Path: news.inforamp.net!news2.toronto.istar.net!news3.ottawa.istar.net!istar.net!newsjunkie.ans.net!newsfeeds.ans.net!prodigy.com!usenet From: WPTD03E@prodigy.com (Kerowyn Nighthawk) Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: REPOST:A GUIDING HAND PART 2 Date: 29 Apr 1996 02:41:15 GMT Organization: Prodigy Services Company 1-800-PRODIGY Lines: 386 Distribution: world Message-ID: <4m1a8b$l3q@usenetp1.news.prodigy.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: innugap8-int.news.prodigy.com X-Newsreader: Version 1.2 Status: N A Guiding Hand Kerowyn Nighthawk ©1996 Kerowyn Nighthawk Standard disclaimers apply. Paramount owns the characters and the universe; what I do with those characters or within that universe is entirely from my own mind and is owned by me. Although I don't think anyone would want to copy my ideas, anyone who does so is subject to criminal prosecution for copyright violation. Please do not distribute or archive without expressed written (or typed) permission from the author, who can be reached at WPTD03E@prodigy.com. If you ask, I'll probably give permission, but I still like protocol. (By the way, Alara, I am giving you permission to archive this if you want to, but tell me if you do.) If this story is printed or saved on disk, this header must remain attached, along with all the copyright stuff. @---`----,---- Thanks for reading, and any comments are appreciated, but as this is my first fanfic, please, constructive criticism. Don't just say you didn't like it. Tell me why and what I can do to fix it. Of course, all manners of praise are appreciated. And consider yourself warned, this is a romance novel, and it is written as such, although not as graphic as most in bookstores. Roses, @----`---,------ Kero -------,----'--@ A Guiding Hand Part 2/5 Kerowyn Nighthawk ©1996 Kerowyn Nighthawk When Chakotay returned to his quarters, sleep was a long time coming. He reclined on his bed and closed his eyes, and although being clean and in fresh clothing had him feeling better than he had in a long time, he was also a lot more confused. He thought back on the evening with Janeway, remembering with startling vividness everything she had said, every subtle nuance of her gestures. He had been trying to cheer her up, to get her mind off the incident, and she was trying to do the same for him and eventually they had resorted to telling bad jokes. Somehow he knew that there were not many things that could make Kathryn Janeway laugh. He had always thought her beautiful; that was really no secret, although he doubted she knew, but tonight she had seemed different somehow, not as distant, almost touchable... He fell asleep thinking thoughts no first officer had a right to think about his captain. * * * * * The next day, Janeway, after spending a relaxing day in her quarters avoiding Neelix and the doctor's inquiries as to how she was feeling, had just curled up in her favorite chair with a hot cup of tea, when the door chimed. She sighed and set the cup on the table. "Come in." The doors slid open to admit her first officer. "I hope I'm not bothering you, Captain." She smiled and shook her head. "Not at all, Chakotay. Please, come in." She motioned for him to take a seat. "Would you like some coffee, tea? Ration's on me." "Tea will be fine, thanks." He sat on the couch, watching her as she rose and walked over to the replicator and ordered his drink, studying her movements. Even off duty, in civilian clothing, she still had her hair pinned up as usual, but softer somehow, with a few loose locks lessening the usual severity of the look. He wondered what it would look like down, spilling over her shoulders...he steered his mind away from that track fast and accepted the offered teacup. She sat next to him, not too close, but not as if she were trying to keep distance between them. "I was wondering how you were feeling. I know you got the worst of...it." "I'm glad to be home. Still a little stiff, despite the muscle relaxer the doctor gave us, but that's been getting better. You?" She asked, surprised at his reason for stopping by. Chakotay usually wasn't one to drop by for a social call, but she was glad he had. She could use the company of someone who understood fully what they had been through. "The same stiffness, but not bad at all. It's barely noticeable now, and I have to say I'm glad for the R and R. We did miss our shore leave. " He smiled, then his expression turned serious. "Captain, may I ask a personal question?" "Of course. What is it, Chakotay?" He took a deep breath. "When we were down there, when we knew the ship couldn't reach us and the Pakleds might kill us, were you afraid?" Janeway had been expecting a personal question, but she had never expected one that, to her, the answer was obvious. "Chakotay, in all honesty, I have never been more afraid in my life. Why do you ask that? I'm only human; who wouldn't be scared?" "You seemed to...take everything in stride, as if you knew Voyager would reach us in time, as if there were never a doubt in your mind that we would be safe." He stated. "I was scared, believe me. Whenever one of them came into the cell, I just wanted to...cower in the corner and pray they didn't notice me, maybe just will myself into non-existence..." Her voice trailed off, not wanting to say more. Chakotay's hand covered hers softly. "I know." He whispered. "I wanted to know if you felt the same things I did." "And did I?" "You did." He replied. "I'd been through things like that before, but I was scared." He stopped, then found a more accurate word. "Terrified. " "I hadn't. I knew creatures were capable of such acts, but I never wanted to believe it." Janeway looked away, somewhat ashamed at this admittance of naivety. "That's all they are. Creatures. Anything that could deliberately inflict...torture...on another living thing..."His voice trailed off, unsure of what else to say. "May I ask a personal question?" Janeway asked as a formality, knowing already he would let her. He nodded. "What happened...before?" "It was my first year as a Maquis. We were doing some routine scouting of the borders, nothing threatening, when a Cardassian ship came from out of nowhere...we didn't even pick it up on sensors. It locked a tractor beam on us and pulled us in, and after a ‘trial' we were sent to a Cardassian ‘detention center' where they used all imaginable methods to extract information. After almost a year, the Maquis raided the place to rescue us. Most of us died; I got lucky." He looked down, unsure of whether to be ashamed at his survival and the death of his comrades, embarrassed at the admission of scanning errors, or thankful to be alive. He decided on the latter. Janeway noted the omission of the details about the "methods" and let it be, knowing that Chakotay was trying to spare her from something that still haunted him and decided to lighten the subject matter. "Tell me one thing. Where did you learn to give such marvelous backrubs?" He grinned at her. "B'Elanna was teaching me some form of Klingon martial arts that has a bad habit of tying muscles in knots after extended hours of practice, so a good backrub was necessary at the end of the afternoon if either of us was going to be any good to Voyager the next day." He noted Janeway's smile. "You're pretty good at that yourself." She shrugged. "Instinct, I guess." They lapsed into a comfortable silence, which was broken a few minutes later by Chakotay. "What do you miss most about Earth?" "Hmmm. That's a tough one." Janeway considered. "Besides roses, probably the way I could leave command behind when I went home and just be me, but most of all... I guess, someone to just give me a hug when I've had a bad day." "I think that's what I miss most too. Out here, there isn't much in the way of human companionship." He paused for a moment. "Captain, I know, when they had us, you tried to make yourself more noticeable, so they'd take you and not me. I think that was one of the most selfless acts I have ever witnessed. Thank-you." Janeway looked away, not sure of what to say. He was right; she had done that and she didn't regret it, no matter what the consequences to herself. She knew she would have done the same for any of her crew; she just didn't know why she had done it for Chakotay. Was it because she was his captain or his friend? Sensing that she was uncomfortable with his knowing what she had done, he stood. "It's late. I should be going." Janeway walked him over to the door. "Stop by anytime." She caught his arm. "I mean it." Chakotay looked at her, here, in her quarters in civilian dress. "Permission to hug the captain?" Janeway smiled "Permission granted." Chakotay stepped forward and pulled her into his arms, savoring this moment of comfort they both needed. She returned the embrace, allowing him to hold her, feeling completely relaxed and comfortable here, his arms around her, just allowing her mind to go blank, thinking of nothing but the here and now and the warm, fuzzy feeling that was rapidly taking over her mind. "I'd almost forgotten what this felt like..." She murmured. After what seemed like only a moment but was actually quite a while, they mutually released each other. Chakotay moved towards the door. "Goodnight, Captain." "Goodnight." She echoed, standing at the doorway long after he had turned the corner. Finally, she retreated back into her quarters, curling up in her chair with a new cup of tea, pondering their conversation and wondering what that hug meant. Although they were both very physical people, they had usually avoided touching one another, until the capture. Something had forced them together, forced them closer out of necessity. Not that either of them were complaining about that one. Janeway found herself wanting his company, wanting more of those embraces. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the chair, suddenly realizing how tired she was. She stood and walked into her bedroom, changing swiftly and falling into bed, asleep even before her head hit the pillow. As they had been programmed to do, the lights went out automatically. * * * * * :A friend needs you.: The Deer sent to his chosen human, and Chakotay found himself jolted out of his Spirit-Quest with a strange sense of someone frightened, and the knowledge that Kathryn Janeway was that person, even though it was the middle of the night. Chakotay stood and dressed quickly in comfortable civvies, then left his quarters to go next door, asking the computer to use a soft door chime that wouldn't wake her if she was asleep. Janeway answered the door wearing a dark green robe with her hair loosely braided down her back, looking like a frightened rabbit. "Are you alright?" "Fine." She answered. "Just a nightmare." "Want to talk?" "It was just about the Pakleds." She replied, trying to brush it off. "What was it?" She stood back to let him in. "It was that green ray, over and over, like I was living it all again." She was shaking with the realness of the dream, and a tear spilled over one eyelid, running down her cheek. He reached up and wiped it away with one hand, then wordlessly, he pulled her into his arms. She allowed him to hold her, enjoying the feeling of safety he brought with him, letting it engulf her until she was almost asleep on her feet. "Captain, you should get some rest." She nodded mutely and allowed him to lead her into the bedroom, and she slipped into bed while he pulled the blankets up over her. As he turned to go, she clutched at his arm. "Please, don't go." He looked away, protocol dictating he should go, but his heart telling him to stay. She repeated her request, fear of returning nightmares coloring her plea. Chakotay slipped out of his moccasins and under the blankets with her, holding her to offer comfort, like a friend, nothing more. He wasn't quite comfortable with the arrangement, though. It was silly; he told himself. They had spent five nights locked in the same cell, many times sleeping on the same cot, their bodies curled around each other for comfort or warmth. He had even been the one to initiate it, much as she had tonight, clutching at her hand through a fog of pain, begging her not to leave. And she hadn't. She had curled up against him and held him much like he was holding her now. He pulled her closer, shifting slightly. He was pressed against her back, his arms holding her firmly around the waist, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair. She smelled faintly of roses and vanilla, making him wonder if it was perfume or just scented soap. He decided on the latter. Janeway wasn't usually one to take the time for those kinds of things. He drifted off to sleep with thoughts of rose gardens and Janeway running through his head. * * * * * He awoke with the briefest feeling of disorientation, then remembered what had happened. He rose quickly, slipped into his moccasins, and after a glance in the mirror and a look up and down the corridor to hopefully save them both some embarrassment, he was safe in his own quarters. * * * * * They spent almost every waking hour together throughout the next week. When she was with him, everything seemed right somehow. He began teaching her some of the Klingon martial arts he had learned from B'Elanna, although the style he showed her did not require backrubs at the end of a workout. Janeway taught him how to ski, and after a few comical attempts that left him resembling a very handsome looking yeti, he got the hang of it quickly and was soon keeping up with Janeway on the intermediate slopes, although not many of the crew could match her on the more advanced runs. She asked him to tell her more about his culture, and he did, explaining everything he could think of that she might find of interest. Throughout the rest of the week, Janeway, out of the blue would request "Tell me a story?" and he always would. Later, in the mess hall, Harry Kim and Tom Paris sought them out to offer an invitation to Sandrine's that evening. Janeway raised an eyebrow at Chakotay. "What do you say, Commander? Up for a game of pool? " Chakotay grinned wolfishly. "Always." When they strolled into Sandrine's, they received a few surprised looks at their civilian attire, but all in all, the atmosphere was a bit more relaxed without the uniforms reminding the crew that their superior officers were present. Janeway proceeded to beat Paris at pool three games in a row, until finally he collapsed against the bar. "I'm beat. Anyone else up to challenging the captain?" Chakotay eyed Janeway and the confidant way she was tossing the cue from hand to hand. "I'll take that bet." "Okay, everyone, wagers on the captain and the commander!" Paris decreed, then noting Janeway's look, added "Only harmless wagers, of course." Janeway obviously did not want a repeat of some of Paris' other fiascos and had limited his betting to simple favors and requests, not allowing replicator rations and duty shifts to be wagered. Chakotay raised an eyebrow at her in challenge. "I'll take that bet. If I win...The captain has to spend more time in the next month relaxing and spending time with her Spirit Guide...and take her first officer to dinner." Janeway nodded. "Fair enough. If I win..." She thought a moment and then snapped her fingers. "I know. Since you already spend enough time with your Spirit Guide, you have to spend more time...using the holodeck training programs designed by...Lieutenant Worf, help your captain with her Spirit Guide and take her to dinner." Chakotay thought a minute. Worf's training programs could be hell on Voyager but weighed against the possibility of spending more time with Janeway...It was a win-win situation for both of them, he hoped. "I'll take that bet." They shook on it. "Your break, Commander." Janeway smiled smugly as she sank the last ball into the pocket. "Let me know when you're using those holodeck programs. I might want to join you." Chakotay didn't know if he liked that idea or not. "How about another game? If I win, same bet. If you win, I'll add on an extra month to using Worf's programs." By this time a crowd had gathered, both real and holopeople, observing the scene playing itself out in front of them. Janeway had a rather ruthless look in her eyes while Chakotay was as calm and cool-headed as ever. She looked him up and down. His manner wasn't bad for a man that could be facing two months in Worf's programs. Unfortunately for her, or fortunately, depending on how she looked at it, she lost the next game, missing several very easy shots she could've ordinarily made easily. Her subconscious did not like her today. Or did it? As Chakotay sank the eight-ball, a cheer went up from the crowd. She and Chakotay stretched out their cues across the table, crossing them in the middle as a kind of salute to each other, and smiled. Paris clapped Chakotay on the back, then whispered "You do know no one's ever beaten her?" Chakotay shook his head. "I didn't. She let me." And with that, and a nod farewell to Captain and crew, he exited the holodeck, leaving a confused looking Tom Paris in his wake. * * * * * The next morning, Janeway stood in front of her chair, staring out at the viewscreen. It had been an uneventful day so far, and she was content to let the stars drift by as Voyager continued on its journey towards home. They had just sent a probe into a spacial anomaly, and although Janeway hoped it might be a wormhole, she refused to let that glimmer of hope take root, having been disappointed so many times before. "Captain!" Torres's voice startled Janeway out of her reverie. "Our probe is sending back data. This is a spacial rift, sort of a quasi- wormhole. It's very unstable, but..." Her voice trailed off as a sunburst explosion erupted from the anomaly. "The probe has been destroyed. Receiving final information now." She glanced down at her console. "The gravimetric pulses were too great for the materials of the probe's hull...But Captain..." She hesitated a moment but continued upon seeing Janeway's querying look. "The anomaly opens to the alpha quadrant. " An audible gasp went up from the crew, Janeway included. "Lieutenant, get down to engineering and find a way to take this ship through that anomaly." Torres headed off the bridge and Janeway sank into her chair, unable to stand, not quite able to process the idea that they might really be going home after all this time. * * * * * "Captain, there's no way we can do it." Torres stood in front of Janeway's desk, a holo-imager in her hand. "This is why." She sat the imager on Janeway's desk and turned it on, the image of Voyager appearing next to the anomaly. "The titanium of our hull won't hold against those gravitational tremors, and the elevated neutrino emissions from the anomaly would drain our shields to nothing." The image of the ship bucked and twisted, warping under the intense gravitational forces, finally exploding into a brilliant sunburst. After telling Torres to inform Chakotay, Janeway folded her arms on her desk, resting her head on them and bit her lip trying to hold back bitter tears of disappointment. How could this happen? How, after four long years, and after they were so close? For the first time since they had been thrust into this quadrant, she began to think that they might never get home. Janeway paced her ready room like a caged cat. "Chakotay, I just don't know what to do. Our supplies are low, crew morale is non-existent and our self-appointed Morale Officer isn't helping much..." She sat down in her chair. "I don't think we'll ever get home." Seeing the tenseness and despair in his captain, Chakotay decided to act. "First off, you need to close your eyes, take several deep breaths and relax. When you're relaxed, that's when you can put your mind to solving your problems." Janeway shot him a look, but upon seeing his expression, she did as he asked, closing her eyes and inhaling once, twice, and then sharply when she felt Chakotay's hands on her shoulders. "Relax, Captain. You've been under to much stress recently. Close your eyes and relax. First officer's orders." "The first officer doesn't get to order the captain--mmm that feels good. .." She sighed as his hands began to expertly knead the tension out of her muscles, instinctively seeking out all the tenseness and sore spots. His hands moved down her back, leaving a comfortable feeling of serenity in their wake. "You're wonderful..." "You can return the favor next time B'Elanna makes me mad." Chakotay smiled, but inwardly wished that the fabric of her uniform wasn't between his hands and her skin. "All this stress isn't good for you, Captain. You need to relax and let your hair down once in a while." Janeway reached up and pulled the two pins from her hair, allowing it to fall in soft waves on her shoulders, tumbling like liquid gold over his hands. "Better?" "Much." Chakotay managed, marveling at the sight of those deep blonde locks. He couldn't fathom why she would always keep it hidden, up in that stern chignon...then again, maybe he could. Maybe to avoid distracting her first officer...He pushed those thoughts out of his head and looped her hair over her shoulder, continuing with the backrub. "I think I have a way to improve crew morale-" He began, an idea forming. "The next time we stop for supplies we have a party in the holodeck. Neelix could cater; Paris could help me program up a band...What do you think?" "I think it's a wonderful idea." Janeway replied. "You and Neelix are in charge of planning and organizing it." "I will," He responded, then thought a second. "On two conditions." He chanced. "Which are?" "One, it will be a formal party, but no uniforms allowed. We need to make it clear to the crew that they are off duty. We want everyone to relax and be themselves." He began. "As taxing as it will be on the replicators, I must agree. What's the second condition?" "That you-" She looked up at him sharply but he continued anyway. "Wear your hair down. Even the captain needs an off day." Janeway laughed. It was a musical sound that reminded him of bells, and Chakotay grinned. Kathryn Janeway's laughter was a wonderful sound, especially since it was so rarely heard. "Agreed, Commander."