OI, kiddie-winks! Sit up, shut up, and get that fag/spliff/cock out of yer 
mouth, and PAY ATTENTION!

Right, now I`ve got your attention with maximum offence, I`m gonna tell 
you about the best offer you`ve ever heard in your life. Internet access 
for only 25 quid a year. Yes, 25 quid a YEAR. How, I hear you cry eagerly? 
Well read on.

 Hmm, I bet right at this moment you`re thinking, "AH HA!! But I can call 
M** N** and get _free_ net access! Why should I have to pay?!?" Well if 
thats what your thinking: oooooh dear. Oooh deary me. Let me just point 
out a few facts to all you rather ill-informed souls. 

   1. For starters, have you ever noticed how BLOODY SLOW M** N** is? It 
       feels like the whole time is spent waiting around for the net 
       connection to complete. Well, on this new state of the art system, 
       this problem is eliminated. Connections and transfers will take place 
       at almost exactly the same speed as a dedicated net connection!  Yes,
       no more waiting for the file to be copied to the M** N** machine and 
       then to your computer. And the speed is increased even more with...

   2. Multitasking. Yep, no matter what computer your using, you can 
       download two files simultaneously! Yes, simultaneously. Boll** I 
       hear you yell. No my friends, fact. You can tag files on the net, 
       then go back to the bbs and do whatever you want, including downloads. 
       The net files will be downloaded to another networked Amiga in the 
       background, and you will be informed when this download is finished. 
       Now if you don`t find this impresssive, I suggest you buy a big gun, 
       take yourself outside, and blow your brains out.

   3. _NO_ restrictions on the types of files you can download.

   4. You aren`t limited to only one call a day like certain lame boards.

   5. It is a _hell_ of a lot cheaper than the Digital Candy service.

   6. The board that is providing this service is cool as buggery. Cool
       sysop, cool files, cool everything!

   7. The software is being custom written by a coder who works for
      Electronic Arts. Nuff said I think, eh?

And all this for only 25 quid A YEAR. Compaire that to around 30 quid a 
year for connection, and then 10 pounds per month for a full internet 
connection. At his moment your now probably straining to keep the mess 
from spilling out of your pants. Well, calm down and call: 

    .-------------------------------------.
    | HaVoK on 01702 306 474     24 hours |  <<<<-- CALL THIS NUMBER!!!!
    `-------------------------------------'

Talk to the most excellent sysop, and you _MUST_TELL HIM THAT JACKNIFE SENT 
YOU!!!! Sign up for this, coz its gonna be the hottest F**king board in the 
UK!

That is the gist of the service, talk to the sysop for the full deal as I 
may have missed out some other information you may wish to know. Call 
HaVoK and ask, your are in no way obligated. It can`t hurt, can it? (OK, 
not much :) ). cyas all there.