}7Written by Gears

}2           HOW TO MAKE.....}8
}6          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

}2  A MAT FOR YOUR CUPS (OR COASTER)!
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
}1
After the huge success of "How to
make an A600", which appeared in
ZAM-2 and Zircon Utils III, it's my
pleasure to bring you the sequel !!

Have you ever had a cup of tea or
your favourite liquor leave a mark on
your desk ? Yeah, you COULD put it on
a disk or on your Amiga...but liquid
doesn't do much for either if it
spills. Most Amiga owners will
probably have a disk which doesn't
work and has about 23623 million
errors on it - so just follow 
these steps to solve both problems !!
}6You'll need :-

}4
1- An Amiga disk that has no chance
of EVER working again.
2- A flat-headed screwdriver.
3- A vice or hammer

}1
1) Pull of the metal cover thing. If
you hold the disk with the sticker
facing down in your left hand and
slide the metal forwards & backwards
while pulling hard, it should come
off. If all else fails, use a chisel
or a large quantity of explosive
material.

2) If you slide your nail half-way
down one of the sides you should
find that it seperates. Use the
screwdriver if you don't have long
nails.
}13) Slide the screwdriver all the
way around while holding one side
apart with your fingers (hey ! No
smutty jokes please !)

4) After pulling the whole thing
apart you should be left with two
bits of plastic (the outer casing)
and the disk itself (cooo, isn't it
interesting!) Pull the disk out and
squash it in your vice or wack it
with the hammer so that it is as flat
as possible (then bottles won't
wobble about on it!) Or you could
push out the metal bit in the middle
if you want (to make it look like a
polo-mint!)

5) If, like me, you're a bit mad then
you could get some spray paint and
cover the disk in weird colours. You
can also write your name or group on
it if you have a permanent marker.
You could paint it white or tippex
it and write on it 
with a biro.

6) Wait for it to dry.......du de du
... la la la (time passes, you get
the idea.....) .......tick tock....
Ha ! It's done !! 

7) Now place it on your desk, make a
cup of tea or get a drink of
something... AND PLONK IT ONTOP !
Wow !! Your own personal......
erm........ err....under-a-cup- 
to-stop-it- dripping-everywhere-and-
messing-stuff-up thingy !!!
}4
You will have the two bits of
plastic left over.... I haven't
found a use for these...The spongy
stuff inside could be used to clean
your keyboard I suppose. Hey, even
better.... You could put it back
}4together without the floppy-disk in
(a bit of glue may be needed) and
send it off to someone you don't like
!!! Ha ! Or you could put large
amounts of internal body fluids
onto the disk and put it back
together !!! That'd REALLY get
someone annoyed ! If you've been
ripped off by a "take the money and
run" mail-order games company you
could send it to them !!!!!!!!!! HA
HA !!!! Whoops ! Don't tell
anyone where you got the idea
though....it's not a good idea to
demolish a perfectly good
disk-drive.....unless.....it's
someone you really, really, 
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, (...this cut 'n
paste function works well....)
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, really,
really, (..doesn't the word "really"
seem a bit mis-spelt ?...)
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really, (..I think
you've got the message!!..), really,
really, really, really, really,
really, really, really HATE THEM !!!
}1
Yes...Well, more next time..... Wake
up lil` suzie......we gotta go
home!!! ooooooooooooo la laaaaaa
!!!! Ahem ! I really must stop
singing along to songs in the middle
of... When you go will you send
baaaaack a letter frroooooommmmmmmmm
}1Americaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ......
vhkjdhvkd f! Excuse me !

eee ya !!! ............. well...
....scientifically speaking.... I
can't actually "see" you..... All I
know is that you are probably sitting
in front of a monitor or TV with a
mouse in your hand and an Amiga at
your side. I don't know anything
else..... So I can't see you......
AHHA ! I'm going all strange !! Help!
Doctor !!! 

(* I've been under the doctor all
week........Shit, is she good in bed
or WHAT ?!?!) 

}2
* - Please note, THIS IS NOT A VERY
GOOD JOKE !

}1I'm off now.......}6 "Off what
?"}1...you ask...}6"Is he off his
trolley ?"}1.....no.....well, yes I
am....but...What I meant was that
I'm going ... }6 "Going where ?"}1
You ask again......SHUT UP ! .. I
reply..
}1
End.