Mrs Monkton is in one of those exciting choose your own 
adventure books.  See if you can help her escape from The 
Labyrinth of Torment....

BACKGROUND
Mrs Monkton got up one sunny day in June.  The sun was 
shining and it was June.  She had her usual breakfast of 
rotting offal and marmalade, then got dressed and went into 
town.  In town she met her friend, Mrs Chal-dran 'O-lova, 
the Magic Elf.  And do you know what she did to poor Mrs 
Monkton?  That's right, she cast her into The Labyrinth of 
Torment!  And what a labyrinth it was!  Full of torment too.  
Now you are Mrs Monkton.  Can you save yourself?

NOW READ ON

1) You are trapped in the labyrinth of torment.  It's really 
scary.  Should you go left (turn to 15) or right (turn to 9)?
2) You leave the room, but then a piece of fire comes down 
and scalds you.
3) Soon you are in a forest full of trees.  There is a man in 
the tree.  He says, "Here is a riddle: when I'm wet, I'm not. 
When I'm black, I can.  When I'm hot, I never.  But if I see 
your legs before Tuesday you can send your Neapolitan 
cushions to Jan Leeming."  Do you answer 'Tweed' (turn
to 6), 'Cheese' (turn to 12) or 'Marble' (turn to 20)?
4) You continue down the endless corridor.  Turn to 4.
5) You kill the last of the Abrebans with your knife.  There 
are two doors in the wall.  Do you take the left (turn to 18) or 
the right (turn to 11)?
6) "No," says the man, "the answer isn't 'Cheese'!" and he 
kills you just like that.
7) Soon you are in an old kitchen.  There is a cook standing 
over a large pot.  There is a severed head in the pot.  She 
turns around and says "Hello!" genially.  Do you say 'Hello!' 
in an equally genial manner (turn to 16) or  say 'How dare 
you speak to me like that!' and grab some of the very special 
looking oil from her shelf and run out of the room (turn to 
14)?
8) Then you are face to face with the labyrinth keeper, 
Janice.  She snarls at you viciously and comes charging at 
you with her sword drawn.  Have you got some oil, a key and 
some leaves?  If you have turn to 22.  If not turn to 10.
9) You go right and come to a door, you listen at the door and 
can hear the words "If you come into this room, I'll kill you."  
Will you go in (turn to 21) or go back and go left (turn
to 15)?
10) You don't have the key, oil and leaves, so you'll have to 
make do with The Mega Death and Destruction Weapon that 
you keep in your handbag.  You get it out and turn it on.  
Janice frazzles to a crisp in a second!  You have won!  Turn
to 25.
11) You go in the right door.  There is a tank of water to your 
left and you can see lots of sharks in it swimming about.  Do 
you get in the water and have a swim (turn to 17) or carry on 
(turn to 24)?
12) "No," says the man, "the answer isn't 'Marble'!" and he 
kills you just like that.
13) This number isn't being used for anything.  So you'll 
never read it.  I can call you a stupid twat if I want and you 
would be none the wiser!  So ner ner ne ner ner!
14) You grab the bottle labelled 'Very special-looking oil' and 
run out of the room.  Turn to 8.
15) You go left and die for a reason I can't be bothered to 
explain.
16) You say 'Hello' and she kills you with her wooden spoon.
17)  Why did you do that?  The sharks eat you.
18) You go in the left door and are in a corridor that goes on 
forever.  You go down it.  Turn to 4.
19) You put your head in the guillotine and drop the blade, 
but you live!  You find a key.  Put it in your handbag and turn 
to 3.
20) "That's right!" the man says, "the answer is 'Tweed'!"  
He gives you some leaves.  "Be careful with these," he says.  
"They don't grow on trees you know!'  Turn to 7.
21) Inside the room is a woman with a box on a table.  She 
says "Didn't I tell you not to come in here?"  Then three 
Abrebans come in and attack you.  (No, I don't know what 
they are either.)  Do you win (turn to 5) or lose (turn to 23)?
22) What good are leaves, oil and a key going to do you here?  
She kills you with her sword.  (You deserved that for having 
such a stupid idea.  Trying to defend yourself with some 
leaves and a drop of oil!  Really!  You could have hardly 
warded her off with a key now could you!)
23) You lose and die horribly at the hands of the Abrebans.  
(If indeed they have hands.)
24) You carry on.  Soon you are in a room.  There is a big 
guillotine in the room and a door leading out.  Do you put 
your head in the guillotine and drop the blade (turn to 19) or 
leave the room (turn to 2)?
25) You leave The Labyrinth of Torment and go home.  You 
are happy to be home, you have a meal and go to bed.  There's 
not really much more to say.

THE END

That was book number 193,563 in a series of 2,500,000.