<>@2 )()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()( *4@5 HOW TO STOP DASTARDLY EXAMS FROM RUINING YOUR LIFE? *3]5@6 by Cygnus A / PTK *1]1@2 )()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()( @1 It is coming to the time of year that millions of 16 and 18 year olds trade in their clubbing gear and fake]3 "I am 18 : Serve me!"]1 cards for pens and books, for the great Exam Monster has once again reared its ugly head. But how can you stop your lives from being ruined by these things? Here are a few suggestions: @3]5 1) Go to a phone box the day before exams start and make an anonymous call to reception, or even the principle, saying there is a bomb hidden in one of the lockers. During the ensuing panic, as police and Bomb Squad people check every single locker (which could take anything up to a week!) no exams could possibly be set, giving you extra time to revise or get stoned or something. Use a deep voice and don't crack up, and definately don't tell your friends, as people will find out through them it's a hoax, and foil your evil plan. 2) Before each exam, light a long fuse (laggy bands do fine) to a smoke bomb in the girls' loos. A few minutes into the exam, there will be a fire alarm, and the exam will have to be abandoned (although at least one dilligent fool will insist on finishing the sentence he's on as the smoke rises higher). And! Being a ]5lad, you'll never get the blame. Ha Ha Ha! 3) Bribe one of your mates into eating soap, so he is violently sick half an hour in, accidently ruining everyone's test papers in the vicinity. The test will have to be retaken, and this time you'll know all the questions!!! @1]1 Of course, I haven't tried]3 ALL]1 these evil plans out, so there are no guarantees that they'll work, but the bomb scare one]3 DEFINATELY]1 will.