Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!darwin.sura.net!haven.umd.edu!uunet!munnari.oz.au!bruce.cs.monash.edu.au!monu6!lindblat.cc.monash.edu.au!ins769v From: ins769v@lindblat.cc.monash.edu.au (Veltyen) Subject: MuscleTrek(Parody) Message-ID: <1992Oct19.034027.4475@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au> Sender: news@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au (Usenet system) Organization: Monash University X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.1 PL6] Date: Mon, 19 Oct 1992 03:40:27 GMT Lines: 127 Hi, This is my first foray into posting onto this group, and not fantastic at that. Remember this is a Parody, and contusions caused on the characters and universe of startrek are there only because I thought they where a good idea at the time. -Veltyen ************************************************************************** MuscleTrek: The Flex Generation Space, the final frontier. We are the voyagers of the Starship USS Gymnasium Our mission, to seek out frontiers, to meet new life, but mainly to look HUGE while doing so. Picard_ Voice over: Captain's log stardate XX.XX.XX. We are currently in orbit around Starbase Omega 1.2 (*SNAP*) Picard: Riker, could you please get me another console this one seems to be broken. Scene: The bridge of the USS Gymnasium. Gym equipment is scattered around the normal bridge positions. Various bridge crew are working out. Riker walks off turbo-lift. Riker: Looking HUGE captain! Picard: Looking HUGE number 1. Deanna Troi walks onto the bridge and takes her position at a thigh flexer. Wesley walks on to the bridge. Riker,Picard,Worf all wolf whistle him. Wesley looks strangely at them. Riker gives Picard a sideways glance and they both give that annoying smarmy smile. Troi: I sense.... Riker: Shut up Troi (*smack*) Picard: Nice Pecs Troi, been working on them? Troi: Someone has sir. The intercom activates. Dr. Crusher: Captain. Someone seems to have broken into the medical bay and stolen a rather large amount of steroids. Picard: (looking around sheepishly) I don't think that needs to be investigated Doctor. Worf: (in Falsetto) I concur captain. Dr. Crusher: But captain... Picard: Don't worry Dr they'll turn up eventually. Riker walks over to Wesley, and gives him a friendly (overly-friendly?) pat on the shoulder. Riker: Well .... Wesley .... it looks like you need some one on one tuition. How about my room in half and hour. Wesley: Sir I resent Sir the implication Sir that I am Sir just a love Sir Toy Sir. Riker: Well not so much a love toy Wesley, just think of yourself as a novelty spitoon. Wesley: Sir Will it help my chance of promotion Sir. Riker: Yes I think so Wesley. Wesly: Sir OK then Sir. They leave the bridge together. Worf: (still in Falsetto) Commander a Romulan vessel seems to be moving into an intercept vector. Picard: WHAT!!. They think they can challenge the most _BUILT_ crew in the service! On screen Data. Oh Data you seem somewhat out of place on this ship, but seem to have the same fixation with building yourself. How do you do it? Data looks chagrined for a second and walks over to the captain and whispers something in his ear. Picard: Rubber inserts. Hmmm I use rubber for ...other things Data. Romulan Commander:(on screen) Well G'day mates, we're here to act as the bad guys in this episode. To get blown up, or shredded, or run- away within half an hour. Picard: Yes that sounds right. RC: So how are you going to blow us up this time? Picard: I don't know yet, we'll think of something. Anyway, how dare you move into an attack vector against this ship! I challenge you to ....... an ARM wrestle! RC: An ARM wrestle!? Picard: Yes, whats wrong with that? RC: Seems a bloody stoopid way to determine the fate of stellar vessels. Picard: Seen an intelligent way in this series yet? RC: Good point I'll send someone right over. A shape starts materialising on the bridge. A _Really Built_ Romulan starts apearing. Before fully materialising Picard draws and shoots. Romulan_bits(tm) splatter all over the bridge. Picard: (wiping Romulan_bits from his chin) Seems there was some kind of transporter malfunction at your end. RC: Oh, OK. I'll send someone else then. RC: Doesn't it ever surprise you that for an (supposedly) incredibly intelligent race we always act so incredibly dumb? Picard: No that's just how the script is written. Another Romulan starts to materialise on the bridge. He is not quite as built as the first. Picard puts away his Trekkie_Zapper(tm). Picard: Well Romulan I'll beat you at this. Romulan: *nods* An arm wrestling table is placed in the centre of the bridge. Picard and the Romulan sit at it. Picards back is to the screen. They start to wrestle The Romulan quickly gains the upper hand. Worf shoots him in the back. More Romulan_bits are spread across the bridge. Picard: (Turning and facing the screen) Well Romulan Commander, I seem to have won. Due to the fact that you are due to be destroyed about now, why don't we say that due to some strange Romulan More you have to suicide your ship and entire crew because you lost at arm wrestling sound OK to you. RC: Oh bugger that's what I just read in the script. Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit *********BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*************** Picard: Well that seems to be all, ahead flex factor 5 Data.