³¼40 THINGS TO SAY TO¼³

³¼A LAMER¼³
  
¹
You all know the situation:  The school
is  over  and  you're preparing to rush
home  to your beloved Amiga.  Unluckily
you spot a local gamelamer just outside
the  door  to the classroom.  You don't
have to think long about what he wants.
When  you  go out the door, he will ask
if he can come and visit you.  "Oh no",
you  think,"how  shall I loose him from
the  way  from the school to my home?".
We all know what the lamer is up to, he
want  games,  NEW games, and you're the
guy with the soft.  But, you don't have
to tolerate these irritating, annoying,
stupid,  timeconsuming  lamers anymore.
Fear not, here's what to do:
IF YOU'RE A CODER:
1.   Tell him you have to code your new
4096  faces  ultra fast glenz rutine in
assembler.   He  doesn't know what that
is, but he don't want to appear stupid,
so  he answers:  "Well, THAT sure takes
a  lot  of  time,  I  know.  OK, see ya
later..Bye".

2.    The   common  one.   When  you've
arrived  home,  say  that  you  have to
check  some  demos.   After  some time,
when  there's  no  hope  for  games the
lamer disappears.

3.   Just  start  coding  when arriving
home.  After 2 mins the lamer leaves.

4.   Take  him  with you, give him some
games  and  make  him  happy.   What he
don't know is that you have placed your
newly  invented  virus on the disks, so
you  can see how it works in the field,
so  to  speak.  If it's a nasty one, he
won't annoy you any more!

5.   Say  you  haven't  got  the  time.
There's  a party somewhere and you have
to  go  (the  lamer  doesn't  know when
there's  a  party,  so you can use this
with success some times).

6.   Say:  "Well, that's OK, if you can
answer  but  one question.".  The lamer
says:   "Yeah man, sure man, what's the
question?.   "Just  give  me the binary
number  for cde001!" (I'll bet he can't
answer  this,  after  all  he's  just a
gamelamer).

7.   On  the  way  home  just KILL him!
Piece o cake, eh?
 
8.   Say  you  haven't  got  the  time,
you'll  have  to visit your girlfriend.
Doesn't work without a girlfriend.

9.   You  haven't the time, you have to
teach  your  mathteacher  some advanced
maths!

10.  Just say NO!

IF YOU'RE A GRAPHICIAN:

1.   Take  him  to your place and begin
drawing  on  our  beloved Amiga.  He'll
leave  after  approximately  10 mins (I
know,  one  of  my  friends  uses  this
method some times (Hi, Adonis)).

2.  Same as with the coder.

3.   Tell  him  you've  just  found the
inspiration  to  draw  something and NO
ONE should disturb you.

4.   When  he  wants some soft, you can
give  him  your  pics and nothing else.
After  2-3  times he'll never visit you
again.

5.   You  have to draw your ultra sharp
looking   girlfriend   while  she  sits
model,  NAKED!  And therefore you won't
have guests while that is going on.

6.   Tell him your mum doesn't want you
to play with unknown boys.

7.   Say  you're expecting the software
police to storm your house any day.  He
won't dare visit you from now on.

8.   If  there's  someone you hate, who
also  owns an Amiga, you could give the
lamer  his adress and say that this guy
has a lot games.

9.   Just  play some Techno VERY loud!!
He'll  leave  after  1 min (there aint'
many techno freax out there).

10.  Just say NO!

IF YOU'RE A MUSICIAN:

1.   Start  composing  when  you're  at
home.  Maybe this won't scare the lamer
but  if  you'd  start  composing Techno
he'd soon disappear.

2.  Same as the coder.

3.  You have to compose a new tune, and
you'll only manage to do it ALONE!

4.   You're  holding a group meeting at
your place, and it's members only.

5.   Give  him  the phone number of the
software police and tell him that he'll
get  free cracked games at this number.
You won't see him again for some time!

6.   Tell  him that he's welcome, IF he
remembers to buy a 1 1/2 litre coke for
you everytime he wants to visit you.

7.  Signal to your bodyguards that they
shall remove the squabbling lamer (only
works if you have bodyguards).

8.   Say:   "Sorry,  I  have  to commit
suicide  today!".   Maybe  he calls the
police  and  maybe  he  doesn't, but he
won't bug you anymore.

9.   You  have to practice playing with
your band, "The pussycats".

10. Just say NO!

IF YOU'RE A SWAPPER:

Remember,  as  a  swapper  you  are the
person most likely to be annoyed by the
lamer, IF he knows you're a swapper.

1.  No, you have to check your mail for
hot stuff, ALONE!

2.  Same as the coder.

3.  You have to send 15 packages today,
the  same  amount  the  next day and so
forth,  you'll  NEVER  get the time for
chatting  with  him (after saying this,
make  sure  he doesn't notice your many
FRIENDS visiting you!).

4. No, you have to make some packdisks. 
(don't tell him it's gamepacks).

5.   Say:   "O.K, the prices are 3$ per
disk, without disk!".

6.   As  you're  a  very tough and cool
guy,  just  say:   "Fuck  off ya shitty
gamelamer.   I  fucking  hate ya!".  By
the  way, don't say this if he's bigger
than you!

7.   Tell  him  you've  sold your Amiga
because you couldn't afford it.

8.   Say:   "If  you accompany me home,
I'll  shoot  out your brains, roast you
and then give you to my dog!".

9.   Hell,  I do not know everything my
self,  do I.  Just find a reason not to
have him visit you.

10.  Just say NO!

                  ³DARKHAWK/MEGALOMANIA