‡ Sex with your Amiga!!! ---------------------- by Lithium/THE SILENTS Have you ever wondered why they call your computer "AMIGA" ooh you haven't, well it means girlfriend, and that's the secret feature that was put in this computer. You CAN have sex with her! However it is nescessary to have the right software for it. You can be sure that commodore wanted to make money out of this so they protected the software very good, if you try to crack the software you might loose your dick with it. The software is on the EXTRAS disk and it is a hidden file of course. Now as a real freak I don't have to explain you how to find hidden files so now you type it's name and there you get it. A screen with a workbench-hand holding a dick. Now you'll have to answer some questions like.. WHAT IS YOUR AGE? So if you are older than 18, type your age without fear. But if you aren't 18 yet it is really dangerous. You'll have to pull a lie to get access so watch your step when you type a higher age then you actually are, the computers' sweat-detector will notice that your fingers are a bit wet and this might cause big troubles to you later on. If your hands are shaking just a little bit the odd CIA will notice it and PAULA will tell it to AGNUS so be carefull, I do not take any responsibility in case of lost genitals, cut-off dicks or any other horrible action taken by the Amiga. Since you passed the first question you'll get a second one. WHAT IS YOUR SEX ???(M/F) You can choose (M)ale or (F)emale.(and nothing else!) Take this one serious too because if you answer female you automaticly lose access to this program so watch out that your sister doesn't answer it. if you answer Female on some older Amigas (A1000) you might get adviced to replace the Serial.Device with the LESBIAN.DEVICE but I never got this device so I guess they never finished it. Now when you answered an M. You gain access! Was it that hard?? I guess not. Now a third question will pop up. WHAT IS THE LENGHT OF YOUR DICK IN CM ??? You should answer this one correct too. Because the Amiga's sensors might give a requester "NOT A DOS DICK" when your real size doesn't match the number. So you carefully type the lenght of your dick and here are some possible resultcodes which might be the reaction of the program to the given size. Size between 1 - 3 cm. -> "Buy an ATARI!" 3 - 5 cm. -> "Is this your fathers' computer?" 5 - 7 cm. -> "Do you have any public hair?" 7 - 9 cm. -> "What about your homework?" 9 - 11 cm. -> "Soon my friend we will meet" 11 - 13 cm. -> "3½ inch access granted!" 13 - 15 cm. -> "5¼ inch acces granted!" 15 - 17 cm. -> "access granted, needs 1Mb chipmem" 17 - 19 cm. -> "access granted, needs 2Mb chipmem" 19 - 20 cm. -> "your device is a mountain!" 20 < -> "Overflow error." So anything between 11-20 cm should do it. Now the computer will ask... DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPERIENCES WITH DICKITAL INPUT ??? Ofcourse you should answer yes. Now you are allmost ready. The computer is clearing the memory to make the sex-buffer as big as possible. If your dick is over 13 cm. You should connect a 5¼ drive as DF1: and put your bootswitch to DF1: at this moment. Now you get a menu where you can choose all dirty things you can do with your computer. Format 79 wanks. Format 81 wanks. Input-output. Optimize. 2 players. Chaotic head movements. Rough treatment Format 79 wanks will pull your dick in a very normal way while showing you some dirty pictures of Paula or Denise. Format 81 wanks will do the same but it's advised to use this option if you are a slow commer. Input-Output Is just a normal fuck where you do the moving job. Optimize Will give you that extra byte of joy if you are bored by the previous options. 2 players if you select this you can both fuck a different drive (df0 and DF1) who commes first has won . Chaotic head movements simulates a blow job done by Paula. Rough treatment does some trackloading on your dick (feels great!). It is said that there are some hidden options too, but you need some secret passwords for those, if anyone has some information about these I would like to know about it. Now when you have choosen your item. You should trow your pants off and when the computer says INSERT DICK IN DF0: put your dick carefully in the drive. Make sure that your shirt won't be able to enter the drive because it might get stuck in the drive engine. Now when the amiga detected your cheats on age or sex or dick length, it might cut your dick off when you entered it, or it might get stuck between the read-write heads. So be carefull when cheating. After you got off the computer detects your Sperm in the drive so it will end the chosen option and give you a blank line where you can type anything. If you reset here you will regret it the next time! You have to thank the computer for all the fun it gave you and when the screen flashes it is OK. Now You know a lot more about the other posibilities from the Amiga. It is said that on the PC they are trying to make some emulators for this (they should be called Dick Blaster) but I don't think that they will ever be able to equalize this example of AMIGA POWER! Some extra care treatment is needed for your drive. You should watch out that your public hear doesn't fall in the drive because it might cause damage to your disks. If your drive made a creeping noise before you had sex with it you will now hear that it is gone, the reason is simple. It got some nescessary lubrication. If you came 1000 times in the same drive you should open the computer and hang it above a toilet so that all unnescessary sperm can flow out. Now I'll quit with this information, if you have any questions about this subject you can call me on ++32-11-592-815 (HST). There is also an ENERGY trainer available for the sex feature of the Amiga it has many options to get the best sex in the world. And there's even an option to get your dick back when it was cut off! Lithium of TSL (ed.-check it out it feels really great!! Anyone interested in those sex trainers available by ENERGY?) …