SEATREK '93 REVIEW by Mick Arnold Friday 14 May At about midday, my fellow intrepid explorers and I boarded the B-747 that would whisk us across the Atlantic (hopefully landing with the same number of engines it took off with?) to Miami and the start of Seatrek. Before I really get started, I must point out that this is being written very nearly a month after the event, so if anyone who was on the cruise happens to be reading this and disagrees with my interpretation of events - tough !! My memory is non-existant so what you sees is what you gets. The plane landed at our stop-over airport of Boston at 3.30 pm, American time. The city looked pretty good as we flew over it, but the airport was a bit of a dump; though I will give the croissant 8 out of 10! Fortunately, we were out of there a couple of hours later and we finally got to Miami airport about 9.30 at night. This was where we got into a right clunker of a cab with possibly the only driver in the city who didn't know his way around? Before we'd even left the airport he was asking someone the way to our first night hotel? We eventually made it to the hotel, had a shower and clean-up and promptly fell asleep. Saturday 15 May After breakfast the next day, we caught a cab (with a driver who knew where he was going) over to the hotel where we would be staying our final night in Miami at and where the Gala night would be held. At first sight, we thought that there was no way the staff would let us into the lobby, let alone the rooms!! We are talking dead posh here, the Grand in Birmingham will never look the same again! After checking in, we caught the elevator (note American jargon) up to our rooms on the 22d floor. Sure that the elevators were prototypes for the Star Trek turbolifts, they were that fast! The views were spectacular and a favourite little game was to try to pick out our liner from the ones we could see from the windows. Next order of business was to go to the Bayside shopping mall for a look around. this was one of those posh ones and unfortunately didn't have one of those Star Trek Virtual Reality machines in. Well, we could have hoped? After some lunch which was well recieved, we took in a boat tour around the Miami bay islands. Tried to do the world a service whilst on board in trying to persuade the driver to run down Vanilla Ice from the boat he was on! Later that night, we changed and went down to wait for the doors to the Gala suite to open. Our friend Jackie was in her dress uniform and was worried that no-one else would be in uniform, but maybe a dozen or so other people turned up so she didn't mind too much. The doors were supposed to open at 7.30 with the dinner starting at 8.00, but this was where the American tried to make us Brits feel right at home by running late. The doors actually opened around 8.00 and they didn't start to serve dinner until about 9.00. The Trek guests were supposed to have been introduced to us before the dinner was served, but we were informed that some of them had only just arrived due to late planes and were still getting changed. So Ruthanne Devlin (one of the Seatrek Executive Staff) wheeled on Richard Arnold (for a guy who has been sacked and doesn't have an "official post" on Star Trek anymore, he really gets around?!) who gave us the latest update (most of which Majel confirmed later on board ship) onf news. From what I can remember, Patrick Stewart is the only member of the TNG cast who has so far signed up for a seventh season, the seventh film script had just been started on in Hawaii and none of the DS9 cast knew when to report for the 2nd season of that programme. There was probably much more, but I can't remember it? After we had started and then finished dinner, a bit too posh for my liking but not bad, the guests were introduced. In no particular order they were; Majel Barrett, William Campbell (Trelane and Koloth), Robin Curtis (gorgeous lady), Daniel Davis (Moriarty), John deLancie (needs no introduction to those of you who have been to British cons), James Doohan, Jerry Hardin (Mark Twain), Mark Lenard, Eric Menyuk (Traveller and Party Animal), Diana Muldaur, Robert O'Reilly (Gowron), George Takei, were the main guests. Several other people connected with the genre were also there including authors Carmen Carter and A C Crispin. John's wife also turned up and proved to be an excellent singer. If you saw (what do I mean, if?) the episode of TNG "Loud As A Whisper", she was one of Riva's chorus, actress Marnie Mosiman. My friends and I retired to our rooms as we were still tired from the flight, and also to pack and leave our suitcases outside our rooms to be collected at some unearthly hour in the morning for transport to the ship. Sunday 16 May Next morning we had a light breakfast and a quick walk around the flea market that had set up in the park opposite the hotel, then surrendered to the heat (it was somewhere around the 90s, which was common on this holiday and it reached a peak of 103 on the beach at Grand Caymen) and checked out of the hotel and waited in the lobby with all the other passengers for our buses to the ship. These eventually turned up and by 11.30, I think, we were on board the ship, the S S Britanis, being taken to our cabin in the depths of the ship. Well, not quite the depths, one deck up from the depths! After dumping all the all the hang baggage (the suitcases turned up a few hours later) in the cell, we made our way up to the sun decks, finding the bars on the way, to do our bit as cruise passengers - wave like a demented moron to anybody on shore you could see as the liner pulled out of port!! We found our way to the pointed end with the express purpose of doing this exercise when we realised that the pursers office would be open at 1.30 pm for the sale of the excursion tickets, so we found that and parked ourselves outside it. When it eventually opened, me and Ian bought tickets for the Turtle Farm and Beach Party at Grand Cayman whilst 'Chelle and Jackie went for snorkeling in Stingray City on the same day. We all got tickets for the climbing of Dunn's River Falls at Jamaica. What happened to the Trek Wedding with the stars which was supposed to have occurred by the poolside at 4.00 pm that day, I don't know? Must have got lost in the leaving of port? Either way, after we had dinner (as there was about 1200 passengers on board the dinner was split into two sittings, main and late, we were on late) for which we had to get dressed up (let's here it for air-conditioning), the first event on board we went to was the meeting of the Trek guests in the ballroom. This was where nearly all the main events were held on board ship. That was about 10.45 pm, from there we went a deck down to see what the disco was like. This started at 10.00 pm nightly and continued until officialy 3.30 in the morning. Monday 17 May Our first day at sea as we chugged our way to Jamaica. You could see that most people were still getting there sea legs and finding their way about the ship, as you kept bumping into people and seeing others scratching their heads, trying to figure out if where they wanted to go was at the pointed or blunt end? And which way is which for that matter? We started out that day by taking our breakfast in our cabin. Lazy or what? As it turned out, that was a bad decision, the portions were tiny and a bit on the cold side. From there on in, we took breakfast usually on the sun deck in the form of a buffet. I ended up with overdosing on melon by the time the holiday was over! One thing there was no shortage of on this trip was food, bo sooner had you polished off a buffet on one part of the ship, than a barbeque sprang up on another?! Still, what's a few pounds between friends? Then we waddled down to take in Richard's talk down in the cinema, which was much the same as he gave the night before at the Gala. By the time he'd finished, it was time to make our way up to the ballroom for the first of our sittings guest panels. Taking the questions and filing us in on what they were involved in at that time were, Robin Curtis, James Doohan, Mark Lenard, George Takei and William Campbell. This was my first introduction to George and I quickly realised that my friends were right about his sense of humour, it's infectious. After this, I think we had the lifeboat drill? And no Ian, I was not chatting up that ships dancer or that American lass I got talking too! Got to mention that this trip totally ruined my repution in my local club in Coventry (USS  Dreadnought) for being a quiet chap. Think it was my staying out until the very wee hours at the ships disco boogeying away with every woman in sight that did it? In my defence, all I can say is that it wasn't every woman. They must have liked my English accent? The next event was the one thing about the trip that got my temper up. This was the Star Photo Session. We had all been looking forward to this as one of the highlights, a chance to have posed pictures with the stars. But no, you had your photo taken by the ships' photographer in the middle of the lot of them, no chance for a quick word, and you had to pay about $15 to buy the result!! Because of this cheek, my photo is a bit of a disaster, luckily, I got photos taken with all the stars as the trip went by. Now, I know about the time problems associated in getting 1200 odd peoples photos taken, even in two groups, but they could have thought out a better way of doing it? Now I'm not sure if it was on this day that we went to the talk and presentation Majel gave in the cinema or not? But this was one of the highlights for me on board ship. I hadn't given Majel much time of day before then but she was so honest about her life with Gene and on Star Trek that I won't hear a word against her now. That evening my friends had an early night (crazy) so I went wandering about until I walked into the show given by the comedian who was one of the guests. He must be quite well known amongst American Star Trek fans, but I'd never heard of him. Anyway, his name is Ron Darian and he does a mean impression of Bill Shatner. If you get a chance to see him in action, don't miss it. From there, it was down to the disco with some Americans I'd met earlier and to what would be my undoubted highlight. Until the disco started to wind down at 3.30 am we boogeyed away. I found that Americans can't do a very good "Time Warp" and they taught me something called the "Electric Shuffle", I think? Anyway, as the last slowies came on, I decides, in for a penny in for a pound, and asks Majel for a dance. To my utter surprise she agreed and we spent the next 10 minutes-ish dancing and talking, something I'll never forget and my only regret is that no-one took a picture! Must have been the accent in this case, as I was half-cut, sweaty and dressed in a pair of shorts and a singlet!! When I sat down, some American bloke on the same table got a bit haughty with me as Majel had told him to get lost when he'd asked her to dance earlier on. Hah... Tuesday 18 May The next morning it was check the cameras and make certain to pack spare film for we had arrived in the port of Ocho Rios (Eight Rivers) in Jamaica. Everybody who was going on the trip to the fall gathered in the casino (not my favourite place as I was sure the machines were rigged?) from where we were eventually allowed off ship and into buses for a quick tour of the town of Ocho Rios. There wasn't a lot there but we were told by the driver that we'd have time for some shopping later on, so we didn't get any souvenirs apart from sending off a few postcards. As it turned out, we didn't go back to the town so we didn't get any souvenirs apart from the photos! From the town, our driver drove (didn't matter which side of the road?) us up into the forest above the town, called Fern Gully. We were a bit disapointed that we didn't get to see "Batty" here. The scenery was fantastic and it got even better when we visited the Shaw Botanical Gardens above Ocho Rios. Then it was off to the falls at Dunns River. Falls? More like rapids!! We were all in our swimming cossies which was just as well, as we got soaked to the skin and fell in left, right and centre, the rocks you stood on were that slippery. Plus a sadistic guide who almost drowns you whilst he's trying to take your picture! it was a hard climb, but very exhilarating. We were back on board ship around 2.30 pm, just in time for the inevitable barbeque. This was very welcome as after the climb we were starving! After a quick lie down in the cabin, we went up on deck to wave ta-ra to Jamaica as the ship set sail at 4.45 pm; sniffle. Then we rushed down to the cinema for a couple of episodes; "If Wishes Were Horses" DS9 and "Rightful Heir" TNG. At 10.00 pm we all crowded into the ballroom for the costume contest. It has to be said that, on the whole, the costumes (even allowing for a bit of a restriction in the amount of luggage you can bring) were not up to the standard we have been treated to in England recently. My personnal favourite was a little boy made up as a Cardassian. With a few hold-ups, like Eric almost getting kidnapped by the Orion slave girls, this finished around 11.30. Then it was time for the talent show to take it's place at about midnight. The highlight of this was skits staring "Mark Lenard's acting master class students" called "Beyond Therapy" and "Bathroom Humour". One of his daughters also performed a song. After this finished, it was downstairs to dance to dawn again. Wednesday 19 May We dropped anchor off Georgetown, Grand Caymen at roughly 8.00 am. Then the girls went off to meet up for their trip and me and Ian again went to the casino to meet up for our trip. Each morning, the Master of Ceremonies, Marc Lee, performed his "tan check" on us. No-one was ever going to get much out of him though as he's black. Good bloke is Marc, even though he liked to get us to sing the themes from American telly programmes to wake us up before these trips! We were first given a tour around the island, after waiting what seemed like ages in the sweltering heat for the buses to arrive, which was of the "whistle-stop" variety; ten minutes to look around a place called "Hell" and send postcards from it. Then it was off to the turtle farm which I didn't bother looking around as it was too cruel for my liking. If these people want to eat turtles, that's up to them but I don't have to see how they go about breeding them! At least I got some shopping in in the souvenir shop where I got to chat with George. He said that he really enjoyed his stint in panto down Brighton and would love to do it again. So, if there's anyone out there who either runs or knows someone who runs big time panto, you know who to call???!!! If you're planning a holiday or a honeymoon soon, go to the beach just outside Georgetown, it is the most romantic place I've ever been to. The sea is crystal clear and the sand isn't too hot. If you want to just walk along the beach, that's the place to do it. This was where I got my photo taken with George and William on the beach. Think I remembered to suck in my stomach this time? Ian and me left the party around 1.30 pm to go and have a look around the town of Georgetown, as it had simply got too hot to enjoy ourselves fully. Of all places to end up in town to eat, we had good old English beer and pub food at the "Cayman Arms", a British pub! Expensive, but worth it. Walking back to the pier to catch the boat back to the ship, we got caught in a rain storm! But, boy was it refreshing. Back on board ship, after it left the islands to start it's voyage home to Miami, we took in another couple of episodes; "Progress" DS9, the best Kira episode to date and "Suspicions" TNG. You won't mess with Bev after you've seen this one! Before and after dinner, we wandered around the ship and took in the last rays of sun. At midnight, we went down to to disco for the Pyjama Party, unfortunately, I couldn't enter on account of what I wear, or rather normally don't, to bed. Unfortunately, my cabinmates didn't stay to see the competition but it was a good laugh. Thursday 19 May Last day of the cruise! Big sob as I'd gotten used to the life on board. Everything was so relaxed and even though I can't swim, I'd do another cruise in an instant. The only thing I lack for that is the usual - money! Now, where did I put that lottery ticket? First order of business today was the guest panel with Daniel, Eric, Robert, Jerry and John. This followed the usual lines of what they're doing at the moment and fielding questions. The one in the afternoon with Majel and Diana was the same. At 10.00 am we had the disembarkation talk where we were told all the usual customs bumf, so it was a chance to catch up on the sleep. After this we went up on the sun deck to soak up the last of the Carribean rays before I popped into the auction, hosted by Richard. For the ladies who are reading this sorry, Guy Vardaman was not on board. The Americans have never heard of him!! About midway through the afternoon, the ship stopped to pick up four Cuban refugees from their raft. They got a round of applause when they were finally brought on board, then we found out that another four had drowned in the night when they couldn't hold on to the raft. After going through all that, they're probably going to be sent back. The farewell dinner that night was a bit too much for my liking, the waiters singing the American anthem and the like, but the food was exquisitly presented. Then it was time for the final highlight, the "Trek Star Cabaret Farewell Show". Our show started at about 11.00 pm and was hosted by Eric and Robin as to real Trekkies, ears and all! They linked up all the vaious acts which had Jerry giving us a preview of the act he is taking on tour in America where he portrays Mark Twain; even better than on "Time's Arrow"!! Then came an hilarious skit with William playing "Trelane" and John as his "son"!! Great idea and would make a marvellous episode. "Trelane" was trying to persuade his son to go to school instead of taunting people and he cited his experiences with the Enterprise, notices that son is writing and asks him what he's doing? "Taking notes", is the answer!! Brilliant writing. I can't remember the rest of the nights skits, but I know that Eric can take a pie in the face with the best of them. That night, I got maybe a half hours sleep as I was in the disco all night and walking the ships' boat deck with an American friend I'd made. Friday 21 May We got into the port of Miami this morning at about 8.00 am, cleared customs on board and then lounged around on the poolside until we were called to disembark the ship at about 10.15 am. You could tell those of us who had been partying all night, we were the only ones who could quite happily fall asleep in the mornings heat. But everytime I'd just nod away, I was shaken awake to say ta-ra to someone or other I'd met on board ship. We were the first people off ship as we were not ending our holiday then, we were off on "Trekfari" to Orlando to take in what there was on offer there. At least we didn't have to Q. All in all, the cruise was better than I'd expected it to be, with one or two exceptions, but I suppose I can put those down to never having been to an American convention before. Would I go on another one? Well, I reckon I can be persuaded to put my name down for maybe the 1995 one and if you want to take a holiday that will make all your friends jealous as hell, this is the one for you!! I'll be back. Mick Arnold 3 (F) Sqn RAF Laarbruch BFPO 43