Billiards.  Utilising a          ==>                                                                                         revolutionary 3D game  engine,  Billiards  takes  the  successful               formula previously seen in Jimmy White's Whirlwind Snooker and Archer           Maclean's Pool and, er, releases it.                                                                                                                            Code  Masters  continues  its  new pricing policy, with Couldn't Resist The     Tempation  Any Longer Dizzy going out at ú45 on all formats, except for the     8-bit NES version which is ú70.                                                                                                                                 Psygnosis unexpectedly withdraws Lemmings II from the A950 bundle, deciding     that  it's  `so  good it deserves to stand on its own, as everyone will see     when we release it next month'.                                                                                                                                 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                       AUGUST                                                                                                                        Commodore  bounces  back  from the A950 Lemmings II disappointment with the     announcement  of  a  new  bundle  including  the  machine,  two  six-button     infra-red  joysticks,  a  high resolution 25-inch monitor, pair of 100 watt     speakers,  and a complete set of Genesis albums on picture CD,      ==>                                                                                         selling at a special  recession-beating  summer  promotional  price  of         99.99  and two coupons from the top of Kelloggs Corn Flakes boxes.                                                                                              Sadly,  slight  ROM  changes  mean that the machine will now only run 5% of     existing  software.   The Mothers Of The Disappeared assassinate John Major     in protest.                                                                                                                                                     Dominik  Diamond  receives  an OBE, in the Queen's Abdication Honours List,     and  joyfully  shows  of  his gong (oo-er!) to the waiting press, remarking     `Oooh, isn't it a big shiny one!  I'll be going back home to my bedroom and     giving it a good rub later on!'                                                                                                                                 Psygnosis  decides to delay Lemmings II for `just one more month, until the     traditional summer slump is over.'                                                                                                                              ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                      SEPTEMBER                                                                                                                      Nothing  EVER happens in September.  According, that is, to         ==>                                                                                         Psygnosis, in a press release explaining the non-appearance of Lemmings II.                                                                                     ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                       OCTOBER                                                                                                                       Future  Publishing's MD Sir Chris Anderson announces plans for a major show     in the winter, to be held at Wembley Stadium during the whole of next month     and entitled The Biggest Thing In The Galaxy Ever Show.                                                                                                         Special  events  are  to include the live coronation of King Charles III, a     seminar  featuring the editors of all of Future's magazines (for no obvious     reason,  since  nobody  really cares what any of them think about anything)     and  the  entire Cabinet, including Prime Minister Dominik Diamond, and the     world  launch  of  Lemmings  II, which has been specially held back for the     occasion.                                                                                                                                                       Heady  rumours circulate within the industry also plans to use the occasion     to not release any new Amigas whatsoever.                                                                                                           ==>                                                                                                                          NOVEMBER                                                                                                                       Despite nine inches of snow, the Biggest Thing In The Galaxy Ever Show is a     roaring  success, with an audience figure larger than the entire population     of  Europe  (ABC  estimate).   Ocean  sets  up a giant ski slope inside the     stadium  (although, strangely, it neglects to actually show any new games),     which  does  massive  trade,  with  only Storm's launch party for its Daily     Sport  Lots Of Totally Naked Girls Dancing Around Suggestively With Bananas     licence boasting longer queues.                                                                                                                                 Disappointment  reigns  however,  when  the  astonishing traffic congestion     around  the  stadium  prevents  the  car  bringing the completed version of     Lemmings II from reaching the show.  Allegedly.                                                                                                                 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------                                                                                                                      DECEMBER                                                                                                                       Psygnosis finally releases Lemmings II.  In a bizarre marketing tie-up, the     game only runs on the new A999 Amiga, a state-of-the-art update     ==>                                                                                         of the A950 capable   of   independant   intelligent   thought,                 displaying   graphics indistinguishable   from  real  life,  producing          orchestra-quality  sound, abolishing world poverty and making excellent         spaghetti bolognese with just the right amount of Parmesan cheese.                                                                                              The world beating new machine is actually to be given away free with copies     of  Lemmings  II,  but  unfortunately won't run any other Amiga software at     all.   The  9  million members of The Mothers Of The Disappeared rise up en     masse,  overthrow  the  entire  world,  and  install  Sir Clive Sinclair as     President of the Universe.  Street Fighter III comes out.  It's exactly the     same as Street Fighter II.                                                                                                                                      Everyone, for no obvious reason, lives happily ever after.                                                                                                                                                                         End.