Path: inforamp.net!winternet.com!dimensional.com!news.wizard.com!imci4!newsfeed.internetmci.com!howland.reston.ans.net!nntp.coast.net!harbinger.cc.monash.edu.au!news.mel.connect.com.au!munnari.OZ.AU!metro!metro!wabbit.its.uow.edu.au!wabbit.its.uow.edu.au!not-for-mail From: GReNDeL Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Subject: [fanfic] Time Flies (1/1) Date: 25 Mar 1996 19:24:52 +1100 Organization: University of Wollongong, NSW, Australia. Lines: 355 Sender: llm01@wumpus.its.uow.edu.au Message-ID: <4j5l8k$fhl@wumpus.its.uow.edu.au> NNTP-Posting-Host: wumpus.its.uow.edu.au Summary: fanfic Keywords: fanfic X-Newsreader: NN version 6.5.0 #5 Status: N Posted for a friend. Not my fault ^_^ email him if u like it ^_^ ************************* Star Trek was invented by a man with a vision This story was written by a man without conscience Star Trek and Star Trek the Next Generation is Copyright bla bla bla. I don't own anything except my own chemically-imbalanced brain. TIME FLIES by Ian Taylor NCC 1701-A CURRENTLY IN SPACEDOCK Kirk stood by the exit to Admiral Young's temporary office at Starbase 42. He was clearing his head after yet another heated 'discussion' about orders. Admiral Young also struck a raw nerve after pointing out Kirk had exceeded his monthly Prime Dir ective violation quota by two. This was not a good day. Kirk reached down to his belt and unhooked his communicator. Flicking it open for maximum effect he punched the comm switch. "Enterprise. Uhura here." "Uhura, this is Kirk. Time check please." Uhura sighed. This wasn't the first time. "1430 hours, Sir." Kirk nodded. "Good. Shore leave for the crew will have to be cut short. We have, ah, orders to test out a new experimental device." "Is that the same device that the Garriott was testing before it was destroyed?" "Yes Lieutenant." "And the Visionary? ...and the Carter?" Kirk paused. "YES, Lieutenant!" he growled through clenched teeth. "The Purcell? The Frewer? The Belushi?" "Kirk out" he quickly barked, closing the channel. Kirk shook his head slowly and moved towards the starbase transporter room. The Enterprise was in almost total disarray. The cancellation of shore leave was always expected by the crew, but that didn't stop the dozens of disgruntled Starfleet personnel from taking their sweet time to return to duty. Hikaru Sulu was standin g in the middle of the local botany store holding his newly purchased Vulcan Flytrap when the call came through his communicator. He quickly jumped up and ran out of the store to answer the call to duty. After a few seconds, he ran back inside the store. "Wait! What does this thing live on?" he asked the bemused Andorian storekeeper, offering the flytrap. "The flytrap only eats live Vulcan Sandflies. Here, catch!" he said as he threw a stasis globe with a few dozen flies cryogenically frozen. Sulu caught the globe with almost criminal ease before dashing towards the transporters. The Andorian stor ekeeper stroked one of his antennae thoughtfully before resuming his fairly mundane duties. NCC 1701-D CURRENTLY PATROLLING THE CARDASSIAN BORDER "Commander Riker, an unidentified object has appeared in Cardassian space!" Riker shot up out of the Captain's chair to give the crew the impression that he hadn't been asleep. It didn't work. He turned to Data whose voice drew him from peaceful slumber and asked the all-important question. "What?" Data cocked one eyebrow and tried to ignore Riker's hair, which was matted and sticking up on one side. "Sir, an unidentified object is currently moving through Cardassian space." Riker blinked and yawned. "Have you tried to identify it?" Data cocked the other eyebrow, cancelling the effect. He had to admit that he had never thought of that. After a few momentary scans he turned again. "Sir, the vessel appears to be a Ferengi ship. It is travelling at warp factor three." The console beeped again. "It is being pursued by four Cardassian Battlecruisers." he quickly added. Riker furrowed his brow and pondered for a second. "Computer, where is the Captain?" he asked to nobody in particular. "Captain Picard is in the Ready Room." offered the Computer. Riker pushed his communicator pin and spoke, again to nobody in particular. "Captain Picard to the bridge!" he barked. This was the one time he got to give the Captain an order, and he was milking it for all it was worth. "Acknowledged" came the Shakespearian-voiced reply. The crew was suddenly startled by a sharp thud against the ready room door. The door immediately opened to reveal the Captain, grimacing and rubbing his forehead. The crew politely opted not to s tare. "Number one, report!" he commanded. Riker shrugged his shoulders and pointed to the console where Data had collated all of the information. Picard read for a short while before again standing in front of the main viewer, much to the chagrin of ever ybody behind him. "Mr Worf, open a channel to the lead Battlecruiser." Worf complied wordlessly. Picard spoke again. "This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship Enterprise, addressing the commander of the Cardassian fleet in pursuit of the unidentified Ferengi craft." A bumpy-faced image appeared on the main viewer. "This is Gul Edward of the Cardassian merchant trading ship Festering Black Demon Ripper. We are merely trying to persuade the Ferengi craft to buy some excess photon torpedoes that we are in possession of, but for some reason they appear to have so me kind of malfunction in their warp engines forcing them to accelerate away from us at their top speed." Picard thought for a moment. "Very well, Gul Edward. The Federation/Cardassian treaty forbids us to interfere with trade matters. We leave you to your own affairs." Gul Edward nodded. "Thank you, Captain. I assure you that your reputation amongst the Cardassian people is mostly incorrect." The image quickly winked away from the screen. Picard turned to Riker. "What did he say?" Before Riker could respond, Data interrupted with a loud announcement. "Sir, the Ferengi ship has been destroyed by a premature delivery of Cardassian torpedoes." Picard and Riker glanced at each other. "The Ferengi ship mustn't have been ready to accept such a vast payload." said Riker. Picard nodded. "Mr Data, scan the wreckage for any survivors." ordered Picard. The android officer complied immediately, offering his report within seconds. "The wreckage reveals no survivors. However, there is a piece of scientific equipment left almost unscathed. It appears to be some kind of ancient technology." Picard's heart almost skipped a beat. "Mr Worf, lock tractor beams and tow it aboard immediately." The two most senior officers aboard left simultaneously for the cargo bay to examine their new find. NCC-1701-A EN ROUTE TO THE McCARTHY SYSTEM Kirk sat in his central position on the bridge. He felt every vibration and every shudder of the warp engines through his seat, and he wished that Starfleet would at least spring for a cushion. "Sir? Reaching McCarthy in ten minutes." informed Sulu in such an excellent way that it prompted a spontaneous round of applause from the rest of the bridge crew. Kirk silenced them all with an icy stare. At this point the turbolift doors sprang open and out stepped McCoy. "Captain, it's time for your medical" Kirk rolled his eyes. "Sorry, bones! I'm much too busy with running the ship than to worry about a stupid medical." McCoy looked around the room. "Jim, there's nothing happening here! Why don't you just come down with me to medical for fifteen minutes?" Kirk giggled to himself. "Nope!" he said. McCoy looked agitated. Kirk thought this a good time to get down to engineering before McCoy forgot his hippocratic oath and delivered a good solid punch in the face. "Spock, you're with me!" he said. Both Spock and Kirk left the bridge for engineering. The crew stared at the turbolift doors until they closed. Then they sprang into action. Sulu and Chekov got out the volleyball net again while Uhura stood watch. "Sulu, ve'll pick the teams differently this time!" said Chekov. "Last time, you ant the doctor are little too fit for me and Uhura." Sulu laughed and continued tying the net. NCC-1701-D CURRENTLY WHERE A FERENGI SHIP USED TO BE Picard and Riker stood in the middle of Cargo Bay 3 examining what looked like a large black jagged hunk of scrap metal. Picard found this out when he shredded part of his uniform on the side as he inspected the object. "Bugger!" snarled Picard. He secretly hoped that nobody could tell by the white skin of his thigh that he was wearing fake tan. Everybody could. "Mr La Forge? Can you tell us what this is?" asked Riker. La Forge waltzed over to the high-command group and started making important sounding beeping noises on his tricorder. He then looked up to address the officers. "Well, this is a highly unusual object. We have been able to scan it thoroughly, we know exactly what it's composed of, and we can tell you precisely what it does. Quite frankly I've never seen anything like it!" Riker and Picard stood and stared at La Forge, expecting him to continue. La Forge didn't. Instead he noticed Picard's uniform tear and punched a few more buttons on his tricorder. "What are you doing?" queried Picard? La Forge looked startled. "Well Sir, I couldn't help noticing the condition of you uniform, and I have just the device to help you out." La Forge gestured over to a little robot trundling towards the group. Picard regarded the robot suspiciously. "And what does this thing do?" "It repairs small rips and tears in fabric, such as items of clothing. It can fix your uniform, Sir." "Very well..." nodded Picard. "Make it sew!" Riker's hand flew to his forehead, making a sharp slapping sound. NCC-1701-A JUST A FEW SECONDS FROM THE McCARTHY SYSTEM "Captain, we're just a few seconds from the McCarthy system." informed Sulu. Kirk put down the rubber band he was about to flick at the back of Spock's head and readjusted his toupee. "All stop!" he commanded. Sulu steered the ship into a nearby asteroid, the resulting force stopping the ship dead. This also made Kirk wish that he had a seatbelt. Trying to look as regal as possible, Kirk rose to his feet. He noticed a small crease of blood on his forehead and gestured to McCoy. McCoy frowned at this. "Dammit Jim!" he snapped. "I'm a Doctor, not a ............oh, right. Sorry!" Ignoring this, Spock spoke. "Captain, I think that we should proceed to the maintenance decks to test the.....item." Kirk agreed. He turned and left, signalling Spock and McCoy to join him. "Uh, actually Jim, I'd rather stay here." said McCoy. "I'd like to have a go at flying the ship!" Kirk looked a little surprised, but agreed. "Sulu, you accompany us instead." Sulu jumped up eagerly, leaving behind his newly purchased Vulcan Flytrap. NCC-1701-D CURRENTLY DELEGATING RESPONSIBILITY "Commander Riker, activate the device." ordered Picard Riker turned to La Forge. "Mr La Forge, activate the device." La Forge turned to issue an order, but there was nobody else there. He shrugged his shoulders and switched the strange device on. NCC-1701-A CURRENTLY ZOOMING AROUND THE McCARTHY SYSTEM AT UNCONTROLLABLE SPEEDS BECAUSE THE SHIP'S DOCTOR IS NAVIGATING Kirk, Spock and Sulu walked around the new Federation experimental machine examining it for at least five minutes. "So, " started Sulu. "What does it do?" Kirk and Spock looked at each other. "Good point, Captain" stated Spock. Kirk hated that. "Actually Spock, we've been given orders to test the machine, so that's exactly what we'll do. Let's turn it on!" Spock drawing the short straw, he started the arduous task of turning the machine on. Just then Kirk and Sulu were distracted by the turbolift doors opening. It was McCoy. "Hey Sulu! You left this behind!" yelled McCoy, offering the Vulcan Flytrap. "Here, catch!" Sulu was quite accomplished at many different physical activities, and had the reputation of being one of the most dexterous people in Starfleet, so even as he caught the flytrap with ease he could do nothing about the stasis globe containing the liv e sandflies. The globe sailed gracefully through the recycled air, coming to a perfect landing on the back of Spock's head. Spock who was only momentarily distracted by the shattering stasis device continued in his task, even while revived Vulcan Sandflies were swarming around his head. He finally finished and turned to the Captain. "Sir, the device is now on." he calmly stated. The device was looking a little more lively, with lights and meters indicating all kinds of unknown quantities. The device started humming and beeping and without warning a bolt of light shot out of a small hole in the top, engulfed one of the Sandflies and then switched itself off. Kirk looked around. "That's it? It swats flies?" Spock spoke again. "Correction, Sir! It swats fly. All of the other flies remain, and the machine lies dormant." Kirk gunned himself forward and aimed a hefty kick at the machine. "Lousy piece of crap! After all these years of tests and it swats one fly?" Spock grabbed the Captain by the shoulders and pulled him back. "Captain, there is no logic in taking out your anger on the machine!" Kirk calmed down. "Well, I guess you're right, Spock. See if you can get it working again. Maybe it really swats more flies than one. I'll leave it in your hands." Sulu and Kirk walked back out of the Cargo Bay to see what they could do about the rest of those Sandflies. NCC-1701-D CURRENTLY WAITING FOR RESULTS "Mr La Forge, what's taking so long?" asked Picard. La Forge turned to the Captain. "Well Sir, the device has taken a huge amount of damage." Riker joined the conversation. "Damage?" "Yes Sir! It looks like somebody kicked it really hard, and judging by the indentations, the person who kicked it was a Vulcan!" Picard and Riker glanced at each other. "A Vulcan?" NCC-1701-A ALSO CURRENTLY WAITING FOR RESULTS "Stupid lousy piece of crap!" McCoy turned suddenly and walked down towards Engineering. He wasn't sure who was yelling, but he had an idea, and a camera. Spock stepped back and aimed another hefty kick at the device. "Idiotic moronic ridiculous junkheap!" McCoy leaned around the corner to the Engineering section. He stifled a giggle before leaning further and taking a photograph of the agitated Vulcan kicking the stuffing out of the cantankerous object. "Oh boy!" McCoy said to himself as he ran from Engineering. "This is going to make me a very happy man!" NCC-1701-D CURRENTLY IN DISBELIEF "A fly?" La Forge examine the machine closely. "Well, the device has gone through some kind of reanimation cycle, and it's now finished. That's all I can really say." Picard and Riker regarded the creature buzzing around the cargo bay with surprise. "Isn't that a Vulcan Sandfly?" asked Riker. Picard nodded. "They're now extinct, Number One! This machine must be some kind of hibernation device. Early Federation technology judging by the markings." Riker thought for a second. "But since the Vulcan Sandfly has been extinct for forty years, surely this one will upset the delicate ecological balance of the entire universe!" Picard agreed. "However, ethically we can't kill the fly. What could we do? Suggestions?" "Well, we could try to reactivate the machine and let somebody else sort the problem out in a hundred years!" offered La Forge. "Or we could set up some kind of environment control quarantine centre to leave the fly in." said Riker. "Or we could use my science project to send the fly back eighty years in time." offered Wesley. Picard, Riker and La Forge all turned towards the teenager who turned up out of thin air. "How did you get in here, boy?" demanded Riker. "There's a level four security lockout around the cargo bay!" Wesley shrugged his shoulders. "Personal phase/cloaking device in my wristwatch." Picard shoved Riker out of the way. "Are you saying that you can send this fly back to the 23rd century?" "Sure, Captain! I did it last week when I sent Ensign Jesus back in time 2400 years!" Picard nodded. "Very well, make it so." Wesley joyously produced his science project, a small hand held phaser-type device and, after making minor adjustments shot out a beam engulfing the fly. The room glowed momentarily and the fly disappeared. "Where did it go?" asked Riker. "I sent it back around eighty years to a Federation base near here." said Wesley. "I think they'll know what to do with it there." STARBASE 42 CURRENTLY WHERE STARBASE 42 USUALLY IS IN THE 23RD CENTURY The Vulcan Sandfly joyously buzzed around the room. It had no idea about lights, stasis devices or time travel rays. It just knew the joy of flying. In fact, it knew the joy of flying for about three seconds before snagged by a large Andorian storekeeper. The storekeeper stroked one of his antennae thoughtfully as he stuffed the fly into a stasis globe. He had to hurry. A Federation Starship was about to dock, and those Starfleet navigators would buy just about anything. **** Author's notes **** I wrote this just after seeing Generations, and reading the book Federation by J & G Reeves-Stevens. (I regarded this as a cool book) It got me thinking. Why exactly is it always a big deal when the generations cross? It's always some life-or-death universe saving situation. Surely if freak time-travelling occurences are commonplace, then it would happen in little-documented events. Such as this one. This is also the first time I've gone after Classic Trek. It's not due to lack of material, but poking fun at Classic Trek is like shooting Klingons in a barrel. Fun, dangerous and messy. I prefer to keep my parodies in my own time-period. Don't get me wrong. I like Star Trek, really I do. It's the only genre I know that makes me laugh to myself about it's own corniness, but keeps me glued to the set for next week's show. Now I've established my own fan status, so don't flame me please! (constructive criticism is always welcome!) hawkeye0@ozemail.com.au *********************** Welp, theres another one :) Luke -- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Luke "Grendel" Mason | |\/ \/| |\/ \/| llm01@uow.edu.au | -->.<-- VIVAT GRENDEL!! -->.<-- grendel@rabble.uow.edu.au | \ / \ /