Path: news.inforamp.net!n2tor.istar!n3ott.istar!istar.net!n1ott.istar!uniserve!news.sol.net!uwm.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!newsfeed.internetmci.com!howland.reston.ans.net!news.cac.psu.edu!news.cse.psu.edu!news.cc.swarthmore.edu!netnews.upenn.edu!dsinc!ub!BellSouth!newshost.cyberramp.net!news.cstone.net!news1.digex.net!news.eclipse.net!usenet From: "Cindy N." Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: Deliberations STNG P/C Part 1 of 6 Date: Mon, 13 May 1996 17:45:27 -0700 Lines: 416 Message-ID: <3197D7A7.1037@eclipse.net> NNTP-Posting-Host: wh-40.eclipse.net Mime-Version: 1.0 X-Mailer: Mozilla 2.01 (Win16; I) Status: N Standard Disclaimer: Paramount owns all of Star Trek and probably a large chunk of the rest of the universe but since they are too pigheaded to bring the couple together I have had to take matters into my own hands. Unfortunately, I will not make any money from this little venture but I did have fun writing it. Hope you enjoy this P/C ditty. Deliberations by Cindy Neidt 1996 Chapter 1 Jean-Luc Picard was drumming his fingers on the armrest of his Captain's chair as he watched the viewscreen. The normally mesmerizing star streaks couldn't hold his attention, today. Currently he was trying to decide whether to work on the backlogged personnel reports or to enjoy the momentary lull with a horseback ride on the holodeck. Since the Enterprise was headed for Starbase 212 and a few days of shore leave, he decided to finish the reports. That way he could enjoy his leave with a clear conscience. As Captain Picard walked toward his Ready Room, he said, "You have the bridge, Number One." After replicating a cup of tea, Captain Picard settled in front of his terminal to complete the tedious reports. He had only finished the first one, when Mr. Worf's hail boomed through the communications system. "Worf to Captain Picard." "Go ahead, Mr. Worf." "Sir, you have a personal communique coming in from Starbase 212." A slight look of curiosity appeared on the Captain's face. Who did he know on Starbase 212? "I'll take it here. Thank you." The Starfleet emblem replaced the personnel report he had been writing. He pushed a touch sensor and the Starfleet emblem was replaced by the face of a dear friend. A smile jumped to his face and he moved closer to the screen. "Nella, what a surprise," his voice was filled with genuine excitement. "A pleasant one I hope," she said. Her entire face was lit from within. "Extremely pleasant." He paused a beat. "How are you? It's been a while since we've talked." "I'm fine and how about you. Jean-Luc?" "Very well. Worf said this transmission was from Starbase 212. Are you there now?" he asked. "Yes, the Hepza docked yesterday for some minor repairs and I heard the Enterprise was headed here. You know, it is amazing how excited the Starbase staff is to have the Federation flagship docking at their station." "How long are you going to be there?" "Probably another four or five days. The Starbase crew estimates the Enterprise will arrive at about 1800 hours tomorrow. Is that still correct?" she asked. He smiled, "Yes, that's still our estimated arrival time. Amazing what close tabs they keep on the Enterprise's progress." His eyes sparkled just a bit to think she had gone to the effort to do some investigating. "Will you have some free time so we can get together or is your schedule full of official duties." She held her breath and allowed just the slightest crease formed on her brow. His smile brightened. "Fortunately, I had scheduled my self for some R&R while at the Starbase. So we can spend a couple of days together if you are available." Her shoulders relaxed so slightly he almost didn't notice. "It just so happens that I have some time off while we are docked and I really would like to see you." she said. Her voice dropping to almost a whisper. "I'm anxious to see you too." Again he paused, obviously struggling for the right words. "I've missed you." "Good." she grinned. "It's nice to know I am not the only one who felt that way. Do you want to get together for a late dinner tomorrow after you dock?" "That would be wonderful. Where shall we meet?" "There is a nice Earth restaurant called Michelle's. We could meet there at about 2200 hours," she offered. "I have a better idea. Why don't you beam aboard the Enterprise and we can have a glass of wine before we go to dinner." He would like to greet her in private so he could show her how much he had missed her. He had missed her and didn't want to their first few minutes together to be among other people. She laughed , "Jean-Luc, is that your way of saying you'd like to kiss me." He rubbed his hand across his head, "You do have a way of getting right to the heart of the matter, don't you." He really admired Nella's straight forward attitude; it was one of the things that had attracted him. He often wished he could be that open with his feelings. Her sparkling eyes danced as she said, "I have been accused of that in the past. I'll beam aboard at 2200 hours." "I'll have the wine chilled. And Nella, this is a wonderful surprise....Picard out." Her smiling image was replaced by the Starfleet emblem. He touched the screen where her face had been. Picard leaned back in his chair with a most uncaptainlike grin on his face. "Nella," he whispered to himself. She was so good at taking his mind off his problems and focusing his attention on other things. Yes, this was going to be a great way to spend his leave. ***************************************** He was so engrossed in his work at the teminal the door chime startled him a bit. "Come," he said as he finished an entry. He turned to see Beverly standing in his doorway watching him. "Did you forget we had agreed to have dinner?" she asked with one hand on her hip. She was wearing a yellow sweater and a white body stocking that accentuated her tall slender frame. He glanced at his terminal to check the time. "I'm sorry, Beverly. I have been frantically trying to finish some reports before we get to Starbase 212. I was so busy with these reports that the time got away from me. I am really sorry." She waved her hand and smiled. "Don't worry about it. I think I have probably kept you waiting a few times while I finished doing some of my work." He flashed her a look of gratitude. Grinning back at him, she said, "Why don't I replicate dinner while you change out of your uniform." "Thank you. That would really be helpful," he said as he headed for his bedroom. "It's not a problem, Jean-Luc," said Beverly over her shoulder as she headed for the replicator. As she was standing there trying to decide what to order, Jean-Luc called from the bedroom. "You seem to be in a very good mood today, Doctor. Did anything special happen?" "No not really," she called to him. "Computer, vegetarian lasagna, 2 orders, Caesar salad, 2 orders, and garlic bread." She took the plates to the table. Then raised her voice loud enough to be heard in the bedroom. "I have been looking forward to a little time away from Sickbay. I thought we might have a picnic in the Starbase arboretum. It is supposed to be spectacular." There was thud from the bedroom. "Jean-Luc are you all right?" her voice becoming concerned. "Yes, I just dropped my boot," came the tentative reply from the bedroom. Beverly ordered the dinner beverages and was just placing them on the table when Jean-Luc joined her in the dining area. He straightened the silky black shirt as he sat down. "The dinner looks great," he said as he cleared his throat. " Nice choice. Thank you again for being so patient." "My pleasure. However, fair is fair so tomorrow you can arrange the picnic menu." He stopped in mid bite and set the fork back down on his plate. "Beverly, I am not going to be able to picnic with you tomorrow. I made other plans." "Jean-Luc you cannot work through another leave. You really need to take some time off. You haven't had a break for several months." She was taking a breath to continue her tirad when he raised his hand indicating he had more to say. "Beverly, I am planning to take a few days off when we get to Starbase 212," he said. "Oh?" she questioned. He hesitated a few seconds before launching into his explanation. "Yes, I got a communique from Nella Daren and I am planning to spend my leave visiting with her until the Hepza departs." He had dreaded telling Beverly. Their friendship was so complicated, even more so since their telepathic joining at Kes-Prytt. He had no clue how she would react to his announcement. She had indicated that she was comfortable with their current friendship. However, he knew Beverly cared for him and the last thing in the world he wanted was to hurt her. He scrutinized her every movement for some sort of indication of her feelings. He caught just the slightest tightening of her jaw. "Oh, I see." She took a sip of her drink. "It will be nice for you to see her again." "Hmm, yes, it has been a while since she left." He resumed eating to keep from saying too much. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Jean-Luc stole a few furtive glances at Beverly who was very busy concentrating on her salad. When Jean-Luc couldn't stand the silence any longer he said, "I'm sorry I won't be able to join you for the picnic." She dismissed his comment with a wave of her fork. "Please don't worry about it. I should have asked if you were available instead of assuming you didn't have plans. I didn't mean to take you for granted." "Under normal circumstances it would have been safe to assume I didn't have plans." "None the less, it was inconsiderate of me to make plans for us without asking if you were available. I'm sorry." "Please Beverly, you have nothing to be sorry for." He decided to change the subject to something a little more comfortable. "How is Nurse Ogawa doing?" "Better, the morning sickness has passed." Jean-Luc was ready to let the flow of conversation move to a more serene course but not Beverly. She decided now was the time to ask the question she had wondered about for over a year. "Jean-Luc, can I ask you a very personal question?" She caught him in mid-bite and caused him to swallow hard. "What if I say no?" his tone slightly flippant. "Then I won't ask it." she said seriously. "Go ahead." he said as he laid down his fork. "It was obvious that you and Nella cared for each other. Why did she leave so unexpectedly?" Jean-Luc studied her carefully while he deliberated about how to explain Nella's departure. He ran a hand over his brow. "You do have a way of cutting right to the hear of the matter, don't you?" The corners of her mouth turned up. "This is a very difficult subject for me to talk about to anybody...However, you are the one person in the universe I could talk to about this, and you are also the one person I could hurt by sharing it." "Jean-Luc, I don't have a clue what you are talking about." "I know. I'll try to explain it." He hesitated for a moment then started again. "Do you remember the mission on Bersallis III and the firestorm." She nodded. "Well, for about 20 or 25 minutes it looked like the away team on the perimeter had been lost. Nella was part of that away team." He got up from the table and stood by the portal. "Oh Jean-Luc, you must have been devastated." A concerned expression filled her eyes. "A part of me died. It was even worse than when Jack died." Beverly flinched at that remark. "I had basically ordered a woman I cared very deeply for to her death. Then when she was found and safe I just knew I could never put her in that kind of danger again." He paused for what a very long time, but Beverly didn't interrupt. She waited. "She knew she couldn't perform her duties if I wouldn't allow her on dangerous missions. So we decided the best thing was for her to request a transfer." He turned around, "That is why she left." "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to open old wounds." said Beverly very softly. "No, don't apologize. I've thought a lot about this for the last few hours and questioned the decision. I'm not very proud of the way I handled the situation. I shouldn't have let her leave. I should have found some way to work through my trepidation." She looked directly in his eyes. "It is very difficult trying to juggle professional and personal relationships." "We've managed to handle it," he said quietly. "You have to admit that at times it hasn't been easy. It sometimes seems that one wrong move could bring the whole thing tumbling down over our heads." She said as she averted her eyes to her plate. "Yes, there've been times like that. However, it has been worth the effort." He waited for reply. "It has definitely been worth the effort." She smiled that beautiful smile which he couldn't help but emulate. "Why did you think this would hurt my feelings." She took her glass to the couch and sat down. He sighed, "I thought it might bother you that I couldn't bring myself to order Nella into a dangerous situation, and yet send you into them regularly." He joined her on the couch his whole body was tense. These types of conversations were almost more difficult for him than battle situations. "I see your point." She waited until he looked at her again. "Let me ask you this..." "I don't know if I can stand any more of your questions." He put his hand to his brow and pretended to wipe away the imaginary sweat. Her deep throaty laugh filled the air between them. "This one will be a bit easier, I think. Do you remember when I flew Dr. Reyga's shuttle into the that star?" His whole body sagged and his face grew pale. "When I got back on the ship, first you hugged me to make sure I was really there and then you yelled at me. That is one of the few times I have ever heard you raise your voice. More than any other singular incident in our entire history, your reaction told me how much you care about me." Jean-Luc remembered those horrible few moments when he thought she was dead. It had taken every bit of self discipline he possessed to continue functioning. He knew how difficult it would have been to continue if anything happened to her under his command. Yet he also knew she was capable of taking care of herself. She had proven herself on countless missions and had saved his life on more than one occasion. He sent her on dangerous missions because he knew she was the best person to get the job done and he also knew he couldn't stop her even if he wanted to. She watched him contemplate her statement and then continued quietly, "See, I'm not hurt because I know if something happens to me it would affect you very deeply and profoundly." He slowly nodded. "Just as I know that if something happens to you I would be devastated." "I'm glad to hear you'd miss me." he said trying to lighten the mood. She smiled slightly, "I'd miss you horribly and you know it." "The feeling is mutual, my dear Doctor," he said. "What I don't quite understand is why you felt you couldn't bear to order Nella into another dangerous situation." "I have been struggling with that issue ever since she left." "Well, I would love to hear the answer when you solve the puzzle," Beverly smiled coyly. "I wouldn't count on it if I were you," he smiled back. "What shouldn't I count on, your ability to come up with an answer or your sharing the answer with me." "Either." She gave him a quizzical look but decided not to pursue the subject. She touched his forearm. "I hope you have a wonderful day, tomorrow. You deserve it." "Thank you. I appreciate it." She rose from the couch and moved to clear her dishes from the table. He stood too and said, "I'll do this. Why don't you have a seat on the couch and I'll get us some tea." "You know Jean-Luc, it has been a very busy day. I think I'm going to skip tea tonight." Jean-Luc stopped halfway to the replicator. Now he knew she was upset. She almost never left before they shared tea. She had mentioned to him previously, how much she enjoyed this part of their occasional dinners together. "Beverly, is something wrong?" he asked as he set the dishes back down on the table and walked toward her. "No, really everything is fine. I'm just tired and need to get some rest," she said as she took a couple of steps closer to the door. She glanced around the room, eyeing the door then looking directly at Jean-Luc but she avoided any eye contact. He stopped approaching her because she was beginning to look like a trapped animal. "Are you sure that's all it is?" "Yes," she nodded, with too much enthusiasm. Jean-Luc knew she was lying, but he didn't think this was the right time to confront her. Truth be told, he really didn't want to continue this conversation. "Then by all means get some rest." She quickly turned to leave and as the door swished open, Jean-Luc said, "I'll see you in the morning." Without stopping she replied, "Right, in the morning." As the door closed, Jean-Luc said quietly, "Goodnight, Beverly." ************************************************************************************* Captain Picard had just finished dressing when he heard the chirp of the communications system. "Dr. Crusher to Capt. Picard." He glanced toward the ceiling, "Yes, Doctor." "Jean-Luc, I overslept so I won't have time to join you for breakfast this morning," "Understood, I'll see you at the senior staff meeting then." "I'm sorry," her voice a little softer now. "Really Beverly, you have nothing for which to apologize." "Thank you," there was a slight pause and then, "Crusher out." Now he knew for certain that she was upset about the previous evening's conversation. Except for medical emergencies and mission requirements they had not missed having breakfast together for the last six months. It was his favorite part of the day. He looked forward to their interesting conversations and looking at her beautiful face was a wonderful way to start the day. The Captain in him wanted to march right into her quarters and confront the situation head on, but this was very personal and couldn't be handled with rank. No, this situation was going to take diplomacy and patience. He knew Beverly would discuss her feelings eventually and pushing her before she was ready would only fire her always smoldering temper. He would just have to wait. *************************************************************************************