Path: news.inforamp.net!news.nstn.ca!newsflash.concordia.ca!newsfeed.pitt.edu!scramble.lm.com!news.math.psu.edu!news.cse.psu.edu!uwm.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!btnet!news.enterprise.net!usenet From: John McLusky Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: Repost: "Would That I Had Died" (DS9) Date: Sat, 01 Jun 1996 14:10:27 -0700 Organization: Mute Liberation Technologies Lines: 653 Message-ID: <31B0B1C3.5938@mutelibtech.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: ppp60.enterprise.net Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.02 (Win16; I) Status: N Author's note: I wrote this piece quite a while ago but never thought of submitting it until recently. I'm still not happy with it but... If you have comments, suggestions, etc. please let me know via email. I love (and need!) feedback - good or bad. As usual, disclaimers apply. Paramount owns the characters, I just borrow them for my own use and promise to return them to their fully upright position when done. Would That I Had Died.... by lori spier (spier@umd5.umd.edu) Captain's Log: Reports of recent sightings of an unidentified ship in the area has caused Star Fleet to request the presence of the Defiant be increased in this sector. Accordingly, we are patrolling this sector on an irregular basis, hoping to catch this "mystery vessel". It is my hope that...." "Captain, I'm picking up an distress call from the 'Haven'. They are reporting that they're under attack. Their signal is pretty broken up and it's being jammed - they probably won't be able to receive our response." Major Kira Nerys worked the controls of her console, tweaking sensor alignment, trying to clear the signal up. "I think I've got it now. On screen." The forward viewscreen cleared partially though it was still broken by bursts of static and interference. What did come through however, was a scene that could have been taken straight from Dante's Inferno. In what must have been the bridge, consoles sparked and burned with abandon, creating clouds of smoke that further obscured the view. A figure, horribly burned and just as obviously dead, lay half-in, half-out of what had once been the captain's chair. A young man, a child almost, was leaning against a forward console, desperately working controls, trying to establish communication with someone, anyone. Snippets of his pleas could be heard through the static. "...repeat. This is... '...ven'. We are... attack. .. ship unknown. Shields fail... core breech." There was a violent burst of static and the viewscreen flared into brilliance, then ..... nothing. "Dax..." "Transmission coordinates already laid in, Benjamin. Our ETA to their position is 22 minutes." ******** The 'Haven' lay drifting in space, derelict, hull scored with phaser fire, the bridge and other sections completely exposed to the harsh vacuum of space. Whoever had attacked the ship had done a through job. "I want a full sensor scan of this area, Jadzia. Somewhere out there is the ship that attacked them - I want it found!" Sisko turned his attention to Kira. "Any signs of survivors, Major?" Kira shook her head in frustration. "I can't be sure - there's too much radiation leakage from their warp core. I'd estimate 8 minutes until a breech." Sisko straightened and began barking out orders. "Major, take two away team members and search that vessel as quickly as possible - there may be survivors. O'Brien, I want you to see what you can do about jettisoning that core - right now, that ship and anyone on it are our only clues as to the identity of the attacker." The destruction that greeted the away team was massive and total. It looked as if someone had run amok through the ship, tearing out walls and conduits and splashing the resulting mess with red paint. The coppery smell in the air was evidence that it wasn't paint, but in fact blood that so liberally coated everything. Bodies lay strewn in the corridors like so many broken dolls, each showing signs of violent, painful death. "Kira to Sisko" "Go ahead." "Sir.... preliminary examination shows no survivors." Kira swallowed heavily as her gorge rose at the sight of another crew member whose remains were lavishly splattered across the walls and deck. "It looks like they were boarded after being disabled and any possible survivors were killed. It's..." Kira broke off as O'Brien's voice cut across the communications channel. "Captain, I've found a survivor. Transport us to sickbay and get everyone else off this ship. The engines are going to blow - there's no way to stop it." ****** Sickbay was a scene of barely controlled chaos when Sisko entered a few minutes later. O'Brien was hovering over a figure on the diagnostic bed, while the medical technician was screaming at the computer, trying to withdraw information from its' electronic brain with Kira's help. The other members of the away team were huddled in a corner looking sick and miserable. "What's wrong?" The technician looked up at Sisko's words and sighed in relief. "We need to get back to the station as quickly as possible - this is way out of my league! I can't believe we went on patrol without a doctor on board! If she dies, I want it on record that it's not my fault -I'm not trained for this." The technician's voice was becoming louder and more strident from his mounting anxiety. "This is absolutely criminal..." "That's enough, Lieutenant", Sisko broke in. "We're heading back to DS9 - ETA is 37 minutes. Can you tell me what the status of our survivor is?" The technician drew a deep breath and led the way to the bed. "She's been hit with some kind of paralytic agent - all voluntary muscle movement is completely paralyzed and slowly spreading to the involuntary muscles. She can see and hear - just not respond. It's completely out of my league. The chief here found her if you want any other information." A cry of 'Marcus' drew his attention away. "Hold on - we may have something here." As the technician scurried over to the computer console, Sisko looked at the couple in front of him. O'Brien's face was bleached white and his gaze was locked on the woman's; her hand held in a bone-crushing grip. Sisko could hear snatches of the low monologue the chief was keeping up, presumably to keep the woman calm until a treatment could be found. "OBrien?" Sisko spoke softly and touched the chief's shoulder gently when he received no response. "Miles?" O'Brien startled slightly and looked up at his commanding officer. "Do you know what happened?" Miles tried to speak but no words would come out. He cleared his throat and tried again. "It was like Major Kira said Sir. Like someone went through and butchered everyone. Except for her - what they did was..." O'Brien broke off, his throat tightening up in anguish. Marcus pushed his way back to the bed, hypo in hand. "Hopefully this will at least slow down the paralytic process, if not reverse it", he said, injecting the hypo. "It'll take a while though - any questions for her are going to have to wait until we're back at the station and Dr. Bashir can examine her more thoroughly." Sisko nodded and glanced around the room to include the entire away team in his next statement. "I want a report from all of you within the hour. Star Fleet will want to know about this attack, and I'd like to be able to inform them that we've identified the ship responsible." ****** It was a somber group that met 4 hours later in the stations briefing room. Kiras voice was steady as she described the scenes of carnage the away team had encountered, only catching when she reported the casualty count at 15, based on crew and passenger manifests. At a nod from Sisko, Dr. Bashir began his report. "We dont have full confirmation of the sole survivors identity yet - that will have to wait until shes able to speak. By using a process of elimination on the manifests, we believe her name is Kat Williams, from a colony on Gamma Theta IV." Odo broke in immediately with his own information - it hadnt looked good before when hed had to report that the security department had no leads on who the attacking vessel could be. "I've already checked the records, Captain. There is no colony on Gamma Theta IV - at least not now. There are reports though, dating back some 20 years, that mentions that name. But the colony is variously reported as either destroyed or abandoned." "Very curious," murmured Sisko. "Dr. Bashir, what of her medical condition?" "I'd have to say guarded," responded the doctor, glancing at his PADD for confirmation. "Lt. Enbright and Major Kira administered the correct antidote for that paralytic agent - a particularly nasty one it was too. That probably saved her life. Plus she had moderate radiation poisoning from the damaged engines and some internal injuries - various broken bones. But those are all healing." "Then why such a dim prognosis?" Bashir and O'Brien exchanged glances. O'Brien spoke up. "I think I can explain that, Captain. Again, based on guesswork and the manifest, were pretty sure that Kat was traveling with her family - her husband and 2 children, one of them a little girl about my Mollys age. From the location of some bodies where I found her, she was probably forced to watch her family be murdered." At Siskos blank look, he drew in a deep breath and went on. "From the few answers we were able to get from Kat - simple nods and the like - and from reconstruction of the scene, it looks like whoever attacked the Haven first shot Kat with that paralyzing drug, then brought in her family one at a time and killed them. She could see and hear but was completely powerless to stop them. Then they left her, lying in a pool of her childrens blood, to wait until the ship exploded." Sisko sat in stunned silence, trying to absorb this information. The images created by O'Briens words had brought up painful memories of Jennifer and her death during the Borg attack. Resolutely he pushed these aside, it was far too late to help Jennifer but there was another young woman who was in need. "Odo, I want you, Kira and Dax to go over every scrap of information we have from the sensor logs - somewhere in there must be a clue as to the identity of the attacker. Benjamin turned to face Bashir. Doctor, I assume that your patient will need some kind of counseling for this. Is there anyone available?" At Bashirs nod, he went on. "Good. Then I suggest we all get to work. Star Fleet will want answers and I intend to provide them." As the group filed quietly from the room, Sisko put a hand on O'Briens arm to stop him. "Are you OK, Chief?," he asked quietly. O'Brien smiled wanly. "I'll be fine Captain. Its just the shock at the savagery... and I keep thinking of that little girl...so like Molly..." "I understand. If you need a few days off, or to see the counselor, let either myself or Dr. Bashir know." "I'll be fine." *************************** I was right Miles thought two weeks later, playing a solitary game of darts in Quarks. Oh, a couple of bad patches here and there, some nightmares, but everythings back to normal now. He ignored the feeling of unease that he got every time he thought of Keiko and Molly, virtually alone on some remote corner of Bajor. "Chief, can I talk to you for a minute?" O'Brien put down his dart. "Sure, what can I do for you, Julian?" "Have you seen or spoken to Kat in the past two weeks?" O'Brien shook his head and Julian went on. "Look, Im really worried about her mental state. I've tried everything I can think of - even had Kira bring up Vedek Bareil to try and talk to her but nothing. Will you give it a try Miles?" "Me? What can I do?" O'Brien snorted. Fifteen minutes later O'Brien stood outside Kat's quarters waiting for her to answer the door summons. How the hell do I let Julian talk me in to things, he thought sourly. I've no more idea what to do here than he would in an engine room. Miles frowned; still no answer at the door. Where the bloody hell could she be? Julian said she hasn't left her quarters in a week. Annoyed now, he tapped his communicator. "O'Brien to Bashir." "Bashir here." "Julian, are you certain that our guest is still in her quarters? I'm not getting any answer." The concern in Julian's voice was clear even through the tinny comm unit. "I'm certain of it Chief. Do you want me to contact Odo for his security override?" "That may be.... never mind." He broke off quickly as the door finally swept open. "She's here. I'll get back to you later." O'Brien entered the room, pausing to let his eyes adjust to the dimness. His eyes scanned the room, noticing the almost absolute sterility of it. Granted it was only guest quarters, and for temporary quests at that, but he'd found in his years in Star Fleet that there was an almost universal need for beings to "personalize" any space they occupied for even a few days. This room displayed none of that - no clothing left out, no cubes, not even a data cart. Granted, all of Kat's personal belongings had been destroyed along with the 'Haven' but, with the Promenade shops nearby..... Finally he focused on a dark outline, almost lost among the deep shadows of the room. "Ms. Williams?" O'Brien cleared his throat and tried again. "Kat? Dr. Bashir asked me to stop by to see how you were doing and..." The voice that came from the shadow was thick and swollen sounding, like it came from a being that was unused to speaking aloud. "Why?" Miles shook his head in confusion. "Why?" "Why does he want to know how I am? And why did you come instead?" "Well, Julian is concerned about your health; after all, you are one of his patients." Miles hesitated a bit. "I suppose I came because..... I really don't know why I came instead of him." Kat moved away from the wall, closer to O'Brien. A shaft of light fall on her face, fully illuminating it. "Well, you've seen me. Now you can go back and tell everyone that I'm all right; that I just want to be left alone," she whispered hoarsely. "You'll have to pardon me for saying this, but you look like hell," he snorted. "Have you eaten anything at all since we brought you back from the 'Haven'? Or slept?" Kat gave a wan smile before turning back towards the viewports. "Do you have any children?," she asked suddenly. "I have a little girl - she's stationed with her mother on Bajor." "Tell me about her. Please." Miles cleared his throat before speaking. "Molly? Well, she's probably about the same age as your little girl. Friendly, well-behaved. Sharp as a tack too, why..." He broke off as he realized he could see Kat's shoulders shaking. Crossing the room quickly, he grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. "Here now," he said, pulling her close to his chest and stroking her back. Miles simply stood there, holding Kat close while she wept as if she would never be able to stop. Eventually though the torrent of tears slowed and stopped, leaving Kat emotionally drained. "I'm sorry," she said shakily, pulling back a bit to look into Mile's eyes. "I didn't mean to use you as a crying towel." He returned her look somberly, remembering all too well the feelings he'd had on returning to station after the disastrous trip on the 'Haven'. Wishing Keiko was there to hold him close and remind him that, while death was all around, he was still alive. A vivid picture of Keiko and Molly, lying dead in some unknown place, leapt into his mind and he stiffened involuntarily, crushing Kat closer to his chest. Kat felt the change in the embrace and clutched hungrily at the solid body supporting her. A fleeting thought of 'life is for the living' flashed through her mind before their lips met in a brutal kiss. There was nothing gentle about the way that they tore at each other's clothes; it was as if, after seeing so much death and destruction, they had to confirm the fact that they were still alive. Shaking, she kissed him back with abandon, eyes closed, arms locked around his neck. When his hands parted the front of the thin robe she wore, Kat arched her back to give him freer access to her breasts. When his mouth left hers to slide down her throat and close over one turgid nipple, Kat clutched his head closer as he switched attention from one eager breast to the other. Impatient with his clothes in the way, her hands ran over his back and between them, seeking for the fastener on his jumpsuit. Frustrated she pushed him back before grasping the tab and yanking it open and over his shoulders, baring him to the waist. As they came back together, her hands clutched at his back, feeling the warm, smooth skin, the hard planes of muscle that weren't evident while he was wearing the concealing uniform. Her hands slid down along his spine to burrow beneath the waistband and clutch his buttocks tight. With a low growl, Miles pulled away to tear off the remainder of his clothes. Without his support, Kat fell to her knees, staring hungrily up at the body in front of her, before pulling him down to join her. She pressed him back on the floor, running her mouth down his neck, over the warm, hair-roughened chest, nibbling at his tightened abdomen before reaching her goal. When she found him with her mouth, he groaned. He was huge, hot, swollen as she licked him, kissed him, swallowed him whole. Then his hands tangled in her hand, tugging her away from him, pulling her up. He turned with her, flipping her onto her back and tearing open her robe. With a groan he came down on top of her again, her knees parting eagerly. She rose and fell with her own urgent need as he moved in, then out, then in again in a relentless, driving rhythm. Her head was thrown back as he took her, and she took him too. Her nails dug deep into his back; her thighs squeezed his hips. His hands closed over her buttocks, lifting her so that he could thrust more deeply, and with a harsh groan, his mouth closed over the sensitive nipple on her breast. Kat shuddered and clung, crying out as intense pleasure burst inside her. He responded with one final, hard thrust and his own harsh cry, shaking as he held himself inside her. Then, with the suddenness of a passing storm, it was over. Miles lay beside Kat, still breathing hard but already wracked by guilt. My God, what had he done? There was no reason he could think of that would excuse being unfaithful. "Look, I..." Kat placed a finger over his lips, silencing him. "Shhh. I understand." She smiled sadly. "I want to tell you a story." He was aghast. "A story? No, look.. you dont understand..." She raised herself up on one elbow to look directly in his face. "Please, this is important - trust me. I want to - no, need to tell someone," she pleaded. "I have to be sure that someone knows, that someone, somewhere will remember." Miles quieted, curiosity overcoming his guilt. Kat looked at him for a moment, then lay back down. "It begins like all stories do - once upon a time." "Well, once upon a time there was a little girl. She lived with her family and friends in a small village, far from anyone else. They knew there were dangerous creatures all around them but it didnt matter because the king had promised to protect them. Besides, the creatures had never bothered them before and the lands were so beautiful. "But one day, when the little girl was 8 years old, the creatures did attack. Not all at once, but in small skirmishes and forays that left a few villagers dead or missing each time. The people cried for help from the king, begged in fact, but he wouldnt send any. It seemed that her village was just too far away and anyway, what was the fate of one small village when compared to what might happen to all the other big towns and cities? "So the little girl, Sally, watched as the creatures killed or carried off almost all the people in her village. Her parents, brothers, friends... one by one they were gone. "One day, a king's agent, on his way to another village, stopped at Sallys village and saw what was happening. He was appalled. The once thriving village of over 200 people had become a hovel of only 15. Everyone else was dead or gone. So he rescued these 15 and took them far away, to the city where the king lived and where they could finally be safe. "Now, Sally was a good girl but she had no family left - no one to care for her. So the king's agent decided that he would be her guardian. Sally loved this man for rescuing her from the creatures and, as she grew older, she decided that she would become a king's agent too. That way, maybe she could help other villagers before the creatures came and destroyed them. "There was a special school to teach people how to be a king's agent and it was very hard to get in to. But Sally was determined, so she studied and learned and practiced, until finally, when she was 16, she was granted entrance. Shed only been there about 6 months when Sally received a message - the king wanted to speak with her! Sally was terrified that shed done something wrong, but she bravely put on her best clothes and went to meet the king. "The king wasnt at all what she expected; she'd always imagined the king to be this immensely tall man, with flowing hair and piercing eyes - not this ordinary looking man with advisors all around him. The king told Sally that hed heard from other agents about how well she was doing in school and about how her village had been destroyed by the creatures. And he had a mission for her - shed be given special training and sent out to destroy the creatures before they could demolish other villages. "Sally was amazed! She quickly accepted the mission - after all, wasnt the whole point of being a king's agent to protect people? And wouldn't destroying those creatures be a form of protection? So she studied and learned and practiced for 2 whole years until the king said she was ready. She was given a special mission - a mission to kill a ferocious creature, so evil and wicked that it had already killed 4 other king's agents. But Sally succeeded where the others had not and the king was pleased. So every now and then, not too often or the creatures became too wary, Sally was sent out on the king's orders. "Now, Sally had told the king that she would gladly kill the evil creatures, but not it's family; that would only enrage the creature and make it more dangerous. After all, look what had happened to her after all her family had been killed. And she lived by that rule for 7 years until one day when the king gave her orders to kill, not only a creature, but its' mate and 3 children. "Sally refused and told the king that she quit; there was no way she was going to kill an innocent - even if it was a creature! The king was angry; no one just quit working for him! He told Sally that if she left, then other king's agents would be forced to hunt and kill her. After all, she knew secrets that no one else in the kingdom did. If she wasn't an agent, she had to die so that there would be no chance of her ever betraying the kingdom, however innocently. "Sally was scared but she stood firm and quit anyway. She didnt really believe that the king would have her hunted down - after all, her missions had always been secrets and shed never told anyone about them. But sure enough, less than 2 days later, one of the other agents, her closest friend, tried to kill her. But Sally was faster and killed him first. Then she ran. "She ran for weeks and weeks until she thought she was so far away that the king would never find her. But he did, and she ran again. This happened 2 more times until Sally finally thought she was so far away and so hidden that she was safe. Years had passed - she had a new name, a new life, and a new family. The king's agents would never find her. But they did. And they killed her family and destroyed her life. And Sally knows now that the king spoke the truth and that he will hunt her until shes dead. So she runs, and hides, never daring to stop and make friends, or settle down or do anything else that other people do." O'Briens chest felt painfully tight as Kat finished her story. He cleared his throat, hoping he could speak without his voice breaking. "I'll remember and make sure that others do too. But, if I could, I would tell Sally that, if she ever had a problem or needed help, to come here to the station where she has at least one friend." Kat squeezed O'Briens hand gently. "Thank you, I knew you'd understand. And remember.", she said with tears in her eyes. "But enough innocents have died - coming here would just put more people in danger. Besides, its only a made-up story." Miles brushed a tear from her cheek. "So, what are your plans? Are you staying here for a bit?" Kat sat up and tugged her robe back around her. "No, it's time I got on with my life. There are some people that I've been meaning to visit for quite awhile; now seems like a good time to drop in on them."" Six months later - Miles O'Brien sat in Quark's, trying to solve the ongoing engineering crisis - how to bring the remainder of the obsolete, shoddy Cardassian equipment up to Federation code without tearing out the entire workings of the station and rebuilding. So if I switch this conduit with... Suddenly Miles was looking at nothing as his PADD was unceremoniously jerked from his hands. He blinked owlishly, trying to focus on the figure across the table from him. "I said, have you heard the news?" Miles frowned in annoyance, his train of thought completely broken now. "What news Julian? That Quark is watering down the drinks again?" Bashir gave his friend a long suffering look. "Sometimes you amaze me Miles - the entire galaxy could be declaring war on each other and, unless it created a problem with your maintenance schedule, you wouldn't even notice. I meant, have you heard the message that came in from Star Fleet Command." At O'Brien's 'hurry up' look, he continued, leaning forward across the table. "There was a message this morning from Command- Intelligence. It seems that terrorists attacked and murdered Admiral McKinna and several of his top aides!" O'Brien's reaction was more than Julian had hoped for, jumping to his feet with such force that his chair overturned. "McKinna's dead? Are you sure? Did they catch the terrorists? Was anyone else killed?" "Easy Chief, are you all right?" Bashir put his hand on his friend's arm. "I didn't realize you knew the admiral. Yes, they're sure he's dead but it's still unclear as to whether or not anyone else died in the explosion." Julian's expression softened. "Are you all right?," he repeated. "Oh, what? Yes, I'm fine. Look, Julian, I'd love to stay and chat but I just remembered something I'd promised Dax..." Julian shook his head, watching as his friend left the bar in a hurry. Once away from Quark's, O'Brien raced back to his quarters. McKinna dead? He had to see that message to confirm it for himself. Once inside, it took him three tried to enter his terminal access code his hands were shaking so badly. As he read the brief missive he realized it was all as Julian had said - McKinna and 5 aides dead in an explosion, no known motive, no terrorist groups claiming responsibility. An addendum to the message said that Star Fleet believed that whomever was responsible had died in the blast also, but a formal announcement would have to wait until further tests had been completed. O'Brien shut off the display and just sat in front the dark screen for several minutes, struggling to digest the news. Finally, he rose from the chair and made his way to the wall where he opened a hidden compartment he'd found and told no one, not even Keiko, about. From it he withdrew a holocube, the screens filled with images of Kat, all taken from Odo's security cameras. He flipped through the images until he reached his favorite - that of Kat, standing at the airlock, her expression peaceful. Gently, his fingers trembling, he stroked the surface of the cube. "The king is dead, lass. I hope you've found peace at last." And he wept. --- This story was posted for the author by John McLusky, John_McLusky@mutelibtech.com. If you want to send comments or requests for missing sections/reposts by email please contact the author, lori spier (spier@umd5.umd.edu), and not me. John McLusky: http://homepages.enterprise.net/emclusky () Protest net censorship! Go to /\ http://www.eff.org/blueribbon.html to find how.