³¼A REAL LIFE¼³ ³¼SITUATION¼³ ² I'd like to tell you a story about a COOL CODER, who became a LAMER by a horrible accident. These things happe- ned only few months ago. ¹ This is a REAL STORY about a COOL CODER who we call Matti. In 1991 Matti was 25 years old professor in university of Oulu with great salary. He had a wife with BIG, BIG, BRE.. eh.. BRAINS! Of course he had two lovely children, called Miina and Rauno. Matti had a large house, three levels, big garden and a garage in the backyard. He used a car called Cizeta V16T and his wife ONLY a Mercedes-Benz. But back to life: Matti had had an Amiga since it was released. First he bought A1000 with memory upgrade to 1 Mb. He had few games, but he wasn't in terested in them. He was interested in Basic. After he used his computer for few months, he bought Mannesman Tally 81-printer and lot's of paper for it. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. After years Matti saw an excellent com- puter called Amiga 2000. He bought it at once. He also thought, that his old MT 81 was not enough good for A2000. He bought a 24 -dot color matrix printer. He had learned Pascal and C and started to learn ASSEMBLER! He learned to code vectors, filled vectors, glenz-vectors, gleat-vectors, rubber-vectors, stencil vectors, blenk vectors and in fact, every kind of vectors which human and aliens had invented. He joined to a COOL GROUP, what we call ODEX. He made a GREAT DEMOS one after one. He bought 9600 Bps modem and found a BBS with his old A1000 and a BRAND NEW HARD DISK for 105 Mb. Of course his A2000 had hard drive too. His life was stable for few years until he heard about a GREAT Amiga 3000. He bought it too, with ULTRA-CYBER-TERA- SUPERB-FAST 68040 turbo. He made demos for that composition. Demos had a REAL TIME GENERATED 3D RAYTRACED FRACTAL VECTOR LANDSCAPES which included ALL kinds of VECTORS he knew. His SPACE DEMOS looked more like SPACE-MOVIES (for example, Last StarFighter etc.) All demos had 24 bit graphics (with his own VIDEO TOASTER connection to A3000, of course...) Eh, little BIT far away from story, but now returning to the main thing... His life SCROLLED again with his great wife and demos. But in one day his life totally changed... He had had a typical day at the university. Afternoon he went to local EKA-supermarket, where he bought 425 g of sliced ham, two bottles of milk (one light- and one EXTRA-mild ones) two breads, a bottle of Coca Cola, condoms, batteries for his 5D MagLite with White Star crypton gas lamps, chainsaw, butter, LOT'S of CHEE- SE, salad, fried chickens, fish (one lax and three disks) school whip and for his son, he bought an AmigaWORLD magazine from magazine shelves. He stepped in front of the shelves, which had many, MANY AMIGA magazines. He searched an AmigaWORLD mag for some time. During that, the local LAMER, Jyrki, came next to him. First Matti didn't notice the lamer. After he saw him, he jumped back to his shopping cart and started a fearfully walk to wards the cashier. The questions become to his mind like bobbles from a GOOD beer. Did someone see him with that lamer?? Will that someone TELL it to somebody?? Will it go to INTERNATIONAL TV-NEWS?? Is there life in Ernos ear?? Unfortunately, the man, called Jarno, who was controlling the supervising cameras, saw the situa- tion and took it to U-Matic videotape. He was VERY quick. He took the phone and called the credit card center and told them, what had happened. The man who was on the duty, Sami, unregistered his credit cards and called the police station of his hometown becouse of UN PAYED bills. Sergeant Roivainen called first the Skid Row and warned them about Matti, who had absolutely become a LAMER!! Then he called to Matti's wife, Paula, and urged her to leave the house immediately with her children. Then Roivainen ordered Hallamaa take a M-61A machine cannon and call SWAP... eh, SWAT team and local National Guard. The jumped into a Saab 96 with guns fully loaded and cleaned. Paula left his home only minute after a phonecall from Roivainen. She took ALL furnitures with her. She drove away with the chil- dren, furnitures, computers and her bzzzz-stick. The family changed their family name something more unknown and unhated, like Hussein. Matti arrived to the cashier. When it became his turn, the cashier said, that she had to go toilet. Matti tried to go to the other cashier. The cashier used his HI-TECH LASER-FLIP-FLOP-SYSTEM and counted everything in thirty minutes. Matti gave his most important credit card, called KIRJASTOKORTTI, to the cashier. The cashier tried to use it, but unhap- pily she said that, it didn't have funds anymore and she had to take a card away from Matti. Matti looked un- happy, but he took another card, cal- led KAYNTIKORTTI. The same thing hap- pened again. After two hours they had tried over 214 different credit cards, for example POSTIKORTTI, KIKKELIKORTTI, OPISKELIJAKORTTI, KELAKORTTI, ROOPE SE DAN MILJONAARIKLUBIKORTTI, SEGA FUN CLUB CARD and many other cards. Late at night he arrived to his OLD home, where the new family had moved in allready. He tried to go in, but the family called the police, which have waited nearby the house. Roivainen dro- ve in from the window and Hallamaa shot all over the room. Matti had good re- flexes and escaped through third floors CLOSED, STEEL, ELECTRIC GUARDED SECU- RITY WINDOW. National Guard have send two B-52 bombers with 3 Megaton nuclear bombs. They used bombs at once after they heard, that police have failed their home search. But Matti ran away to next town. There ALL people knew him, because his photo had been re- leased in NATIONAL, INTERNATIONAL and INTERSPACE TV. Also the NASA have star- ted to broadcast information to space. All shops were closed, because the Pre- sident of Soviet Union had declared THIS day an INTERNATIONAL SADNESS DAY. Novadays Matti looks his food under bridges and escapes ALL KIND of LIVING CREATURES. Everything went wrong, after those five seconds next to the lamer. So, be warned ALL THE TIME, if you don't want to be as SAD person as Matti is! ² ALL names in the story are changed from the REAL story. All soundtrack and ani- mation hiring, lending, copying, broad casting on Radio or TV is prohibited by the laws of Finland. Special thanx to Legend/Addonic (mental- and physical support) and all persons, whose names I used in the text! ³Written by: Dr DOS¹