ALERT: Other people's property, both Paramount and Plymouth respectively. 
Other allusions and intrusions should be considered as well. Nothing to 
offensive in this, but be at least 18 if you are on this board. And 
remember that the Law is Paramount!

FYI: This was just a silly idea that came to me today. It's not very 
"fetish" or anything, but I'd like to here feedback on it, por favor. 
Maybe I can find someplace more appropriate to post it if good enough.


And now...


Li'L Voyagers - A Dream (Starring Kathryn and her "kids")


        Before her stretched unending asphalt, slicing through a
wilderness that people from her neck of the woods (A place of unity and
peace called New Jersey) had never seen before. There were people in this
area of course, but they were strangers. Some friendly. Some not.
        The terrain was beautiful at least. On one side, rolling hills 
gradually crested into peaking mountains, capped with snow. On the other 
side of the roadway, a valley dipped into the earth, and was populated by 
mighty green pine trees , strong and old. It was not New Jersey by any 
stretch of the means, but the woman behind the wheel felt somehow... home.
        "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!"
        Kathy closed her eyes for a moment, to gather strength. Of course 
this felt like home. How could it not with her three adorable babes 
rioting in the back seat? "What is it now, Tommy?!" she sighed with a 
voice even more raspy than normal.
        Kathy looked up into the rear view mirror to look back at the 
kids. Tommy, oldest and most precocious of her three darlings, was 
sitting in the middle of his two younger siblings, Harry and B'Elanna. 
Tommy's fresh, blonde features were gazing back at Kathy with anger and 
impatience.
        "B'Elanna keeps punching me in the arm!" Tommy sneered, pointing 
to his younger sister, sitting right of him. "Tell her to stop it!"
        Kathy checked the road again. NO curves. No other cars. It was 
clear sailing. She looked back again.
        B'Elanna, her eight year old with brown bobbing hair, had climbed 
into  the field of view, pushing Tommy aside. Her cherubic features were 
even more menacing than Tommy's. "He started it, Mom! He called be 
'Forehead Freak" again!" As to demonstrate how creul Tommy was being to 
her, B'Elanna pulled out a baseball cap and crammed io down on her head, 
hiding her finely crested foreskull. Now, Kathy noted, her little girl 
almost looked like a little boy.
        "Tommy, stop teasing your sister!' Kathy ordered, again putting
eyes back on the road ahead of the minivan, "If you keep this up I'm not
going to take you home. I'll leave out on the side of the road and... and
bears will adopt you and you'll never see me or or father again!"
        Tommy and B'Elanna looked at one with wide eyes.
        "COOL!" the gurgled in unison.
        "Oy," was Kathy remark. "How's your little brother doing then anyways?"
        Tommy and B'Elanna remembered that they were sharing the back 
with the youngest child of the family. Five year old Harry was strapped 
down into his car seat, arms folded across his chest and staring dead 
ahead at the back of Kathy's seat.
        "Gotta poopy," he said.
        "Wonderful," Kathryn nearly threw her hands up. Miles from the 
nearest civilized ladies room and her youngest and dearest needed to use 
to the head. Absolutely wonderful.
        Of course, the weary mother realized with simmering anger, this 
trip would be sooooo much more bearable if one particular party did a 
little more to help with the chores.
        Kathy spared a withering, disgusted look to her husband Chakotay,
slumped back in the passenger seat next to her. The pot bellied snore
machine had slept for almost the entire trip. The "No Fat Ferengi Chicks" 
tee shirt he wore was the only souvenir he purchased at the Phage R Us
trading post, the only time when Kath could remember him being awake and
actually doing something.
        "Gronk," Chakotay muttered as he shifted in his luxury co-pilot 
seat, shifting his bulk so he could be more comfortable.
        Meanwhile, Harry began kicking the back of Kathy's chair.
        "Gotta poopy."
        The poor housewife was about to loose hope when it was suddenly 
revived via a sign post up ahead. She had half expected it to say 
"Twilight Zone next 25 miles." Instead, in intergalactic symbols, it 
pointed the way toward gas, food, and lodging.
        "Huzza!" the woman exclaimed, saddened inside that a mere sign 
post on the side of the road had engendered more emotion and joy in her 
body then sex ever had. She spared a grimace at Chakotay again.
        "Mom, I wanna go home NOW!" B'Elanna whined, making a face out 
the window at the passing scenery. "I wanna go home a play 'Failed 
Renegade Cadet' with Nicky. This place is boring."
        "This place sucks," Tommy chorused. "Where are the babes at?"
        "Thomas Eugene!" scolded Kathy. "How many times do I have to tell 
you that you're too young for that sort of nonsense? And for the record, 
you do not call young girls or women 'babes.' Am I understood on this 
matter?"
        Tommy slumped in the seat, pouting. "Yes.... ma'am!"
        "Grrrr," Kathy gritted her teeth. Her children knew full well how 
she loathed the "m" word. (Not mother. Ma'am. Although at this point..."
        Kathy reached for the dash board display and turned on the CD 
player. Some music to sooth these savage beasts perhaps. But it was her 
variety of styling. Soft and sensual, classical orchestra playing a piece 
which could be companion to the arboreal, exposed landscape around the 
family.
        As a French horn began to mournfully sound off, Kathy remembered 
the time "before this." Before her ingrate children and her snoozing, 
overweight hubby. Kathy drifted back to her old life of adventure and 
romance as a sea going cap'n on the bounding waves of the Atlantic. Ah, 
those were the times, weren't they? Just her, a steadfast crew, and a 
simple sailing vessel pure and strong. Sure, they weren't breaking new 
grounds or exploring the unknown. They were traversing the common oceans 
of the world, under the constant scrutiny of the Admiralty and others. 
With pesky Romulan battle ships slinking on the horizon, or miserable 
Ferengi trading cutters, steaming up and around, disturbing the blissful 
blue peace with thier chatter about dollars and their incessant need of 
"profit profit profit."
        And her crew! True and trustworthy lads and lasses. How dearly 
she missed them.
        Them... and Mark.
        Her old lover Mark. How long had it been since she had thought of 
him! He was always there at port when Kathy came rolling in, with tales 
from across the pond and treasures for him and her little doggie pup. He 
would swoop her up into his arms, shower her with kiss after kiss, laugh 
and cry at seeing her alive and still young. Even though she was the one 
littered with presents, he always had trinket of affection for her as 
well. Simply, sometimes gaudy even, but always heartfelt.
        And after dinner and dancing at the local tavern, he'd escort her 
back home, to their cozy cottage on the cliff overlooking the bay and the 
port. They'd stare out of the large bay window as the full moon cast a 
glow in the harbor, and the lights in town flickered down into sleep. And 
when their watch ended, they would retire to bed, but not to sleep. He 
would lay her out first in her nightgown (flannel, of course) and stand 
over her, enjoying her. He would undress, pulling of one item of clothing 
at a time, slowly and rythmically. And then, when he was bared and 
readied, he would climb onto the bed. Climb on top of her and...
        "ARE WE THERE YET?!" screeched B'Elanna.
        "Shut up, gnarly noggin!" Tom screamed back.
        "Grong," lapped Chakotay.
        "Gotta poopy," complained Harry.
        Kathy's pupil's dilated.
        And her mind snapped.
        She slammed on the breaks.
        The little blue Voyager minivan skidded to a halt within five 
hundred yards, leaving steaming tracks in the asphalt surface behind it. 
The squeal of the tires sent birds in the nearby trees shooting skywards, 
away from the human distortion. The empty road stretched in front of and 
in back of the vehicle, not another soul in sight. The red brake lights 
warned no one, save the passengers inside the four wheeled vessel.
        Kathy breathed heavily, rapidly, using every fiber of her being 
to keep sanity at bay and let anger reign supreme. (No no no! she 
corrected herself. It's "Keep anger at bay and let sanity reign supreme!" 
Jeesh, lady! Seek some therapy already!)
        The wife and mom turned around to face her brood.
        "All right, now listen up! All you! We'll soon be at rest stop 
and we'll all have the wonderful opportunity to get out of the car, go in 
our own separate directions, and not see one another for at least an 
hour. Until then,"
        She noticed Tommy's attention drifting.
        "UNTIL THEN!" she ennunciated. "We are going to sit in our seats, 
quietly and politely, acting like the warm, loving, communicative family 
we are. GOT IT?!"
        Tommy and B'Elanna cast their gazes at their sneakers and 
mumbled, "Yes, mom."
        "Gotta poopy," Harry mouthed.
        Kathy formed her hand into her fist and struck Rip Van Chakotay 
in the shoulder, which slowly roused the husband. "Hmm? Yum. What?" he 
muttered, groggy and not sure where he was.
        "You!" his devoted wife hissed. "You're supposed to be navigator. 
You're supposed to be keeping these... these darling angels calm and 
occupied. And since you can't ever read a map right, even to save your 
spirit, why don't you lead the troops in a song, okay? Does that sound 
okay to you? Is that too much to ask? Hmmm?!"
        Chakotay's eyes finally focused on source of that annoying 
buzzing sound. Oh. It was his wife, Kathy. Something about singing the 
troops off to war or something. "Hurm. Uh, sure, Kath. No prob."
        The "cap'n of the minivan" settled back into her chair, satisfied 
her orders would now be carried out. Blood pressure fell and sanity did 
indeed reign supreme. (Although it did keep open diplomatic relations with   
murderous rage.)
        She took her foot off the brake and gently pressed the pedal. The 
Voyager resumed rolling once more down the far from home highway.
        "All right then," Chakotay said, sitting up in chair and burping 
unappologetically. "What should we sing then for mommy?"
        "The Death Dirge of Kahless!" B'Elanna piped with glee.
        "That's for sissies!" dismissed older brother Tommy. "How about 
'I Wanna F*** You Like an Animal'?"
        "OOOOOOooo!" B'Elanna ooooed. "You said a dirty word!"
        "Thomas!" Kathy snapped.
        Chakotay put an end to further requests and recriminations. "How 
about we sing a song I learned in my old Maquis stomping days, eh? It's 
called 'My Old Lady Venus Is Hungry for Some...'"
        The man did not finish the title, for he saw the hellish glare of 
his wife upon his face.
        "Hungry for what, daddy?" asked innocent B'Elanna.
        Tommy smirked. "I know what it is. It's...."
        "How-about-we-sing-'Do-You-Know-the-Way-to-San-Jose'?" Kathy 
silenced, tasting bile and almost spewing it.
        The others nodded.
        The Voyager increased it's speed as the sour sounding voices of 
the family began to warble into the song. ON the horizon, appeared a 
shimmering lighted oasis: the rest stop.
        Kathy smiled. Inside her head, she sang another jingle. "We're 
gonna make it after all!"
        Her seat bucked from a kick to its rear.
        "Still gotta poopy," Harry complained again.


        "And all the stars! Who never were! Are serving food and pumping
gas!" 
        It was an appropriate verse to be on, Kathy noted as the minivan
pulled into the gas station, a place called Federation Fuels. A lone
attendant was standing by the pumps, waiting on no other customers.  In
fact, the small town they were in was fairly dead. A few buildings,
looking almost like movie lot sets lined the highway and the one cross
street in the quiet little patch of humanity. But at least there was a
"Messy's" cafeteria here. Kathy could use a bite to eat.
        If not a stiff drink.
        The minivan pulled up to the pumps and Kathy pulled down her 
window, touching up her madly messed up hair, which was in danger of 
falling out of it's bun, and putting on a smile meant to be friendly and 
winsome, but came off as weary and desperate. "Hello!" she called to the 
pump man. "Could you fill her up? And check under the hood, please. She's 
been making some awfully funny noises."
        The attendant, chewed up gum absently as Kathy talked at him. She 
looked over his unkempt and greasy form and coveralls before noticing his 
name tag read Tuvy.
        "Whadda I look like, lady?" he sneered. "A friggin scientistical 
engineer or something? You expect me to have all the answers, listen to 
all your problems and THEN give you some good advice? Lady, I pump gas 
for a livin', okay? See?" he gestured at the station around them. "Now 
have you got a problem with dat or what?"
        Kathy blinked, taken aback. "Uh... no."
        Tuvy then smiled broadly, spitting out his chew. "Well good. 
I'll get right to, road voyager!" He then turned and made ready to fill 
the tank of the minivan with fuel.
        "Mom, I'm hungry!" B'Elanna altered the media in booming voice. 
"I wanna get a targ burger!"
        "Ewww!" Tommy's face twisted into a mask of revulsion. "Talk 
about grossing me out! Why not just stick your head inna garbage can?"
        "That's enough, young man," uttered Chakotay, getting ready to 
get out of the vehicle. 'Let's stretch our legs a little before we hit 
the bar. I mean, the restaurant."
        Kathy was shocked to see her family so eagerly abandoning her. 
Tommy and B'Elanna were wriggling out of their seat belt even as Daddy 
Dearest opened the door and exited the rolling prison cell. "Wait a 
minute! You can't just get out here! What about the gas? What about the 
engine?"
        "Still gotta poopy," Harry complained. Again.
        "And who's gonna take Harry?!" Kathy wailed.
        Her answer came in form of slamming doors.
        "Grrr!" she mashed her teeth.
        Some vacation. Some chance to "get away from it all." 
        She should have listened to mother and became a lawyer. At least 
there was some dignity in that noble profession.


        Tuvy popped open the hood of the Voyager and peered into inner
workings. 
        Kathy looked over his shoulder, holding herself nervously. The 
Voyager was her only ticket to freedom and salvation. The only way back 
home. "Well? What is it?"
        Tuvy reached into the engine, stretching his long arm deep into 
the machine's heart. "Here's your problem, lady." He grunted and 
contorted as he began to pull something out of the dark engine hold.
        B'Elanna came skipping up just in time to see. "What is, mommy? 
Can I see it? Can I? Huh?"
        "Hush!" Kathy quited the curious girl, although she herself was 
just as eager as her erstwhile daughter. "What is it?"
        Tuvy's arm withdrew.
        And in his hand was a large wheel of cheddar cheese.
        "Same old problem. Cheese  gummin' up  the works," Tuvy shook his 
head, too familiar with the situation. "No matter how many times I see 
it, I never get tired of it." He handed the cheese over to Kathy, who 
dumbly took it.
        "Cheese?" she finally eeked out, arching a disbelieving eyebrow.        
        "Cheese," Tuvy repeated.
        B'Elanna popped up to the engine and peered over the lip of the 
open hood, standing on her tippy toes to look in. "Hmmm. You'd better 
check the warp core while your at it to. And maybe flush out the plasma 
venting units. And maybe even check the fusion compensators for.."
        "B'Elanna!" Kathy cut her off, putting the cheese under one arm 
and taking B'Elanna's hand in the other, pulling the child away from the 
minivan. "Be quiet and let the nice man do his job."
        Tuvy grinned at the little girl. She stuck her tongue out in response.
        The wife and mother began to pull her middle child off toward the
large, gleaming white hospital, illuminated by search lights, just across
the street and diagonal to the pump station. A large crowd of scantily
cressed men and women had gathered there and were shouting something over
and over. 
        "Where are we going, mommy?" asked B'Elanna.
        "To the hospital to get this cheese analyzed, of course."
        "Is the cheese sick?"
        "Yes. It might very well be."
        "So we have to get the cheese to Sickbay?"      
        Kathy nodded.
        "Mommy?"
        "Yes, dear?"
        "What about Harry?"
        Mother and daughter stopped in their tracks. Kathy turned around 
to look in the back seat of the Voyager. Still shackled in his car seat, 
arms folded across his chest, was poor little Harry.
        "Still gotta poopy!" he hollered out the open window.


        Kathy hefted Harry up onto her elbow and gripped B'Elanna's hand 
tighter as the family members began to worm their way through the throng 
of screaming men and women cheering outside of the shiny, high rise 
medical center. Kathy noted that their chanting was a very strange, but 
somehow appropriate thing.
        They kept calling out, "Doctor! Doctor!"
        None of them looked sick. In fact, most of them were extremely 
healthy. Buxom and nubile young women in thongs and halter tops. Handsome 
and virile young men in bicycle shorts and torn muscle shirts. If Kathy 
was just ten years younger...
        "The Doctor must have all the answers," B'Elanna observed.
        "It certainly seems so, B'Elanna. Let's just hope he knows the 
way to Kansas."
        "Poopy!" demanded Harry over the din of fans.
        

        Kathy welcomed the sterile, cold air of the hospital lobby as it 
fell up her wet brow. There were no well wishers inside, so she let go of 
B'Elanna and let Harry down as well. The lobby was neat and fine, dressed 
in a deco fashion, with portraits of a smiling, bald man in shades lining 
the walls. At the far end was a nurse's station, where a petite young 
blonde woman, dressed in a tight nurse's uniform and wearing rabbit ears, 
perched on a desk, reading a magazine called "Torrid Alien Romance!"
        "Excuse me?" Kathy called to the nurse as the trio neared the 
station. "But I'd like to see the doctor, please."
        The nurse put down her reading material and flashed a killer 
smile at the newcomers. "Well hello there! I'm Nurse Kes, your 
friendliest medical technician this side of quadrant! How are you today?"
        "Stupid girl," B'Elanna chided.
        Nurse Kes leaned over, putting hands on knees, to talk to little 
Harry. "And who's this little cutie-wutie, hmmm?"
        "Gotta poopy," Harry said hello in his own unique fashion.
        "Nurse Kes, please. I must see the Doctor immeadiately!" Kath 
demanded, holding out the cheese wheel as evidence of the urgency. "If he 
doesn't show up soon, the lives of everyone in this town could be in 
mortal jeopdary!"
        "Pshaw!" Nurse Kes rolled her eyes with grin. "Doctor honey can 
fix anything any time. Just look at my chest! He fixed that too!"
        Kathy did look at the woman's breasts. They were incredibly huge 
and unnaturally rounded. "Uh, very nice! By the way, what's the doctor's 
name?"
        "Doctor what?" Nurse Kes asked, unclear.
        "No. Doctor WHO," Kathy clarified.
        "It's not him either," Nurse Kes moved her lips. "But he does 
have this special gizmo that really opens my..."
        A sudden din came from outside. The fans had climaxed into a 
state of ecstatic screaming. As she looked out the lobby windows, Kathy 
could see several people falling over, fainting. While overs were jumping 
up and down, obviously trying to get a better look at the Doctor. He had 
arrived at last.
        The doors to the hospital slid open, letting in the screams and 
cries of delight, but not the men and women. Only one figure managed to 
penetrate the seal and come inside. He was a tall, lean man, dressed in a 
designer suit with a neon blue jacket and pants, over a white tie and 
black shirt. His dark sun glasses screamed wealth and coolness, and his 
smooth pate was just too sexy for hair.
        The Doctor had arrived.
        "I have arrived," the Doctor stated the obvious.
        Nurse Kes sashayed across the bright lobby, swinging hips and 
thrusting her upper body like a pro wrestler. "Hello, Doctor honey. Your 
agent called and said if posed nude for 'Holo Fantasy for Men' that you'd 
make enough money to actually go to med school."
        The Doctor snatched off his shades, revealing playful dark eyes 
alive with mirth and smugness. "Tell him I'll consider it. Also call Mrs. 
Hanklebottom and tell her NOT to take that prescription I gave her. I 
forget she wasn't addicted to heroin. And make sure those jerks in the ER 
know that while I'm not the ratings winner, I am the best medico on the  
tube this..."
        The Doctor then noticed the harried housewife.
        "Well hel-lo," the Doctor oozed, reaching out to kiss Kathy's 
hand. "I don't believe we've met Miss...?"
        Kathy blushed. "Oh please. It's Mrs., I'm afraid. Call me Kathy. 
And what's your name, doctor?"
        I don't have one," admitted the medicine man with pride. "I'm so 
cool and keen and don't even need a neem!"
        "A what?" Kathy queried.
        "A neem," he restated. "You know. A name?"
        "Oh," Kathy blinked. She remembered her true business for being 
here. "Look, Doctor, Tuvy found this cheese in the Voyager's inside and I 
think it's dangerous. Can you analyze for me, please?"
        The Doctor grimaced Kathy thrust the cheese wheel into his 
unwilling hands. He immeadiately passed it off to a similarly disgusted 
Nurse Kes. "Ewww! Cheddar! Well, come on. Follow me."
        Kathy picked up Harry and beckoned B'Elanna to follow as the 
Doctor and Nurse Kes moved off down a hallway.
        "Stay close now, B'Elanna," Kathy warned. "You don't want to get 
lost, you know. By the way, where'd your father and Tommy get to?"
        "They went to watch the strippers," B'Elanna responded simply.
        Kathy chewed her lips. "Damn it! They'd better not spend all our 
credits again! Honestly!"


        The Doctor peered into the microscope.
        "Hmmm."
        He twisted a knob.
        "MmmmHmmm."
        He adjusted the focus.
        "Hmmmm!"
        Kathy tapped her foot impatiently. "Well, what's the diagnosis, 
Doctor? Are we all doomed to die by cheese?"
        The Doctor withdrew from the microscope, looking up at Kathy with 
a deadly, serious expression. "One day, yes." He smiled and threw up his 
hands. "But not today! Whoo-hoo! It's completely safe to eat, and goes 
great as a snack at parties. Spread on some crackers and you've got an 
oral sex party in your mouth!"
        Kathy covered B'Elanna's ears. "Doctor, please! There are 
children present! Thank God Nurse Kes took little Harry to the Little 
Boys' room!"
        As if on cue, the doors to the lab swung open and in bounded 
Harry, excited, smiling and full of vinegar. "No more poopy! All done!"
        "That's my little guy!" Kathy congratulated.
        "Boring little toilet baby," muttered B'Elanna.
        Nurse Kes appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame. 
"Um, Doctor honey?"
        "Yes, my dearest?"
        Nurse Kes bit her painted red index finger nail and smiled 
sheepishly. "I made a big boo-boo and mixed up the sperm donor chart. Now 
I can't tell whose is whose! What do we do?"
        The Doctor dismissed the major crisis with a wave of his hand. 
"Oh don't bother! It all comes from the same place anyway." The medic 
then stood up and flushed out the front of his jacket, flashing Kath with 
a million dollar smile. "Well now, why don't we all go to 'Messy's' for a 
victory dinner. Your treat!"
        "Yeah!" yelled B'Elanna and Harry and Nurse Kes.
        Kathy smiled, embarrassed. "Oh Doctor! You shouldn't have!"
        He put his arm around the woman suggestively as he made way for 
the exit. "But why not, my dear young woman? I mean, I like going out as 
mush as the next light and gravity generated guy. You don't think I wanna 
spend my whole life in the hospital do you?"
        "Of course you don't," Kath conceded. "All right then! Targ 
burgers for everyone!"
        The assembled crew let off a "Horray!"


        The "Messy's" was a very neat and ordered restaurant, except for 
the kitchen, which resembled an abbatoir. The dinner area, consisting of 
one table with place settings and chairs for six people, (make that five 
adults and one child's seat for little Harry) was spartan and bright.
        "And next time, no strippers!' Kath scolded her husband as she 
lead the dining entourage into the establishment.
        "Yes, mom," both Chakotay and Tommy moaned as they followed her 
up, they themselves followed by B'Elanna and Harry and the Doctor, with 
Nurse Kes on his arm.
        Kath looked around in vain for a maitre'd. "Hello? Service! We 
need service out here!"
        All of them were slightly shocked with a bipedal warthog hopped 
out of the kitchen, wearing a smock that read "Blow the Cook." He ambled 
up to the diners and eyed them up. "Well, looky here! If it isn't a 
family of voyagers!" He sneered and narrowed his eyes at the Doctor. "And 
a no-good bone crusher."
        "No I'm not!" the Doctor declared. "I don't even look like her."
        The cook snorted and at last eyed Nurse Kes. The animalistic man 
cringed and blushed, trying to hide his smile. "H-Howdy, N-Nurse Kes!"
        Nurse Kes batted her eyes and blew the cook a kiss.
        "Could you please seat us, Neelix?" Kathy demanded. "We're all 
very hungry and have a long drive ahead of us."
        The cook began to hunker towards the sole table. "This way, 
mistress. Please forgive me! Grovel grovel!"
        Kathy smiled in victory.


        The dinner was a smashing success.
        Tommy was eating all of his greens and B'Elanna was almost 
finished her blood pie. Little Harry had sculpted a volcano out of his 
mashed potatoes, then smashed his face into it, saying "It's a meteor!"
        The Doctor and Chakotay got on famously, even though the 
physician had his hand on Kathy's thigh (which was odd since he was at 
the other end of the table) for most of the meal.
        "And I told him that breasts were out of question as long as they 
were mine!" guffawed Chakotay as he swigged on a beer.
        The Doctor slapped his back and laughed just as heartily. "That's 
a good one, you uncouth pig! It's no wonder your wife's frigid!"
        Kathy almost chocked on her salmon.
        Neelix the cook crept up to the chair of Nurse Kes and knelt 
beside her, whispering. Kathy could plainly hear all.
        "But what about me and my four children?!" the nurse wailed.
        "I'll have to sell the cattle ranch," Neelix chittered.
        "How much?"
        "Two hundred thousand quatloos!"
        Kath sipped her milk. How strange.
        The tranquillity was interrupted as Tuvy burst into the restaurant 
"Run for your lives! Run for lives! It's here! IT'S HERE!!"
        Nurse Kes and Chakotay let off an ear splitting scream. The 
Doctor and Neelix grabbed on another for protecting. B'Elanna snarled, 
Tommy dove under the table, and Harry looked over at his mother.
        "Gotta poopy again," he said.
        The roof of the restaurant was suddenly torn apart, blasting up
into the churning heavens. Indeed, a veritable maelstrom from the heart of
hell was swirling outside. The wind howled as trees and debris were being
sucked up into glowing vortex eminating from a large pulsing cloud. 
Everyone recognized the threat immeadiately, and they all shouted it out
in unison:
        OH NO! ANOTHER SENTIENT NEBULA BENT ON DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN
ITS QUEST FOR UNIVERSAL DOMINATION!
        "Double Poopy!" added Harry.
        "Aiieeee!" Chakotay screamed as he was lifted out of his chair 
and up into the sky. "Where are those friggin' spirit animals when you 
need theeeeeeemmmmmmmmm!" His voice trailed into nothingness.
        "Save me, darling!" Nurse Kes cried to Neelix as both she and the 
cook were lofted skywards.
        "Save you? What about saving mysellllllffffffff!" Neelix yelled, 
then vanished like Chakotay. And Nurse Kes.
        "Doctor!" Kathy cried as her cake flew away. "Do something!"
        "Damn right!" the Doctor affirmed. "Computer! Deactivate 
Emergency Medical Holographic Program!" With a soft shimmer, the idol of 
millions vanished into twilight.
        "OOooooo!" Kathy raged. "Just like a man! Soon as things get 
tough or I get ready to climax, he's rolls over and turns himself off!"
        "Mommy!"
        Kath looked up just in time to see B'Elanna, Tommy, and little 
Harry (still in his high chair) go sailing away into the consuming nebula.
        "Oh no! My babies!"
        The kids disappeared.
        The nebula then burped.
        Kathy knew she was alone. Alone at last! But facing certain doom. 
What could she do? What could she use against the insatiable creature?
        A-ha!
        She hefted the cheese wheel over her shoulder.
        "Have some cheese, rat!" she screamed in defiance.
        The weapon launched and penetrated the nebula cloud.
        3...
        2.....
        1......
        .........
        Nothing.
        "Great," Kathy deadpanned.
        But just as she prepared to face her fate, a familiar minivan
caught her eye. It was slowly rising off the ground, struggling against
the tide and attraction of the monster nebula. It resisted the hunger. It
fought to survive.
        It was the Voyager.
        Her heart. Her home.
        "Get away from her you BITCH!" 
        Kathy launched herself skyward.
        The Voyager drew nearer!
        So did the nebula! 
        Kathy felt fear swallow her gut at last as the winds ripped at 
her limbs. 
        The Voyager drew nearer!
        The nebular drew nearer!
        She was going to die!
        She was going to....!



        "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
        She sat up, stiff and sweating, throwing the sheets away.
        Alive!
        All right!
        Just a dream!
        Sleeping!
        That's all!
        All a dream!
        A stupid, weird-assed dream!



The following morning...        


        Captain Kathryn Janeway entered the bridge of her Intrepid Class 
U.S.S. Voyager with an assured step and a confidant bearing. "Good 
morning, everyone," she issued in a strident, yet friendly tone.
        "Good morning, captain," smiled Operations manager Harry Kim.
        "Good morning, captain," nodded Security Chief Tuvok.
        "Good morning, captain," spoke Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres.
        "Captain," said Chakotay.
        "Hey, cap!" grinned Lt. Tom Paris.
        Janeway sat down in her command seat and made ready to start the 
day's affairs. "All right then. Let's get to work. B'Elanna and Tuvok, 
let's get the warp engines tuned up to specs. Harry, keep an eye out for 
that nebula we'll be passing. I don't want any funny business. Tom, you 
keep your eyes peeled too."
        She was greeted with a hail of "Aye, captain"'s.
        "Where do you want me?" asked Chakotay, hungry for some duty.
        Kathryn smiled at the First Officer. "That's okay. You do enough 
as it is."
        A comm line bleeped open. "Sickbay to Bridge," the Ocampa woman Kes
called over the relay.
        "Bridge here," responded Janeway. "Go ahead, Kes."
        The main viewer at the fore of the bridge switched from an 
exterior view of the stars to an internal monitor on the Voyager. 
Standing in the foreground, looking chipper yet nervous, was Kes. In the 
background, the holographic Doctor was trying to hold down the struggling 
Talaxian called Neelix. The alien did not want to be on the biobed in 
Sickbay. "Captain, I'm afraid that Neelix is being a bit of a... bother. 
See, the Doctor wants to give him his weekly proctological exam, but 
NeeNee wouldn't let him. Could you send someone down to help us, please?"
        Kathryn shook her head. "All right. Harry? Tom? Neelix trusts 
you. Do you mind?"
        The men shook their heads no and got up from their respective 
stations. "Be right there, Kes," promised Tom.
        "Hold still!" the Doctor ordered.
        "Get off of me, you butcher!" screamed Neelix. "Help me! Somebody 
help m-...!"
        Kathryn switched off the comm relay.
        Back to work.
        Tom joined the waiting Harry at the exit of the bridge, just
behind Kathryn's command chair. "You ready, buddy?" Tom prompted his
friend.
        "In a minute," promised Harry. "First, I have to go poopy."
        Kathryn's face froze, as did her mind.
        "Something wrong?" asked Chakotay, noticing the seizure.
        Kathryn did not look over at him, no did she respond.
        She picked up a data pad...
        and went back to work.                  

                            
        THE END