!!!!PARENT ADVISORY - EXPICIT LANGUAGE!!!! ___A Day In The Life Of A Railway Plate Layer___ _____By Jocky,the Plate Layer funny enough!_____ .....Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!! The bloody alarm goes off at 7:00AM.Why the fuck does this always happen when you are just about to give some buxom blonde the biggest rodgering of her life in your latest dream?! Go downstairs,get washed,do what people do after a few beers on the sunday night.....you know! cant stop thinking about Blackburn Rovers winning the title,the wankers.Thanks to them,I spent all my money in the pub,getting sloshed at the thought of my beloved Reds losing the title by One point.The old man is banging on the bathroom door "Hurry The fuck up,ill be late for work!" .Silly old cunt,hes not the only one with an arse and a bladder,is he? Go back upstairs into my bedroom,what a queer smell.Sort of a salty fruity smell.In the end i find out what it is,My fishing bag was open, and the smell of ground bait filtered through the air.Fuck sake,what a stink.Open the windows.Yipee!! Its pissing down outside,which means ill be doing fuck all at work until it clears up.Get dressed,putting all my prtective clothing on,along with my size 10 steel toecapped boots,very usefull for settling arguments!! grab some money from my wallet,stick my silly swatch watch on,and wander downstairs to watch a bit of SKY TV.Im going to have the get SKY in my room,it would be very handy. My lift arrives,so I lock up,and arrive at work around 7:45am.We say fuck all in the car,thats me,Phil,and my boss Alec.Phil is the wanker of the depot,but I wouldnt say that to him,cause he is rather hard.Lucky for me he doesnt take any interest in the Amiga!! I wouldnt want him to read this!! Alec,the boss,just sits and mumbles about piss all,silly cunt!...... Once I get to work,I sign in,and then jump in the work van.The Boss, and my workmate Mark,also get in,and the work day officialy starts! We drive down to our main yard,which has all our Rail and equipment in it,basically its full of shite,fuck all worth taking! I settle down and read the daily sport.Have you ever really took notice of the sport? All the stories are the same [Rape and more Rape],And all the birds have fucking ugly dials! Nice body babe,shame about the face... its about 8:20 am,and we start by gathering all the shovels and shit up,then going to the job we are currently doing..... It seams that whenever a rail carriage goes over the bit of track, it jumps in the air! The solution? We pack loads of stones under the rail,to stop it sinking.Easy as fuck! Thats about all we do in the morning.9:30am arrives,time for breakie!! 2 slices of square sausage,2 fried eggs,2 slices of toast,a portion of beans,and a few rinds of bacon,bloody blitz! Washed down with a cup of Ringtons tea..... 10:30,go back to work,do a bit of oiling on the rail,mostly the lever points which switches the tracks over,and because of the rain which is developing,we decide to hide the van in the woods,and do todays crossword.The boss starts shiting on about his bird,and describes in detail the sordid shaggings he has given her last night.Fine I thought,but the bits about Anal,and Cucumbers is a pack of lies,or at least I think it is.Mark doesnt say much,hes only been with us for 3 weeks. Because of the rain,the day drags on like this until 3:30pm,when work is finished.we go into the canteen,and after a few games of pool,its home time! Get home,and find the dog is limping about,fuck knows whats wrong with the poor cunt.Ill admit,I like my wee doggy,so I stick the electric fire on,and give him a choccy biscuit,for feel good reasons.Soft Bastard that I am,eh?!! After checking the mail,I find that ive got a parcel full of the latest CDs,and two full of PD.Nothing against Piracy,but PD is the fucking bees knees,it cant be beaten.Why collect pirate games when I dont play games? No thanks mate,Ill stick to PD anytime! After going through all the disks,I end up installing SnoopDoss 3 on my HD,along with tonnes of sound samples.When is my order arriving from a certain PD company? I ordered 10 disks full of Magic Workbench extras,but so far,fuck all.Thats nearly a week now..... Have my tea,then go to my sisters for an hour.Her house is like a fucking dump,old nappies,fag ends,cups, and everything lying around, who could live in a shit house like this? The brother in Law makes no excuses,and agrees with me,at the same time telling me to fuck off for being so cheeky in the first place.After about an hour and a half, I fuck off home.Better not tell him he has grey hairs appearing in his mop {He's only 28}.No money,so I stay in and watch the box,along with watching some demos at the same time.See that Analeese in Neighbours? Fuck,she's a megababe! But have you seen Passenger 57? What did you think of the baddy flight stewardess? She is THEY babe,even nicer than my wankobabe,Liz Hurley.Phone my mate,but dont mention girls to him, He is going through a crisis with his fiancee.He is also complaining of being broke,and this is only a Monday for fuck sake!!! I ask him what he spent his money on."Fuck All Really,just a few bits and pieces" Bollocks!! He probably bought some snazzy outfit from Carlisle, waste of money if you ask me,I prefer a pint in my hand,and sitting in either my local club watching football,or some nightclub!! After speaking to Mr Depressed,I listen to some music.I put a bit of 2 brothers on,turn the volume up to about 3 on a scale of 1-10, and what happens? My old dear comes up " What going on,dont you remember we have got neighbours?" Cow,Im going to have to move out of here soon,its doing my fucking head in.....Turn the volume down to about 1.5,and lie on the bed feeling quite tired for some reason.Thank god nobody came for me tonight,I dont think I could manage to stand up straight!! Well,Its getting on for nearly 10:30pm,so I decide to put a video on and go undercover.My choice is "Jethro-Behind The Bushes" Hes a cornish comedian,and very funny as well.Before I watch it,I go down- stairs for a bite to eat,along with a cocao.Cant stop thinking about last nights dream,perhaps it was a sign,mabye a new bird is on the way? Its about time,my Womb Ferret is beginning to think my Clems have been cut out!! Maybe Ill phone the ex tomorrow,she's not THAT bad after all,just a bit boring.Her idea of a bit of fun is putting some jam on her toast instead of marmalade! The good thing about her was her appetite for various activities Nudge Nudge wink wink!! Im saying fuck all else................ Time for a sleep....... Damn,I try to remember that dream I had,so maybe I can re-act it all out again,but itll probably not work.Ill end up dreaming about some thing fucking silly,like being back at school or something! My dog is still limping,but I let him into bed with me,the wee git keeps my feet warm at the bottom of the bed,just hope he keeps his rancid tongue away from my feet,they smell bad enough. Thats about it for the day,I must slllllllleeeeeppppp......p........ Jocky - Fact,not fiction.