SCHOOL IS OVER. THE SCHOOL NEWS IS OVER.  BUT NOT YET!! 
               use curser keys! 

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Thats it! No more school for ever(for
some people!) I've had the best years of my life for sure at school. Anyway ,
more of that later. But first :-

 Nick killing Helene. Or at least trying. She had 3 days off school , and went
to hospital(or at least the school hos.). And , Nick is my friend. What was
going on here? Ok , I spoke to Nick a lot. Ok , what happend? Well , basically
Nick was pissed off , so he tried to strangle Helene. She was nearlly dead ,
when a teacher managed to pull Nick off. After she recoved , the bitch went &
told Morgan(deputy head) about it , this was way out of order. And switched
support to Nick. She should never have gone to Morgan at all. She knows that
Nick was told that if he is in any more trouble he would be expelled. Anyway ,
as Helene use to...well you know...we had some good times...anyway I went
undercover to try and get inside Nick's mind. He thinks that I support him ,
and said that he was doing me a favor by trying to kill her!!! Hahaha , no. I
dont want her to die! Anyway(shit! I must stop saying that!) , with some
persuassion(ok , I canna spell lad) , he told me all of his plans for Helene.
Hahaha , poor barstad - he had no idea that I was actually going to tell Helene
 , he may be one of best friends - but I dont want him to kill anyone! ( I feel
like Q in that film "Juice") , anyway he told me all of his plans , with a 
gleam in his eye , and I promised not to tell anyone. Before I knew it , I had
a cut of the action! He said he will send me free photos of her covered in
blue paint amongst over things. Gee-whiz , that guy has lost it! This was all
very confidental , and as soon as someone came along , we started talking
about Cricket or something! Haha , I felt like a real crinimal! Anyway , I have
not actually told Helene anything yet. But , dont worry - I will. Hay , im
quite a good private investigator , no? You got a problem? Come to me , I'll
sort it. 100% confidental! Haha , yeah thats what I'll be. A private eye in
New York. I cant just see it now.

Exams. Im a bit sad that they are over. They were kinda cool , no? It is weird
doing them. It is so quiet. I just wanna turn on the stereo and play some
music. Nevermind. Kinda weird exams. Some were quite easy , some were quite
hard. As I said before "Exams matter" if you want to continue your education.
But , it is so possible for me to pass 0. It is scarey. There is not one exam
which guarntees me a pass. Even English , Young said "I think you may get a C"
greeeeeeat. Nevermind. 


 LEAVERS DAY?  crap. Nomore to say.

End of year party? Fucking ace! I wont say much , as Andrew does a speical
report on this disk. But , it was fucking ace from 7pm-6am , then it got real
shit from 6-8am because everyone was so tired , I guess. It was very cool 
looking at your drunk friends , no? I have to say , I was feeling very weird
after I had a few disgusting largars(I hate largar) , but once I had some
apple juice , amazingly I was fine again. But , I cant remember much between
9 and 11. Weird. Anyway at about midngiht I went to work in the bar! Aaaah ,
how cool. During these 2 or 3 hours I worked in the bar. It was by far the
 best time I have had at any party! Strange! Anyway , it was ace. I served the
free drinks - Coke, Lemonade, apple juice, orangeade, wine, largar, beer ,
cider , punch and the infamous "Steve's cocktail" - a special cocktail made
by me! I dont know whether everyone was too drunk , but this was the most 
popular of the night! It just had a bit of everything in. Anyway , it was so
cool. It was just like the fims , people came up to me and said "Steve , you're
my best mate. I love you , y'know?" I just said "Oh thats. Thats, errr, great"
Well , the sad bar-git who I took over from was a sad bastad. He would not
let any drunk guys have anything! Well , for me it was drinks for all. Well ,
I really liked the bar job. I got to talk to everyone there , and you all liked
it. I agree. It was supurb. Well , soon I was wondering if I should have
given people massive bottles of cider when they were allready tottally out of
their head - but what the hell. I aint no loser who says shit like "No. You
have had enough I think. Yes , get out of my bar. Im not serving you" Naa. But
people were collapsing at my bar. Oh well. I liked talking to everyone , and
throwing the drinks all over people! Bit of a laugh that , huh? Sorry for
throwing all that cider in your eyes. Hay , you would have forgotten anyway!
I even had someone saying "Steve , why does nobody like me? Why Steve? I hate
myself" , no sorry , I cant say who said it! But , he is a fat fucking loser
with black hair , with no friends. Perhaps the SADDEST guy at Culford school.
I cant say how much I liked being at the bar , talking to people , drinking
a bottle of cider and serving drinks! A cool 2/3 hours for sure. Well , what
happend in the other remaining 11 hours? Just read  ANDREW DAVIDSON'S
 PARTY REPORT!! 

We said this before last month , and we are going to say it again.  DONT quit school
for all the reasons we said before. We had a few letters from some guys who
disagreed. Ok , we had one letter from a guy who disagreed. Well , school life
is easy , and if not the best years of your life , certainly the easiest time
you have. You dont want to quit school , if you want to know why not , then
read the article in last months disk.

I cant belive "High school's over" , it is very sad. I am not going to see you
cool Culford kids ever again(maybe) , well I know we all said this before , but
"Have a fucking cool life , wontcha?". This may sound strange , but these
Culford school days have been the best days of my life , well only the last 2
years. Before that it was shit. Now it's cool. How about a "7 year review" ,
fuck no! Here , are selected highlights of Culford school.
 
 Lower 2(age 10) I first joined Culford. Cool days doing fuck all , being so 
very young and innocent. Hay , life was so damn easy in thouse days. You did
not like girls , you had no exams , you did fuck all all day. I remember at
my table sat David Elworthy , Ben Backhouse and Mathhew Caddick. Nice days.
Ben smashed my mouth in with a hockey stick. Remember that? I had that thing
round my mouth for weeks! I could not eat. I had to have soup and shit like
that! The only teacher we had was Mr. Dainty. Hay Dainty! How's life? Still
wearing that hearing aid? A nice , if somehwhat dull , year.

 Upper 2(age 11) Mr. Lawn's class. I think certainly this was the best year at
Junior School. Thouse days were very cool. As Lawn was such a computer guy ,
we use to play computer stuff all day! But , Lawn use to hate swearing. Of
course no-one really sweard in thouse innocent days , but I remember when I
tripped up on a wire , "Shit!" I said. Lawn blew up! Hahaha. These days were
spent doing group investigations and problems. Extremelly worryfree days. Life
was sweet , and days were spent either playing football , or playing on Lawm's
computers. 

 Third Form(age 12) The worst year at Culford school. I dont know why really ,
it just seemed so fucking shit. For the first time we had lots of dirrerent
teachers , and they were all crap. Things were bad here , days were crap , +
the teachers hated me so much. I did no homework at all , and got a bad rep as
a loser. I seemed to be losing my friends. I dont know why. I just hated school
so much. My only real friend that year was George. Who , I have not really
spoken to since then. I sat next to him in most lessons , and it was quite
cool. But apart from that I was very much a loser. I never use to speak to
anyone much , and certainly was nothing like what im like now. I never use to
make jokes or have a laugh with people. I just use to hate school. In lessons
I just sat there thinking "I hate school" , luckly this was the only year 
that was like this. A tottally shit year.

 Lower 4(age 13) This was better. 2 best year at Junior school. I was much
better now. I was becoming a bit more cool , but still had a bad reputation
due to last year. A lot more outgoing , and happy with life. Ha , these were
the "hacking days" , for we use to hack into Mr. Lawns computer system and
do loads of cool things! We read reports , got into the headmasters secret
directory , changed the school magazine(that was announced in assembly! I
remember it so well "Someone has hacked into the school computer system and
stuipedly changed the file. It took a lot of time and effort to write that ,
and because of a foolish joke , it will have to be re-written. We dont know
who the people are , but they are very stuiped because the file was full of
incorect spelling and bad grammer" It was us! Also , I had this thing called
"A+S" or something , which was a sad company which me and Andrew Davidson had.
It was so sad. We tried to sell things , and do loads of crap. Of course it
was a really bad idea and never worked. And how can I forget me and Stace
skiving off lessons. We use to do that all the time , and we never got caught!
Hahahaha. What cool times these were. Girls? Oh , I cant remember really. I
did go out with some , but it was so very long ago. And I was jus' playin. 

 Upper 4(age 14) My last "loser" year at Culford. A very average year indeed.
Hardly anything at all happend. It was the first year of high school though.
But , was rather boring. Infact , this was a very boring year. I cant think
of one event that happend. A crap year then.

 Lower 5(age 15) For sure the best year ever! I have NEVER EVER had such a good
year , and I never will(perhaps). Where can I start?  From being a loser , I
was now cool. I joined Chris' nasty friends , and said "Fuck off" to Tony and
the saddos. Beautifull days. I was very much like I am today. I was messing
about in lessons , making jokes , and being cool. Biology. Hahahaha. What a
fucking good lesson that was. I sat next to Helene , and a had such a good
time with her. I cant describe it all here , but fucking ace days. The bio
experiments we did together , the jokes I made , Mrs King saying "Now what are
you two up to now?" , of talking about music , life and everything. Hay-hay-hay
I loved thouse days. Maths was similar too , where Helene and Claire sat
infront of me and the whole lesson was spent by us messing about. I had caught
the "cool" drug , and could not get enough of it. Super super super days. All
these days were amazing days. Like my star diary said "1992 will be a truly
memorable year" and it was! What else then? If I was to say it all , it would
take 5000 lines. Hay , even the fights I had were cool. I smashed Tony and
Johnnys head in , and I was beating up James Wagstaff , but I decided to let
him win , because his face was bleeding so bad. Blood from his nose went
everywhere , and he had trouble standing. I dont wanna kill anyone. So James -
thats the truth. I did let you win. Every lesson was cool , and I had juice.
(thats respect. See the film) I cant deside what was best - me suddenlly
being a lot cooler than I was , joining Chris' gang or the times I had with
Helene. Oooh , it's a tough one. I must say how much I appreciate Chris +
Phil's work on Helene for me. Without these two guys helping me out , I would
have got nowhere. Thanks a lot. I wont forget all thouse favors you did for
me , and for speaking to Helene for me. If you ever need anything. Just give
me a call. Remember that card we wrote for her? Thanks for that. Thanks for
everything. Anyway , I must say everyone seemed to get cooler. People started
being street tough rebels. Ok , I perhaps made a few mistakes too. Like when
Helene offered to help me revise Maths and Biology at lunchtime , I said "no"
why? When she said "Come and sit next to me" in maths "no". Why? Fuck , I sat
next to her in Bio , why not maths too? A possible mistake at Claires party
when I overheard Helene saying how much she liked me , and of every girl there
saying to me "Do you want to go out with Helene?" "No. Cos' fucking not!" I
said. Perhaps that was a mistake. Hahah , remember when Andrew Davidson wanted
to go out with her. She said "You in my Geog. set , yeah?" "Erdsafdsafs. Yes"
he said. "What was prep?" "Dunno." he now looked in his prep diary , and took
about 2 mins looking for what prep was "Dont bother to do it." he said "Why? Is
he not going to be there?" "Dunno" "What? Is he not going to be there?" "Yeah.
Just dont do it" He went off , and she gave me this look. Like "What the fuck
is that guys problem! Stephen help me" look. Hahahaha. Oh dear. SORRY ANDREW.
Dont worry , you have learned your lesson from that , and talk cool to girls.
But , it was just so fucking funny. I'll never forget it. Sorry AD. I could
give loads of examples about more cool times at school , but I wont. Im going
to talk about the last week of term. A lot of people went to Devon and came
back saying "That was the best time of my life" , well I had a cool time at 
Culford. We went on this coach , and me , chris , nick and tim went to see
Johnny Long and took the piss out of him so much he cried. We went to this
hospital , and Johnny looked sad. "Whats wrong with you Johhny?" asked Nick.
"Im a bit depressed because this is where my uncle died." "Hahahahahahahaha"
we all laughed. We were far too nasty. That was so cool. It really was. I
know we were being very nasty , but I just loved it. I am sorry. The next
day there was biology coursework all day , and we had to work in groups. My
group was , yep you guessed it , Chris , Tim and Nick. We did a bit of work.
Then went and took the piss out of Johnny. I even had a fight with him. Chris
said "What do you think of helene?" he looks worried. "She. er.. sh..she is
allright." "Ya bastad!" I shouted "Ya been fucking my girlfriend?" "n..n..noo
ste..step..stephen" "Teach him a lesson" said Nick. And I did. I got so pissed
off. Fuck , I am so nasty. I am really sorry Johnny. I really am. Then what
about when Fred Lampar and Simon said later when my tough friends had left.
"Hay , lets teach him a lesson." "Yeah , you will find out how Johnny feels"
and , errr , smashed my face in. When we were back in the bio labs I shouted
out "Simon. You are a fucking loser. Get a life" , and he exploded , got up
and ran to me and threw me through some glass! Ok , he didint do that. Ha,cool
days. Oh , I better stop now as I have wrote too much. But , if I could only
live one year , I would live this year. No doubt about it.

Upper 5(age 16) This year at Culford school was one of the best. No doubt 
about it at all. But  no way as cool or dramatic as last year. It has been a
year of steadiness. I still belive I am a cool kid(for thats all that matters.
What you think) , and things have looked steady and safe all year. Apart from
Helene that is. Gee , thats being up and down all goddamn year. It is very much
a case of "one day it's fine , the next it's black" , but it has to be said 
that even the 'fine' days were not as good as the lower 5 days. Anyway ,
highlights include U5 english talks , most people do a 5 mins talk on some
shit like "The problems of Africa" , I did a 30 min comedy show! I am so glad
that people thought it was funny. I could not stand saying something , and then
no-one laughs. Especially in a audience. Anyway , I talked about amongst over
things life and Helene "She is a 'fucking' tart. She belongs in the trash" , as
well as only being young once and all that , and to basically enjoy life b'cos
it is so fucking ace! Even our English teacher , Mr. Young liked it. His only
complaint was the swearing. He gave me a C for it. Which really surprised me,
I expected a E. Anyway , I think i'll take up stand-up-comedy. Yes? Oh , "the
gang" were as cool as ever. Major event was me , following Nick's advice,
spitting into a glass of water and throwing it over a U4 kid. Very sad indeed
I know. Oh , Mrs King was away for a term and we had Mrs Llyod. Oh dear , the
whole year agreed that she was the worst teacher ever. This is serious , she
knew nothing and had NO disciplin. Everyone messed about. I was moved to the
front , and had a good laugh with Claire and Liz. But nothing. I mean nothing
compared to last year with Helene. Anyway , soon things got way out of hand - a
nd as you know the rest is history. But just incase I want to look at this disk
when im an old guy to see what I was like when I was sweet 16 , Llyod hated me 
more than anyone. And I had to pay repairs because of vandalising her car. Ok
Oh shit , I nearlly forgot the Tony Brown incident. When I threw him under a
car. Hmmm , yes that happend too. Geez , I was so violent. But , before you
condemn me , you must know what happend. I was following advice from (yes who
else) Chris to lay low because of the car event. But Tony had been pushing it
too far , fat git kept on disrespecting me and saying shit like "Ok , im been
doing karate. Fight me you barstad." and so much shit about Helene and my
freinds. Anyway , luckly the car maganged to swerve out of the way and Tony
lived. Since that day , I have had no problems from Tony. Shit , if Tony had
died it would have been pretty bad , eh? Pretty bad. No , fucking bad - I would
go to prison and live with the guilt all my life. But , im a lucky kid. Helene
is a dumb tart for sure. In parents evening when I was sitting with my mum
talking to Mr. Davis , she came along , smilled , waved(yes) and said "Hi" ,
then walked on a bit , then pointed to me and saying something to her mother.
Then when I had a new haircut , and Dan. said that he did not like my hair much
, she shouted out accross the room at my defensive. I had never seen her so
angry in my life. She was yelling at Danual. "Ok" said Danual "Calm down!"
And the next week , she ignores me. That is just one example of the "up/down"
saga that occurded this year. Fuck, it is like riding a rollar-coster ride with
her this year. But certainly a good final year to Culford school.

At the moment I just feel like the ride's over. It got a bit scarey there. But
now the Helene ride is over. I have got off it , and gone home. But it was such
an amazing rollar-coster ride that I'll be back on it in September. Back on
the Helene ride at Thurston. Or , I may demand my money back. Oh dear , I think
I have finally cracked this time!
 
Shit , im glad thats over. That took days to do. I hope you dont think it is
too boring. It really is just about my life , is'int it? Sorry. Next month
school news is not back to normal. There is a special "Thurston Preview:
thing. After that , I promise it is normal school news. Not just "Stephen
Maughans life news" Sorry about that. I got a bit too carried away. Oh well.

REMEMBER DONT QUIT SCHOOL , and DONT MISS NEXT MONTHS SPECIAL EDITION OF
SCHOOL NEWS.
press escape.