A collection of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine filks (15 in all) By Dexter Fernandez, FidoNet 1:3666/603 Compiled by Mary Dragnis, 3:54/54 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "Ballad of Davy Crockett" "Born in the backwoods humble and free The cutest little nose you ever did see Fought the Cardassians and sent them on home Hey lookit that in her mouth is that foam? Kiraaaaa Kira Nerys Queen of the wild frontier Kiraaaa Kira Nerys Queen of the wild frontier She's a Bajoran a major you see I wanna see her dancing with me I'll kiss her nose and she'll pull out a gun Yeah me and Kira we're gonna have fun Kiraaaa Kira Nerys Queen of the wild frontier Kiraaaa Kira Nerys Queen of the wild frontier..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "Welll, since my Kira left me I found a new place to dwell It's down at the end of Lonely Street Nosebreak Hotel I'm feelin' so lonely baby I'm feelin' so lonely I'm feelin' so lonely I could cry..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "I love you Kira Sue With a love so rare and true My Kira Pretty Kira Sueeee... Yeah ah love ya gal And I wan't you Kira Sue.... Kira Sue Kira Sue Pretty pretty pretty Kira Sue My Kira My Kira Sue Yeah ah love ya gal And I want you Kira Sue..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "We are the world We are the Trekkies We are the ones who like Major Kira So let's start singing..." We are the world We are the Trekkies We are the ones who can't stand Dax So let's start singing... It's a choice we're makin' We're savin' up our cash Take my hand to go to the doc and get our noses chaanngeeed... We are the world We are the Trekkies We are the ones who drive runabouts So let's start singing It's a choice we're makin' We're chasin' Bajoran chicks We'll give her a brighter day So let's start singing... We are the World We are the Trekkies We are the ones who live "down under" and have VCR's... It's a choice we're makin' We're spendin' all our money On all this hi-tech electronics So we don't miss a shooowww... We are the World We are the Trekkies We are the ones who sing these songs and clog up Echos It's a choice we're making we're risking our own lives To make up these funny songs and make Ray and Cindy sick... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" "Picture yerself on a ship docked at Bajor With crinkly noses and overpriced beers Somebody calls you you answer quite slowly The girl with the flame in her eyes Kira in the sky with diamonds Kira in the sky with diamonds Kira in the sky with diamonds..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "Star-Mangled Banner".... "Oh say did you see On the tube just last night Oh so proudly we hailed Major Kira's chest gleaming? Whose broad spots and dull face Through the perilous fight In the Opts room we watched Dax so gallantly acting? Through our Odo's red glare Quarks' filled with hot air Gave proof through the night That our show was still there Oh say does that Deep Space Nine Still come on the Tee Vee? From the Land of the Free And the Home of the Braves.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the Tune of "Life in the Fast Lane" by the Eagles... "He was a EchoTyrantLizard, brutally handsome She had crinkles on her nose She held him up and he held her for ransom On that cold space station He had a nasty reputation as a funny dude They said she was ruthless They said he was crude They had one thing in common They were good in bed She said "faster faster "The readout's turning red" Life in the Warp Lane Surely make you lose your mind Life in the Warp Lane Life in the Warp Lane Everything, all the time Life in the Warp Lane..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [No doubt about this one - I Like it!] To the tune of "Down Under", by Men at Work... "Hanging out in a small space station LIving on my spaceman's ration I met a strange lady, she made me nervous She grabbed my ear and yelled, "I hate DAX!" And she said "Do you come from a world called Bajor?" "You know I really love that Major:-)" Can you hear can you hear Moderators? We'd better run we'd better hide c'mon... Yeah we got into a couple of tussles She was five-foot-oh and full of muscles I said, "Mary girl are you trying to kick me? "Because I really just want to keep my knees..." And she said, "I come from a world called Bajor And I wannabe like the Major:-) Can you hear can you hear Moderators? We'd better run we'd better hide come on..." Rapping about some wierd stuff Teaching her to say, "Sho' 'nuff!" She said, "I don't wanna speak yer language!" I just smiled and gave her a bacon grits sandwich And she said, "I come from a world called Bajor I count the crinkles on the Major:-) Can you hear can you hear Moderators We'd better run we'd better take 'em on..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - On the first day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me.... A cup of Earl Gray tea... On the second day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Two Cardassians and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the third day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the fourth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me.... Four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the fifth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Five Golden Orbs... Four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the sixth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Six Klingons fighting... Five Golden Orbs...four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea.... On the seventh day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting...Five Golden Orbs...four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the eight day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Eight Ferengi cheating, Seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting...Five Golden Orbs...four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the ninth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Nine paluckoos cooking, eight Ferengi cheating, seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting... Five Golden Orbs... four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the tenth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Ten Odos oozing, nine paluckoos cooking, eight Ferengi cheating, seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting... Five Golden Orbs... four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the eleventh day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Eleven Borg assimilating, ten Odos oozing, nine paluckoos cooking, eight Ferengi cheating, seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting... Five Golden Orbs... four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians, and a cup of Earl Gray tea... On the twelfth day of Christmas a Trekkie gave to me... Twelve Tribbles tripling, eleven Borg assimilating, ten Odos oozing, nine paluckoos cooking, eight Ferengi cheating, seven Vedeks plotting, six Klingons fighting... Five Golden Orbs... four runabouts, three Bajoran babes, two Cardassians... and a cup of Earl Gray tea! By: Dexter Fernandez - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"...the very first DS9 Christmas Music Video! SCENE: A Federation starship bridge... Communications Officer: "Captain, we're picking up a distress call... audio only..." Captain: "Let's hear it...." A chorus of voices comes from the speaker.... "Come save our little runabout It was Kira's turn to drive We were heading home for Christmas When she put us in a dive We're stuck here on a jungle world And we don't think we'll survive Without the help of O'Brien, Ben and Dax Yes we need Dax We need the help of O'Brien, Ben and Dax Come save our little runabout In Cardie space we crashed We flew nineteen loop-the-loops And in the jungle splashed Kira's nose is crinkled up And Quark lost all his cash We're tired of listening to him whine whine Hearing him whine Oh we're tired of listening to him whine Come save our little runabout The Cardies are on the way When they find out we're from Bajor they'll Have nasty things to say They'll tie us up and torture us For fifteen hundred days If you don't come our little goose is cooked Our goose will be cooked Yes if you don't get here our little goose is cooked Come save our little runabout The Borg are overhead They say our futile resistance Will only leave us dead They say that we're irrelevant And can't come out ahead We need food, medical supplies and guns Lots of those guns We need food, medical supplies and guns Come save our little runabout The situation's grave The Romulans have just got here And they want us for thier slaves That Sela broad is with them and She really rants and raves If you don't come we think we'll bite the dust Bite the dust If you don't come soon we think we'll bite the dust Come save our little runabout This Vedek's sold us out She didn't get to be the Kai So she turned into a lout We're fighting them as best we can but it's becoming a big rout Yes we need all the help that we can get All we can get Yes we need all the help that we can get... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Take it as it is... Version 1 "Achy Breaky Dax" Dedicated to Dr. Julian Bashir... And a-one and a-two... "Oh you can tell the world Your good with all the girls You can call ol' Benjy by his name And you can tell ol' Quark That he's acting like a dork But let me tell you one thing 'bout this dame Don't sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax She might put her hands behind her back 'Cause if you sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax You might put her slug on the attack Oh you can fly with Miles And cure a few reptiles You can count the bumps on Kira's nose Oh you can punch a Gorn Or have a drink with Morn And count the little pimples on his toes So don't sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax She'll only put her hands behind her back And if you sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax You'll throw the whole station out of whack So let me tell you Doc Just keep it in yer jock Keep it cool and you'll be A-okay Just get a Dabo girl And take her for a whirl And get drunk if it doesn't go your way But don't sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax She'll just put her hands behind her back Oh if you sleep with Dax That Achy Breaky Dax You'll only get a megaton of flack..." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Okay, here goes.... "You know Klingons and Vulcans and Cardassians Bajorans and Romulans and those Ferengi But do you recall The cutest alien of all.... Kira the red-haired Major had a very funny nose and if you ever saw it You would even say "That's Ro's!" All of those nasty Cardies use to laugh and call her names they never let poor Kira play in any Cardie games Then one foggy Bajor eve Kira came to say "Hey you guys I'm here to fight all Cardies will die tonight" Then how the Trekkies loved her As they sat and watched TV Kira the red-haired Major She'll keep her planet free!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "I Love Rock and Roll", by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts... I LOVE DS9! With T-Dex and the VoleHunters! "I saw her sitting there in the Replimat Never saw a nose as cute as that I programmed me a beer Said, "Can you pierce my ear?" And I could tell it wouldn't be long She was with me yeah me And I could tell it wouldn't be long She was with me yeah me Singing I love D-S-9 Let's take a little trip down to Bajor, baby! I love D-S-9 So take a little trip and dance with me! (yeaoow!) She smiled so hard I couldn't help but ask for her name "Forward or backward?" she asked, "'Cause it's not the same." I said,"Can I take ya home? "Where we can be alone?" And next we're beamin' down She was with me yeah me And next we're beamin' down She was with me yeah me Singin' I love D-S-9 Let's take a little trip down to Bajor, baby! I love D-S-9 So take a little trip and dance with me! (Here Dex goes berserk with electric guitar) I said,"Can I take ya home? "Where we can be alone?" And next we're beamin' down She was with me yeah me And we'll be beamin' down and singin' that same old song yeah with me (Everybody! Let me hear ya sing!) Singin' I love D-S-9 Let's take a little trip down to Bajor, baby! I love D-S-9 So take a little trip and dance with me! I love D-S-9 Let's take a little trip down to Bajor, baby! I love D-S-9 So take a little trip and dance with me! I love D-S-9 Let's take a little trip down to Bajor, baby! I love D-S-9 So take a little trip and dance with me! (and a couple of more times until I get tired of playing the guitar8:) c. Dexter Fernandez 1994 AKA T. Dex EchoSingingTyrantLizard And thanks to the Volehunters! Nightwolf on bass, Steve-O on drums, President Clinton and Commander Riker on sax, Cindy on 6-Gun, Gail on tambourine, Mary on synthesizer and kneecaps, Data on the fiddle, and Kira, Dax, Andragon and Frostfire on backup vocals. with special thanks to Tran, our lawyer, Quark, our manager, Dr. Bashir for keeping the ladies entertained, Vedek Vic for spiritual guidance, Ray for keeping the sound system wired, and Larry for keeping the whole list together.. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Version 1: Ode to Number One ANOTHER Deep Space Nine Music Video!!!! (Featuring the cast of ST:TNG!) "Ode to Number One" With T. Dex and the Volehunters (To the tune of Ode to Billy Joe, by Bobby Gentry) (Intro: Deanna Troi sitting in holodeck garden, looking depressed, begins to sing...) "It was the third of June, another sleepy lazy starship day I was here playing tennis with Worf and Ensign Barclay And at dinner we stopped and went up to the lounge to eat And Guinan met us at the door and told us to wipe our feet And she said I got some news this morning from the breakfast line Today William Thomas Riker has been transferred out to Deep Space Nine Picard said to Crusher as he passed around the Earl Grey Tea Well Number One never had a bit of sense, pass the crumpets please There's five more reports for the fleet command I've got to do And Crusher said but it's a shame for Number One, dear Jean-Luc Seems like nothing good is ever heard from Guinan's breakfast line And now William Thomas Riker has been transferred out to Deep Space Nine And Data said he remembered when he and Worf and Number One Took on the Ferengi and the Borg and put 'em all on the run And was not I talking to him after cards last Sunday night? May I have some more motor oil, you know it does not seem right I saw him getting gagh yesterday at Guinan's breakfast line And now you tell me Number One has been transferred out to Deep Space Nine And Picard said to me, Troi what's happened to your appetite? The replicator's fixed but you haven't had a single bite That nice young Vedek Brother Bariel will be by today Said he'd be pleased to have dinner this week, oh by the way He said he saw a girl that looked a lot like Kira at the breakfast line And she and Number One were talking about a transfer out to Deep Space Nine A year has come and gone since we heard the news about Number One Data married Jadzia Dax and they're living out on Angel One There was a virus going round Picard got it and he died last spring And now Crusher doesn't seem to want to do much of anything And me I spend a lot of time buying gagh at Guinan's breakfast line And drop them into a box and mail 'em out to Will at Deep Space Nine c. Dexter Fernandez 1994 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To the tune of "White Rabbit", by Jefferson Airplane "One Trill makes you smarterrrr And one Trill makes you smallll... And the ones that Steve-O gives you Don't do anything at alllllll Go ask Mary 'Cause she's four feet talll... And if you go chasing Vedeks And you know you're going to falllll.... Tell 'em a purple, bat winged Andragon Doesn't like Victor at allllll.... Poor Mary When Victor didn't call Some folks on the Echo Will up and tell you where to go.... And you've just met some kind of Nightwolf And you're mind is going, ooooohhhhh.... Go ask Mary I think she'll know When the logic and proportion Have gone right around the bend And the moderator's talking backwards And the T-Dex wants your head Remember What that Mary said... Keep your head.... Keep your head.... c. Dexter Fernandez 1994 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Welcome to the family, MaryDear! [I had to add this one in Dear Brother:-) ] Version 2: Ode to Number One ***THE FIRST NEXT GENERATION-DS9 MUSIC VIDEO*** "Ode to Number One" (To the tune of "Ode to Billy Joe", by Bobby Gentry) Featuring Deanna Troi with Vedek Dex and the Volehunters! FADE IN: Deanna Troi sitting in holodeck garden, wearing simple white dress and looking depressed. Band is sitting around her, playing softly.... "It was the third of June, another sleepy Bajoran shore leave dayyyy I was out playing tennis with Data, Worf and Reg Barclayyyyyy And at dinnertime we stopped and beamed back to the ship to eat And Doctor Crusher was awaitin' with a scanner to check our feet And then she said I got some news this morning from Deep Space Nine Today William Thomas Riker was murdered up on Deep Space Nine And Picard said to Crusher as he passed around the Earl Grey Tea "Well Number One never had a bit of sense, pass the crumpets please." "That Major Kira was a deadly woman when she has a cow" And Crusher said it was a shame about Number One anyhow It seems nothin' ever lives from a phaser blast on setting Nine Now William Thomas Riker was murdered up on Deep Space Nine And Data said he recollected when he and Worf and Number One Overturned the government on the planet Angel One And wasn't I sleeping with Lt. Worf last Sunday night? May I have another cup of tea, you know it does not seem right I saw him yesterday at the control room on Deep Space Nine And now you tell me Number One was killed up on Deep Space Nine And Guinan said to me, "Troi, what's happened to your appetite?" "I've been cooking all morning and you haven't touched a single bite." That nice young Vedek Brother Victor dropped by today Said he'd be pleased to have dinner on Sunday...oh, by the way He said he had a vision of a girl looked a lot like you in his mind And her and Victor was sharing a holosuite up on Deep Space Nine A year has come and gone since we heard the news about Number One Data married Lieutenant Dax they bought a lab on Regula One There was a virus goin' round Picard caught it and he died last spring And Crusher now doesn't want to do much of anything And me I spend a lot of time picking flowers on Altair Nine And drop 'em into the stable wormhole just off of Deep Space Nine.... c. Dex Fernandez AKA Vedek Dex (With special thanks to all the Volehunters...Steve-O on sax, MaryD on bass, Gail on harmonica, Andragon on the fiddle, Nightwolf on drums, our stage manager Larry, Tran for the heaps of money he rakes in, and Cindy and Ray for keeping us on topic...or else...;)