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From: allronix@ix.netcom.com(Jessica Krucek )
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: DS9:Clockwork 2/2
Date: 4 May 1996 22:36:39 GMT
Organization: Netcom
Lines: 472
Message-ID: <4mgm5n$aie@dfw-ixnews3.ix.netcom.com>
References: <4mc68b$rtf@newsbf02.news.aol.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host: ix-oly-wa1-25.ix.netcom.com
X-NETCOM-Date: Sat May 04  5:36:39 PM CDT 1996
Status: N

	Palis refused to speak to me any more that night or answer any
more questions.
After I slid into bed next to her, I closed my eyes and the images and
voices returned with a vengeance...
	**"Women! That's all you think about!"** the Irishman shouted.
	**"Did I ever mention it to you, Doctor,"** the red-haired woman
said, **"That heroes often die young?"**
	**"You don't know much of anything, do you?"** the reptile-man
barked, crazy with pain.
	More voices, each more insane than the next. Yelling, charged
with emotion, anger, and fear...
	**"It's gone,"** whispered the dark-haired woman. She lay on a
odd biobed in unfamiliar (or were they?) surroundings. I looked up at
her life readings. Faltering, rapidly fading. I turned to the surgical
crashcart nearby, looking for a hypospray full of something that could
help.
	All I saw was the green candle. It was fading at the same rate as
her lifesigns...
	**"Everything went perfectly,"** I found myself whispering.
**"The operation was a complete success."**
	The mental image shifted from what I knew as "right." **"The
candle...Please save Us."**
	**"What does the candle have to do with this?"** I asked.
	**"Can't you hear Us? If the candle dies, then We do. We are
trapped within that candle."**
	**"Why can you change the image? None of the others can."**
	The image changed again. She screwed up her face in pain. **"I
feel so alone."**
	I stared at the candle. Its flicker was weak but stable, like the
woman's lifesigns. I brushed my hand across her forehead. I could
remember an emotion...I cared for her deeply. In some ways, more than I
cared for Palis...Maybe that's why she could speak to me this way.
	"I've got you stabilized," I whispered. "If only..."


	My eyes snapped open. I was only a scant step from knowing why
the images haunted me so badly. I had to get to the study...
	I ran there, pulling a robe over me as I went. I burst inside and
took out the pictures. Something was familiar about everyone there. On
an emotional, subconscious level, I could remember everyone...
	On a conscious, rational level, they were strangers.
	There was one blank sheet left. On it, I sketched her. Her oval
face, the lapis-blue eyes, the waist-length, ebony hair. I picked up
the brown pencil and lightly drew the detailed pattern of spots down
the side of her face and down her neck...
	A knock on the door. "Julian, are you in there?" I could hear
Soran's voice clearly.
	I folded up the drawing and hurriedly put it in the inside pocket
of my robe. "Just a minute," I said.
	I opened the door. Soran stood there. "Well, not exactly the
attire I would have picked, but enough, I guess. Let's go."
	"Go?" I asked. "Go where? I'm not dressed to leave the house."
	Soran ignored my protest and touched my forehead. "Don't think,
Julian. Don't remember. Just enjoy..."

	The elegant house faded, replaced by a landscape unlike anything
I'd ever seen. Vast desert and mountains...A clear night sky lit with
thousands of stars, mountains rising in the distance. Several moons
were present in the sky, and the eastern sky was dominated by a large,
ringed planet. Stone arches surrounded where we stood. Each doorway
looked out onto another place. Some were lit brightly, others were
darker than a black hole.
	"This is astonishing..." I whispered. "Where is this?"
	"This, Julian, is what I sought for nearly a century. The doorway
into other dimensions, the place where there is no past or future..."
Soran enthusiastically grasped my shoulder. "Look at it all! It's
glorious, and it's yours. All yours. You wanted adventure, my boy, here
it is!"
	"Adventure..." I started to think of the odd bronze crown, and of
the people...but quickly forgot it when taking in the landscape. All
those memories were fading rapidly in the beauty that surrounded me.
"Why are we here?"
	Soran smiled. "I'm here to teach you what you are. It was so hard
all those years before we came here. You thought you were only human.
You didn't know about me, and you thought that all you had was Time.
Oh, Julian, you are more than human...so much more."
	"What are you?" I asked.
	"Julian, we are El-Aurian. Sometimes, other races call us
'listeners.' All of our people are all connected on an empathic level
inherently, but we can tune into other races and make them let down
their mental guards. They talk, and we can listen. The empathic link is
why I was able to sense you and bring you here. I didn't want to
believe it was you, but when I saw that it was you, I brought you here,
to where we are."
	"Where are we?" I said.
	"Timelessness. We are where shadow is light, where past is
future. Where pain no longer exists. Through each of these doorways is
another place, a Time. The difference between humans and us is that we
can exist outside Time. We can listen to, as well as change, the
harmonies of the universe itself. You wanted adventure. Here it is. You
can sit next to Zenfram Cochrane as he tests the first warp drive. You
can explore Earth's moon with Neil Armstrong...You can be anyone,
anytime, any universe. You can be what I am. El-Aurian, prince of time
itself!" Soran's voice dropped. "You can be my son, have a father who
loves you..."
	"I'm ready. Let me stay here. This is so beautiful..."
	"More than that. Oh, Julian, it's glorious - why go back to your
beat-up infirmary, back to being a mere human? You have this. Now do
you see how much better things can be for you?"
	"I guess," I said, remembering the images I drew. "But I'll miss
it. I'll miss them."
	"Did you have a k'estral among them?" Seeing my incomprehension
of his words, Soran rephrased. "Did you love someone in Time, my son?"
	I reached in the pocket of my robe and thought of her briefly.
"That doesn't matter anymore."
	"It does, to me. My son...All these years," Soran approached me.
Placing his hands on my shoulders, he savored the moment. "Oh, Goddess,
the last time I even got this close to you was when you were a small
baby. You were so small, and so beautiful. Eyes like your mother...my
face. The last time I saw you, you made me so proud. Michael never
bothered to come and see you take your diploma, but I was there.
Salutatorian...If Michael couldn't appreciate that, it's his problem. I
watched you from afar all these years, having to remain in the shadows
and unable to do anything for you."
	"But you are my father," I said.
	"Yes!" Soran said. "And here, you and I can be together for
eternity!"
	"What about Mother?"
	Soran frowned. "She cannot leave Time. She is human. I can see
her at any Time, but Timelessness is not a place she can be."
	"I think I understand."


	Soran led me through one of the doorways. We were back in the
study.
	"You'll get used to it. You are only half El-Aurian. Your sense
of time isn't as sharp as mine. I can adjust to a new time very
quickly, and I'm able to tell how appropriate a timeline is. Being
half-human, you might just be disoriented. Don't worry, you're just
trying to adjust to being here."
	I looked over to the cabinet. The green flame was getting dimmer.
Soran pulled out his pocketwatch. He looked at it and smiled. "I won't
need this for too much longer, will I?"
	His watch...that's what was missing from here. There were no
clocks or watches to be found anywhere in the house...Something was
definitely wrong now.
	"So, Julian, have I answered your questions? Are you content to
stay here?" Soran asked eagerly.
	This was paradise. I wanted to stay so badly, but I looked over
my shoulder. The pictures lay on the desk, rapidly losing their colors.
Looking over at the locked case, I saw the green-flamed candle burning
brightly, but wearing down to the last bit of wax. It would go out
soon..
	"Father," I said. "It's wrong for me to be here. Somehow, this
isn't right."
	"Of course it is, Julian. You belong here, with me. As soon as
that candle burns out, you won't be able to lose this ever again.
You'll be the prince of Time itself!"
	I looked over at the candle and its strange green flame again.
Somehow, I got the feeling that Soran couldn't blow it out, that he was
waiting for it to snuff out by itself.
	I looked down at the picture of the fire-haired woman with the
odd nose. I gave it to Soran. "Do you know who she is? If she exists, I
want to know."
	He grew angry. "Why won't you just be happy with what I gave you?
Why do humans always question paradise? Can't you be El-Aurian for
once, be my son, and accept this beautiful Forever?"
	Human...Something started to come back to me. I gazed at the
second picture. The one of the dark-skinned man...He was also familiar,
come to think about it. So was the picture of the curly-haired
Irishman...But from where?
	"Why can't I get them out of my mind?" I said, leafing through
the pictures. "Why are all of them so familiar? Father, you know, don't
you? My sight through Time isn't as clear as yours."
	Soran grew angry. "You don't need those," he said as he swiped
the ones in my hand. One by one, he tore them. The voices in my head
screamed loudest as each page was turned into scraps of paper. The
screams faded from my mind as quickly as they had come.
	All but one, the drawing of the woman who I never seemed able to
block from my brain. The woman whose picture I still had in my
pocket...
	Soran opened the case, picked up the candle and spoke to it.
"You're doing this to him, aren't you? Trying to stop me? Well, it
won't work. I won't let it work!
	He took the drawings over to the fireplace and tried to light
them with a match. Why didn't he just use the candle?
	I stared at the last drawing I had. It was of that lovely,
aristocratic woman with the odd freckles running down the side of her
face. Even though I had just drawn her, the picture was fading into
nothingness. She was the most troubling image of all of them. Come on,
I had to remember who she was! She was the only drawing I had left, the
only thing that was reminding me that I shouldn't be here...Maybe if I
tried to say her name...It started with a "D." I could remember that
much...
	"Di..." No, that wasn't it. "Dex..." No, that wasn't it, either.
"Come on, Julian," I muttered to myself. "Remember!"
	Soran finally got the fire started. He was turning around just in
time to catch me with the drawing.
	It came in a flash. I remembered everything for just long enough
to shout out her name. "Dax!"
	Just as Soran turned around fully, I thrust out the drawing.
"That's who she is. Those pictures...they weren't just pictures.
They're memories..." Soran was frozen with shock. "I remember now! They
belong to the Time that's right for me." The words came so quickly.
"This isn't right for me. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to
be wherever they are," More came back to me. I didn't know how I
remembered, but it became clearer with every second. "Father, take me
back! I don't belong here."
	"Julian, don't. You don't know what you're saying."
	"Yes, I do," I said as I marched up and took the candle out of
his hand.
	The surroundings wavered and shifted. I felt dizzy again...


	The elegant house vanished. Soran and I stood on a huge, barren
rockface. Soran glowered at me. "Et, tu, Brute?" he asked. "It's enough
to be betrayed, but by your own son..."
	"Doctor Soran, please!" I shouted, not wanting to hear the last
part of this man's sentence. I didn't want to acknowledge him as that,
but when he stared me in the face...I had never really noticed it
before, but aside from the sapphire eyes, the resemblance was uncanny.
He might as well have been an older version of me.
	"I'm here to bring you back, Soran," I said with as much bravado
as I could muster, much of which I didn't have.
	Soran turned away in disgust. "Back to time? Back to your narrow
reality? I can't accept that. Of all people, I should think my own son
would understand."
	"So you are my father," I said. "That wasn't a lie. Everything in
that universe was a lie except that."
	"It was no lie, Julian. It was paradise. What is it with you
damnable humans? Why is it that when all the fruit trees of Eden are
laid before you, all you want to eat is apples?"
	"We were never meant for paradise, I guess," I said. "Paradise is
wonderful, but it is also eternal...stagnant. Stagnation is deadly to
humans."
	Soran turned and walked away from me. "Are you happy now, Julian?
You're back here. Back in the void that's left of your universe. All
your friends that you drew, even that pretty girl you call Dax, are
gone."
	"She's hardly a girl," I snapped. "She's just as old as you."
	"Three centuries? Perhaps there is a touch of El-Aurian in you
after all," Soran laughed bitterly. "We do tend to prefer the ancient."
	Soran sighed. "I could have told you everything, Julian. I could
help you learn to listen to the new cosmos. Teach you what it means to
live for centuries...Here, we could have been Gods, Julian. Gods!"
	I shook my head and gazed at Soran.
	*He has so many answers about what I am. I hardly know what an
El-Aurian is, much less know what I'm in store for. What if he's right
- what if I will someday be able to sense temporal changes before
sensors do and what if my lifespan is closer to a millennia instead of
a century and a half?*
	When I thought of my life on DS9, I gathered my strength. "But
I'm not a god," I said. "Neither are you." The words came so fast, that
my swimming mind couldn't censor them. "We are men. Men were never
meant to be gods. I need a father more than I need power over time and
space. I don't need to have a family, if all family does is run away or
destroy. I chose my family...the friends I have on the station." I
tried to reach him. "My mother wasn't ancient. What about her? If you
destroy Time, she'll die, too."
	"I've come to accept that, Julian. She and I could never be
together again. I've accepted that and gone on, haven't I?"
	"By destroying Time?"
	"Yes, can't you see? Here, I can be anyone, anywhere, and any
when I choose! Maybe your narrow, human mind can't see the beauty in
it, but I will stay here, and to hell with cruel Time."	 
	"My mother told me that you were a good man," I said as I came
closer. "What happened? What turned you into this?"
	The harsh stare softened. "You did."
	"What?! "
	He walked down the slope, touching my shoulder. "Michael knew all
along that you were mine and not his. Jasmine probably didn't tell you
about that night, did she?"
	I shook my head. Soran seemed to understand.
	"I lost everything that night. Your mother had divorced Michael
by then. She and you were living with me in Khartoum. One night, when I
was studying at the university, Michael came over to the house drunk
and violent. He and Jasmine got into an argument over who should have
custody of you, and he started to use his belt on her. I got home in
the middle of it. She was bleeding all over and was barely conscious. I
struggled and got hold of the belt. Then..."
	"Then you started beating Michael," I said.
	"More than that. I went mad. Completely. I must have broken his
arm and collarbone. Of course, when the police arrived, they caught me
in the act. Even though Jasmine told them that Michael had beaten her
and not me, they still believed Michael because of his political clout.
To make matters worse, Jasmine was declared unfit to be a mother and
you wound up with that blackguard Michael." Soran's voice was bitter.
"I was put in a reform colony for five years, and told that I was never
to see Jasmine or you ever again. My credibility as a scientist was
gone as well. I lost everything, Julian. *EVERYTHING* I loved and
treasured within Time was taken away." His sapphire eyes burned with
mad obsession. "My search for the Nexus was all I had left. I used the
past twenty-five years to make up for lost time, so to speak. Michael
had everything within Time, so I was determined to go to Timelessness,
where I could have anything - even you and Jasmine..."
	"I'm here now, Father," I whispered. "But I belong to Time. My
life is on the station. People I loved were ripped apart by the
disturbance. Heal the disturbance, come back to Time, and my friends
will live." I reached out my hand. "You won't lose me again. I swear
it."
	"Maybe, Julian," he said. "But there is nothing left of the man
your mother loved. I am a killer. Not counting your friends on the
station, I've murdered at least a dozen people to escape Time -
including the greatest starship captain of all time. I will not go back
to Time, even if it means killing you."
	"So, Father, it comes down to this. Do you want your fantasy in
Timelessness, or do you want me? I am your son. Real and in Time. You'd
be willing to kill your real-life son so you can live a dream?"
	"I won't have you. All I will see for the rest of my years is a
reform colony. I am El-Aurian - do you have any idea how long we live?
Well over a millennia and a half, Julian. Of course, you would probably
live only about eight hundred years, due to your mother's genes. I've
accepted the fact that you and Jasmine will die before me. Hastening
that death will cause me a little grief, but what has to be done..."
	He took a small device out of his pocket. "The Destroyer," he
said. "The Beings in the Wormhole cannot tolerate its frequency. This
device kills Time, and everything within it."  He aimed it at me. "I'm
sorry, son. Sorry that we couldn't enjoy Timelessness together..."
	Just as he was about to fire it, a green light surrounded him. He
screamed and I ran up to help him out of sheer healer's instinct. The
green glow faded, and...
	Sisko had mentioned that the most visible of the Wormhole Beings
took on the form of his dead wife. When he said that They got things
dead accurate...Well, he wasn't kidding!
	 The Being looked haggard and aged, obviously dying of
exhaustion, but I recognized the form She took. Even though I knew it
wasn't her, I whispered. "Jadzia..." 
	Soran turned around. "You bitch! Stay out of this!"
	I used the moment, grabbing the Destroyer. It went off in my
hand. There was this awful surge of power and intense shock coursing
through me. A fire-red glow shot out of it.
	It hit Soran square in the chest. He staggered back, dropping the
gold watch he had in his left hand. He fell to the stone below, moaning
in pain, phasing in and out of existence...*My God, what have I done?*
I thought in complete shock, *I just killed my own father...*
	He looked up at me, rapidly fading. "You did what you had to,
Julian..." he whispered before he faded away totally, leaving only his
gold pocketwatch. Absentmindedly, I picked it up and stuffed it inside
my uniform.
	I tried to block that from my mind. The Being, "Prophet," or
whatever She was called, lay on the marble, shaking, and I could almost
see the life draining from Her. I touched Her as Her shape began to
destabilize and turn into fading green light.
	**"The Destroyer,"** "She" whispered. **"Stop it."**
	I nodded. Picking it up, I smashed it against the stone, breaking
it in half.
	She seemed a bit stronger after that. I ran over to Her.
	"It was you all along, wasn't it?" I said. "What are you?"
	**"Our Bajoran Children call Us the Prophets. Sisko calls Us the
Beings. Whatever you choose to call Us is fine."**
	"Sisko..." I said. "Do you have any idea? Is he? Was he?"
	**"You are Julian...healer. Friend of Sisko?"**
	"Yes."
	**"We save him and those who journey with him. He is a creature
of what you call Time. The Destroyer keeps them trapped."** That voice
was so beautiful...a chorus of everything that ever called out to me -
everything that I ever loved, including my lost friends...
	**"We see them in your mind and try to speak to you through them.
You remember them more through emotion than through your mind. The
image We take now is one of your most powerful emotion-memories.
We...remember her. She existed with Sisko briefly during his
visit..."**
	"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.
	She reached out. **"Sisko and the others can come back to Time
through you, Julian-healer. Through your mind and life-force we can be
healed and restore them. Will you take Our hand?"**	
	Again, my healer's instinct got the best of me. "If it will help
you, yes."
	 Thousands of green lights came out of the swirling chaos.
"Jadzia" faded as well, turning into another sphere of light. They
surrounded me and glowed with such brightness, I could scarcely keep
from being blinded, even with my eyes tightly shut.
	I'd like to say that it felt rather like being in a transporter
beam, but the effect was much more surreal. It seemed as though I was
melting into nothingness. For an instant, it felt as if I didn't exist
at all, except as a mental force, my own consciousness acting as a
center, pulling thousands more consciousnesses toward me. Actually, the
feeling was so much more than that, but the English language has no
words to describe it. Perhaps the Bajorans do, but I'm hardly a
linguist.
	Finally, everything felt centered, and I came back into existence
again - utterly spent. Trust me when I say this - paying a house call
to the local deities is no picnic. It may feel glorious while it lasts,
but you feel terrible afterwards. I immediately collapsed.


	When I was finally able to pry open my eyes, a multitude of faces
peered down at me.
	"So, ye finally decided to wake up, eh?" Chief asked.
	"Where in hell have you been?" Major Kira chimed in.
	"Can't you see he's exhausted? I almost lost a good customer..."
	"Ha! Good to see that you're looking out for his welfare, Quark,"
Odo laughed bitterly.
	"Good morning, my dear doctor. I believe you have a bit of
explaining to do." I didn't have to see Garak to recognize that
practiced, genteel voice.
	"Welcome back, Doctor. We were beginning to think you'd never
wake up," Commander Sisko said, a huge grin spreading over his face.
	"Good morning, sleepyhead," Jadzia said. Her ageless eyes and
Mona Lisa smile was by far the most welcome sight of home (but of
course, you probably guessed that). "What happened to you?"
	If I told you, you would never believe me. Aloud, I asked. "I
hardly remember. What did happen?"
	Kira started off. "After Dr. Soran's shuttle entered the
Wormhole, you vanished in a flash of green light. Your combadge was all
we were able to find."
	"We had the entire station looking for you," Sisko said. "And
then, we look in your quarters, and here you are, sound asleep."
	"Kyla told us that your vital signs were stable, but that you
were completely exhausted. You've been asleep for twelve hours," Jadzia
informed me.
	"Twelve? I must have been utterly spent," I muttered. "Tell me,
have you been able to find out what happened to Dr. Soran's shuttle?"
	Jadzia decided to explain. "There were some odd readings in the
Wormhole. After we found you, the pieces of the shuttlecraft came out
of the Wormhole's mouth. We think that Soran tried to use some device
against the Wormhole's inhabitants, but it must have destroyed him
instead."
	"And so the Prophets use their swords on the wicked..." Kira
muttered out a passage from her people's Holy Book.
	I was home. All of these wonderful people I call my friends...no,
more than that - my family  - surrounded me. They were all alive and
well, Time was restored, and I was in the proper universe. Perhaps the
life I had was the very thing my father sought, but could never have.
Is this kind of life worth killing for - or for that matter, dying for?
I'll never know, I guess, but Gods, it's wonderful.
	A light flashed into my quarters, and everyone was silent. It's
strange how the sight of the Wormhole opening can silence us, even
after all these years.
	This time was very different, though. When I closed my eyes for
an instant, I could almost *hear* the chorus of voices that the Being
used. My friends were no longer in the "chorus," but I could sense
*his* presence.
	Soran was all right. In fact, he seemed blissfully happy, and
something in me told me that this wasn't my imagination. He had what he
wanted, and I had my life back, even if it wouldn't ever be the same.
	The Wormhole closed, and the "singing" stopped. I got out of bed.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I could use a nice, long shower."
	One by one, they politely excused themselves. The last person in
the room was Jadzia.
	"Feeling better?" I asked.
	She smiled. "I was just about to ask you the same thing."
	"Well, considering that you were still depressed..."
	"That's the funny thing, Julian. When you vanished, and all of us
were keeping vigil here in your quarters, I thought about how stupid I
was at breakfast. I should have known that you were just trying to
help." She got up and walked over to me. "I was offered paradise on
Meridian, but when you vanished, I guess it hit me that so much of my
life is invested here."
	"I can't really blame you for wanting paradise, Jadzia," I said.
"I got offered a chance at paradise. I'm just glad I didn't take it! My
life is here, same as yours."
	As I approached the door to the bathroom, Jadzia ran ahead of me.
She folded her arms and guarded the door to the bathroom. "You still
have some explaining to do," she said. "I don't think you were telling
the full truth back there."
	"You're very right, Jadzia," I said. "I wasn't."
	"All right," she said, face and body taking on the form of
no-nonsense scientist. "What happened to you, Julian?"
	"You would never believe me if I told you," I said. "It's almost
as absurd-sounding as the prospect that perhaps I'm not fully human."
	"Considering your records say you're full human, Julian, I'd say
it would have to be pretty absurd."
	I grinned wickedly. She's definitely the person I'll tell my
little secret to, *if* I ever decided to tell it. "I told you it was
ridiculous. I'll tell you when I've been able to sort it all out."
	"I can wait awhile, I suppose," she said.
	"So can I," I told her.
	"I'll see you later, Julian?" she asked.
	"Count on it."
	As she turned to go out the door, she stopped. "Oh, wait."
Reaching into her uniform, she pulled out something small. "We found
you with this in your hand. I wanted to ask you about it, but since
you're not about to give me any answers..."
	She walked up and handed it to me. "Maybe this will help you sort
it out," she said before leaving.
	I opened my hand. The gold pocketwatch seemed to smile
enigmatically as its second hand swept the dial.

30