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ÌÉ      ARE YOU A BROWN HATTER?
Ê------------------------------------
ËÉBy Kingpin /New Wave
È
It's  surprising  how  many  of  our
homosexual   friends  there  are  in
society.  They seem to be popping up
all over the place - on the football
field,   in   the   showers  and  on
television  doing children programs.
Don't  get us wrong, we have nothing
agaist  people putting their willies
up  each others bottoms and growning
great  woofley moustaches.  It takes
all  sorts  after all, and there's a
bit  of  the homosexual in all of us
É(although  I've  never  had a bit of
one in me - oh no sir).
È
So  here's  your  chance to find out
wether  there's a benny lurking deep
within   you   ....   so  to  speak.
Simply  answer each question A, B or
C  then  add  up your final score to
reveal  whether  you've  got what it
takes  to become a big fat screaming
queen of a penis pilot.


1.   You go to a party and get blind
drunk.  You and your best mate crash
out  in  his  bed for the night.  In
the morning do you :

Éa)  Have  a good laugh about how you
drunk   you   both  were  the  night
before.

b)  Have  a good laugh, but secretly
feel  just  a little bit embarrassed
that you both slept in the same bed.

c)  Have  a  good  laugh,  until you
realise  that during the night, your
pyjama's   have   mysteriously  been
turned  back  to  front  so that the
slit  in  now at the rear.  And come
to  think  of  it,  your bottom does
feel a bit sore.

 
È2.   You're watching telly with your
girlfriend.  She insists on watching
the  live  match  Spurs  V  Man Utd.
Would you :

Éa)  Happily  agree.   You're  a keen
soccer fan and like to watch Man Utd
getting a right good stuffing.

b)  Happily  agree.   You're  a keen
United  fan  and like to watch Spurs
getting a right good stuffing.

c)  Reluctantly  agree  as you don't
really  like  football  but  console
yourself  with thoughts of that nice
Gary  Linker  getting  a  right good
stuffing.


È3.    You're   watching  'Tonight  -
Robert   Aschberg'  with  your  girl
friend,  she  remarks  how great the
program is, would you :
É
a) Wish she'd shut up, you think the
program is a piece of shit.

b)  Agree  with her, Robert Aschberg
is a great host.

c)  Ignore  her.  You're far to busy
fantasising    about    fist-fucking
Robert Aschberg.


È4.   It's  Sunday  afternoon, you're
watch  ITV's 'The Match' (on ITV, of
course)  with your mates.  Would you
:

Éa)   Feel   happy   and   contented.
There's nothing you like better than
to  watch  the footie with your beer
swilling mates.

b)  Feel a little aggrieved that you
can't  talk  to  your mates properly
because  the telly is causing such a
distraction.

c)  Get  up and turn the telly over.
You're missing Fashion TV!


È5.   Fashion  TV  is  now on and all
your  mates are making lewd comments
about  the  beauty  of the models on
the show.  Would you :

Éa)  Join  in, some of the models are
really fucking beautiful!

b)  Join  in, particalarly when that
other  one  comes  on,  you know the
skinny one with the big nose.

c)  Join  in,  but  feel  a  strange
unexplained    longing    the   ever
beautiful Calvin Cline.


È6.   Walking down the high street, a
scaffolder's  wolf whistle brings to
your  attention  a real leggy lovely
across the street.  Would you :

Éa) Have a good gawp, yes he's right,
she's  a  real  stunner  with a huge
pair of jugs.

b)  Ignore  his  lewd  comments - it
really  is  appalling how women have
to suffer such foul mouthed taunts.

c)  Have  a good gawp, yes he really
is  a  muscley  hunk,  with a lovely
line in builders arse-crack.

ÿ