@T,1,802,aae,2 @3@5   @2@C @3DIY-WORKSHOP@2@C
@T,0,999,bbb,1 @2@4                Part 1
@1  How to get rid of the shorties in
             your school

@T,0,a30,f80,1 @1First  of  all:   What  are  @2shorties@1?
Well,  as  you might know, the highest
school  in  Germany  is the Gymnasium.
It  contains 9 different forms, from 5
to  13,  who are split in three parts:
Unterstufe  (5-7),  Mittelstufe (8-10)
and   Oberstufe   (11-13).    And  the
Unterstufe is always inhabited by @21.30
to  1.50  metres  small  and  horrible
baby-monsters@1  running down the stairs
and  in the floors, hacking viciousely
at  innocent  older  pupils with their
@2deadly   tabletennis-rackets@1.   That`s
the species of the @2Shorties@1.

So  what  to  do?   The easiest way to
avoid  them  is  a)  @2quit school@1.  But
that   would  be  a  victory  for  the
Shorties.   or  b)  simply  @2bash their
tiny  and  ugly heads@1 in with a hammer
or  so.   But  that`s  equally bad, as
there`s  always  at  least one @2Shortie@1
left   who  will  betray  you  to  the
directors  of  the  school.   So what?
You`ll  must  destroy  them  with @2more
subtile  methods@1 so that it looks like
an  @2accident@1  or  at least directs the
suspicion in another direction.

Here  are  now  @2some  proven  ways@1  to
dispose of @2Shorties@1:

@T,0,837,c26,1 @1-   Lay  @2trapmines@1  on  their  way  to
school.   As  @2Shorties@1 tend to live in
packs, the chance to @2blow up@1 more than
one  is  very  high and there`ll be @2no
piece of evidence@1 agianst you left, as
all is blown the pieces (the @2Shorties@1,
too, of course).

@T,0,a30,f80,1 @1-  Take  @2a  walk  with  your dog@1.  For
maximum  efficiency use a @2pittbull@1 and
a doglead that can @2break easily@1.  This
is  a  good method to erase one single
@2Shortie@1, as you can always disguise it
as  an  @2accident@1  and anyway, @2it`s the
fault of the dog@1, isn`t it?

@T,0,837,c26,1 @1-  If it`s @2winter@1, hide white-coloured
@2lead  balls@1  in the snow.  As @2Shorties@1
always  start  throwing  snowballs  at
each  other,  it`s likely that they do
your  job  for  you.   And, it`s again
their  fault  when they have @2shattered
head@1 afterwards...

@T,0,a30,f80,1 @1-  If  the  @2Shorties@1  have  to use the
train  to  go  home, it`s very easy to
give  them  @2a  little hidden push@1 just
before  a train comes through...@2splat!@1
@2Good  excuses@1  are:   Another  Shortie
pushed  you  against  the  victim, the
victim slipped on some oil, ice, water
etc.,  or, @2a very good one@1:  you tried
to prevent him falling on the railway,
but sadly failed.

@T,0,837,c26,1 @1-  Take  a  very  thin and sharp rope,
e.g.     @2Nylon@1    and   bind   it   in
@2throat-height@1 of the @2shorties@1 over the
way.  Then wait till some @2Shorties@1 ran
against  it  and admire the efficiency
one  single  rope  can  have.  Take it
down  after some time and @2put it away@1,
so  @2nobody  can suspect you@1 as the one
responsible for @2headless Shorties@1...

@T,0,a30,f80,1 @1-   Paint   some  @2deadly  poison@1  that
infects  on  touch through the skin on
their  @2schoolbooks@1.   This promises to
be  very good, as you can get rid of a
lot  of  @2Shorties@1  with  it  with very
little effort and nobody can prove you
anything...

@T,0,837,c26,1 @1-  Another way to get rid of @2Shorties@1,
especially  little  @2Shortie-Girls@1 (the
younger  the better) is very funny and
@2rewarding@1:  First of all, look out for
a   quite   hidden   place   on  their
school-way,  e.g.  through a @2forest@1 or
so.  It`s also good when it`s still or
already  dark  with  few  or no people
around.    Then   wait  for  @2a  single
Shortie-Girlie@1,  catch  her, carry her
in  the  wood,  stuff her mouth with a
hanky,  @2rip  her  clothes off her body@1
and  bind her.  Then you can have some
@2pleasure@1  with  her  by  @2raping@1 her as
@2hard   and   violently@1   as  you  wish
(everything`s allowed!) before @2cutting
her  throat@1.   Be careful not to leave
behind  any  @2fingerprints@1!   When  she
will  be  found,  everybody will think
that  @2a  pervert  sex-maniac@1 did it...
This  procedure  can  be  @2repeated@1 for
quite  some  time, but it`s adviseable
to   sometimes   change   the   place.
More...   ahem,  strange  subjects can
expand this  procedure  by using it on
@2Shortie-Boys(?)@1  or build a @2team@1 up to
three people (@21 girlie = 3 holes@1).


@T,0,949,880,1 @1That`s  it for today!  I hope I helped
you   to   find  a  way  to  @2stop  the
Shortie-Epidemy@1   effectively.    Next
time I`ll show you how to blow up your
local post-office.  That means, if the
@2men  in  white coats@1 let me out of the
@2asylum@1  again...   Bye,  see  you next
time round...

@3                      AAHZ of ALCATRAZ


@1PS:   This  article  should  of course
mean  @2no  offense@1  to  anybody, but is
meant  as  a  @2satire and parody@1.  If a
reader  feels somehow @2insulted@1 by this
crap  above,  @2it`s his own fault@1.  The
author   of   this  article  takes  @2no
responsibility@1  for it, as he (and the
article)`s extremely @2sick-minded@1...