{2{dBLACK MAGIC{a{1


                          {eAn article by {cKIWI/DESTINY

 {eN.B. {fThis article was written in response to {cD-Icelord's {a"Magic Experience."
 I accept {eno {aresponsibility for this article, or any results arising from
 its publication. {cDon't take it too seriously, huh?

 {a   OK, let's begin.

    {aIf  you're  aiming to become a proficient student of the black arts - and I
 emphasise  that  one  is  always  a  student as only his {eSatanic Majesty {afully
 understands the complexities involved - you will need certain qualities.

    Firstly,  insanity  is  a  definite  requirement.   {f"Sanity" {ais a euphomism
 developed  by  mankind to excuse narrow-minded capitalist materialism.  If you
 consider yourself to be sane, stop reading now.

    Secondly, an insatiable bloodlust and deep-rooted hatred for the human race
 is a great help.  I obtained this when the {cTory party {awon the general election
 earlier this year, and it has aided my black magic studies considerably.

    Finally, a {emorally indefensible {asick sense of humour will help you in times
 of  crisis  -  as  will  a  fatalistic attitude.  When pursued by a demon, for
 example, it's so comforting to think "{fIt had to happen sooner or later,{a" or "{eI
 bet he drinks Domestos multi-surface cleanser.{a"

    If  you  find you don't conform to these descriptions the best advice I can
 give  is to kill yourself.  See {cD-Icelord's {aarticle "{eHow to commit suicide{a" in
 SR#2.


    So  here  we  are, ready to get started.  First, why don't we try causing a
 little accident?

    Have   you   ever  caught  yourself  imagining  the  spontaneous  molecular
 dissolution  of someone you don't really like much?  {fOf course you have.{a  It's
 only human (?), but what can you do about it?

    We're going to try and cause a car accident.  Walk down to the nearest car-
 park  with a {ered wax candle {aand a {ebox of matches{a.  It might be an idea to take
 some  Bounty  bars and cans of Coke in case you get hungry hanging around, but
 hopefully  you won't have to wait long.  When you get there, find a nice spot-
 say by the ticket machine and set up your stuff.  First, set the candle alight
 and,  using  the  molten  wax,  daub a pentagram on the ground.  Make sure you
 never  leave the parameter of the mystic polygon, or the spell will be broken.
 Sit down and meditate for a few minutes to compose yourself.

    Now  wait  until  a  small child comes past.  It's funnier if his mother is
 nearby,  because  they  can  always raise a laugh.  I find little girls better
 than boys.  Entice them over with that classic chat-up line:

 {c           "Hello little girl. Would you like a sweetie, sweetie?"

 {a   As  soon  as  she  walks within the pentagram, grab her arm and roll up her
 sleeve.   It's best if you make growling noises.  Then bite deep into her soft
 flesh  until you draw blood and it stains your teeth and highlights your lips.
 when her mother comes over, just say something like:

   {c                 "Sorry, I thought it was someone else!"

    {aThe mother will probably go for a policeman, so don't take your time.

    The  girl  has  played her part, but the magic will only last about 5 mins.
 so  if  the  ritual is not completed within this time, you will need to entice
 another little darling over.

    Now  hang  around  until  some man or woman drives in with a couple of kids
 sitting in the back.  As they pass the pentagram, chant these words:

                     {f "Oh Satan, give me strength of mind
                To make the able crippled and the seeing blind,
                       Let me hate vehemently as I should
                          More than Gloria Hunniford!
                       Oh please lord Satan, bestow on me
                          More vengeance than in LSD."

 {a   If  Satan thinks you're a cool guy, you should feel a burning power enflame
 within  you.   Now  point a finger at the driver of the vehicle and scream the
 words:

   {c                        "Polymorph (head,apple);"

 {a   Don't  forget  the  {esemi colon {a- a mistake made by many!  If all goes well,
 you  should  see  the driver's head metamorphosise into an enourmous, rotting,
 maggot-infested apple.  {fImpressed?  {aHere's the source...

 {aSPTR Polymorph (dest,source)
    char dest[];
    int source;
 {
    int word,byte;
    SPTR addr;
    word = source>>4;
    byte = source&15L;
    addr = (SPTR) word+byte;
    strcpy (addr,dest);
    return (addr);
 }

    {aIf you use {eAztec C {ainstead of {fLattice {a(which is much better) you shall need
 to  change a couple of those ints to longs, of course!  *addr is not needed as
 {edest = &dest[0] {aand the same principle applies.

    Well  I  hope  you enjoyed your little trip into black magic.  I'll be back
 from  the  dead  next  issue with a bit about the tools of the trade...  thumb
 screws, torniquets and of course - children.  {fUntil then, fellow demons!

                                      {e Kiwi/Destiny

 P.S.  Look out for my next {cDTY {aproduction!  And never forget, However sick you
 may be - I'm {eSICKER{a!!!!