³SAD STORY ABOUT A LAMER
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Once  upon  a  time there was a little
boy,  he  was  very fat and very ugly,
everybody  hated him, even his parents
and  his half-sister (who also was his
mother).   The little boy, we can call
him  Haxoe,  (because  that's  what he
choosed  to  call himself later in his
life)  had  NO  friends,  and  he  was
unable  to  understand why.  BUT!  One
day,  it was a GREAT day for Haxoe, he
got  his  first  friend.   She  had  a
spanish  name, she was quite small and
pale but he thought she was fantastic!
He  bought  her  and  took  her  home.
BOUGHT  HER!?!?!, you think.  Where do
you buy GIRLS???  But of course it was
an Amiga 500 he bought!

For  some weeks he had a GREAT deal of
fun  while playing Bouncer-Shaker, but
after  3  months when he had completed
the  game,  he  wanted  a new one.  He
went  to  the  shop  and  bought Strip
Poker 1!
WOW!!  That was a great game!!  He had
a  lot of fun with it until his father
saw it and went crazy, and made him do
all sorts of...THINGS.  Haxoe got very
upset  (actually  he  got  turned  on)
after  this and trashed all disks with
Slideshows,  Stag  XX  etc so that his
father  would  never  do  those THINGS
again.   The  next day he regretted it
badly.    He   sat  in  front  of  his
computer  all  day and stared into the
screen  and thought about life, girls,
computers,  girls,  sex,  girls, boys,
incest  girls, sex, sexy girls!  SEX!!
GIRLS!!!   His  sister  wondered about
those  strange looks that she got from
her  son  (actually  Haxoe  thought of
raping  her).   With a horny scream he
decided  to  become  the number one in
the  scene!  With that promise he fell
asleep...

The next day Haxoe was confused.  What
would  he  do?  After some thinking he
decided  to get some hot contacts.  He
wrote   to   some  freax  in  a  local
computer mag and told them to send him
really  hot stuff.  They send him some
2-year  old  demos  and  he got really
impressed!   'What  an  opportunity to
make a pack!' Haxoe screamed.  After a
week his pack was ready.  It contained
bouble  bouble, IK+ and kick off.  The
menu declared that the games where all
cracked by Haxoe, and if anyone wanted
to  contact  'the  fucking  best' then
they should really concider writing to
Haxoe of...  Hmm, I must have a group,
Haxoe   said.   Let's  call  my  group
NIGHTMARE-CREW!!  And so he did...

He  got  many  answers  from people he
understood  was  jealous  lamers  (why
else  should  they  call him all those
things?)  By this time his father died
under  mysterious  circumstances.   It
would  have been natural if his mother
would  take  care  of him now, but his
mother  was  just  17  years old (that
bitch!)  so they both had to live with
there  grandparents  (well grandmother
actually,   Haxoe's   grandfather  had
recently    died    under   mysterious
circumstances).   With  help  of  some
money  Haxoe's father had left him, he
bough  a HST.  And that was great!  He
called  some  elite  boards like 'NPD'
and  made  some  heavy contacts there.
But  soon  he understood that they had
no games, those 'DAMN LAMERS!'.  After
seing  a  Skid  Row  intro he realized
that  the  only  bbs'es that had games
were  in  the  USA.  So he called some
USA  boards,  and  HEY!   That  was so
cool!   The  first  thing  he did when
loggin  in  to  a  board  was to write
faked  names  and all that stuff, then
when  he had got elite-axx he uploaded
an   renamed   version   of   bouncer-
shaker.dms   and  wrote  in  the  file
description  that it was Spacequest IV
or   something  (hahaha  how  can  the
stupid   sysop's   belive  that??   He
laughed,  feeling  proud  of himself).
He   was   a   real   hacker   now  he
understood.   Now he could download at
least 1 game!  That was fucking funny!
He  put  an ad in the (in his opinion)
best  diskmag,  ZINE, where he offered
cheap   games.   Everything  was  just
great until one day...
He had just downloaded Lotus V only to
find  out  that it was Battle Squadron
that  some  stupid lamer had uploaded!
He  wanted  to  kill  him.   In second
thoughts  it  would  be better to kill
his  grandmother.   But  here  he  got
interupted  by someone knocking on the
door.   He  heard  his  old disgusting
grandmother  open  the  door,  and  he
could   hear   the   words   'POLICE',
'SOFTWARE THEFT' and 'JAIL'.  Suddenly
he  found  himself being taken away by
two  stupid  cops, his grandmother was
crying but he could see that here eyes
were  smiling.   He hated the cops for
not  coming  just a few minutes later.
On    second    thoughts    he   hated
everything.   When  the  police opened
the door to the car, Haxoe made a sign
for  him  to  wait a second, turned to
his   grandmother   to  say  something
final,  something that would scare the
hell  out  of the old bitch.  "Uh...".
The police closed the door.

Haxoe  spent the rest of his life in a
mental hospital.

-THE END-

We  made  an arranged picture, to show
you   what   Haxoe  could  look  like.
Remember  that  there are of course NO
connections  between  the  picture and
this story!!
        ³PARSEC/CYTAX and ARROW/STRANGE