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10  THINGS  YOU DID'T KNOW ABOUT BBC
WEATHERMAN JOHN KETTLEY
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ËÈ
TV  weather  forecaster John Kettley
is   one   of   Britain's  favourite
personalities,  yet  so  far  he has
stunned   the   bright   lights   of
publicity   and  remains  a  man  of
mystery  and  enigma.   I decided to
fill some space we forgot by ripping
the   lid   off   television's  most
popular meterorologist.

Ê 1È John  Kettley is an Egyptian name
which,   if  you  move  the  letters
around  a  bit  and  some  new ones,
translates as 'sacred prophet of the
sky'

Ê 2 ÈJohn    started   his     weather
forecasting   career  early  in  his
childhood.    He  would  often  give
weather   forecasts   to  his  proud
parents  by shouting his predictions
down a piece of string with old suop
cans attached to either end.

Ê 3È Like many teenagers at that time,
John  used to frequently masturebate
in his bedroom.
Ê
 4È   Thankfully,  John  hasn't had a
wank for two years apparently.  Even
then  it  was  only because his wife
went  away  to the Lake District for
the weekend.

Ê 5È John's favourite weather forecast
was  the  one  where  he had to tell
everyone   it   was  very  foggy  in
Liverpool, but was unable to because
the   camara's   couldn't   see  him
through the thick fog!

Ê 6È Although  John has always wanted
to  visit  the Meteorological Office
in   Bracknell,  Bershire.   He  has
never  been able to get around to it
because  the trains to Bracknell are
a  bit irregular from Knutsford near
Manchester where he lives.

Ê 7È Co-incidentally, the firm '3M' is
also  based  in  Bracknell  and they
make  the  Scoth  videotape which is
the   tape   John  records  all  his
weather froecastes on!
 
Ê 8È Unlike  Radio   One  DJ  Dave-Lee
Travis,  John does not have a beard.
Or  a  Swedish  wife.  Or a farm for
the matter.

Ê 9È But   this   does  not    prevent
Dave-Lee  Travis'  weekend  show for
being    John's    favourite   radio
listening.   He especially likes the
quiz because the questions aren't as
hard  as  those  on  Mastermind  but
aren't  quite  as simple as the ones
on  Les Dawson's BBC television show
'Fast Friends'.  They are just right
really.

Ê10È  I've just thought of another one
for  number  7  -  'The  John  Lewis
Partnership',  the  people  who  own
'Waltrose'   supermarkets.   They're
based in Skelton Way, Bracknell.

ÉKingpin/New Waveÿ