Written by Gears


                              EAT THIS !
                            --------------

  TAKE THAT AND LULU ? WHO THE FUCK GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO POLLUTE THE 
CHARTS? Bag a shite. OI ! PEOPLE ! Don't listen to the charts ! It's all
a pile of crap and it ISN'T accurate. Gallup, BARB, MRIB, it's all a
pile of rat infested manure. Where do they get the data from ? Big shops
and sometimes from airplay on local radio stations. Who decides what gets
played on the radio ? You ? No... The men in suits do. And that
influences the charts. If Gallup take their data from shops like Virgin
Megastore and WoolWorths etc, that wouldn't be fair would it ? No.. But
they only select a few music stores. Your local CD shop wouldn't be
included in this. Why don't they start taking data from the amount of
CD's that are supplied to music stores from record companies ? EH ? I 
dunno.

And the radio authority can shut their stupid little gob right now.
Radio 1 is the biggest and the worst european radio station. The radio
authority gave it thousands and thousands and THOUSANDS of extra wattage
power for each transmitter. Aha ! But then Atlantic 252 and appear..  
"Hello Radio Authority", they say, "Can we have an FM frequency
for our national radio station ?" The Radio Authority discuss the
programming that Atlantic would provide. Oh dear.. they want to play
chart music.. Damn.. That would compete with Radio 1. And ... They want
to play stuff that ISN'T in the Top 40 ! Oh no ! Quick ! Duff them a
Long Wave frequency and hope nobody notices. Then, Richard Branson
wants an FM frequency. Richard is clever. He sees that that the Radio
Authority don't like stations that compete with Radio 1 so he says, "Hi, 
I want to start a rock and metal station, can I have a national FM
licence please?", "BUGGER OFF !" came the reply. And they were given a
MW frequency. They still wanted to make it a big station, so they
started to broadcast Virgin 1215 on the Astra satellite. Now they're
campaigning to get an FM licence. Mr. Branson even tried to swop with
Radio 4. He asked the bosses of radio 4 if they would like to continue
on their MW frequency while Virgin went on FM, after all - Radio 4
listeners are listening to a speech-based station, and it doesn't need
stereo. Did the BBC agree ? Nope, of course not.

Fine, you say. So what ? You say. Radio 1..Radio2..Radio3..Radio4. Okay,
they're all crap. What about Radio 5 ? Hmmm ? They're gonna want an FM
frequency soon.... I wonder how what the Radio Authority will say about
that ? I don't think the BBC (Bollocks-Broadcasting-Corporation) wil
have any trouble. 

The BBC is a load of shite anyway. They can never admit that the TV 
films they show are crap.....I mean... Jaws II ? AGAIN!??? And what
about the "un-beatable" sports coverage ? Huh ? Sky Sports has the
footie, boxing, rugby and EuroSport has the entire Formula 1 and Indy
coverage. Unbeatable ? Bollocks. Yeah, you might be thinking, "Ha,
Gears is slagging the beeb off again.. hasn't he got anything else to
do ?" Well... the fact is that only turnips watch the channel anyway.
I mean. Tell me a good proggy on BBC1.... Come on... I'm waiting....
EastEnders ? ... Wow... That's really jolly, isn't it... Doctor Who ?
Where's the new series then ? Fawlty Towers ? Nope.. You can't watch
that unless youbuy a dish and pay 7 quid a month for UK Gold etc.
Okay, so BBC2 might have a couple of good comedies, but on the whole
BBC1 is a pile of turd. The Generation Game ? You can shove it. Noels
House Party ? .. You'd have to be brain dead to like that crap... Do
something else on a Saturday night.... Watching Noel Edmonds has to be
the worst possible pass-time. IN YER FACE ! 

JOIN THE NEW GENERATION - DO THE FOLLOWING - 

 1: DO NOT - REPEAT - DO NOT BUY TEENY-BOPPER MUSIC (DEFINITION BELOW)
 2: STOP BELIEVING THE GOVERNMENT
 3: PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN WHEN PASSING A POILCE CAR ON THE MOTOR-WAY
 4: SPRAY A LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH PINK AND DRIVE IT DOWN THE HARD-SHOULDER
 5: DON'T EAT POT NOODLE - JUST ENJOY THE ADVERT
 6: DON'T BUY SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS
 7: BELIEVE ONLY WHAT YOU KNOW
 8: STOP FIGHTING - WAR DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING - IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE
 9: WHEN A STEWARDESS ASKS "CAN ANYONE FLY A PLANE ?" SAY - "YEAH, I CAN"
    JUST TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
10: GET THE ZIRCON AMIGA MAG AND READ !

 
Ah, let's see. Who else can I slag off ? How about the tossers that stood
around the Russian White House just to have a look !? HELLO PEOPLE ! 
Guns are bad for your health. It isn't a party ! You don't go along just
to see what's happening ! Bullet + Gun + Idiot = Dead person... Got it ? 

HAVE YOUR SAY ! HIT THAT REPLY BUTTON !

Gears 94