You Know You Are X-Phile When... Comments, suggestions and additions can be mailed to: danny@stack.nl YKYAXPW: You sample all Mulder- and Scully-isms because they make great system sounds. (Danny Sanders) YKYAXPW: In the period between two season's, every 'X' you spot in your TV-guide makes you very happy, until you find out that it's not the X-Files but some stupid program. (Danny Sanders) YKYAXPW: You take your new calculus professor to be a GREGOR and spend the entire lecture considering what would happen if you pierced the base of his skull. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You wake up in the middle of the night with a nose-bleed, and insist to be taken to the hospital for an X-ray. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You compulsively read and respond to articles posted in Alt.tv.x-files, and go through withdrawl symptoms when you can't get to the computer. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You change the message on your answering maching to "Hi, this is Dana Scully. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."- In Gillian Anderson's voice from the episode "Colony." (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You spend all ten of your allocated e-mail hours downloading anything with reference to The X-Files or seeking new X-Files links for your Home Page. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You purchase three copies of the X-Files featured TV Guide on the first day it comes out... even though you know your subscription copy will be there in two days. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: Your friends abandon you, your roommates think you've been brainwashed, and your family institutionalizes you for rambling endlessly about last Friday's episode. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: Someone at work says, "I'm so glad it's Friday!" and you respond with, "Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a great episode!" Then they give you this baffled look- and you can't figure out what their problem is. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: Your watch stops and you get all happy about it! (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You steal your neighbor's newpaper every morning for an entire week- just to cut out the "Fox Trot" comic, and replace it on their doorstep as if nothing had happened. (Jenifer Linville) YKYAXPW: You have an extreme reluctance to sit on the toilet. (Lars Kremer) YKYAXPW: You keep checking ashtrays for particular cigarettes, only half smoked. (Lars Kremer) YKYAXPW: You have an "X" made of masking tape on your window. (Lars Kremer) YKYAXPW: Search through Reader's Guides to Periodical Literature looking for "The Lone Gunman" (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: Attend a new job interview and request the basement office instead of one with a window. (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: Seek out 'I want to Believe' posters. (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: Try to get ALL the X-Files T-Shirts. (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: Someone makes fun of your beliefs of UFO's and you simply reply "Is that a problem?" (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: You start dreaming about your sister being abducted. (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: You start having paranoid feelings that any of your friends/co-workers/etc could be morphing aliens. (Scott Miller) YKYAXPW: If an episode title appears in normal conversation, you mutter the season and episode number. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You start M.U.A.F.E.P (making up acronyms for everyday phrases) :) (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You work a Mulder-ism or Scully-ism into conversation as often as possible. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: The F.B.I. are mentioned in a news story, you try to catch a glimpse of Mulder and/or Scully in the background. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You have a sign on your door reading "This room is classified as an X-File. Only persons with level-2 clearance may enter." (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: At the end of any written communication, you sign "ADBB". (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: If you see a set of identical twins you shout hysterically "It's a colony!" (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: Every time the word "devil" is uttered you add "...in a button-down shirt". (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You wonder idly whether the biology building houses a brain-sucking amoeba. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: The most insulting names you can think of are "Superfluke", "Gregor" and "Krycek". (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You always sleep with the lights on and you never give away the gasoline. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You're tempted to call 555-3564 and ask for Dana Scully (even though you live in Melbourne). (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You break into the hangman program and change all the words & phrases into X-Files episode titles and Mulder-&Scully-isms. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You make the "mistake noise" Mulder saying "Hmmm, an egghead classic." You alternately put the entire CITC as the "mistake noise", and you learn not to make mistakes. (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You spend all your free time thinking of things for YKYAXPW... (Mr. Fibble & MtG) YKYAXPW: You see a casette tape on the dashboard of your car and call the FBI :) (Nicholas Vinen) YKYAXPW: Someone mentions Deep Throat and you think only of the X-Files. (Queen of Innuendo) YKYAXPW: You always try TRUSTNO1 first when breaking into other people's accounts. (Crunchy Frog) YKYAXPW: You convince your girlfriend to cut her hair shorter and wear a tan trenchcoat so she'd look more like Scully. (Yan Ling) YKYAXPW: You have a directory or partition called "X-Files". (Bob Byrne) YKYAXPW: Your .plan reads TRUST NO ONE, DENY EVERYTHING, THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE. (Steven J. Herod) YKYAXPW: You check yourself twice a day for strange bite marks or strange metal nose implants. (Voodoo) YKYAXPW: You handcuff yourself to the bed before you go to sleep just in case "they" come to get you (Voodoo) YKYAXPW: It is Thursday morning.... another X-Phile walks into the room. You look at each other until one of you says 'Did you watch it?' Then you both smile. (Rachel Devenish-Meares) YKYAXPW: You brush you teath and spit out blood and start to worry about fluke worms. (Rachel Devenish-Meares) YKYAXPW: You constantly watch the back of your best friends neck on the off chance that you will see something crawling up the neck so that you can explain why they're always threatening to punch your head in. It couldn't possibly be because you are an increadibly aggravating person. (Pug Brat) YKYAXPW: You start annotating your life with DD voice overs. (Nathan Jones) YKYAXPW: You have dreams about acting alongside DD and GA in The X-Files. (Nathan Jones) YKYAXPW: You're getting on a bus (in Virginia, no less) and you check out the other passengers for large, suspicious looking boils on the sides of their faces. (Michael J. Robinson) YKYAXPW: You won't go NEAR a porta-potty. (David Hamburger) YKYAXPW: You are reading a serious science article, you come across a reference to GABA (It stands for gamma-aminobutyric acid), and your first attempt to decipher the acronym begins Gillian Anderson. (Beth S. Heywood) YKYAXPW: You're watching 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' late one night, and when the missing people start straggling out of the mothership at the end, you realize that you're looking for Samantha Mulder. (Beth S. Heywood) YKYAXPW: Your best friends refer to you exclusively by your last name, per your request. (Unknown) YKYAXPW: You find yourself staring at the water drain from your sink and swear it's going in the wrong direction. (Sheila E  Confer) YKYAXPW: You make your very own x-files screensaver with the Slide Show option in your After Dark program (Stefanie Ross) YKYAXPW: You dye your hair red just to get a touch of Scully in your life. (Stefanie Ross) YKYAXPW: You go to the magazine store every Monday to make sure you don't miss any X-File story covers. (Michele) YKYAXPW: You know more triva about the show and it's characters than the people who actually make the show or star in it. (Kurtwodd) YKYAXPW: You get up at 10:13 and go to bed at 11:21. (Mr Maniac and the Cream Squad) YKYAXPW: Before going to bed you check that all the fittings on your air vents are tightly screwed in. (Melanie Clarkson) YKYAXPW: You swear there are subliminal messages in "The Lion King" that tell the hidden location of UFO's. (Matt Kunkel) YKYAXPW: You break up with your boyfriend after he refuses to let you tape his episodes to fill in the gaps in your collection. (Weezee) YKYAXPW: You are reading an article and your eyes automatically jump to the words with an X in them. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You buy the tv guide every week to cut out the little x-files advertisements, plus you check the listings for the late night and morning shows for any appearences by the cast of The X-Files. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You buy a magazine because it has David Duchovny's name in the small corner on page ten. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You see the letters CC and assume they stand for Chris Carter. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You sneak on the computer at three a.m. to go into The X-Files chat room because your parents are cancelling AOL in the morning, after you ran up a $100 bill the first month. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: Your calander is marked for every significant x-happening in the next month (for exp. GA on Letterman, DD's voice on Duckman, video release, sountrack release, etc.) (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You meet someone through the internet and make an X-Files trading partner out of them. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: Your .sig changes every Friday night because of a new Mulder/Scullyism. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You can recite GA's acceptance speech from the SAG awards by heart. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You refer to computer nerds as The Lone Gunmen. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You are watching an X-File's rerun and reciting the whole thing to your friend who is really starting to worry about you. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You know exactly how many times and in what episodes Mulder and Scully have held hands, touched, smiled, and hugged each other. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: Every time you use the letter X in a word, you hyphenate it. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You can tell the name of an episode from the slightest description of it. (Black Irises) YKYAXPW: You see hidden X's in every episode of the X-Files. (Leon Zandman) YKYAXPW: You are convinced that Cancer Man was behind the downgrading of your assignment. (Val) YKYAXPW: You have an abnormal fear of your shadow. (Barry Letherland) YKYAXPW: Everytime you fail to reach a goal in your job you instantly blame some old man smoking cigarettes. (Barry Letherland) YKYAXPW: Reading the YKYAXPW list you get all the jokes. (Barry Letherland) YKYAXPW: You start to call your boss Skinner. (Christy Gray) YKYAXPW: You put the answering machine on immediate during every episode. (Christy Gray) YKYAXPW: You write your own lyrics to the theme song. (Sarah McNitt) YKYAXPW: You can write a three page letter to another X-Phile Friday night at 10. (Sarah McNitt) YKYAXPW: You move to Vancouver hoping to spot DD & GA. (Sarah McNitt) YKYAXPW: You move to D.C. hoping to spot FM & DS. (Sarah McNitt) YKYAXPW: You read the YKYAXPW about the sign on your door [This room is classified as an X-File. Only persons with level-2 clearance may enter.] and make your own. (Sarah McNitt) YKYAXPW: You read so much fan fiction (especially relationshipper stuff) that you are confused at M & S's lack of physical contact when watching the show...after all..they are married with kids aren't they? (Maz) YKYAXPW: You meet Chris Carter at a conference completely un-related to X-files, and ask him if he knows that Dana Scully's phone number isn't reachable. (Sara Sansone) YKYAXPW: You're convinced the American family that has moved into the big house next door are part of a secret US government organization. (Tim Teasdale) YKYAXPW: You scream every time you see a fire fly while on vacation in the woods. (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: Your friends go to the biggest stage event ever, and you brag that you went to the X-Files convention instead. (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: You use every last bit of your memory and/or disk space scaning X-Files photos. (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: Your reason to live is to get the video "Superstars of the Superbowl" (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: Your afraid that draw string pants will come back into style. (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: You check your water tank every night for LSD. (BR Cupcake) YKYAXPW: You walk through the X-ray machine at the aeroport, it beeps, and you immediately think "They've put a chip in my neck". (Duncan C Thomson) YKYAXPW: You listen to the entire "songs in the key of x" through the listening headphones at Barnes and Noble, while your friends wait impatiently. (Kristin Kubasiak) YKYAXPW: You get jealous when your five- and ten-year-old cousins get to go to FBI headquarters, even though you hated it when you were there four years ago. (Kristin Kubasiak) YKYAXPW: Your mother tells you: "You just won't be happy until you get abducted, will you?" (Kristin Kubasiak) YKYAXPW: You're channel-flipping on saturday, and spot DT on "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman", and he's a 19th-century doctor about to give a girl a shot, and you realize it's a vaccine, you wonder if it's for smallpox and just *how far* back those medical records in the mine shaft go... (Kristin Kubasiak) YKYAXPW: You have this habbit of taking apart pens ... just to check. (Mickey Finn) YKYAXPW: You have this even more annoying habbit of checking behind electrical plates ... even at a friend's house. (Mickey Finn) YKYAXPW: Everytime you pass a funereal, "Somewhere Beyond The Sea" gets stuck in your mind. (Mickey Finn) YKYAXPW: You offer to trade eps of this season's eps of Red Dwarf (not yet aired in the states) for the new season of X-Files (not yet aired in Britain) to a friend, despite the tapes being uncompatible with the respective systems. Just so you can say you HAVE them. (Mickey Finn) YKYAXPW: You name your dog Qwee-Kweg, even though you can't spell it. (Mickey Finn) YKYAXPW: You have a horrible fear on mosquito bites... Even though they aren't the right marks. (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: One of your work files is labeled "X-Files." (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You create your own, 100 question, in-depth X-Files Quiz. (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You wonder if that worm crawling on the ground is one of those worms... (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You make the X-Files theme an alert noise on your comp. (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You write 1's and 0's on paper to make a picture of your missing sister. (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You buy Slinky's shaped like X's. (Psylocke) YKYAXPW: You buy two copies of any X-Files related magazine - One to read, and another to rip out pictures. (Gwynne Siak) YKYAXPW: Someone knocks on your door and you say: "Nobody here but the FBI's Least Wanted". (Gwynne Siak) YKYAXPW: You add cellular phone, trench coat and gun to your X-mas list! (Stephen Adair) YKYAXPW: You spend all your spare time searching the radio for secret alien messages. (Stephen Adair) YKYAXPW: Every time you open your freezer you jump back just in case someone falls out of it. (Stephen Adair) YKYAXPW: You turn down the invitation of the century so you can watch a one-hour X-files special. (Stephen Adair) YKYAXPW: You call up your sister's ex-boyfriend who now lives in Australia to search down a copy of the Australian Rolling Stones with DD and GA and CC on the cover. (Rachel Andes) YKYAXPW: You buy a T.V. Guide every Monday and directly open it to the listings for Friday night at nine. (Melissa Dennis) YKYAXPW: You dream about "The X-Files" at least once a month. (Horiguchi) YKYAXPW: You get into a nervous breakdown if you miss an episode. (Horiguchi) YKYAXPW: You start throwing things at the t.v. when you see "To Be Continued" at the end of an episode. (Horiguchi) YKYAXPW: You can pick all instances of the names "Scully", "Mulder" and "Skinner" out of a page of 10-point single-spaced print in less than three seconds. (Brian Moss) YKYAXPW: You try to hack into the "Courier" font file on your computer to change the "X" into a broken, warped, "X". (Brian Moss) YKYAXPW: You actually *prefer* "Brand X". (Lynda Moss) YKYAXPW: You've taken down the little glow-in-the-dark stars on your bedroom ceiling. (HerbByun) Comments, suggestions and additions can be mailed to: danny@stack.nl