|Furry Friends Stupid Lists from Zoot Of The LOC.



5 Bird's Names That Raise A Snigger.

1. Blue Tit.
2. Coal Tit.
3. Great Tit.
4. Long-tailed Tit.
5. Greater Spotted Arsehole.


5 Stupid Birds That Can't Fly.

1. Ostritch.
2. Penguin.
3. Kiwi.
4. Emu.
5. Dead pigeon.


12 Sandwich Fillings For People Who Like The Taste Of Insects.

1.  Cockroach and cress.
2.  Mosquito and egg salad.
3.  Weevil and tuna.
4.  Flea and coleslaw.
5.  Bluebottle and prawns.
6.  Bumblebee and tomato.
7.  Dung beetle and cheese.
8.  Red ant and salmon pate.
9.  Dragonfly and Branston pickle.
10. Earwig and coronation chicken.
11  Greenfly and lettuce.
12. Daddy-longlegs and ham on brown bread.


10 Top Stars Or Groups Named After Creepy-Crawlies.

1.  Adam and the Ants.
2.  Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.
3.  The Beatles.
4.  Sting.
5.  The Ladybirds.
6.  Buddy Holly and the Crickets.
7.  Roachford.
8.  The Scorpions.
9.  Frank Zappa and the Moth-ers of Invention.
10. The Po-lice.


12 Stupid Things To Try To Train Your Dog To Do.

1.  Handstands.
2.  Mechanicasl engineering.
3.  Write its name.
4.  Fetch a big bar of chocolate without eating it.
5.  Fly a microlite.
6.  Fly.
7.  Practise safe sex.
8.  Say Grace before eating.
9.  Climb trees.
10. Complete complex jigsaw puzzles.
11. Play hopscotch with you.
12. Anything he doesn't want to do, basically.


10 Stupid Reasons Why The Dinosaurs May Have Died Out.

1.  They contracted 'mad dinosaur disease'.
2.  Prince Philip's ancestors thought it was a 'topping wheeze' to hunt
    them for sport.
3.  They all became gay.
4.  They didn't watch their cholesterol levels.
5.  They didn't fancy each other
6.  The Japanese were responsible.
7.  They got hold of a sex instruction manual entitled Great Sex The
    Giant Panda Way.
8.  They worked too hard, ate too many fatty foods and spent too much
    time front of the television set.
9.  They smoked sixty a day.
10. They lived near a primitive nuclear power station and all the baby
    dinosaurs got leukaemia.


10 Fairly Sure Signs That Someone Owns A Pit Bull Terrier.

1.  They may not be able to count upto ten on thier fingers (for one or
    two reasons).
2.  They have very small willies (also for one or two reasons).
3.  They've got a car window sticker showing a dog's head and the slogan
    'Go on, break in - make my day !
4.  There are police marksmen on the roof opposite their house.
5.  They're on News at Ten, trying to shield their faces from the
    camera.
6.  The postman throws their letters into the garden and then runs
    for it.
7.  They very rarely get any visitors.
8.  They have a swastika tattooed on their forehead.
9.  You hear them running down the street at 3 a.m. yelling 'Genghis,
    come back with Wayne! Drop, boy, drop!'
10. You hear them running down the street at 3.02 a.m. yelling ''Kin
    'ell 'Kin 'ell! It's gone mental!'.


10 Animals That The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over Apart From The Lazy Dog.


 1. The idle badger.
 2. The slothful tortoise.
 3. The indolent cat.
 4. The workshy fieldmouse.
 5. The languid weasel.
 6. The insert vole.
 7. The sluggish rabbit.
 8. The torpid mole.
 9. The inactive squirrel.
10. The lethargic hedgehog.


13 Movies With Armadillos In Them.

1.  Carry On Armadillo (1964).
2.  Enter the Armadillo (1973).
3.  The Day the Armadillo Stood Still (1951).
4.  Armadillo Day Afternoon (1976).
5.  All the President's Armadillos (1976).
6.  Gentlemen Prefer Armadillos (1953).
7.  A Clockwork Armadillo (1971).
8.  Gone with the Armadillo (1939).
9.  Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Armadillo (1969).
10. The Silence of the Armadillos (1991).
11. Armadillo (1976).
12. Armadillo II (1978).
13. Armadillo III (1981).


16 Things Yout Dog Does NOT Understand.

1.  That he's not your superior.
2.  The word 'NO!'
3.  Anything else you tell him in plain English.
4.  Why he shouldn't roll in the mud and then take a nap on your bed.
5.  Why you all suddenly leave the room when he has a wind attack.
6.  That you don't find it, absolutely hilarious when, late one night,
    he suddenly starts 
    staring at an empty corner of the room with teeth bared and hackles
    raised.
7.  Precisely what's wrong with practising his fiercest, gruffest bark
    at three in the morning.
8.  That it's not funny to carry your discarded underpants into the 
    room with him in front of guests.
9.  That the furniture is not there for his personal amusement.
10. Why it's wrong to back Auntie Joan into a corner and guard her.
11. Why you leg doesn't enjoy it as much as he does.
12. That other dogs' bottoms are not the most fascinating things in the
    world.
13. Why your cat has as much right to sit in the lounge as he has.
14. Why he should get into the bathtub if he doesn't want to.
15. Why he shouldn't steal the pate off the table if he can reach it.
16. Why he shouldn't do exactly what he wants, basically.


10 Rivals of the Tennage Mutant Ninja Turtles

1.  The Geriatic Radioactive Kung Fu Ocelots.
2.  The Prebubescent Irradiated Jujitsu Wildbeest.
3.  The Adolescent Disfigured Tai Chi Dormice.
4.  The Menopausal Isotopic Karate Badgers.
5.  The Retired Glowing Judo Wallabies.
6.  The Middle-Aged Nuclear Origami Sheep.
7.  The Thirty-Something Toxic Black Belt Guinea Pigs.
8.  The Just-Toddling Freako Samurai Head Lice.
9   The Old-Before-Their-Time Half-Life Kamikaze Tree Shrews.
10. The Immature Plutonium Hitachi Bison.


8 Different Kinds Of Shrew You Couldn't Care Less About

1. North African elephant shrew.
2. Giant elephant shrew.
3. Masked shrew.
4. Eurasian common shrew.
5. Eurasian water shrew.
6. Northern short-tailed shrew.
7. Bicoloured white-toothed shrew.
8. Sav's pygmy shrew (aka the Etruscan shrew).


11 Creatures Which Sound Rude

1.  The bustard.
2.  The great tit.
3.  The poodle.
4.  The horny toad.
5.  The cockatoo.
6.  The pronghorn antelope.
7.  The winkle.
8.  The cockle.
9.  The cock.
10. The ass.
11. The sperm whale.


The Official Scientific Latin Names For Various Different Types
Of Dog Poo.

1.  Squgissimi (Squidgies).
2.  Moccari Admiratio (Mocha Surprise).
3.  Flavi Periculum (Yellow perils).
4.  Rex Canii Fecii (King Dog Plops).
5.  Dimidium Liquorum Latere (Semi-Liquid Lurkers).
6.  Crispus Turbi (Curly-Wurlies).
7.  Clandestinus Imbuere Cumululi (Stealthy Tan Clusters).
8.  Fulvus Gigasere (Brown Behemoths).
9.  Odor Maximus (Great Whiffies).
10. Crestosus Putrefacere (Chalky Crumblies).


Designed In A Pub, Built In A Shed - The LOC.

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